So my Mom has gone crazy. Raz on the March!

[Razgovory]

This is extremely distressing for me.  Last month, my mom left for her friends house (a female friend), to spend spring break.  That's not uncommon.  She's been visiting her best friend a lot lately.  Except this time, she doesn't come back.  She's been there for a month and isn't coming back.  She said she may come back to pick up some of her stuff, but that's about it.  She has told me she is coming back several times but so far these were all just lies.  She hasn't even told me why she's up there.  She just makes dubious statements about "figuring it out" and "needing space".  Since she uses that goddamn Facebook, I've created an account as well, just so I can communicate with her (She's not always answering the phone).  I had a bit of a nervous break and was hospitalized last week, but she never came to visit me there.  She's dropped out of school, and is not doing anything up in Illinois as far as I can tell.  Nobody in my family knows why she's doing this.  My brother is baffled, my Dad's convinced she's got a lover and is depressed, and my sister thinks she's just selfish.  I think it's some kind of midlife crisis.  She was going to a community college and hanging out with older teenager girls and kids in their twenties.  I fear some of the stupidity has worn off on her because she been using phrases like "go live your own life" and other platitudes.

So, I may make a trip soon.  If she can't give me a straight answer over the phone perhaps she will in person.  I don't really like traveling places, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I've got a little under 500 bucks, so I'll see what I can do.  It will be undoubtedly dangerous, and I may not come back.  Advice and opinions are as always, welcome.  Even stupid advice.

[Eddie Teach]

  I fear some of the stupidity has worn off on her because she been using phrases like "go live your own life" and other platitudes.

p.s. Your parents are getting a divorce.

[viper37]

This is extremely distressing for me.  Last month, my mom left for her friends house (a female friend), to spend spring break.  That's not uncommon.  She's been visiting her best friend a lot lately.  Except this time, she doesn't come back.  She's been there for a month and isn't coming back.  She said she may come back to pick up some of her stuff, but that's about it.  She has told me she is coming back several times but so far these were all just lies.  She hasn't even told me why she's up there.  She just makes dubious statements about "figuring it out" and "needing space".  Since she uses that goddamn Facebook, I've created an account as well, just so I can communicate with her (She's not always answering the phone).  I had a bit of a nervous break and was hospitalized last week, but she never came to visit me there.  She's dropped out of school, and is not doing anything up in Illinois as far as I can tell.  Nobody in my family knows why she's doing this.  My brother is baffled, my Dad's convinced she's got a lover and is depressed, and my sister thinks she's just selfish.  I think it's some kind of midlife crisis.  She was going to a community college and hanging out with older teenager girls and kids in their twenties.  I fear some of the stupidity has worn off on her because she been using phrases like "go live your own life" and other platitudes.

So, I may make a trip soon.  If she can't give me a straight answer over the phone perhaps she will in person.  I don't really like traveling places, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I've got a little under 500 bucks, so I'll see what I can do.  It will be undoubtedly dangerous, and I may not come back.  Advice and opinions are as always, welcome.  Even stupid advice.

So... I don't know you really much.  In fact, not at all.  I'm not sure this is the best place to discuss such things.  But since you insist...

Your mom doesn't seem like the kind of mother who deeply cares about her children.  Has she always been like this?

How good are your relations with your brother, your sister and your dad?  I think you should count on the rest of your family and forget your mother for the time being.

Whatever the reason for her behavior, this is her own life and it has nothing to with you.  Just remember that.  People around you may act cracy, but it shouldn't affect you.  You have to build a brickwall all around your head, where nothing can come through it unless you want to.

And at 29, yeah, you should really live your own life, not care too much about your irresponsible mother.

[jimmy olsen]

And at 29, yeah, you should really live your own life, not care too much about your irresponsible mother.

If one has previously had a good relationship with one's mother then I think that at any age one would extremely concerned if your mother underwent a negative personality transformation.

[Razgovory]

No, she hasn't always been like this.  If she wants to cut ties from our family, fine.  I just want a straight answer.  Then I'll go to the shooting rampage.



  Hmmm.  I might need to pick up some things for the trip.

[katmai]

Good luck Raz,

My cousin has been dealing with similar thing for almost past year.
Last July his wife quit her job, went down to San Francisco  with their youngest to visit her parents, sent her son back in time for school to start, but didn't tell him she wasn't coming back at same time.

She wouldn't give him an answer when he asked when she was coming back, never said she wanted a divorce, turns out between quitting the job and going to San Francisco she admitted herself into hospital for review.

She finally came back in october, but when her dad died at end of January went down and again hasn't come back up and won't tell him when. Since they have a mortgage he's scrambling to pay the bills as a single income family now that she had flaked.

[Monoriu]

I am the sort of person who loves and insists on straight answers.  I give straight answers even when it is not appropriate to do so, and I expect the same from people around me.  I am just that way.  I want 100% explicit certainty, not 99.999% implicit truths.  That's unfortunately not the way the rest of the population prefer to behave, so I've gotten my share of troubles for this trait. 

People desire deniability and ambiguity.  They like to think that if they don't say it, they can always deny it.  No matter how hard you press, chances are, they won't say it.  They will dodge, lie, explode, accuse, counter-attack, go nuclear, but they won't say it. 

You know what I've found?  Say it for them.  You can't control what they say, but you can control what you say.  You know she won't come back, you know she doesn't care, and you know the reasons.  If you do confront her personally, and I am not discouraging you, don't press for an answer, because you won't get it. 

Just say it for her.  Say what she is too cowardly to admit.  In her face.  That is the way I like it.  It is probably the way you like it too

[viper37]

No, she hasn't always been like this.  If she wants to cut ties from our family, fine.  I just want a straight answer.  Then I'll go to the shooting rampage.

You will waste time and energy, and if you just suffered a nervous breakdown, now is no the time to confront anyone.

Forget about her for now, not forever, just for a little while.  Let time settle things, let see where this goes.  Expecting a straight answer from someone in a situation like this, where nobody in your family knows what's going on is just asking for more trouble. 

If she tells you, out of hanger, that she never loved you, that you're the source of all her problems, that she never had a good life because of her kids, are you ready to hear that and live a normal life after?  No you ain't.  And she might say that even though she doesn't reall think this, but I've seen this happenning.  So, let it go for now.

In a few months, when your feet are more grounded and your prepared to face her, go and ask her.  Now, live your own life dammit.  If she doesn't want to be helped, you won't succeed.  And if you're down again, you won't help anyone.

[Admiral Yi]

I swear I've seen this movie before but I can't remember the title.

Anyway, gluck Raz.

[Brazen]

My friend's widowed mother started her first lesbian relationship after retirement. Just throwing that in the mix.

I don't know how old your sister is, but you and your dad are old enough to look after yourselves and give her space. I wouldn't confront her, she'll feel cornered, especially if she's depressed. Why not call or write saying sorry she's going through a hard time, you hope she'll explain what she's going through in her own time and when she's ready you'll offer all the love and support she needs, whatever the outcome.

[Caliga]

See, if you'd had left home years ago, this would be of little concern to you, Raz.

[CountDeMoney]

She was going to a community college and hanging out with older teenager girls and kids in their twenties.  I fear some of the stupidity has worn off on her because she been using phrases like "go live your own life" and other platitudes.

lol, awesome.

So, I may make a trip soon.  If she can't give me a straight answer over the phone perhaps she will in person.  I don't really like traveling places, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I've got a little under 500 bucks, so I'll see what I can do.  It will be undoubtedly dangerous, and I may not come back.  Advice and opinions are as always, welcome.  Even stupid advice.

Take a pen and paper. Take notes. There's a heartwarming, bittersweet yet ultimately redemptive screenplay in there somewhere.

[merithyn]

My friend's widowed mother started her first lesbian relationship after retirement. Just throwing that in the mix.

I don't know how old your sister is, but you and your dad are old enough to look after yourselves and give her space. I wouldn't confront her, she'll feel cornered, especially if she's depressed. Why not call or write saying sorry she's going through a hard time, you hope she'll explain what she's going through in her own time and when she's ready you'll offer all the love and support she needs, whatever the outcome.

This.

I hate to say this, Raz, because you know I adore you... but this isn't about you. She's trying to figure things out for herself, and with her children grown, she finally has time to do so. Cut her some slack, try to be understanding of what SHE'S going through for once instead of expecting her to drop everything for you, and show a little support for the woman who's helped you through hell and back for years.

Your mom doesn't seem like the kind of mother who deeply cares about her children.  Has she always been like this?

And at 29, yeah, you should really live your own life, not care too much about your irresponsible mother.

Wow... just wow. She's a grown woman with grown children. Her only true responsibility anymore is to herself, with her husband a close second. If at 29 and beyond her children can't fend for themselves, that's not really her problem. It doesn't mean that she doesn't "deeply care" for her children; it means she's ready to take care of herself first for a while. And she's not irresponsible to do so, either. In fact, I'd argue that she's taking responsibility for herself for once.

I'm sorry you're hurting Raz. I know this is incredibly hard for you. But seriously, you need to adjust the way you're thinking about this. It's not about you.

[Neil]

Fucking hippies.

[Darth Wagtaros]

Sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie.  Stay clear of it.