Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[derspiess]

Now that we pushed Meri over the edge, I will say that I have a cousin in his late 40s who has been firmly in the morbidly obese category (going purely by BMI) all his life and he's generally healthy in spite of his size.  He's huge.  And he likes to eat.  A lot.  When I used to come here to Cincy to visit him we would typically go out for a big dinner & then stop by a couple stores, and then on the way back to his house after that he'd start talking about ordering a pizza. 

But he gets a lot of exercise for a fat guy.  He's playing basketball or softball practically every day.  And his doctor says his blood pressure, cholesterol level, blood sugar, etc. are all within the normal range for a healthy person. 

It's still hard to imagine him living to a normal life expectancy at his weight, and even if he does he's obviously the exception.

[crazy canuck]

Berk, you can definitely tell what causes sleep apnea. It's part of the tests they run.

Actually no.  The tests they run can indicate that sleep apnea exists but  the condition has multiple causes and in people who are obese the obesity itself is one of the contributing causes.

If by test they run you mean the say, hey you are fat and that is one of the things that causes sleep anpnea then yes that is something they will say - the doctor will then recommend that the patient lose wieght.

So how come when my son was diagnosed with it, they said that it was central sleep apnea due to a signal in his brain that was shorting and causing his body to stop breathing while he slept?

They got to charge more to your insurance that way?

[garbon]

(although, again, skinny chasers are rare, so it points towards self-image/lower standards, too).

I'm not sure I'd say that's true either.

Though agreed that I won't combat the premise that one could opt to sleep with people of larger builds as there is potentially less chance of rejection.

[Martinus]

One thing before I go to bed, in response to derspiess post - I think one mistake people make is to equate health with life expectancy, but completely disregarding quality of life.

So what if you are fat or smoke and get to live to 90 - if your last decades are constant pain or inability to take shit without assistance?

[Caliga]

Maple Syrup is pure awesomeness.  Once my wife tried it she literally threw out the "maple-flavored" syrup we had.  We still buy the cheap stuff for the kids but for me if it's not real maple syrup, why bother.

+1.  I get all of my maple syrup from a real sugar bush in southern Indiana.  It's one of the southernmost working sugar bushes in the eastern US, actually.  The quality of their product is still good, though (tastes close enough to real Vermont syrup that I can't tell the difference).

[stjaba]

Berk, you can definitely tell what causes sleep apnea. It's part of the tests they run.

But the rest of your argument stands. Okay, stjaba left his morbidly obese girlfriend because he was so concerned for her health that he had to go. I'm sure that was the case.

Truthfully, we broke up for a variety of reasons. She was approximately 140-145 pounds when we started dating. I wasn't weighing her on a regular basis, but she got to her peak weight maybe within a year of dating. She was close to 200 pounds. She was around 185 pounds when we broke up. For the majority of our relationship (3.5 years) she was obese (or morbidly obese).

With respect to why we broke up, I no longer was physically attracted to her. Watching her eat large quantities of food all the time disgusted me. She regularly out-ate me. She'd regularly eat a whole medium size pizza herself. I'd do everything I can to encourage her to eat healthier, or in smaller portions, but nothing worked.

I'd do everything I can to encourage her to work out or at least walk, and she'd refuse. I'd say, 'Why don't we work out together" and she'd complain that the apartment gym was too small and claustrophobic. I'd say, "Why don't we work out at the campus gym [not small or claustrophobic] and she complained that it was too big and had too many people. I'd say, why don't we work out in the morning when there's no one there, and she complained that it was too  early. Same for late in the evening- "It's too late".

When I suggested making walking or running outside, the complaint was that it was either too hot or too cold. I'd encourage her to get healthy items, and she was offended. I tried subtle hints, and it never worked. I tried obvious hints, and it never worked. She was extremely sensitive about her weight, so I tried everything I could without being offensive to her. She asked me a million times if I thought she was fat, and I always lied and told her no.

When she wasn't in class, she spent her time in bed. She wouldn't even want to watch TV on the couch- she had to be prone in bed, all the time. She refused to do anything outside of the house because it was too hot, too cold, too late, or too early. The only activities she did outside the house involved shopping or sedentary things like watching movies.

Aside from all the weight issues, she was constantly depressed and in a bad mood. She cut herself and regularly overdosed on her prescription meds. She cut herself and was depressed because she was overweight. Eating made her feel better, so she just got fatter. She had constant issues with sleeping- she could never get enough sleep despite the fact she spent the day in bed and took constant naps (this is where the sleep apnea comes in). Note, that she started having sleep issues after she gained a lot of weight.

The interesting thing is that she used to be super fit and skinny. When she was in high school she was thin as a bone and ran cross country. When she was a freshman and sophomore, she worked out 2 hours a day at the campus gym and was super hot. But once she started gaining weight, she wouldn't work out anymore.

So, I put up with her for years. I took care of her for years, with little appreciation or thanks (aside from her parents). She was so lazy she'd refuse to get her own meds all the time. So I'd have to run by CVS every month to get them since she didn't want to do it. She didn't know how to run the dish washer or the clothes washer. After a while I got sick of dealing with her lazy ass. Good riddance.

I figured she would finally lose weight once we broke up, out of desperation. Based on  a few pictures I've seen of her, it looks like she has lost a little weight, but she is still obese.

Basically, most of the issues in our relationship stemmed from her obesity. Her mental health issues got worse the fatter she got. Her desire to do things outside the house got worse over time. The fatter she got, the less attracted I was to her. The lazier she got, the more I resented her.

[mongers]

 

No criticism of your actions here. 

[Caliga]

She cut herself

btw are her boobs big.

[Ed Anger]

She cut herself

btw are her boobs big.

Also acceptable: a pic from the flock of seagulls I ran video.

[stjaba]

She cut herself

btw are her boobs big.

Yeah, she had huge tits. When she was skinny, they were amazing. When she got fat, the novelty wore thin(so to speak ), and they became saggy and gross.

[derspiess]

One thing before I go to bed, in response to derspiess post - I think one mistake people make is to equate health with life expectancy, but completely disregarding quality of life.

So what if you are fat or smoke and get to live to 90 - if your last decades are constant pain or inability to take shit without assistance?

True.  But my point was that you generally don't see fat people living long lives.  Quality of life is certainly another thing worth considering.

[Caliga]

Yeah, she had huge tits.

pics?

[derspiess]

The interesting thing is that she used to be super fit and skinny. When she was in high school she was thin as a bone and ran cross country. When she was a freshman and sophomore, she worked out 2 hours a day at the campus gym and was super hot. But once she started gaining weight, she wouldn't work out anymore.

Wow.  From what I recall, the most usual time for them to balloon up in college was during the freshman year (i.e., the freshman forty).  Sucks to see a girl give up on herself at any point, though

[MadImmortalMan]

You shouldn't have lied. It's more respectful just to be honest.

[HVC]

You shouldn't have lied. It's more respectful just to be honest.

It'sa  trap