I've never read nor watched any of this teenage Mormon fantasy bullshit, but this might just swing it :D
QuoteTHE DEVIN'S ADVOCATE: WHY BREAKING DAWN MUST BE MADE INTO A MOVIE
With New Moon likely to make yet another metric fuckload of money this weekend we need to find the bright side to the entire Twilight mania. There must be something good that comes from this awful Mormon fantasy that seems to have invaded our culture on every front. That something is the eventual movie version of Breaking Dawn.
Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.
Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
Let's go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.
Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while fucking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!
The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.
Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shitty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.
Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron.
In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she's about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman's terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.
I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.
The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.
There's more in Breaking Dawn - the Volturi come back, for one thing - but these are the main amazing events that demand this book to be turned into a film. I will not rest until I have seen a movie in which a werewolf falls in love with a baby. Hell, once I've seen a werewolf fall in love with a baby I may quit movie watching - I will have seen the ultimate culmination of a century of cinema. The entire film of Breaking Dawn would play like the weirdest exploitation film since Doris Wishman died - brutal sex, bizarre body horror, unbelievable pedophilia.
A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.
http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html (http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html)
Howäs it mormon_
QuoteLet's go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.
Nice!
But...shouldn't he suck her face off or break her tongue or some such with the kissing?
It's true.
Cracks review of the series is even more in depth and far more brutally hilarious.
http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/
They're not exaggerating either, I've heard the same from multiple sources. Quite disturbing given how many teens I saw reading this in school last year. I know it's just teen lit, but at least Harry Potter didn't have baby/alien chestburst scenes followed by pedo love.
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Back in my day it was called "grunge".
Quote from: jimmy olsen on December 16, 2009, 07:53:20 AM
Cracks review of the series is even more in depth and far more brutally hilarious.
http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/
They're not exaggerating either, I've heard the same from multiple sources. Quite disturbing given how many teens I saw reading this in school last year. I know it's just teen lit, but at least Harry Potter didn't have baby/alien chestburst scenes followed by pedo love.
this sounds even more horrible than I thought it would be :lmfao:
Speaking as one who's dredged through all the books, it's completely true. The rough vampire sex, the Alia knock-off, the pedophilia, but that movie will be far from great. The book should stop at Bella having the baby and Jacob falling for it while Bella's becoming a vampire, but there's this whole crap thing about vampire babies being verbot that just drags on and on and leaves the book with the least satisfying ending I've read since Butlerian Jihad. No matter how many taboo subjects get stuck in Breaking Dawn (and there are several), it still manages to go out with a whimper.
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:00:35 AM
Speaking as one who's dredged through all the books
:blink: :bleeding:
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:00:35 AM
Speaking as one who's dredged through all the books, it's completely true. The rough vampire sex, the Alia knock-off, the pedophilia, but that movie will be far from great. The book should stop at Bella having the baby and Jacob falling for it while Bella's becoming a vampire, but there's this whole crap thing about vampire babies being verbot that just drags on and on and leaves the book with the least satisfying ending I've read since Butlerian Jihad. No matter how many taboo subjects get stuck in Breaking Dawn (and there are several), it still manages to go out with a whimper.
Dude, WTF?
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:00:35 AM
Speaking as one who's dredged through all the books
You never told us you were kidnapped and tortured
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
Another word: gay
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend.
So your girlfriend makes you read the same shit she does?
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aerospaceweb.org%2Fquestion%2Fhistory%2Fsound-barrier%2Fwhip.jpg&hash=977cf4f2b57983e30f79cdc1dbb59223b8389dfa)
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:00:35 AM
Speaking as one who's dredged through all the books, it's completely true. (snip)
I guess someone had to do, it's also called taking one for the team...
Wow, bizarre story summary. :huh:
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend.
hilarious. You gotta make a stand somewhere.
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Especially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
My girlfriend read them. She owns Twilight, seen new moon. Her sister is also crazy about them.
Atleast in the movie I get to stare at Kristen Stewarts pretty ass
Quote from: Ed Anger on December 16, 2009, 09:45:35 AM
hilarious. You gotta make a stand somewhere.
I have since then. The gloves came off when she started suggesting guy-liner. :contract:
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight
Lucky guy got to be in both Twilight and Harry Potter.
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Especially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
The money has nothing to do with it?
Quote from: Viking on December 16, 2009, 11:34:16 AM
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Especially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
The money has nothing to do with it?
He auditioned because he wanted to score with the chick. Money came in second.
Quote from: Valmy on December 16, 2009, 11:33:29 AM
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight
Lucky guy got to be in both Twilight and Harry Potter.
He's the Hugo Weaving of our day.
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 11:36:00 AM
Quote from: Viking on December 16, 2009, 11:34:16 AM
The money has nothing to do with it?
He auditioned because he wanted to score with the chick. Money came in second.
Well, that's all right with me.
Quote from: Tamas on December 16, 2009, 09:26:31 AM
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
Another word: gay
Half-gay. :contract:
Quote from: Grey Fox on December 16, 2009, 11:29:25 AM
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
My girlfriend read them. She owns Twilight, seen new moon. Her sister is also crazy about them.
Atleast in the movie I get to stare at Kristen Stewarts pretty ass
Me and my GF call the series "Toélette" (or Toilette). Even she despises it all. <_<
Yeah my wife thinks Twilight is lame as hell.
To have read them: you can only read a certain number of books in your life. There was a study I read ages ago on this. The number is surprisingly small.
QuoteEspecially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
Source?
As thats rather awesome.
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
It always has been (for a long time anyway...60s?). But only TV filthy. Real filthy is a huge turn off. Damn it.
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
I agree. I mean, he looks hot *sometimes* but definitely is not the kind of sex icon he is made to be. Compared to Brad Pitt, for example. he is the third league.
Quote from: Viking on December 16, 2009, 11:36:13 AM
Quote from: Valmy on December 16, 2009, 11:33:29 AM
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight
Lucky guy got to be in both Twilight and Harry Potter.
He's the Hugo Weaving of our day.
The analogy is even more apt, considering his best role is one where he plays a guy fucking other guys. :P
Quote from: Tyr on December 16, 2009, 11:42:52 AM
Source?
As thats rather awesome.
Ask and ye shall receive. :contract:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=658907
Quote"When you read the book," Says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid even without make-up, "It's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself'. I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just coudln't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated, the more i hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."
Quote"...when I read [Twilight], it seemed like I was convinced Stephenie [Meyer] was convinced she was Bella and it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published. It was like reading her sexual fantasy, especially when she said it was based on a dream and it was like, 'Oh I've had this dream about this really sexy guy,' and she just writes this book about it. Some things about Edward are so specific, I was just convinced - I was like, 'This woman is mad. She's completely mad and she's in love with her own fictional creation.'
:lol: Sounds like an entertaining guy.
Pattinson has gone up a few notches in my appreciation-meter after reading that. :lol:
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AMEspecially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
Kristen Stewart is not that hot for a movie starlet, IMO. That girl vampire, the precognition one, is much cuter.
Sounds like a decent fellow, this Pattinson :lol:
Quote from: Jacob on December 16, 2009, 04:13:02 PM
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AMEspecially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
Kristen Stewart is not that hot for a movie starlet, IMO.
her face is weird.
Quote from: Jacob on December 16, 2009, 04:13:02 PM
Kristen Stewart is not that hot for a movie starlet, IMO. That girl vampire, the precognition one, is much cuter.
Name/pic please?
I haven't paid attention outside of the movie, but a quick internet search revealed that her name is Ashley Greene and she looks like this when she posts for Maxim:
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F_NjLpYR9m3hQ%2FSwt-WFE1c_I%2FAAAAAAAAFLI%2F2wPTMi2ZO5o%2Fs400%2FAshley_Greene2.jpg&hash=fdfd629b4ae4fc5cb359ec84bbd0fc81c1848d3c)
I think it's mostly the way she jumps up, wrapping her legs around this one dude's face and breaking his neck which was kind of cool in that one scene. That, and her character is much less annoying than the emo main chick who seems too much like a child to be interesting.
Ah, yes. I remember seeing that issue at the bar. Definitely hot.
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 11:36:00 AM
Quote from: Viking on December 16, 2009, 11:34:16 AM
Quote from: Drakken on December 16, 2009, 10:57:27 AM
Quote from: Caliga on December 16, 2009, 07:59:45 AM
I don't understand why chicks think that dude is so hot. He looks like someone who just got out of bed, since he is unshaven and never seems to comb his hair. Is filthiness the new HOTT look? :huh:
Especially that it is a staple case of Misaimed Fandom. Robert Pattinson notoriously hates Twilight, finds that the books suck ass, and deliberately acts so that Edward looks like a creepy jackass on screen. The only reason he is in this movie is Kristen Stewart.
The money has nothing to do with it?
He auditioned because he wanted to score with the chick. Money came in second.
So did he suffer in vain, or not?
Quote from: Tyr on December 16, 2009, 11:42:52 AM
To have read them: you can only read a certain number of books in your life. There was a study I read ages ago on this. The number is surprisingly small.
I dunno - my wife is not a voracious reader, but is a pretty regular reader. And she enjoyed Twilight (although I don't think she thought of it as any kind of great literature).
I only read the left behind novels.
Quote from: Ed Anger on December 16, 2009, 08:09:05 PM
I only read the left behind novels.
I mostly read GOR books.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 16, 2009, 11:37:13 AM
Half-gay. :contract:
And Wiggin wins the prize for the correct answer! Also acceptable would have been "desperate to get laid" and "man-whore.":P
I have a friend at work whose tweener daughter is big into the series. Thank you for my daily anti-Twilight spam email of the day with the OP in this thread. It will go to good use.
Much better than Trollcat bombs.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftrollcats.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F12%2Fhypocritical_neo_christian_abstinence_porn_trollcat.jpg&hash=1c24ba75d651a376ae37982ab882eb4aee6d6898)
Quote from: Ed Anger on December 16, 2009, 04:16:09 PM
Quote from: Jacob on December 16, 2009, 04:13:02 PM
Kristen Stewart is not that hot for a movie starlet, IMO.
her face is weird.
*checks* You guys are right. I mean, she looks like any random girl I might see on the street. I can think of like a dozen women in my office who are much hotter.
Well, if the intent is that girls reading/watching the series identify themselves as Bella, casting someone who was Hollywood-pretty would have been counterproductive.
Quote from: Caliga on December 17, 2009, 06:19:13 AM
Quote from: Ed Anger on December 16, 2009, 04:16:09 PM
Quote from: Jacob on December 16, 2009, 04:13:02 PM
Kristen Stewart is not that hot for a movie starlet, IMO.
her face is weird.
*checks* You guys are right. I mean, she looks like any random girl I might see on the street. I can think of like a dozen women in my office who are much hotter.
I actually kind of like her more so for being a bit different from the uber look, as more of a normal looking but still attractive woman.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 09:29:43 AM
Well, if the intent is that girls reading/watching the series identify themselves as Bella, casting someone who was Hollywood-pretty would have been counterproductive.
Well, the book has her as plain and non-pretty. The Emosanguinarian loves her smell and the fact that he can't read her mind. No because she is HOTT like Kristen Stewart
basically, he wants to fuck cattle :)
Quote from: KRonn on December 17, 2009, 09:52:44 AM
I actually kind of like her more so for being a bit different from the uber look, as more of a normal looking but still attractive woman.
I'll grant you that, but that doesn't excuse casting a girl who simply cannot act. Stuttering, looking confused all the time, and occasionally launching oneself onto the male lead makes for a movie that leaves the audience just asking why and feeling vaguely dirty after leaving the theater.
When the first movie came out I lost a golden opportunity. My parents like horror movies and they were all set to go to this thinking it was a creepy vampire movie. Like a dumbass I told them it was for 12 year old girls and the men who like to fantasize about being one of them. :(
Should have let them go and be entertained.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 01:50:08 PM
He's right. Cows don't look like people, nor can they be transformed into one.
they're still a source of food? :unsure:
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 01:50:08 PM
He's right. Cows don't look like people, nor can they be transformed into one.
Nor do vampires exist. So arguing that the analogy fictional humans are to real cattle as fictional vampires are to real people cannot be countered by claiming that real humans don't look like real cattle. The analogy doesn't compare real humans to real cattle.
I think the chick is kinda cute.
Quote from: Lacroix on December 17, 2009, 01:58:01 PM
they're still a source of food? :unsure:
So is Soylent Green. ;)
Quote from: grumbler on December 17, 2009, 02:11:46 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 01:50:08 PM
He's right. Cows don't look like people, nor can they be transformed into one.
Nor do vampires exist. So arguing that the analogy fictional humans are to real cattle as fictional vampires are to real people cannot be countered by claiming that real humans don't look like real cattle. The analogy doesn't compare real humans to real cattle.
Fictional humans don't look like real cattle either, except perhaps in fan fic by Teh Brain.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 02:34:49 PM
Fictional humans don't look like real cattle either, except perhaps in fan fic by Teh Brain.
Or in vampire movies and books.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on December 17, 2009, 02:26:05 PM
I think the chick is kinda cute.
By real standards, or internet standards? I think she is cute, but not by internet standards (aka "the girls where I work are cuter").
Some girls lose all their cuteness when they open their mouths and begin to speak.
I thought Miss Stewart has a John Kerry face.
That sums it up exactly. ^_^
Quote from: grumbler on December 17, 2009, 05:58:53 PM
By real standards, or internet standards? I think she is cute, but not by internet standards (aka "the girls where I work are cuter").
<_<
I'm usually the first person mocking internet standards, but I'm being quite serious here. The strange thing is that most of my floor is Accounting... so it's baffling to me why so many hot chicks work here. :blink:
Quote from: grumbler on December 17, 2009, 05:57:47 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 02:34:49 PM
Fictional humans don't look like real cattle either, except perhaps in fan fic by Teh Brain.
Or in vampire movies and books.
In vampire books, the humans look like vampires, except with a bit more pigmentation. They don't look anything like cattle, even if they are used for the same purpose.
Quote from: Caliga on December 18, 2009, 09:24:07 AM
Quote from: grumbler on December 17, 2009, 05:58:53 PM
By real standards, or internet standards? I think she is cute, but not by internet standards (aka "the girls where I work are cuter").
<_<
I'm usually the first person mocking internet standards, but I'm being quite serious here. The strange thing is that most of my floor is Accounting... so it's baffling to me why so many hot chicks work here. :blink:
The chicks are flooding bidness classes at your local university. be there or be square.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 11:55:43 AM
Quote from: grumbler on December 17, 2009, 05:57:47 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 02:34:49 PM
Fictional humans don't look like real cattle either, except perhaps in fan fic by Teh Brain.
Or in vampire movies and books.
In vampire books, the humans look like vampires, except with a bit more pigmentation. They don't look anything like cattle, even if they are used for the same purpose.
Not in the Guide to the Sabbat. Sabbies nickname them "Kegs", "Cows", or "Cattles". :contract:
Okey, it is not a "vampire novel", but still it is the only book remotely involving vampires that treat humans as they are for vampires : food.
I suspect those nicknames did not originate from the physical appearance of the humans.
And physical appearance aside, in any remotely traditional vampire mythos, the vampires were once human themselves. Thus it's completely natural they'd have thoughts about humans that went beyond "mmm, yummy."
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 11:55:43 AM
In vampire books, the humans look like vampires, except with a bit more pigmentation. They don't look anything like cattle, even if they are used for the same purpose.
That's not what they "look like"
to vampires.* To vampires, they "look" more like cattle than they do like vampires.
Or something like that.
*To vampires in books where vampires think of people as fud.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 01:45:28 PM
I suspect those nicknames did not originate from the physical appearance of the humans.
I suspect that you are right, but since no one is arguing this, it is moot.
Grumbler- does this
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs.venturacountystar.com%2Fdennert%2Farchives%2Fpig.jpg&hash=b668e9b549d844ccec4a89871e3df5f99d35c8de)
"look like"
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.melaniesemporium.com%2Fpiggolo_flopsie_pig_225.jpg&hash=bb74386248cd19566a71225def6523885b4e0684)
or
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gourmetgirlmagazine.com%2F09%2F09%2Fimages%2Fshrimp.jpg&hash=2a949a94e91336fba689b043d3d47d77c2ae08c3)
I ask because apparently that term means more than simply visual shapes and colors to you. :P
QuoteThat's not what they "look like" to vampires.* To vampires, they "look" more like cattle than they do like vampires.
Vampires might lump humans in with cattle, but it would be due to utility, not appearance.
So, Wiggs, you are going to seriously dispute my assertion the term "looks like" refers "means more than simply visual shapes and colors?" :blink:
Before we carry this absurdity any further, I just wanna confirm that this is, indeed, your position.
Because if it is, then stand by to learn something entirely new about the English language: it isn't literal. :cool:
Quote from: grumbler on December 18, 2009, 05:18:31 PMBecause if it is, then stand by to learn something entirely new about the English language: it isn't literal. :cool:
Do you meant that
literally?
Quote from: Jacob on December 18, 2009, 05:20:34 PM
Do you meant that literally?
Figuratively speaking, I suppose I do.
/shrug
When I see a pig, I don't think "hmm, that looks like a cow." Even though they serve the exact same purpose.
I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to argue here, grumbler. Are you saying that vampire:human as human:cow is a good analogy? Cows don't become people. Cows don't look like people. People don't hide from cows.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 05:40:51 PM
I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to argue here, grumbler. Are you saying that vampire:human as human:cow is a good analogy? Cows don't become people. Cows don't look like people. People don't hide from cows.
I do, since the ... incident. (https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi195.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fz133%2Fsbr32%2Fsmilies%2Fninja-disappearing-smiley.gif&hash=2f5685c08031dd26fccbed7450c0ce0336376caa)
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 05:40:51 PM
/shrug
When I see a pig, I don't think "hmm, that looks like a cow." Even though they serve the exact same purpose.
/shrug
I don't really care what you think when you see a pig. That's called a non-sequitur.
QuoteI'm not exactly sure what you're trying to argue here, grumbler. Are you saying that vampire:human as human:cow is a good analogy? Cows don't become people. Cows don't look like people. People don't hide from cows.
I am simply noting that the analogy of vampires fucking humans to humans fucking cows is not a "bad analogy," within the mythos of vampires as I understand it. It isn't one I would use myself, but it made perfect sense to me when LaCroix used it.
BTW, you never answered the question: are you going to dispute my assertion the term "looks like" refers to "more than simply visual shapes and colors?" That was, after all, your earlier assertion. I can understand why you would, upon reflection, realize that it was a foolish thing to assert, but I want to make sure that we have at least gotten that disagreement out of the way.
Um, can we go back to talking about how awesome Twilight is? :mad:
I would contain the term to visual stimuli and the associations directly related to those stimuli. Being edible is not a visual trait.
Quote from: Korea on December 18, 2009, 11:10:50 PM
Um, can we go back to talking about how awesome Twilight is? :mad:
That's sarcasm, right? :unsure:
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 11:14:59 PM
I would contain the term to visual stimuli and the associations directly related to those stimuli. Being edible is not a visual trait.
I would disagree with that statement. Presentation is a major part of any edible dish. If it's not appealing to the eyes than a person is not likely to partake or enjoy the food as much.
That visual stimuli is important to vampires is clear from all the movies. Vampires are always sucking the blood out of HOTT petite chicks despite the fact that a hefty 500+ pound woman would give them a greater yield of blood.
Quote from: Strix on December 19, 2009, 12:29:55 AM
Vampires are always sucking the blood out of HOTT petite chicks despite the fact that a hefty 500+ pound woman would give them a greater yield of blood.
Because the act of blood sucking is quasi-sexual in nature and not merely sustenance. Thus further weakening the analogy.
well,
at least a few people understood my random comment
:lol:
Heh, usually when I get sucked into an argument it starts with my own throwaway line. ;)
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 19, 2009, 01:53:43 AM
Because the act of blood sucking is quasi-sexual in nature and not merely sustenance. Thus further weakening the analogy.
It's sexual up until the victim dies? :lmfao:
Quote from: Tamas on December 16, 2009, 09:26:31 AM
Quote from: DontSayBanana on December 16, 2009, 09:25:41 AM
One word, guys: girlfriend. Plus, the books are far better than the movies thus far; I figured they were OK pulp fiction, but didn't get the craze.
Another word: gay
:ultra:
I tried to read the books after a group of my female friends turned pathetic and wimpering. I managed ten pages before the sheer, overwhelming teenage girlness of the prose destroyed my will. Gays are, if nothing else, wonderful prose stylists :P
vampires are undead, why would they want to couple with a living body? no, it becomes sexual after death :yes:
Quote from: Viking on December 17, 2009, 10:03:02 AM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 17, 2009, 09:29:43 AM
Well, if the intent is that girls reading/watching the series identify themselves as Bella, casting someone who was Hollywood-pretty would have been counterproductive.
Well, the book has her as plain and non-pretty. The Emosanguinarian loves her smell and the fact that he can't read her mind. No because she is HOTT like Kristen Stewart
The plain and non-pretty thing is interesting. I've heard a number of girls say they love Jane Eyre because Jane is so plain.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 18, 2009, 11:14:59 PM
I would contain the term to visual stimuli and the associations directly related to those stimuli. Being edible is not a visual trait.
When the Lloyd Bridges character in
Airplane said "
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue" you were clueless as to what he meant, because he wasn't basing his comment on visual stimuli?
Literalists miss a lot of what is really going on in the world, including most of the jokes.
More examples:
"Looks Like We'll Find Out How Mark Sanchez Enjoys Winter" http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/sports/Looks-Like-Well-Find-Out-How-Mark-Sanchez-Enjoys-Winter-79676807.html (http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/sports/Looks-Like-Well-Find-Out-How-Mark-Sanchez-Enjoys-Winter-79676807.html)
"The case has drawn fresh attention because it
looks like the Environmental Protection Agency and the Department of Justice still may not understand how to stop a vastly more destructive, Bernie Madoff-like scheme from taking advantage if the nationwide cap-and-trade system is approved by Congress." http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/12/14/fraud-europes-cap-trade-red-flag-critics-say/ (http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/12/14/fraud-europes-cap-trade-red-flag-critics-say/)
"It looks like the best we will get out of the Copenhagen climate summit will be kicking the can down the road again." http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/soundeconomywithjontalton/2010541127_winners_and_mostly_losers_from.htm (http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/soundeconomywithjontalton/2010541127_winners_and_mostly_losers_from.htm)
All of these must leave you baffled. Learn to recognize when things are not literal and you will find a whole new universe opening up to you.
I said cows don't look like people and I was obviously using it in a visual sense. You disagreed with the statement. The only conclusion left is that you are some kind of space alien who sees all terran life forms or at least all mammals as largely the same. Certainly you wouldn't say that if you were an anthromorphic creature like a vampire, werewolf, cyclops, elf, etc. You might say humans looked like monkeys though.
Regarding the sexual nature of vampirism, the act of sucking blood is often seen as analagous to rape.
Quote from: Korea on December 18, 2009, 11:10:50 PM
Um, can we go back to talking about how awesome Twilight is? :mad:
I'm not quite sure there is just some awe in Twilight, I think it's full of awe.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on December 19, 2009, 01:40:13 PM
I said cows don't look like people and I was obviously using it in a visual sense. You disagreed with the statement. The only conclusion left is that you are some kind of space alien who sees all terran life forms or at least all mammals as largely the same. Certainly you wouldn't say that if you were an anthromorphic creature like a vampire, werewolf, cyclops, elf, etc. You might say humans looked like monkeys though.
Dude, you fucked up, got called on it, and then danced the Flamenco on your crank. Give it up. Putting words in my mouth won't help you at this point.
Quote from: Viking on December 19, 2009, 07:50:08 PM
Quote from: Korea on December 18, 2009, 11:10:50 PM
Um, can we go back to talking about how awesome Twilight is? :mad:
I'm not quite sure there is just some awe in Twilight, I think it's full of awe.
Actually, awesome and awful were once complimentary synonyms. "Artificial" used to be a complimentary word as well.