Should Meri report her professor?

[Habbaku]

What happened?

Prof was socially awkward to Meri. She recounted it in another thread. Berkut told her she was being silly and emotional and then got upset when Meri told him to fuck off.

That is accurate except for the part where Berkut told her she was being silly or emotional. Didn't say either of those things.

Don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

[Jacob]

Don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

Alright, he didn't use the words "silly" and "emotional".

He just tried to convince her that she was over-reacting and over-generalizing [post 70];

that what she described was not a big deal and that it was unbelievable that she felt humiliated (framed as a case against her, as if she was the one who somehow had to be found guilty or innocent) [post 74];

he posited that the only reasonable thing to do if Meri's account was accurate would be to file an official complaint against the prof (hence this thread) [posts 90 and 96];

and then he went on to tell her that she's part of the problem if she didn't deal with the situation (one with which he has no personal experience even as an observer, as per post 90) the way he instructed her, and that if she did not make that complaint then she has no right to complain [post 102];

that if she didn't complain the way he instructed her to then he had little sympathy for her, and it was in fact proof that the situation wasn't a big deal to her - contrary to Meri's own statements [post 112];

then he closes off by dismissing her initial claim that this situation is an illustration of dynamics underlying the lack of women in CS [post 129].

In summary: he told her she was over-reacting, that her response was invalid, that she dealt with it wrong, he instructed her how to deal with the situation and took her reluctance to follow his instructions as further proof of the invalidity of her experience; he dismissed each of the particulars of her experience, as well as the conclusion she drew.

So while he didn't use the words "silly" or "emotional", they weren't exactly subtext either.

[11B4V]

What happened?

Prof was socially awkward to Meri. She recounted it in another thread. Berkut told her she was being silly and emotional and then got upset when Meri told him to fuck off.

Socially awkward? What he make a pass?

[Martinus]

I haven't been following the thread lately - has he done anything new or is this about the stuff you wrote in your opening post?

[Berkut]

That is some rather slanted view of my posts. I, of course, think it is a gross and even dishonest mus-characterization of nearly everything I said.

But like the man said, why let facts get in the way of a good story?

[Martinus]

Er, having read through the other thread, unless I missed something (like the part where the prof asked you to stay after class, groped you, took out his dick and asked you to suck it) then no, I'd sooner eat that tarantula before bitching to the higher admin that the prof is rather eccentric and socially awkward.

I'm actually surprised the thought even crossed your mind, you've always struck me as a tough broad.

You attention whorin' us Meri? Stop it. Marti has that shit on lockdown.

Hell, if this is just about the stuff Meri wrote about in her opening post, then the mere idea of reporting him just for that is ridiculous.

[Martinus]

Don't let facts get in the way of a good story.

Alright, he didn't use the words "silly" and "emotional".

He just tried to convince her that she was over-reacting and over-generalizing [post 70];

that what she described was not a big deal and that it was unbelievable that she felt humiliated (framed as a case against her, as if she was the one who somehow had to be found guilty or innocent) [post 74];

he posited that the only reasonable thing to do if Meri's account was accurate would be to file an official complaint against the prof (hence this thread) [posts 90 and 96];

and then he went on to tell her that she's part of the problem if she didn't deal with the situation (one with which he has no personal experience even as an observer, as per post 90) the way he instructed her, and that if she did not make that complaint then she has no right to complain [post 102];

that if she didn't complain the way he instructed her to then he had little sympathy for her, and it was in fact proof that the situation wasn't a big deal to her - contrary to Meri's own statements [post 112];

then he closes off by dismissing her initial claim that this situation is an illustration of dynamics underlying the lack of women in CS [post 129].

In summary: he told her she was over-reacting, that her response was invalid, that she dealt with it wrong, he instructed her how to deal with the situation and took her reluctance to follow his instructions as further proof of the invalidity of her experience; he dismissed each of the particulars of her experience, as well as the conclusion she drew.

So while he didn't use the words "silly" or "emotional", they weren't exactly subtext either.

This seems to make sense.

If it's just an anecdote of an awkward event that is more funny (even funny-sad) than disturbing, then reporting it would be silly, but then it would be silly to dwell over it or cry over it.

If it is something that has shaken Meri to the core and was disturbing and uncomfortable to her, then surely we are not getting the whole story (which is possible, given that the written medium makes it more difficult to describe the situation when it comes to nuances and emotions), then she should report.

Is this what Berkut said? If so, I agree with him.

[Jacob]

Socially awkward? What he make a pass?

Just read the first post in the thread

http://languish.org/forums/index.php/topic,9148.0.html

[Tamas]

do not report.

[Brazen]

Don't go over his head, tell him adult to adult you don't find his behaviour acceptable. He's developed a teaching style that works for a class full of early-twenties males and he probably doesn't realise he's upset you, and won't unless you tell him. Don't just say what he's done wrong, tell him explicitly what change you'd like to see from him.

[Tamas]

not sure if its a big deal anyway. soon the class will be over and you never see this guy again in your life but if we you talk to him (or his supervisor) you make it VERY hard on yourself to finish the class properly, much-much worse than the effort it takes to deal with his idiocy with a poker face.

[Berkut]

Don't go over his head, tell him adult to adult you don't find his behaviour acceptable. He's developed a teaching style that works for a class full of early-twenties males and he probably doesn't realise he's upset you, and won't unless you tell him. Don't just say what he's done wrong, tell him explicitly what change you'd like to see from him.

Bingo. The other Languish female gets it just right in one try.

[Martinus]

Brazen's advice is sensible but only if the situation repeats itself. If it was just a one-time awkward first lesson/break-the-ice type of situation, then even approaching the professor about it would be a great exaggeration that would simply reinforce his preconceived notion that women are over-sensitive crazies.

[Berkut]

Brazen's advice is sensible but only if the situation repeats itself. If it was just a one-time awkward first lesson/break-the-ice type of situation, then even approaching the professor about it would be a great exaggeration that would simply reinforce his preconceived notion that women are over-sensitive crazies.

I don't agree  - his comments were well over the line. A simple discussion between adults would be entirely appropriate, especially given the extremely upsetting situation it put Meri in already. She nearly dropped the class as a result of it happening the first time, so waiting to see if it happens again is not necessarily the right move for her, IMO.

Doing nothing unless it happens again would be appropriate as well.

[merithyn]

Don't go over his head, tell him adult to adult you don't find his behaviour acceptable. He's developed a teaching style that works for a class full of early-twenties males and he probably doesn't realise he's upset you, and won't unless you tell him. Don't just say what he's done wrong, tell him explicitly what change you'd like to see from him.

Bingo. The other Languish female gets it just right in one try.

Yay! At least one woman wins Berkut's seal of approval! Be sure to get that framed, B.