Existential Ennui of the First Order

[Camerus]

I'm back in the sober light of the morning.  Life is pretty good actually, if a bit monotonous at times - I was just smashified last night, which is probably the only big thing I need to work at.

Well, that and exercise - which I would do more often if it weren't for the crippling lower back pain.

And I think a bit of travelling soon would do me good, too, and I've got a week off in a couple months.

[Martinus]

1: If you get existential ennui with some frequency and you drink with some frequency, I suggest cutting down on the drinking. The two things reinforce each other fairly effectively.

2: Lots of internet use isn't too helpful either.

3: Physical exercise, on the other hand helps, both during and afterwards.

4: Make sure you get enough sleep and eat at least somewhat decently and regularly. It makes a difference.

5: Investing in someone else's wellbeing and happiness helps. Traditional options include kids or a significant other, but a pet or parents are good too. Alternately, you can find some deserving strangers to help out.

6: Call your mom. Tell her that you love her. Maybe dad too.

7: Increase your level of social activities. Make a bit more small talk with strangers, be a little nicer to the people around you; find the people you enjoy hanging out with and suggest common activities so you spend more time with them. Humans are social creatures and if you end up having little social contact, many other things will start seeming pointless even if they're not directly related.

8: Do something mildly aggravating but constructive... clean your place up and do the dishes. It's something to do, and it's not like you're really enjoying not doing them; once the house is cleaner, you'll feel a little bit better about everything, guaranteed. Small victories matter.

9: Deliberately cultivate positive thinking. When you start deeply wondering "what's the point" tell yourself "it doesn't matter, it's a nice day/ I achieved this minor victory/ I really need to get this other thing done/ I really like the new shirt that I bought/ can't wait to cook some dinner/ [whatever else that's either practical or positive]."

10: When the ennui gets the roughest, indulge a bit to get over the roughest patch (but don't make indulging the answer to your existential question).

11: Get some project to work towards... a magnum opus, sure; that or getting rich, or starting a business, or learn a new skill, or step your education up. I'd recommend focusing on the first, immediate, and achievable step rather than get caught up in how awesome it's going to be when you've already succeeded and trying to get to the finish line in one jump.

Existence only has the meaning we put into it, so it's up to you to pack some content in. Personally, I think many small things are the way to go - start with "be a positive influence on what's around me, enjoy the pleasures that I can" is a pretty solid foundation. The bigger things will come from that.

Personally I'd suggest giving a really solid go at learning Chinese (unless you're already perfectly fluent, of course); in particular, I'd say enroll in a class. First off, getting into a class will expand your social circle; secondly, better Chinese will increase your social opportunities; third, being a white guy fluent in Chinese is a pretty marketable upgrade, both in China and back in the West; fourth, it'll give you something to occupy you other than fretting about the meaning of existence.

The point of life is living, that's about it. That and the content you pack into it. So pack some content in.

I agree with most points but nothing wrong with a glass of wine.

[Tamas]

Find someone you love, get married, have kids.

You will no longer have time for any of this other stuff

Yeah that sounds like a good plan. Force your misery on a spouse and children!

That's not what CC was suggesting.

Except that's the truth of it. Falling in love and having kids doesn't sound to me like a good way out of being unhappy...but rather you'd just inflict in on your children. That's sort of like indulging in the solution that leads to what Betty Friedan called "the problem that has no name."  The only way I could see it work is if having a wife and kids is what would make PP personally fulfilled but giving his negativity (or perhaps ambivalence) towards that in his 2nd post in the thread - don't think that's true.

Interesting thread.

Good proof that this is largely a subjective personal matter. Like how you echo the things outlined by Jacob (with which I tend to agree with), which are basically the socially accepted ways of "finding meaning". By the way I do think that socially accepted escapisms and "meaning findings" are more effective because they are socially accepted, and not the other way around. But when it comes to the socially accepted "meaning finding" which is incompatible with your lifestyle, you go against it.

This is not an attack, just an observation. I am also not convinced that having kids just because that is what you are supposed to do is a good idea, but it seem to be a big reason for a lot of people, yet it works out for them.

[The Brain]

Well, that and exercise - which I would do more often if it weren't for the crippling lower back pain.

Maybe you should re-evaluate your choice of lifestyle if you get crippling lower back pain.

[Josquius]

Alcohol sometimes helps. As long as its mixed with good times. Otherwise it just makes it worse.

[Martinus]

From my personal experience, ennui is usually just boredom. If you have a lot on your plate and it involves stuff you care for ennui goes away.

That's the reason why having kids works for many people - it is very time and work consuming and the animalistic part of your brain tells your body to release chemicals that make you think you "care".

For me, having a lot of to do at work, coupled with a drama-filled relationship, coupled with escapist pasttimes (such as MMORPGs) and wine works. The ennui comes when there is a downtime at work or when I am between MMORPGs (such when I had a slow summer at work and got bored with WoW, but GW2 did not yet come out).

[Martinus]

Find someone you love, get married, have kids.

You will no longer have time for any of this other stuff

Yeah that sounds like a good plan. Force your misery on a spouse and children!

That's not what CC was suggesting.

Except that's the truth of it. Falling in love and having kids doesn't sound to me like a good way out of being unhappy...but rather you'd just inflict in on your children. That's sort of like indulging in the solution that leads to what Betty Friedan called "the problem that has no name."  The only way I could see it work is if having a wife and kids is what would make PP personally fulfilled but giving his negativity (or perhaps ambivalence) towards that in his 2nd post in the thread - don't think that's true.

Interesting thread.

Good proof that this is largely a subjective personal matter. Like how you echo the things outlined by Jacob (with which I tend to agree with), which are basically the socially accepted ways of "finding meaning". By the way I do think that socially accepted escapisms and "meaning findings" are more effective because they are socially accepted, and not the other way around. But when it comes to the socially accepted "meaning finding" which is incompatible with your lifestyle, you go against it.

This is not an attack, just an observation. I am also not convinced that having kids just because that is what you are supposed to do is a good idea, but it seem to be a big reason for a lot of people, yet it works out for them.

I think Jacob's advice also does not take into account that different stimuli work for extrovert and introvert people.

For example, if you are an introvert, like me, the "go out and have fun with people" advice usually just makes it worse. Introverts recharge their batteries when they have "me time", not when they spend time with other people.

[Martinus]

But I guess it all depends on whether the ennui you are experiencing is just you feeling down or feeling bored - the two emotions are similar, but the cause (and solution) to each is somewhat different.

When you are feeling down, doing something you like and taking a step back is the way to go. When you are bored, then it's time to do the opposite - i.e. stepping out of your comfort zone.

[The Brain]

My God! You're an introvert?? Plz let me never meet extrovert Mart.

[garbon]

This is not an attack, just an observation. I am also not convinced that having kids just because that is what you are supposed to do is a good idea, but it seem to be a big reason for a lot of people, yet it works out for them.

I think that's different though. I don't think that of people who intentionally have kids that most do so because they are bored/discontent but rather it is something they want to do. That's why CC's advice concerns me because if you are having kids to fill up your time and thus not think about your unhappiness that such will boil over at some point.

[Tamas]

This is not an attack, just an observation. I am also not convinced that having kids just because that is what you are supposed to do is a good idea, but it seem to be a big reason for a lot of people, yet it works out for them.

I think that's different though. I don't think that of people who intentionally have kids that most do so because they are bored/discontent but rather it is something they want to do. That's why CC's advice concerns me because if you are having kids to fill up your time and thus not think about your unhappiness that such will boil over at some point.

Well yeah, if somebody can spell it that clearly for him/herself, then sure.

[garbon]

Spell out that they are unhappy?

[Tamas]

Spell out that they are unhappy?

Yes, and that their desire for a child is to combat that and not some self-deluding excuse humans are great at creating.

[Richard Hakluyt]

Its either have kids or a cat, kids are more likeable and less trouble.

[CountDeMoney]

Its either have kids or a cat, kids are more likeable and less trouble.

Speak for yourself.  My cat's never going to wreck my car, pierce her tongue or drop out of college.