http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/01/28/us-florida-driving-license-idUSBRE90R15320130128
QuoteA newly married South Florida man who opted to take his wife's last name is fighting the state's Department of Motor Vehicles after it suspended his driving license on grounds of fraud.
Real estate investor Lazaro Sopena offered to change his name following his 2011 marriage to Hanh Dinh in order to help his wife's Vietnamese family perpetuate their family surname.
Shortly after their marriage, Lazaro Dinh obtained a new passport and Social Security card and changed his bank account and credit cards before applying to update his drivers license.
"It was an act of love. I have no particular emotional ties to my last name," said Dinh, 40, who was born in Cuba and came to the United States at the age of 11 in 1984.
His wife, Hanh Dinh, 32, has four sisters and came to the U.S. in 1990, after a family odyssey involving living in refugee camps and being separated from her father for 7 years.
Lazaro Dinh was initially issued a new license after presenting his marriage certificate at his local DMV office and paying a $20 fee, just as newly married women are required to do when they adopt their husband's name.
"It was easy. When the government issues you a new passport you figure you're fine," he said.
More than a year later Dinh received a letter from Florida's DMV last December accusing him of "obtaining a driving license by fraud," and advising him that his license would be suspended at the end of the month. Ironically, it was addressed to Lazaro Dinh.
"I thought it was a mistake," he said.
But when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
When he explained he was changing his name due to marriage, he was told 'that only works for women,'" he said.
"Apparently the state of Florida clings to the out-dated notion that treats women as an extension of a man," said Lazaro's lawyer, Spencer Kuvin, with Cohen & Kuvin in West Palm Beach. While it was unusual for a man to seek to be considered an extension on his wife, Dinh's case raised important issues for gay marriage, he noted.
"If Lazaro isn't allowed to change his name, what is going to happen when a gay couple seeks a name change?"
Only a few states have made their marriage name change policy gender neutral, Kuvin said. In Florida's case it has no law, although the DMV's website does not specify gender.
According to Kuvin, 9 states enable a man to change his name upon marriage: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota.
The Florida DMV did not respond to a request for comment.
Following a DMV hearing, Dinh was issued a Final Order on January 14 confirming that his license had been properly suspended for fraud.
He is now appealing that order but has not dared get behind the wheel.
"I don't understand. I'm being treated like a highway criminal," said Dinh, who said he has a perfect driving record and now is struggling to carry out his job, begging his wife and friends for rides.
Wow how embarrasing for Florida?
Looks like your state would play it the same way.
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 08:58:43 AM
Looks like your state would play it the same way.
Oh I have no doubt. Our tax dollars at work.
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 09:44:31 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
That's a pretty ridiculous filing fee. I changed my name for less than $100, and that includes the newspaper ad.
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 09:50:23 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 09:44:31 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
That's a pretty ridiculous filing fee. I changed my name for less than $100, and that includes the newspaper ad.
:wacko:
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:33:04 AM
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Well definitely would make it easier for managing family. Bit more problematic if the father had a different lastname from his kids.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 09:44:31 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
Yes or maybe no one would want to change their name after forming a family with someone?
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 10:45:43 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 09:44:31 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
Yes or maybe no one would want to change their name after forming a family with someone?
Obviously some would want to, if only to keep their family line going or to collect on inheritance.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:38:47 AM
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:33:04 AM
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Well definitely would make it easier for managing family. Bit more problematic if the father had a different lastname from his kids.
Really? It's pretty common here, I've never heard of it being a problem.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:38:47 AM
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:33:04 AM
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Well definitely would make it easier for managing family. Bit more problematic if the father had a different lastname from his kids.
It's slightly problematic, but not really. The kids have had a different last name from me for most of their lives, and it's never been an issue.
That being said, if they're a traditional family, everyone having the same last name would be important.
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:54:15 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:38:47 AM
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:33:04 AM
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Well definitely would make it easier for managing family. Bit more problematic if the father had a different lastname from his kids.
Really? It's pretty common here, I've never heard of it being a problem.
I've heard anecdotes of it causing problems - identification-wise as people might be more skeptical that a person is someone's parent without the same last name.
Wait, there are states in the US that only let the wife to take the husband's name automatically, but not vice versa?
Hell, even Poland allows it (and I know several people who went this way), and we are backward as shit.
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 09:50:23 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 09:44:31 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on January 29, 2013, 09:12:45 AM
If marriage was illegal, none of this crap would be an issue.
Actually it would. Then his only recourse would be:
QuoteBut when he called the state DMV office in Tallahassee he said he was told he had to go to court first in order to change his name legally, a process that takes several months and has a $400 filing fee.
That's a pretty ridiculous filing fee. I changed my name for less than $100, and that includes the newspaper ad.
Attention whore.
Incidentally, nothing beats e-mails like this, we get occassionally in our office:
To: Entire office
From: Kathy Kowalski
I would like to let you know that following my marriage, my name is now Kathy Kowalski.
Regards,
Kathy
:frusty:
Kathy doesn't sound like a Polack name.
Quote from: lustindarkness on January 29, 2013, 10:11:33 AM
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 09:50:23 AM
That's a pretty ridiculous filing fee. I changed my name for less than $100, and that includes the newspaper ad.
:wacko:
It's a requirement for name change. :contract:
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 29, 2013, 11:23:40 AM
Kathy doesn't sound like a Polack name.
I think he's translating from some weird Polish name like Kata12tasd'81y98hnthy
Quote from: Darth Wagtaros on January 29, 2013, 11:32:14 AM
I think he's translating from some weird Polish name like Kata12tasd'81y98hnthy
That, or it could be an American name ripped off from a US TV show.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 29, 2013, 11:34:37 AM
Quote from: Darth Wagtaros on January 29, 2013, 11:32:14 AM
I think he's translating from some weird Polish name like Kata12tasd'81y98hnthy
That, or it could be an American name ripped off from a US TV show.
Probably Baywatch or something. They like that kind of crap over there.
I think I previously mentioned the Ostie kid who was living as an exchange student at one of my cousin's house. His parents had named him after a Miami Vice character. Rico? Something like that. :bleeding:
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:57:40 AM
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:54:15 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:38:47 AM
Quote from: Maladict on January 29, 2013, 10:33:04 AM
How does that 'perpetuate their family surname'? You need to give the kids her surname, not the husband.
Well definitely would make it easier for managing family. Bit more problematic if the father had a different lastname from his kids.
Really? It's pretty common here, I've never heard of it being a problem.
I've heard anecdotes of it causing problems - identification-wise as people might be more skeptical that a person is someone's parent without the same last name.
People who didn't know my stepfather often call my mom "Mrs. Stokes", and occasionally someone who knows my mom but doesn't know me well will call me "Mr. Ward". I don't recall it ever actually being a problem
per se, but I can imagine situations in which it could be.
Quote from: Martinus on January 29, 2013, 11:18:04 AM
Incidentally, nothing beats e-mails like this, we get occassionally in our office:
To: Entire office
From: Kathy Kowalski
I would like to let you know that following my marriage, my name is now Kathy Kowalski.
Regards,
Kathy
:frusty:
What exactly is so horrible and outrageous about that? Granted maybe emailing the entire office is not necessary but that sounds like important information to know. :hmm:
Quote from: Martinus on January 29, 2013, 11:15:25 AM
Wait, there are states in the US that only let the wife to take the husband's name automatically, but not vice versa?
Hell, even Poland allows it (and I know several people who went this way), and we are backward as shit.
Well sure imagine if each region of Poland had a different policy on this? I am sure there would be some parts that would swing that way.
Quote from: Valmy on January 29, 2013, 12:37:09 PM
Quote from: Martinus on January 29, 2013, 11:18:04 AM
Incidentally, nothing beats e-mails like this, we get occassionally in our office:
To: Entire office
From: Kathy Kowalski
I would like to let you know that following my marriage, my name is now Kathy Kowalski.
Regards,
Kathy
:frusty:
What exactly is so horrible and outrageous about that? Granted maybe emailing the entire office is not necessary but that sounds like important information to know. :hmm:
My guess is that the absence of the previous last name is the punch line.
Having to change your last name due to marriage seems kind of weird to me, and a bit of a sexist artifact. My mother never changed hers, and my paternal grandmother stopped changing hers sometime before her fourth and last marriage.
Quote from: DGuller on January 29, 2013, 12:45:39 PM
My guess is that the absence of the previous last name is the punch line.
Hah ok I get it now :blush:
Quote from: DGuller on January 29, 2013, 12:47:03 PM
Having to change your last name due to marriage seems kind of weird to me, and a bit of a sexist artifact. My mother never changed hers, and my paternal grandmother stopped changing hers sometime before her fourth and last marriage.
I am pretty sure you do not have to. It is just easy for the woman to do so if she wants to.
Quote from: Valmy on January 29, 2013, 12:48:45 PM
I am pretty sure you do not have to. It is just easy for the woman to do so if she wants to.
:yes:
I didn't when Max and I got married, since we knew that he was going to change his name when he became a citizen.
(They wouldn't let us change our names to the new last name when we got married. The only option was me taking his name, something neither of us wanted.)
Quote from: DGuller on January 29, 2013, 12:47:03 PM
Having to change your last name due to marriage seems kind of weird to me, and a bit of a sexist artifact. My mother never changed hers, and my paternal grandmother stopped changing hers sometime before her fourth and last marriage.
What about men and women having different versions of the same surname? :p
this thread disappoints. I was expecting some form of crazy transgender identity theft.
Quote from: Martinus on January 29, 2013, 11:18:04 AM
Incidentally, nothing beats e-mails like this, we get occassionally in our office:
To: Entire office
From: Killer Kowalski
I would like to let you know that following my marriage, my name is now Killer Kowalski.
Regards,
Killer
:frusty:
I made your post awesomer. :)
I had a friend adopt his wife's surname when I lived up in Massachusetts. On the one hand, that's totally gay, but on the other, his name is now Robert Rogers. :cool: :showoff:
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 01:00:15 PM
Quote from: Valmy on January 29, 2013, 12:48:45 PM
I am pretty sure you do not have to. It is just easy for the woman to do so if she wants to.
:yes:
I didn't when Max and I got married, since we knew that he was going to change his name when he became a citizen.
(They wouldn't let us change our names to the new last name when we got married. The only option was me taking his name, something neither of us wanted.)
I let my wife keep her last name for the time being but I think we're going to change it this year :)
You let her? :huh:
tee hee
I did. I'm still even after all these years curious if this is just his male bravado or if his wife is actually a doll.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 08:56:23 PM
I did. I'm still even after all these years curious if this is just his male bravado or if his wife is actually a doll.
I've decided that his wife let's him think that he's in charge because it feeds his ego, but secretly, you know she's pulling all the strings.
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 08:54:50 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 08:03:44 PM
You let her? :huh:
You bit.
Caught me a marlin!!! :D
No, I figured it would be one less thing to confuse the geniuses at INS/ICE. Lord knows they don't need much. We're finished with that crap now so I will reward her by allowing her to take my family name.
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 08:59:08 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 08:56:23 PM
I did. I'm still even after all these years curious if this is just his male bravado or if his wife is actually a doll.
I've decided that his wife let's him think that he's in charge because it feeds his ego, but secretly, you know she's pulling all the strings.
That's fair.
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 10:22:39 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 08:59:08 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 29, 2013, 08:56:23 PM
I did. I'm still even after all these years curious if this is just his male bravado or if his wife is actually a doll.
I've decided that his wife let's him think that he's in charge because it feeds his ego, but secretly, you know she's pulling all the strings.
That's fair.
Some women just don't like making tough decisions. I happen to be married to one.
Yes, that whole "drive or reverse" thing is a killer. Much less what name to go by. ;)
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 10:54:21 PM
Yes, that whole "drive or reverse" thing is a killer.
Uhh, driving consists of making constant decisions. Left, right or straight, how far, does the gas need more pressure or less, do you need to break, etc.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 29, 2013, 11:01:15 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 10:54:21 PM
Yes, that whole "drive or reverse" thing is a killer.
Uhh, driving consists of making constant decisions. Left, right or straight, how far, does the gas need more pressure or less, do you need to break, etc.
If you can't handle drive or reverse, you never get to the other stuff.
I hear this kind of thing is kind of common in Japan.
Lots of foreign guys do it when they marry Japanese women as they think it will make things easier for them and their kids to have a Japanese name. I am dubious of the truth of this. You'd think been a big black guy would be a bit of a give away even if your name is Yamada.
Its also quite a long standing tradition for a family, usually one of some note, who only has daughters to have one of its daughter's husbands be an adopted husband and take on the family name, ,maybe move into the parent's property (we are talking very traditional here) and become the next head of the family and family business.
Wonder if this may be a pan-asian thing and the deal with this guy.
In China, apparently there was a tradition of allowing a son-less uncle to adopt one of your sons so he could perpetuate his family name.
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
In China, apparently there was a tradition of allowing a son-less uncle to adopt one of your sons so he could perpetuate his family name.
Sounds like an undercover gay adoption. :lol:
No way I'd take her name. Its huge and hard to spell.
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
Why not?
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
If your first name was Lance and her last was Manly it'd be pretty badass.
Quote from: Martinus on January 29, 2013, 11:15:25 AM
Wait, there are states in the US that only let the wife to take the husband's name automatically, but not vice versa?
Hell, even Poland allows it (and I know several people who went this way), and we are backward as shit.
it's the concept of a woman taking a man's name when marrying that is backwards as shit, so Poland lucks out here...
a bit. :p
Quote from: Crazy_Ivan80 on January 30, 2013, 10:27:59 AM
it's the concept of a woman taking a man's name when marrying that is backwards as shit, so Poland lucks out here...
a bit. :p
I don't follow they still seem to accomdate that concept.
Quote from: merithyn on January 29, 2013, 10:54:21 PM
Yes, that whole "drive or reverse" thing is a killer. Much less what name to go by. ;)
She's allowed to drive if I'm not in the car :hug:
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
You can't change naming traditions just because it would give you a cool last nae. :mad:
I told my wife it was obviously up to her, but that I would prefer (specially since we wanted kids) if we all had the same family name.
Quote from: Barrister on January 30, 2013, 12:41:23 PM
You can't change naming traditions just because it would give you a cool last nae. :mad:
I told my wife it was obviously up to her, but that I would prefer (specially since we wanted kids) if we all had the same family name.
Of course not, but one can choose not to follow tradition. Well, most could. I realize that's an impossibility for you.
I do wonder what you would have done had your wife chosen other than she did.
I don't even have the same last name as my own father, so it wasn't that important to me. Wifey chose to take my name anyway. I chose to take it as a sign of respect. I don't know how I would have felt about it if she didn't want to. I might have been a bit conflicted about it, I dunno.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 12:53:19 PM
I don't even have the same last name as my own father, so it wasn't that important to me. Wifey chose to take my name anyway. I chose to take it as a sign of respect. I don't know how I would have felt about it if she didn't want to. I might have been a bit conflicted about it, I dunno.
Why? How is it respecting you to take your name?
Quote from: Barrister on January 30, 2013, 12:41:23 PM
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
You can't change naming traditions just because it would give you a cool last nae. :mad:
I told my wife it was obviously up to her, but that I would prefer (specially since we wanted kids) if we all had the same family name.
You weird people with only one surname...
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 12:56:28 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 12:53:19 PM
I don't even have the same last name as my own father, so it wasn't that important to me. Wifey chose to take my name anyway. I chose to take it as a sign of respect. I don't know how I would have felt about it if she didn't want to. I might have been a bit conflicted about it, I dunno.
Why? How is it respecting you to take your name?
I don't understand the question. It's not my dad's name, it's only mine. We're not preserving some family legacy or anything. The only reason she had to take it was to have the same name as me. I didn't ask her to, but she did it anyway.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 01:02:44 PM
I don't understand the question. It's not my dad's name, it's only mine. We're not preserving some family legacy or anything. The only reason she had to take it was to have the same name as me. I didn't ask her to, but she did it anyway.
Well, you took it as a sign of respect for you. I don't understand how taking your name is respecting you. To me, it's just following tradition. Most people don't think about
why they follow tradition, and I wonder if your wife did the same.
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 01:05:25 PM
Well, you took it as a sign of respect for you. I don't understand how taking your name is respecting you. To me, it's just following tradition. Most people don't think about why they follow tradition, and I wonder if your wife did the same.
I know that because we discussed it beforehand in this case. She considered why she was doing it.
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 12:51:30 PM
I do wonder what you would have done had your wife chosen other than she did.
Well since he told her it was up to her I would hope he would have done nothing. Otherwise he is a liar and BB, while being a Machiavellian prosecutor eager to send the bulk of Canadians to Gaol, is not capablle of such contemptible dishonesty -_-
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:00:59 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 30, 2013, 12:41:23 PM
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
You can't change naming traditions just because it would give you a cool last nae. :mad:
I told my wife it was obviously up to her, but that I would prefer (specially since we wanted kids) if we all had the same family name.
You weird people with only one surname...
:bleeding:
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 12:56:28 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 12:53:19 PM
I don't even have the same last name as my own father, so it wasn't that important to me. Wifey chose to take my name anyway. I chose to take it as a sign of respect. I don't know how I would have felt about it if she didn't want to. I might have been a bit conflicted about it, I dunno.
Why? How is it respecting you to take your name?
UH OH SHE SMELLS SOMETHING
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 01:09:14 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 12:51:30 PM
I do wonder what you would have done had your wife chosen other than she did.
Well since he told her it was up to her I would hope he would have done nothing. Otherwise he is a liar and BB, while being a Machiavellian prosecutor eager to send the bulk of Canadians to Gaol, is not capablle of such contemptible dishonesty -_-
I imagine that he would have tried to convince her otherwise, to be honest. I find it hard to believe that he would be perfectly fine with her having a name other than his.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 01:08:57 PM
I know that because we discussed it beforehand in this case. She considered why she was doing it.
Okay. Seems fair. :)
Quote from: derspiess on January 30, 2013, 01:10:07 PM
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:00:59 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 30, 2013, 12:41:23 PM
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
What if it was a particularly cool last name?
You can't change naming traditions just because it would give you a cool last nae. :mad:
I told my wife it was obviously up to her, but that I would prefer (specially since we wanted kids) if we all had the same family name.
You weird people with only one surname...
:bleeding:
Any problem with Spanish namings customs? :P
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:16:09 PM
Any problem with Spanish namings customs? :P
Seems excessive.
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:16:09 PM
Any problem with Spanish namings customs? :P
It's a bit excessive. And confusing.
Last names of Mexicans leads me to believe a huge proportion of the Mexican nation are descended from a very fertile guy named Martin.
I think there is some utility in being able to recreate a family tree dating back to Reconquista just from the last name(s).
I asked The Wife not to change her name, her Dad's name is much more unique than my way too common last name. But she is now considering to change it, after 16 years. :wacko:
Quote from: lustindarkness on January 30, 2013, 01:58:31 PM
I asked The Wife not to change her name, her Dad's name is much more unique than my way too common last name. But she is now considering to change it, after 16 years. :wacko:
they just don't listen.
Quote from: Ed Anger on January 30, 2013, 02:01:25 PM
Quote from: lustindarkness on January 30, 2013, 01:58:31 PM
I asked The Wife not to change her name, her Dad's name is much more unique than my way too common last name. But she is now considering to change it, after 16 years. :wacko:
they just don't listen.
Thats ok, we don't listen to them either. :D
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 01:11:33 PM
Quote from: Valmy on January 30, 2013, 01:09:14 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 12:51:30 PM
I do wonder what you would have done had your wife chosen other than she did.
Well since he told her it was up to her I would hope he would have done nothing. Otherwise he is a liar and BB, while being a Machiavellian prosecutor eager to send the bulk of Canadians to Gaol, is not capablle of such contemptible dishonesty -_-
I imagine that he would have tried to convince her otherwise, to be honest. I find it hard to believe that he would be perfectly fine with her having a name other than his.
There's lots of things in life I may not be "perfectly fine with", but that there is nothing I can do about them so I don't worry about them.
Quote from: Barrister on January 30, 2013, 02:08:57 PM
There's lots of things in life I may not be "perfectly fine with", but that there is nothing I can do about them so I don't worry about them.
Fair enough. :hug:
Meh, the wise man sounds a prospective mate out about things like this before getting married. Its all part of the necessary due diligence.
Of course I did none of that, not being particularly wise and being entirely smitten. I am just lucky things worked out as well as they did.
Quote from: crazy canuck on January 30, 2013, 03:18:40 PM
Meh, the wise man sounds a prospective mate out about things like this before getting married. Its all part of the necessary due diligence.
Of course I did none of that, not being particularly wise and being entirely smitten. I am just lucky things worked out as well as they did.
Should naming really a dealbreaker?
Not a dealbreaker, but definitely an issue worthy of consideration.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 03:28:38 PM
Not a dealbreaker, but definitely an issue worthy of consideration.
It should have been my first clue with my first husband. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but he was insistent that I take his. When I pointed out that his family - his father in particular - really didn't want me to have the name (and that they were all pretty much insane), he said that he and I would make the name good again. So, I caved and changed my name. I still wish to this day that I hadn't. That was not a name that I wanted to be associated with. He's not a bad guy, really, but his family is still fucking insane.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 03:28:38 PM
Not a dealbreaker, but definitely an issue worthy of consideration.
Agreed
My ex-sister in law kept our family name and I'm not happy about it. I can almost empathize with her since her maiden name is Irbey. But she's adopted like 2 or 3 kids now so there's a fatherless family of Brammers running around outside our control :angry:
I used to have a pastor named Irby. What an odd name.
Quote from: derspiess on January 30, 2013, 03:45:22 PM
My ex-sister in law kept our family name and I'm not happy about it. I can almost empathize with her since her maiden name is Irbey. But she's adopted like 2 or 3 kids now so there's a fatherless family of Brammers running around outside our control :angry:
There's a few ne'er-do-well [Barristers] out there (though it is a very uncommon name). I don't worry about it much.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 03:47:28 PM
I used to have a pastor named Irby. What an odd name.
To me it doesn't look that horrible on paper. But to hear it pronounced, particularly in Appalachia, it sounds very silly.
Quote from: derspiess on January 30, 2013, 03:49:41 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 03:47:28 PM
I used to have a pastor named Irby. What an odd name.
To me it doesn't look that horrible on paper. But to hear it pronounced, particularly in Appalachia, it sounds very silly.
Its kind of cute if you pronounce it Herbie with a french accent.
My best friend's wife's maiden name was Flippo. Boy was she ever happy to get rid of that. We used to (and I guess we still do) call her Flippers.
I can understand insisting on it if you're more traditional or whatever. Just because I don't feel strongly about it doesn't mean it's not valid for other people. One example of it turning out bad isn't really a good way to draw a conclusion. If one partner feels strongly about it and the other doesn't, then it's not a big deal to concede either way. If both feel strongly about keeping their names, then maybe it's something to look at.
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker. Just symptoms. Too many reveals a problem. One or two is probably no big deal.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
I'm afraid that I don't agree with this at all.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
How can you say you love her if you won't eat her poop?
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
Once you're married, then I can see that. But there's no way I would have married a man who didn't want children on the off-chance that he might change his mind. Anymore than I would have married Jerry had I known that he was lying when he said that he would leave Chicago at some point.
There are some things that are important enough that the relationship isn't worth compromising for.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
That perspective seems odd. After all, those 20 good years suddenly don't count for anything if you decide to end it? :unsure:
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 04:36:04 PM
There are some things that are important enough that the relationship isn't worth compromising for.
:yes: Like self-respect.
I guess I'm just a conciliatory kind of guy. :P
Abuse I would not put up with. So I guess there's not a complete lack of boundaries.
Quote from: garbon on January 30, 2013, 04:36:47 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
That perspective seems odd. After all, those 20 good years suddenly don't count for anything if you decide to end it? :unsure:
Those are sunk costs, so shouldn't have any impact on your decision to go with the expansions.
Quote from: mongers on January 30, 2013, 04:39:51 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 30, 2013, 04:36:47 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
That perspective seems odd. After all, those 20 good years suddenly don't count for anything if you decide to end it? :unsure:
Those are sunk costs, so shouldn't have any impact on your decision to go with the expansions.
That's kind of what I'm saying and counter to what MiM is saying.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:39:26 PM
I guess I'm just a conciliatory kind of guy. :P
Seems like if a person was against having kids - not sure it'd be good for them to keep the relationship and have kids. (Not speaking about you but just in hypotheticals.)
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker. Just symptoms. Too many reveals a problem. One or two is probably no big deal.
Stealing my identity to get credit turned out to be a deal breaker for me. No I did not wait around to find the second problem :P
Quote from: merithyn on January 30, 2013, 09:19:26 AM
Quote from: Pitiful Pathos on January 30, 2013, 12:47:10 AM
FWIW, I could never see myself agreeing to take my wife's name.
Why not?
Firstly, I like my family and my family name, and there's no reason to change it.
Secondly, although I know it will ruffle some feathers, I'd lose some of my self-respect if I took on my (imaginary) wife's name. Maybe I've just been brain-washed by the patriarchy and whatnaught, but in my cultural background, doing that would imply a serious lack of balls.
There's a reason why it is called a background. ;)
Quote from: derspiess on January 30, 2013, 01:26:26 PM
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:16:09 PM
Any problem with Spanish namings customs? :P
It's a bit excessive. And confusing.
Heh. I have an extremely rare surname, but like Valmy says there are others that are very common (García, Martín, González, López ...). Using both surnames makes confusing two people pretty much impossible.
Okay, I guess I can accept that for Spain. In Argentina though there's a lot more variety in surnames.
Quote from: garbon on January 30, 2013, 04:36:47 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
That perspective seems odd. After all, those 20 good years suddenly don't count for anything if you decide to end it? :unsure:
Except that it's usually more like 10 good years followed by 10 years of increasing shit.
Quote from: garbon on January 30, 2013, 04:40:58 PM
Quote from: mongers on January 30, 2013, 04:39:51 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 30, 2013, 04:36:47 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:33:03 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 30, 2013, 04:14:35 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 30, 2013, 04:10:35 PM
There's no such thing as a dealbreaker.
Oh, I think if one party wants kids and the other doesn't, that would qualify. Or if they're set on living in different countries.
Sometimes people change their mind about those things later, even if they agreed in the beginning. Especially the having kids one. If you don't want to scuttle the relationship you have to deal with it. Sometimes give in, sometimes talk it out, whatever. Otherwise, you've invested twenty years of your life into a failed relationship just because one of you got baby rabies? Not worth it.
That perspective seems odd. After all, those 20 good years suddenly don't count for anything if you decide to end it? :unsure:
Those are sunk costs, so shouldn't have any impact on your decision to go with the expansions.
That's kind of what I'm saying and counter to what MiM is saying.
I'm agreeing with you and channelling Grumbler at the same time. :P
What happened to grumbler anyway? Has he mellowed out in his old age and no longer roams the internet seeking arguments? Or has he just found a new forum with unsuspecting prey?
Quote from: Iormlund on January 30, 2013, 08:30:51 PM
Quote from: derspiess on January 30, 2013, 01:26:26 PM
Quote from: The Larch on January 30, 2013, 01:16:09 PM
Any problem with Spanish namings customs? :P
It's a bit excessive. And confusing.
Heh. I have an extremely rare surname, but like Valmy says there are others that are very common (García, Martín, González, López ...). Using both surnames makes confusing two people pretty much impossible.
The funny thing is when people end up being recognized by their 2nd surname because the 1st one is pretty common.