Dumb criminal stories

[Malthus]

Here's one for this thread: "Police, firefighters called in after flat Earth debate turns heated" 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/flat-earth-debate-leads-to-fire-police-call-1.3634692

A family argument over whether the Earth is flat or round became so heated that one of the participants threw a propane cylinder onto a campfire, prompting an intervention by firefighters.

The dispute over a question most considered resolved centuries ago boiled over around 10:30 p.m. Monday at St. Lawrence Park in Brockville, Ont.

Police said a 56-year-old Brockville man was at a campsite with his son and his son's girlfriend when the woman began insisting that the Earth is flat.

The older man insisted the Earth is round.

It's not clear if anyone at the campfire put forth the argument that the Earth's equatorial bulge makes it not perfectly round, but instead a shape known as an oblate spheroid. [ ]

Nevertheless, police said the man became so enraged he began throwing objects into the campfire, including a propane cylinder.

Brockville firefighters were called to put out the campfire. By the time police arrived at the scene, the man had left.

Brockville police are looking for the man and say they expect to charge him with mischief.

[Scipio]

It seems that occasionally people in Germany try to get out of a pickle by claiming they don't recognize the Federal Republic of Germany as the rightful authority in Germany, and that the current country was founded illegally on the (partial) territory of the Germany Reich.

So with a man who refused to pay his car taxes. When executory officers showed up at his home to either take the cash or impound items that could be turned into cash he filed a criminal complaint with the state prosecutors (of the country he doesn't recognize ) claiming that the officers were impersonating officials of a country that doesn't exist and were therefore acting illegally.

The office quickly wrote him back that they would not prosecute, with the usual formulaic text that he could file an objection with the prosecution, but adding that that alternatively he could petition the King of Prussia. 

We have those idiots in America who believe that they are not subject to the federal government, but are sovereign citizens. This is a good way to deal with them.

[Scipio]

I kinda miss doing staff review for charging docs.  I mean, you just don't make up "the room displayed signs of having been rammed sacked recently..." on your own, you know.

I took the alleged marijuana from the suspect, and confirmed it was alleged marijuana through field reagent testing and my years of police experience.

[CountDeMoney]

I took the alleged marijuana from the suspect, and confirmed it was alleged marijuana through field reagent testing and my years of police experience.

"The suspected narcotics was concealed in the suspect's mouth area."

[Barrister]

This is more of a dumb cop story, but whatever.  Read in a file I was reviewing for offers:

A query on Police information systems found that [Name Removed] was bound by "no contact"
conditions with several males. The passenger of the vehicle was asked his name as he
might be one of the males [Name Removed] is not to be in contact with. The passenger stated
that his name was [name removed] (94NOV31), but a check on Police information systems
revealed that there are only 30 days in November and there was no one with that name
and date of birth on Police information systems.

[HVC]

Real transcript read by the voices of Rick and morty

https://youtu.be/DXB988kF3hI

[Razgovory]

http://www.northwestgeorgianews.com/rome/news/local/murder-suspect-threatens-to-kill-judge-s-family/article_a4fedf36-34c0-11e6-8c1e-3ff831c18729.html  It's got a picture of him.

Dumb motherfucker is never going to get out of solitary.  He's accused of killing a person in jail.  That seems like it's really hard to defend against.

[CountDeMoney]

C'mon, Raz...that shit's over a month old.

[Razgovory]

It's the guy from HVC movie!

[Crazy_Ivan80]

I'm guessing that the story of how Trump won the election will go here after november...
(assuming he wins of course. He might still die, be killed, be kidnapped by aliens, be an alien himself, etc.)

[Archy]

[Malthus]

Real transcript read by the voices of Rick and morty

https://youtu.be/DXB988kF3hI

Man, that is funny as balls. 

[Barrister]

So my Accused is up on charges of a high speed chase from police, ramming police cars, all in a stolen vehicle and with a trunk load of stolen property.  He enters pleas and requests a Pre-Sentence Report (where a probation officer rights up his background information) but also something called a Gladue Report.  A Gladue Report is supposed to outline his First Nations heritage and how it may have disadvantaged him.  It's supposed to 'stop the over-representation of First Nations people in our justice system'.

So the Gladue Report comes back.  The kid definitely led a shitty life, constant exposure to drugs and alcohol, physical and sexual abuse, the whole nine yards.  He does keep in touch with his dad's family, participates in native rituals and culture.

We also get the Pre-Sentence Report.  Buried in the middle of one of the pages they talk to the Accused's mother.  Mom says that his father is actually someone else - a white guy (mom herself is white).  He's not Indian.

In court, the defence lawyer gives the guy the report to read in court.  His jaw drops - this is the first time he's ever heard that the man he thought was his father, isn't.

[Josquius]

So rather than being affirmitive actioned to freedom he is affirmitive actioned to jail?

[The Brain]

Does it affect the legal situation? Surely you can be Indian by adoption or similar?