Stupidest Airport Security Stories

[Martinus]

Dumbest story: I was flying back from London to Warsaw a couple of years ago, after having stayed Chez Brazen in London. We had gone to see the Priscilla Queen of the Desert musical in West End (where I purchased a fuschia feathered boa) and had drinks with garbon at some gay pub in Soho.

So, picture me, a snappily-dressed (garbon: shut up) succesful Polish lawyer walking to the luggage check at Heathrow, just one piece of hand luggage, coming home after a lovely weekend in London. And that fucking bitch picks up my bag and proceeds to remove every. fucking. single. item from it. Pink feathered boa. Gay porn magazines. The works. She didn't bat an eye.

[Jacob]

Flying in and out of Vancouver, I only seem to have to remove my shoes when going to the US.

[Syt]

Hm, had no problems with either:





Perhaps I was just "lucky". Or the people were afraid that I might have foot odour.

[Martinus]

Flying in and out of Vancouver, I only seem to have to remove my shoes when going to the US.

Yeah, and they say Obama is not a muslim. 

[Martinus]

Incidentally, don't you just love random checks? Yeah, strip search a respectable elderly Caucasian lady going to visit her grandchildren on a local flight, but do not as much as touch a bearded imam who bought a one way transatlantic flight ticket. 

[Zanza2]

Incidentally, don't you just love random checks? Yeah, strip search a respectable elderly Caucasian lady going to visit her grandchildren on a local flight, but do not as much as touch a bearded imam who bought a one way transatlantic flight ticket. 

I worked at the check-in counter in JFK for one day and we stamped every boarding pass for oneway travellers so they would be searched specifically. Also their luggage would usually be "oversize" no matter the size which was the signal to the TSA guys to pick it off the conveyor belt. The computer basically picked the people. Some were random, but some characteristics would always get you picked (e.g. oneway ticket, booked in the last 24 hours, paid with cash).

[grumbler]

I've never had to remove my shoes when going through security, the most recent example being flying into and out of Heathrow last November. I've noticed, however, that women are more likely to be asked to remove their shoes - that might have to do with security concerns or with fetishes of the security crew.

I had to remove shoes (as did everyone) at Heathrow in April, and a quick check of the internet tells one that Britain does this, Korea does this sometimes, Japan does it unless wearing specific types of shoes, etc. 

[grumbler]

For the record, grumbler is of course semantically correct when he disputes that "the rest of the world" (i.e. all countries except U.S.) doesn't make passengers take of shoes.

For the record, yes, of course I am correct.  I recently had experiences to demonstrate that the claim was false.  Not just semantically false, but actually false.  And, for the record, it is probably not very useful to draw distinctions between the meanings of words (semantics) and reality.

[Camerus]

The only place I've ever faced an in-depth search was in the HK airport, returning from Thailand.  I was walking by with my suitcase when I passed a customs officer.  The customs officer looked at me, looked away, I looked away, then we both looked back at each other.... and I guess that was enough to make him stop me.  Of course, he found nothing.

The moral:  never make eye contact with these people unless they are speaking to you.

[grumbler]

The only place I've ever faced an in-depth search was in the HK airport, returning from Thailand.  I was walking by with my suitcase when I passed a customs officer.  The customs officer looked at me, looked away, I looked away, then we both looked back at each other.... and I guess that was enough to make him stop me.  Of course, he found nothing.

The moral:  never make eye contact with these people unless they are speaking to you.

I think customs is an entirely different level of annoying than security.  I wanted to toss out an apple I had bought at the airport in Nice and hadn't gotten around to eating, and had to wait in line 20 minutes at a special desk that apparently was set up just to handle people who wanted to toss food before going through customs.

[Martinus]

I've never had to remove my shoes when going through security, the most recent example being flying into and out of Heathrow last November. I've noticed, however, that women are more likely to be asked to remove their shoes - that might have to do with security concerns or with fetishes of the security crew.

I had to remove shoes (as did everyone) at Heathrow in April, and a quick check of the internet tells one that Britain does this, Korea does this sometimes, Japan does it unless wearing specific types of shoes, etc.

I was flying from Heathrow to Warsaw in February and did not have to remove my shoes. I suspect they do not always bother to check people flying on European flights (it's a different terminal than transatlantic flights, iirc).

[grumbler]

I was flying from Heathrow to Warsaw in February and did not have to remove my shoes. I suspect they do not always bother to check people flying on European flights (it's a different terminal than transatlantic flights, iirc).

I went through the same terminal to go to France, and had to remove shoes then, too.  I suspect that it is timing of security threats.

[Martinus]

I was flying from Heathrow to Warsaw in February and did not have to remove my shoes. I suspect they do not always bother to check people flying on European flights (it's a different terminal than transatlantic flights, iirc).

I went through the same terminal to go to France, and had to remove shoes then, too.

Ok then I guess it is random or maybe depends on the day.

Btw, were you going to Paris or some other part of France? If Paris, then why the hell did you fly? Taking a train would have been much faster.

[grumbler]

Btw, were you going to Paris or some other part of France? If Paris, then why the hell did you fly? Taking a train would have been much faster.

Yes, we were flying to Paris.  I suspect that, by the time we had traveled from Heathrow to London and taken the train, any time savings would have been lost.

[Slargos]

The only place I've ever faced an in-depth search was in the HK airport, returning from Thailand.  I was walking by with my suitcase when I passed a customs officer.  The customs officer looked at me, looked away, I looked away, then we both looked back at each other.... and I guess that was enough to make him stop me.  Of course, he found nothing.

The moral:  never make eye contact with these people unless they are speaking to you.

Customs officers are trained to spot people looking fishy, and there are some very obvious clues but also some more subtle ones. You simply transmitted some of them and while looking back at him the second time may have been it, it could just aswell have been something entirely unrelated. I've looked plenty of them in the eyes (can't help myself, I am an observer by nature) and I've never been stopped even when I've been carrying contraband (IE 2 cartons instead of 1.  )

Well. Aside from that time they wanted to confiscate my camera for taking photos at the arrival terminal in JFK.