Neptune's Pride

[Barrister]

The Eternal Empire of Jaronesia issues the Despotate of Barristae a warning to halt the flow of illegal narcotics into our system or there will be severe repercussions to our mutual relations. Although our empire is generous and open armed to those wishing to leave your domains for a better life within ours, we will not tolerate the flow of harmful substances that poison the bodies and minds of our people.

Consider this your first, last and only warning.

I've forgotten to log in since Saturday.  We refute your claims, oh "Eternal Emperor".

The Depostate interferes with no outside states, and will tolerate no interference in our own affairs.  Our position on narcotics is well known in the galaxy, and your accusation rings hollow.

I wish no conflict with you, oh "Eternal Emperor".  You do not have an enemy in the Despotate unless you wish to find one there.

[Jaron]

We have dispatched a fleet of 95 ships to our mutual border for routine military exercises and to assist law enforcement in that sector in patrolling our vast unsettled border areas. There is no need for alarm.

[Grey Fox]

Fireblade.  Tonitrians demand atonement.  For the fallen at Arided.

I atone. I didn't know you had ships en route to that system, and I could not reach them in time to recall them. 

And Gay Fox you little French faggot, stop seizing my fiefs. 

Get the Hell out.

[Fireblade]

Fireblade.  Tonitrians demand atonement.  For the fallen at Arided.

I atone. I didn't know you had ships en route to that system, and I could not reach them in time to recall them. 

And Gay Fox you little French faggot, stop seizing my fiefs. 

Get the Hell out.

I'm going to whip the shit out of you boy

[Fireblade]

The Imperial Throne Room

Grand Vizier Marcinho comes rushing into the throne room. "My Emperor! I bring news from the front! In the north, our forces continue to advance upon the evil Berkutians. They have amassed their fleet in the al-Nair system. A total of 42 ships have mounted a desperate defense against the White Knights, which are even now sacking and burning the planet of Sasin and selling their inhabitants into slavery. I am pleased to report that because of their pitch black skin, they are well-suited to picking cotton..!"

Emperor Fireblade grins. "Excellent Marcinho. And what of the Southern front?"

Marcinho smiles even wider. "My liege, our forces have won a resounding victory in the Ruchba system. Even now, 5 of their best ships are nothing more than bits of rubble floating around. We only lost 3 of our more obsolete ships in that engagement. The other two ships are en route to pillage other systems held by the perfidious Gay Foxes."

Emperor Fireblade looks astonished. For a two-front war, this was going very well. "Is there no bad news to report at all?"

Marcinho's big meaty toes curl inward, a sign of embarrassment for the Space Polacky race. "Well, the Berkutians are launching a minor assault with 3 ships toward Maia. However, it is a worthless planet, which we are using as a slave colony. Our Third Fleet is en route, but they may not reach it in time. But rest assured, the scum will be trampled beneath our feet once they do arrive.."

Marcinho then spreads out a map showing the shituation.



Yellow flags: Systems I've captured
Yellow arrows: Fireblade's offensives
Green arrow: Berkut's laughable "offensive"
Red flags: Unredeemed systems
Red arrow: I don't know what the fuck Gay Fox thinks he's doing. Moving ships around aimlessly, looks like!

Emperor Fireblade then laughs. Never give a Polack a crayon.

[Jaron]

 

[Barrister]

Oh "Eternal Emperor" your moves towards every single unoccupied system in my direction has been noted.

[Jaron]

Military exercises and token fleets to discourage any further expansion by your minions, good Despot. We can remain friends so long as you respect our current borders.

[Barrister]

Funny, our "Current" borders are different from our borders from 1 day ago.

It has been noted.

[Jaron]

Our Eternal Empire does not occupy, it liberates. The peoples of those systems requested our protection and begged the Imperial chancellory for the opportunity, nay, the PRIVILEGE of swearing loyalty to the Empire.

By whose law was I to deny them this?

We are unaware of any claims you had to the system and note large swathes of unclaimed territory around the Despotate that would better be tended to over provoking arguments with a far more powerful neighbor.

Even a dove will peck at the hand of an aggressor, my blessed cousin. Be wary of this fact.

[Barrister]

Your Aggression has been noted.

That is all.

[Jaron]

What aggression? Have I claimed any systems from you? Have I any major military forces near you?

Your overreaction is noted for sure, but as to aggression? Methinks the Despot is suffering from wild delusions. .

[Grey Fox]

Stop calling me Gay Fox, for the love of fuck.

[Agelastus]

Star System: Unknown
Date: ??.??.???? ??.??.?? UTC
Location: Imperium GHQ

The briefing room was quiet as the daily conference between the Imperator and his Chiefs of Staff moved on to the location of known enemy forces. They had already discussed the location and readiness of the various battlegroups of the Imperium's fleet.

The officer tasked with this part of the briefing continued.

"Since our last meeting, we have detected two additional Ulmontine battlegroups, the 'Vindemiatrix's Jewel' and the 'Asellus 1', moving from their core systems into the areas of the Scheddi cluster under their control. The two battlegroups total an additional 26 vessels, and appear to be on a mission to reinforce the garrisons of Grafias and La Superba respectively. This would appear to be the anticipated reinforcement to match our own recent increase of the garrisons on our side of the border.

"However, the Ulmontines are still maintaining carrier battlegroups at all three of their stars in the Scheddi cluster. Should these incoming battlegroups remain in the cluster instead of just dropping off their reinforcements, this would give the Ulmontines the capability to strike at all five stars in the cluster simultaneously from close range. It would be easy for them to achieve surprise. The General Staff views this possibility with alarm."

The Imperator shifted restlessly in his command chair. "I too view this possibility with alarm, but let us not accuse our neighbours of hostile intent without good reason. What of our own core systems should the Ulmontines attempt a deep penetration?"

Another Admiral spoke, quickly and decisively. "The Core's defences are more than capable of resisting a raid by any combination of the battlegroups on our border. The Ulmontines would be mad to try it, despite their technological prowess."

The Imperator smiled. "Just so. The Imperium is well protected. We shall watch and wait. If, as I am sure will happen, the two new Ulmontine Battlegroups drop off reinforcements and then depart, we shall have no need for concern." His lips tightened as he said the next words, clearly reluctant to contemplate the possibility. "If they remain in the cluster...we may have to consider the possibility that that border has gone from neutral to hostile and take appropriate...measures.

"Until next time gentlemen. I bid you good day."

The officers snapped to attention as the Imperator swept out of the conference room.

[ulmont]

An open missive to the Agelastine Imperium:

Your multiple violations of the previously agreed demarcation zones between our territories have not gone unnoticed.  While we are prepared to overlook the Alkalurops system in order to defuse the situation, we request and require that you evacuate the Deneb system, or we will regrettably consider you to have begun a war that only our other neighbors can win.