Stupidest Airport Security Stories

[The Larch]

I got a ridiculously relaxed baggage check in Morocco, when I flew from Casablanca to Madrid. The guy just grabbed my backpack, peeked inside, gave it a couple of pattings and sent me away with a smile.

The opposite was in a dinky two bit flight from Galway to Dublin. Everybody, including the flight crew, had to take off their shoes and go through the full mumbo-jumbo.

[Monoriu]

The only place I've ever faced an in-depth search was in the HK airport, returning from Thailand.  I was walking by with my suitcase when I passed a customs officer.  The customs officer looked at me, looked away, I looked away, then we both looked back at each other.... and I guess that was enough to make him stop me.  Of course, he found nothing.

The moral:  never make eye contact with these people unless they are speaking to you.

I have never, ever been stopped by customs at the HK airport.  Not once, in my over 80 times back home. 

[Zanza2]

I wonder how much stuff you'd have to buy to make shopping in the US to escape German VAT/sales taxes cost-effective. 

Not much. An airline ticket can be bought for as little as 400 Euro. With the current dollar - euro exchange rate and the generally cheaper prices in the US, you might get out even when you buy stuff for maybe 1000 Euro or so. However, bringing back stuff worth more than 400 Euro (IIRC) will mean you have to pay import tax here. Or smuggle it.

[Neil]

For the record, grumbler is of course semantically correct when he disputes that "the rest of the world" (i.e. all countries except U.S.) doesn't make passengers take of shoes.

For the record, yes, of course I am correct.  I recently had experiences to demonstrate that the claim was false.  Not just semantically false, but actually false.  And, for the record, it is probably not very useful to draw distinctions between the meanings of words (semantics) and reality.

Shut the fuck up, cunt.

[Cerr]

The opposite was in a dinky two bit flight from Galway to Dublin. Everybody, including the flight crew, had to take off their shoes and go through the full mumbo-jumbo.

Why did you bother flying from Galway to Dublin?

It only takes about 2 and half hours by train and I imagine it's a lot cheaper.

[garbon]

Dumbest story: I was flying back from London to Warsaw a couple of years ago, after having stayed Chez Brazen in London. We had gone to see the Priscilla Queen of the Desert musical in West End (where I purchased a fuschia feathered boa) and had drinks with garbon at some gay pub in Soho.

So, picture me, a snappily-dressed (garbon: shut up) succesful Polish lawyer walking to the luggage check at Heathrow, just one piece of hand luggage, coming home after a lovely weekend in London. And that fucking bitch picks up my bag and proceeds to remove every. fucking. single. item from it. Pink feathered boa. Gay porn magazines. The works. She didn't bat an eye.

To be honest, I have no memory of what you were wearing other than the pink boa.

[jimmy olsen]

I'd like to beat all flip flop wearers with a baseball bat. ALL OF THEM.

I'm required to wear flip flops at work, as are the students. I hate it.

[Caliga]

Gay porn magazines?

There's this little thing called the Internets, Mart.

[garbon]

I'd like to beat all flip flop wearers with a baseball bat. ALL OF THEM.

I was sad when I left college as I suddenly had to wear socks and shoes again. I spent several years in flip-flops alone.

[garbon]

Gay porn magazines?

There's this little thing called the Internets, Mart.

IIRC, I believe he picked them up at the bar we were at.

[HisMajestyBOB]

I'd like to beat all flip flop wearers with a baseball bat. ALL OF THEM.

I'm required to wear flip flops at work, as are the students. I hate it.

I loved that.
If/when I get a boring old desk job, I'm wearing flip-flops in my office.

[Jacob]

I had a dream last night that my flight from Vancouver to Copenhagen got redirected through Armenia instead of Amsterdam. We had to fill out yellow visa applications, done in 1950s infographics style, with green permanent markers. Apparently it was winter in Armenia right now, but we were assured we didn't have to worry.

I woke up filled with misgivings.

[citizen k]

I had a dream last night that my flight from Vancouver to Copenhagen got redirected through Armenia instead of Amsterdam.

I think that's called a hijacking. 

[The Larch]

The opposite was in a dinky two bit flight from Galway to Dublin. Everybody, including the flight crew, had to take off their shoes and go through the full mumbo-jumbo.

Why did you bother flying from Galway to Dublin?

It only takes about 2 and half hours by train and I imagine it's a lot cheaper.

Because:

1) It was the last stage of a long trip, preceded by two other flights, so I was mightly tired at that point.
2) I didn't have the time to go around taking trains.
3) My employer paid for it.

[Ed Anger]

I'd like to beat all flip flop wearers with a baseball bat. ALL OF THEM.

I'm required to wear flip flops at work, as are the students. I hate it.

Korean barbarians.