So my Mom has gone crazy. Raz on the March!

[grumbler]

It is impossible to know the situation based on what has been presented.  Why is it so important to you that you be able to assign blame? Let it go, FFS.

What was important was trying to communicate what I was trying to say, which I have a hard time doing, not trying to assign blame.  Meri seems to understand what I was getting at so I guess I was successful.  Anyway I was done.

So your statement that

I bet if she had sat down and discussed this in a responsible way with her Hubby and Raz they could have worked it out in a respectful way that did not cause harm to either party.  The fact she did not do that is very unfortunate.

is not assigning blame or judging her?  Sure seems like it to me.

[Razgovory]

As I have said, I disagree with HOW she's handled things, but certainly not why. Not knowing the financial picture, all I can say is that while her leaving is going to cause serious financial repercussions, one certainly understand what she's done. That being said, I doubt Raz will ever understand.

Oh, I understand.  I simply have a difference in opinion.  I'm not of the opinion that familial bonds should be broken simply because it's inconvenient.

[Malthus]

However, that decision being made, taking the cash isn't the issue at all - leaving without discussing the matter first is.

Bingo.  That is what I was trying to say.  It is the apparent breach of trust that was the issue for me.  The money was just the manifestation.

Well, I was simply stating that arguing about the money is missing the point. The situation would be no different in my mind if she'd taken off without a dime.

[merithyn]

Oh, I understand.  I simply have a difference in opinion.  I'm not of the opinion that familial bonds should be broken simply because it's inconvenient.

She left her husband, not her children. Mom moving away doesn't end the relationship with her adult children anymore than the adult children moving away does. It simply changes the dynamics.

And as a woman who's left her husband, I can tell you that there's more to her leaving your dad than it was just "inconvenient".

[Caliga]

Her reasoning is that she wants to be a politician in Illinois and she doesn't think she can be one in Missouri (she had a short political career here, but lost her last election). 

What about Illinois politics is special and unique?  Also, how does medical billing and coding lead to a career in politics?  Also, where does 'union' fit into all of this?

Should I even be asking these questions?  It seems like there's no way they will have logical connections to one another...

[merithyn]

Well, I was simply stating that arguing about the money is missing the point. The situation would be no different in my mind if she'd taken off without a dime.

It's very easy to think logically and maturely about a situation like this when you're not in it. However, when suffering from depression, guilt, and a variety of other concerns while trying to extricate oneself from a relationship, it's not as easy. Sometimes a person has to just act in order to get it done, and then worry about the aftermath.

I feel sorry for everyone in this situation. A broken marriage, no matter the age of the children, is not easy to deal with, and ultimately, everyone is going to be hurt, angry, upset, and scared about the future. Yes, even the one who left to follow her dream. (And I'm sorry, but you're never too old to dream, Raz.)

[Barrister]

What about Illinois politics is special and unique?

Even I know the answer to this one... 

[Valmy]

It is impossible to know the situation based on what has been presented.  Why is it so important to you that you be able to assign blame? Let it go, FFS.

What was important was trying to communicate what I was trying to say, which I have a hard time doing, not trying to assign blame.  Meri seems to understand what I was getting at so I guess I was successful.  Anyway I was done.

So your statement that

I bet if she had sat down and discussed this in a responsible way with her Hubby and Raz they could have worked it out in a respectful way that did not cause harm to either party.  The fact she did not do that is very unfortunate.

is not assigning blame or judging her?  Sure seems like it to me.

Um I said assigning the blame was not important (after all that was what you asked me) not that I did not think some of her actions, as presented, were wrong.  Why I was in this conversation for so long was trying to explain why I thought so and being frustrated I seemed to be doing so poorly.

[DGuller]

What about Illinois politics is special and unique?

Even I know the answer to this one... 

I believe the fee to enter Illinois politics is more than $500.

[Razgovory]

Her reasoning is that she wants to be a politician in Illinois and she doesn't think she can be one in Missouri (she had a short political career here, but lost her last election). 

What about Illinois politics is special and unique?  Also, how does medical billing and coding lead to a career in politics?  Also, where does 'union' fit into all of this?

Should I even be asking these questions?  It seems like there's no way they will have logical connections to one another...

She perceives Illinois as a bastion of liberal enlightenment, where apparently she'll quickly get a Union job and through that become an elected official again. 

At least you know where where the crazy in my family comes from.

Ironically, whiles she's been in Illinois she's been caring for her friend who is very ill (she had one of those surgeries where they remove a great deal of her stomach to control her weight, and there's been complications.  Incidentally my mother was really keen on trying to get the procedure herself, but I talked her out of it because there were strong chances of complications).  She's also been caring her friend's senile mother as well.  Which is much more then she was doing her with us, where she didn't really do much for my father or me.

[Caliga]

I believe the fee to enter Illinois politics is more than $500.

I was about to make more or less the same joke in response to the Beeb.

[Malthus]

Well, I was simply stating that arguing about the money is missing the point. The situation would be no different in my mind if she'd taken off without a dime.

It's very easy to think logically and maturely about a situation like this when you're not in it. However, when suffering from depression, guilt, and a variety of other concerns while trying to extricate oneself from a relationship, it's not as easy. Sometimes a person has to just act in order to get it done, and then worry about the aftermath.

I feel sorry for everyone in this situation. A broken marriage, no matter the age of the children, is not easy to deal with, and ultimately, everyone is going to be hurt, angry, upset, and scared about the future. Yes, even the one who left to follow her dream. (And I'm sorry, but you're never too old to dream, Raz.)

Certainly. Leaving without discussing it isn't optimal, but I'm hardly going to be harsh in my judgment of this - as I said, I can certainly understand why one would not want an undoubtedly painful confrontation.

[Razgovory]

Oh, I understand.  I simply have a difference in opinion.  I'm not of the opinion that familial bonds should be broken simply because it's inconvenient.

She left her husband, not her children. Mom moving away doesn't end the relationship with her adult children anymore than the adult children moving away does. It simply changes the dynamics.

And as a woman who's left her husband, I can tell you that there's more to her leaving your dad than it was just "inconvenient".

In theory, yes.  In practice, some people take offense in intentionally causing emotional stress in loved ones for personal gain.

[Caliga]

She perceives Illinois as a bastion of liberal enlightenment, where apparently she'll quickly get a Union job and through that become an elected official again. 

Medical billers, like transcriptionists, often work from home for very low wages, and I'd be surprised if they are organized.  Then again, much of that work is going to India so maybe they ARE organized, and that's why the work is being outsourced overseas.

[MadImmortalMan]

Only dinosaur doctors use transcription services anymore. It's a buggywhip industry.