Staind singer stops concert to demand audience members stop ‘molesting’ teen

[grumbler]

I agree. However, when a child does get molested, few people say, "Well, that child should have known better than to be there in the first place." Or "well, that mother should have known her boyfriend would do something like that." No, the blame falls directly where it belongs, on the person who did the molesting.

However, when it comes to women - and men - the blame is often shared between the person who did the molesting and the person who was molested. "Wow, sucks she was raped, but why the hell was she drinking at a party??"

Actually, the person I was blaming was the musician who told the girls in the crowd to crowd surf because it was safe.

Frankly, teens are going to do some dumb things.  Being dumb isn't blameworthy, so long as you learn from it.  It's a natural state for teens.

[merithyn]

I had to teach my daughter never to accept a drink from a man that she didn't see the bartender pour. That if she gets up and goes to the bathroom at a party or a bar and leaves her drink behind, get a new one when she gets back. That if she wants to get drunk, do it with a group of girlfriends in a friend's apartment; never in public or alone with a man she doesn't already trust with her life. I've had to teach my daughter that how she dresses directly affects how others see her, and she should take that into account when she wears heels, make-up, or a short skirt.

I taught my sons that when a girl is passed out, that's a time to sit with them to protect them, not to touch them. I taught my sons that the only consent is "yes". The word "no", even during the action, is NO! and *must* be acknowledged and respected.

See any discrepancies?

[merithyn]

Actually, the person I was blaming was the musician who told the girls in the crowd to crowd surf because it was safe.

Frankly, teens are going to do some dumb things.  Being dumb isn't blameworthy, so long as you learn from it.  It's a natural state for teens.

Well, yeah, because that shit is never safe.

(Not being sarcastic. It really isn't safe.)

[derspiess]

As I said, it's rarely taught to boys that it's not okay to touch a girl when she doesn't expressly tell him that it's okay. That's a bit different than "keep your hands to yourself".

I think that covers it pretty well, actually. 

Hmm, I don't recall my parents specifically telling me "it's not okay to touch a girl when she doesn't expressly tell him that it's okay" so it must have been a huge stroke of luck that I didn't go around groping women against their will.  Or maybe they raised me the right way, taught me to be respectful to others (particularly when it comes to personal space), and didn't need to spell it out so specifically.

"You" in the global sense.

So that includes you, then.  YOU MONSTER

[The Brain]

"Don't dress like a slut and you won't be raped."

"Don't walk alone at night and you won't be harassed."

"Don't body surf at a concert and you won't be groped."

*shrugs*

Or, you know, teach people that there is never a justification for rape, harassment, or groping. That's an option, too.

This is Languish. Many posters feel that Austria-Hungary dressed like a slut.

[Valmy]

Hmm, I don't recall my parents specifically telling me "it's not okay to touch a girl when she doesn't expressly tell him that it's okay" so it must have been a huge stroke of luck that I didn't go around groping women against their will.  Or maybe they raised me the right way, taught me to be respectful to others (particularly when it comes to personal space), and didn't need to spell it out so specifically.

Superior parenting = vagueness?

Obviously most men do not go around groping women against their will Spicey, even ones with shitty parents.  It is, frankly, beneath my dignity to grope somebody unless they beg.

[The Brain]

I don't remember my parents telling me that it's not OK to rape. If only they had!

[Valmy]

I don't remember my parents telling me that it's not OK to rape. If only they had!

It is too late for you but maybe others might yet be saved.

[merithyn]

I think that covers it pretty well, actually. 

Hmm, I don't recall my parents specifically telling me "it's not okay to touch a girl when she doesn't expressly tell him that it's okay" so it must have been a huge stroke of luck that I didn't go around groping women against their will.  Or maybe they raised me the right way, taught me to be respectful to others (particularly when it comes to personal space), and didn't need to spell it out so specifically.

Clearly not everyone got that memo, or the girl at the concert wouldn't have been groped.

So that includes you, then.  YOU MONSTER

I admit that I've said things like that in the past, because I was stupid. It's what I was taught. If I were careful, if I were smart, then I could protect myself. Only, that's not how it worked. I was careful, and I was smart, and I was raped. *shrugs*

And it wasn't because of what I was wearing, or because of what I drank, or of where I was. I was raped because a guy thought that it was okay to do what he wanted with me because he was stronger. So he did.

Then it became much harder to blame the victim no matter what they did or didn't do to protect themselves.

[The Brain]

Seems to me that we're putting an awful lot of trust in depressing (not in the good way) one-hit-havebeens Staind.

[derspiess]

Superior parenting = vagueness?

No, there's some specificity to it at times. 

Obviously most men do not go around groping women against their will Spicey, even ones with shitty parents.  It is, frankly, beneath my dignity to grope somebody unless they beg.

I grope my wife.  But not when the kids are around.  Which is almost all the time these days.

[Eddie Teach]

Seems to me that we're putting an awful lot of trust in depressing (not in the good way) one-hit-havebeens Staind.

It's been a while since I've heard or seen them mentioned.

[mongers]

Seems to me that we're putting an awful lot of trust in depressing (not in the good way) one-hit-havebeens Staind.

Oh, I'd just assumed the thread was started by Timmay and it was a typo. 

[Valmy]

I grope my wife.  But not when the kids are around.  Which is almost all the time these days.

Same but she begs with her eyes.  And she gropes me to. 

But yeah not when the kids are around which is like 99.9% of the time we are together.

[Ideologue]

Same but she begs with her eyes.  And she gropes me to. 

Sounds like she thinks she's entitled to sex.