Dumb criminal stories

[dps]

Shitty way to find out you dad isn't your dad.

[Razgovory]

The Gladue Report seems to have worked.  One less First Nation guy in the system.

[Barrister]

Shitty way to find out you dad isn't your dad.

That's the kicker of this story.

It doesn't really change his legal status one way or another.  But you've lived 22 years and THAT'S how you find out?  Sitting in shackles in a courtroom?  Poor kid.  I mean he's still pretty dangerous (statistically a 73% probability of re-offending within a year), but I feel for him.

[Barrister]

Reviewing files for a bail hearing tomorrow.

Woman is apparently a serial shoplifter.  On one occasion she's in a store with her two kids, ages 6 and 8.  She selects various items into a shopping cart, exits without paying.  LPOs go to stop her.  She tells the kids "run", and runs towards her vehicle.  Mom and the 8 year old make it, but the 6 year old freezes in the parking lot.  Mom then leaves in her car, leaving the 6 year old behind.

Cops arrive, poor kid is crying, wondering where her mom is and how she'll get home.

Mom eventually returns 40 minutes later and is promptly arrested.  BY now of course none of the stolen goods remain on her person or in the car.

[Syt]

And I thought the Mom I saw the other day who told her 3 or 4 year old that it's ok to cross a red light if there's no cars coming was a bad parent.

[Syt]

http://wbtw.com/2017/06/14/man-who-robbed-bank-to-avoid-wife-sentenced-to-home-confinement/

Man who robbed bank to avoid wife sentenced to home confinement

KANSAS CITY, Kan. — A 70-year-old man who said he robbed a Kansas City, Kansas, bank so he could get away from his wife blamed his actions on depression.

A federal judge sentenced Lawrence John Ripple on Tuesday. The Kansas City Star reported he was sentenced to six months of home confinement and three years of supervised probation, which includes 50 hours of community service

Ripple went to the Bank of Labor — a block from police headquarters — last September. He gave a note to a teller saying he had a gun and was demanding money. After he was given it, Ripple waited for police.
Court records indicate Ripple wrote the robbery note in front of his wife and told her he would rather be in jail than at home.

The Kansas City Star reports Ripple told the judge Tuesday that heart surgery left him depressed and unlike himself before he robbed the bank.

[Josquius]

Death penalty then

[HVC]

I imagined Rodney Dangerfeild for some reason.

[Barrister]

Names changed to protect the privacy interests of those involved, but otherwise copy-pasted from the police summary:

1. On June 13, 2018 Edmonton Police Service investigated an impersonation
complaint that occurred at the Edmonton Remand Centre (ERC); 18415 127 Street,
Edmonton Alberta. The incident in question occurred on May 15, 2018 at approx. 1646
hours and involved two inmates; inmate V and inmate C.
The incident in question was reported to police on May 15, 2018 by Remand staff and
police investigations were requested.
2. On May 15, 2018 at approx. 1646 hours correctional staff working Pod 4 directed
inmate V to the staffing station as he was slated for release. Inmate C
attended the staffing station and identified himself as "V". Correctional officer
VH
obtained a identification card from C and noted that C's
appearance did not match that on the identification card. Correctional officer VH
asked additional questions to confirm identity. C was able to provide V'
full name, date of birth, and ORCA number verbatim. Further to this a tattoo
confirmation was conducted as V was noted to have a tattoo on his neck.
C displayed his tattoo which was identical to that of V' (later determined
that C had drawn on this tattoo).
3. Correctional officer VH
became satisfied with identity based on the
information obtained. C was escorted from Pod 4 to the Admission and
Discharge area awaiting release from custody. Approx. 20 minutes later inmate V
contacted correctional staff on Pod 4 and questioned them about his impending release.
Correctional staff contacted Admissions and Discharge and were able to intervene prior
to C's release. It should be noted that C was already changed into street
clothes at this time and was minutes away from final release.

[Tonitrus]

That sounds more like "dumb correctional officer stories". 

I am presuming the theory here is not that C came up with a good way to just get himself out, but that they worked together (on the presumption the authorities could not hold V just because they goofed and let C go by mistake) on this, but fucked up the timing.

[Barrister]

That sounds more like "dumb correctional officer stories". 

I am presuming the theory here is not that C came up with a good way to just get himself out, but that they worked together (on the presumption the authorities could not hold V just because they goofed and let C go by mistake) on this, but fucked up the timing.

Well, it's both.  I can't believe that C thought that would work, and I can't believe that it actually almost did work!

Only C is charged - no direct evidence that V assisted.  But yeah, that would be my suspicion as well.

[Malthus]

That sounds more like "dumb correctional officer stories". 

I am presuming the theory here is not that C came up with a good way to just get himself out, but that they worked together (on the presumption the authorities could not hold V just because they goofed and let C go by mistake) on this, but fucked up the timing.

Well, it's both.  I can't believe that C thought that would work, and I can't believe that it actually almost did work!

Only C is charged - no direct evidence that V assisted.  But yeah, that would be my suspicion as well.

I don't think this can be classified as a "dumb criminal" story though - seems a clever plan that almost worked! 

[Barrister]

He drew a tattoo on his neck.  I can't believe anyone fell for that.

[Malthus]

He drew a tattoo on his neck.  I can't believe anyone fell for that.

I dunno, maybe the original was a crude "prison tat". It would be a lot easier to make that look "identical" by drawing it on.

[DGuller]

I shudder to think what kinds of criminals roam free in Canada, if C is one of their dumber ones.