TV/Movies Megathread

[Sophie Scholl]

Battle of Five Armies - pfeh. Same shit as the previous ones.

I wonder if it's possible to make a "no stupid shit" cut of the three movies that lasts 120 mins or so, with the story still making sense.

I've often thought about attempting something like this when the last film's extended edition is released.  There is so, so, so much shit to throw on the cutting room floor or re-edit to make it not awful amongst the three films.

[Razgovory]

Battle of Five Armies - pfeh. Same shit as the previous ones.

I wonder if it's possible to make a "no stupid shit" cut of the three movies that lasts 120 mins or so, with the story still making sense.

I imagine there are three great movies hidden underneath all the bullshit.

[Sophie Scholl]

Battle of Five Armies - pfeh. Same shit as the previous ones.

I wonder if it's possible to make a "no stupid shit" cut of the three movies that lasts 120 mins or so, with the story still making sense.

I imagine there are three great movies hidden underneath all the bullshit.

I'd say closer to 2 great movies.

[Sheilbh]

Marvellous, which was marvellous.

The true story it's based on:

The Marvellous life of Neil Baldwin - an incredible man who inspired a BBC movie
Sep 25, 2014 22:18 By Alun Palmer
Listening to the amazing tales spun by Neil Baldwin, you'd be forgiven for thinking that he must have a highly vivid imagination - yet they are all true

He's sipped sherry with Prince Edward, had dinner at the House of Commons, played the clown in a circus and football for Stoke City.

He is friends with everyone from the Archbishop of Canterbury to Gary Lineker.

He has waved to crowds from the official launch at the Boat Race and from the Lord Mayor's limousine on a parade through Newcastle-under-Lyme.

Listening to the amazing tales spun by Neil Baldwin, 68, you'd be forgiven for thinking that he must have a highly vivid imagination.

Yet they are all true – and there are lots more stories too.

Now his remarkable life has been turned into a film, Marvellous, starring Golden Globe-winning actor Toby Jones.

Neil, who was diagnosed with learning difficulties as a child, says: "I have had a great life, really.

"I thought at first why would they want to make a film about me.

"It was a shock but also good that they wanted to. I am very proud of it – I think it's a great success.

"Toby Jones was the best actor I could have ever had. When I met him I thought what a lovely chap he was.

"Toby has done a great job."

Neil says he was a very happy child despite his learning problems.

"I have always tried to be happy," he adds.

"I had a problem with my speech and had to have therapy but I was fine at school and left at 16."

Neil's first adventure was when he decided he wanted to be a circus clown.

He recalls: "I wrote to some circuses and one wrote back – Sir Robert Fossett's, the oldest circus in England.

"I travelled the country with them as Nello the Clown. I did three seasons and it was a great time.

"It's funny that when I was a kid I didn't like clowns – but when I got to be one it was different altogether."

The name Nello stuck as Neil's nickname and those clowning skills came in handy at his next job as "kit man" for his beloved Stoke City FC.

The club's then manager, Lou Macari, had spotted Neil outside the club nearly every day.

They got talking and he decided to give him a job

Neil became a dressing room favourite with antics included dressing as a chicken to get a laugh.

In fact Lou, who was often seen around Stoke walking his dog with Neil, says a lot of his success at Stoke was down to the loveable kit man.

"He was the best signing I ever made, worth his weight in gold," he says.

"All the players bounced off him and a lot of our success was down to the atmosphere Neil created in the dressing room."

In 1993 he even got to play for the team in a friendly against Aston Villa.

With five minutes left to play, Lou sent portly 51-year-old Neil out on to the pitch.

Players passed to him and he got a chance on goal.

Neil recalls another happy moment from his time with the club: "Lou once said, 'You have got to put all the players' underpants on.'

"So I had 13 underpants on and it made everyone laugh. We won that game and that made me happy.

"I would go to every game, home and away, and was at training putting kit out and bringing it in.

"Some of the players said I was the best kit man Stoke ever had."

The incredible stories don't stop there.

The young Prince Edward got an impromptu visit from Neil while he was studying history at Cambridge Univ­ersity.

"I was down at Cambridge and I knew he was at Jesus College so I thought I would knock on his door," says Neil.

"I thought a policeman would have been there, but there was no one. I knocked and he opened the door himself."

Neil had written to the Queen previously and received a Christmas card in return.

He adds: "I showed him some letters I have had off his mum. He invited me in and gave me a sherry.

"He said he was very happy to be there."

As we chat in a cafe at Keele University, several academics and the president of the student union stop to say hello.

None seem to notice, or care, that Neil is decked out in full evening dress.

He has been visiting the Staffordshire college every day since he was 14 and is a much-loved fixture who has welcomed generations of students.

He is also manager, coach, kit man and captain of the Neil Baldwin Football Club – past presidents include Kevin Keegan and Gary Lineker – and he has won Player of the Year every season.

To mark his 50th year at the university there was a two-day celebration with speeches from distinguished former students, a service of thanksgiving conducted by the Bishop of Lichfield, a dinner and a football match.

And all for a man who has never had any formal connection to the place.

Neil says: "My mother was a nanny for one of the members of staff at the university. I came here in 1960 and I haven't left.

"I run two football teams and do a lot of work in the chapel helping students, when I can, and have a great time.

"It is part of my thing to get to know people and help anybody out that I can."

Neil's beloved mother Mary died in 2003.

But she prepared him for life without her by moving him into a flat and showing him how to shop and cook.

He says: "My mother was a great part of my life, as any mum is. Mums are always the first."

Neil's friends have always been on hand to support him, especially since his mum died.

Research scientist Laurence Wood, 46, who has known him for 15 years, tries to explain the secret of Neil's charm.

"What people love about him is that there is no pretence at all," he says.

"What you see is completely what you get. He is the absolute eternal optimist.

"His vulnerability makes him attractive to people. They want to look after him and make sure he is OK.

"The secret to his success in meeting all these people and doing all these strange things, really, is a combination of him being a jovial outgoing person and the fact that he is lacking in the sort of normal inhibitions that would hold you or I back.

"And people find that endearing.

"He just asks. He knocks on doors and phones people up.

"He has a copy of ­Crockford's clerical directory and he just rings up the Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, and has a chat with him."

Neil adds: "I just meet these people. I know the Archbishop of Canterbury. I know most of them going back to Michael Ramsey.

"I always go to big services like consecrations of bishops and that's how I meet them."

The BBC film has made him more of a celebrity than ever and Keele University put on a special screening with Neil as guest of honour.

He says: "We had two premieres – not many films get that.

"The Emmerdale actor Freddie Jones, who is Toby's dad, came along with Gary Lineker and Lou Macari.

"We even had a Doctor Who here – Christopher Eccleston."

Neil's philosophy of life is simple and generous – that trying to help other people is its own reward.

He says: "I have had a few names in my time – Bishop of Keele, Master of Keele, Lord Baldwin of Keele they have called me.

"And 'marvellous' is one of my favourite words. I looked up in the Bible to see if marvellous was in there and it is, eight times in different psalms.

"So I thought it was a good word to use.

"Another favourite phrase of mine is 'everybody's nice' – and that's what I have found in life anyway."

Marvellous is on the BBC iPlayer now.

The film includes several moments of the real people talking to the actors (sort of in character) which is really touching at some points. It's really a wonderful film, especially for Christmas, everyone should watch it

[Syt]

Another entry from "movies I'm embarrassed I hadn't watched them yet:" Bad Santa

I Billy Bob Thornton. I Lauren Graham. Also, The black mall detective reminded me of CdM for some reason. 

Possibly new favorite Christmas movie.

[The Brain]

Teen Beach Movie. I liked it. You'd have to be retardedly grumpy not to.

[Sheilbh]

Muppet Christmas Carol and Matter of Life and Death

[Scipio]

Arsenic and Old Lace. Then, Kind Hearts and Coronets.

[Ideologue]

Average grade: between a B and B+.  See, I'm not overgenerous at all.

13 Sins (2014).   Sometimes a premise is all you need: given a week, the title, and a suitably gnarly sense of humor, you might write nearly the exact same film that David Birke and Daniel Stamm did--and it would probably still be pretty darned good.  B+

The Theory of Everything (2014).  For a movie with a title like that, you'd think it'd be willing to explain itself, at least occasionally.  B

The Signal (2014).  It's so much easier to enjoy a bad movie when watching it is not also watching a great movie die in its place.  C

The Interview (2014).   I liked the part with the imperial overreach.  Meanwhile, James Franco reinforces his reputation as (perhaps) the best performer of comic ejaculation pantomime to have ever lived.  B+

Tron: Legacy (2010).   And for Boxing Day, a present to myself.  A+

P.S. Arsenic and Old Lace is also an A+.

[CountDeMoney]

You should consider keeping the self-pity out of your reviews.  Languish is enough of an audience to suffer it, the rest of teh intrawebbers that would accidentally trip over your site shouldn't, and it makes one quit reading the review even earlier than normal.

[Ideologue]

It's my schtick.  SCHTICK IS LIFE.

[CountDeMoney]

You're only allowed one schtick at a time, and you already claimed the shitty movie reviews one.   

[Ideologue]

Not as long as you get shareholder value and fake BDSM.

[CountDeMoney]

Not as long as you get shareholder value and fake BDSM.

Since they both share the same metaphorical elements--principally, getting fucked in the ass--they're technically just one schtick.

[Ideologue]

You've also got that racism bag going against China.