Referring to my boyfriend to people who do not know I am gay

[merithyn]

Which one?  I had no problems having these sorts of conversations with my parents once I was an adult.  At that point my parents sort of became my partners in life rather than authority figures.  But it sort of helps we live in the same town and generally get together once a week or so.

All of my boys are practically adults now. The conversation was with Jeremy, my 17 year old. I actually asked how intimate he and his girlfriend were becoming. He said pretty intimate. I asked if they'd had sex yet, he said not yet, and I asked if he had protection. He responded with, "Well, Emma works at Planned Parenthood, so we're okay on that front." Yes, I bet you are. Carry on, then.

[Brazen]

I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.

Me = older

All my friends talk about their partners, and there's no assumption about sexuality involved, and only use boyfriend or girlfriend if being coy.

[Valmy]

I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.

Huh...come to think of it it is usually older people.

[Valmy]

He responded with, "Well, Emma works at Planned Parenthood, so we're okay on that front."

Wahoo!  Free condoms!

[dps]

Which one?  I had no problems having these sorts of conversations with my parents once I was an adult.  At that point my parents sort of became my partners in life rather than authority figures.  But it sort of helps we live in the same town and generally get together once a week or so.

I look at it the opposite way.  As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business.  When I was a minor, well, I didn't like discussions about this sort of stuff with my parents, but given that I was their legal responsibility, I could at least see where it was sort of their job.

[Valmy]

I look at it the opposite way.  As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business.

Heh that would be an absurd idea in my family.  But everybody is different.

[merithyn]

I look at it the opposite way.  As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business.  When I was a minor, well, I didn't like discussions about this sort of stuff with my parents, but given that I was their legal responsibility, I could at least see where it was sort of their job.

I don't ask after the elder two boys' sex lives, but I do ask after their relationships, because I care not because I'm trying to interfere. They ask how things are between Max and I, too.

Like Valmy, it's more of a partnership in life thing. I'm the only mom they're ever going to have, and I covet that relationship over being their friend. It gives me a sort of intimacy with them that I think we all treasure. Along with that intimacy comes the desire to see how they are doing emotionally, ie in their relationships. So yeah, asking how their sex life is seems a bit creepy after they're adults, but asking how the dating scene is going doesn't.

[Ed Anger]

Ick.

[Barrister]

Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.

Yeah maybe it is just here.  I get this all the time.  I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.

It's not common around here, but it is something I've seen when you're talking about a couple in a very long term relationship who have basically combined houses, to some degree finances, maybe even have a kid together etc. Basically people who for all purposes other than the paperwork are married, but for various reasons have not legally married. The one couple I can think of that both uses the term and actually explained themselves, the woman said calling her male SO her "boyfriend" made it seem like their relationship was less serious than it was, since they've lived together over 10 years and have a child together, but she even says that partner is a iffy word for this scenario and that really there isn't a "normal" term for two heterosexuals who have decided to be married-in-all-but-name.

I'd guess Austin, being the hippy hell hole it is, probably has a lot more people around than here that for various hippie liberal reasons have chosen to be in long term heterosexual unions without marrying, as some sort of atheist stick-it-to-the-man mentality or something.

My friend, who is a litigation lawyer, revels in introducing her boyfriend in a situation you describe (they have two kids together) as her "concubine"*, which is the police-report-style legal term for un unmarried "spouse".

*Not sure if in English this can only denote a woman or can also mean a man? In Polish we have the word "konkubina" to mean a female concubine and "konkubent" to mean a female concubine.

From time to time I hear someone's unmarried spouse referred to as their "common law".  As in "This is Sue, my common law".  Of course it is just short for "common law wife/husband".

[OttoVonBismarck]

And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.

Clearly stated yes? There goes about 85% of my action while in High School.

[The Brain]

Women are turned on by guys who constantly ask "is this OK? is this OK? is this OK?". 

[crazy canuck]

Women are turned on by guys who constantly ask "is this OK? is this OK? is this OK?". 

Having her scream Yes Yes Yes will do.

[Josquius]

I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.

Yeah, partner does have a bit of a gay nuance. From my observation 'partner' for many older people seems to be a bit of a code word for talking about gay people without having to outright mention any of those words like 'gay' or 'his boyfriend' that make them uncomfortale.

And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.

A big reason why I don't say anything about girlfriends to my parents :p

[Razgovory]

And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.

Clearly stated yes? There goes about 85% of my action while in High School.

Should have gotten a permission slip from her dad.

[OttoVonBismarck]

I can see where Meri is coming from, you want to make sure sons aren't accused of rape. I only have a daughter, so the situation is different for me as a parent, but I see where this thought process comes from.

However, as a man, who grew up in the 80s (sexually anyway), the reality is that you make your move, if the woman doesn't slap your hand away, it's time for pound town. This concept of needing an explicit grant of rights to go to pound town is very foreign to me. Do today's young adults really do that?