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Dumb criminal stories

Started by Barrister, April 27, 2011, 12:35:18 PM

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Razgovory

#150
July 13, 2018, 06:59:36 PM
Quote from: HVC on July 25, 2016, 06:52:40 PM
Real transcript read by the voices of Rick and morty :lol:

https://youtu.be/DXB988kF3hI


So I was curious what happened to this guy.  Plead guilty, life imprisonment.
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

Barrister

#151
December 06, 2018, 05:39:37 PM
Reading the summary of a fairly routine convenience store robbery:

QuoteI was informed that a male entered the store where he immediately went
behind the counter and placed the clerk, G, in a headlock holding a large kitchen
knife toward his neck. The male demanded G open the safe, to which he stated he was
unable to do so. At this time another male and female entered the store where they grabbed
cigarettes, lottery tickets, and food items while the first male continued to hold onto
G. G was then brought to the front of the store as the first male yelled at his
accomplices to hurry up. G was then released and all three fled out the door, one
returned briefly to steal a cardboard standup
from the movie Deadpool.

:rolleyes:
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Barrister

#152
January 31, 2019, 03:33:50 PM
So this lady walks into a Walmart, takes a steam cleaner wirth $167 off the shelves, then walks over to customer service to "return" it, and is given a gift card with $167.  Walmart LPOs realize the fraud the next day, and in response cancel the gift card.

Lady comes in the following day to complain about the cancelled card, at which point she is arrested.
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Valmy

#153
January 31, 2019, 03:54:31 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 31, 2019, 03:33:50 PM
So this lady walks into a Walmart, takes a steam cleaner wirth $167 off the shelves, then walks over to customer service to "return" it, and is given a gift card with $167.  Walmart LPOs realize the fraud the next day, and in response cancel the gift card.

Lady comes in the following day to complain about the cancelled card, at which point she is arrested.

The perfect crime!
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

Berkut

#154
January 31, 2019, 03:55:19 PM
I think WalMart sounds a lot dumber than she does in this story...
"If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven't been paying attention."

select * from users where clue > 0
0 rows returned

Barrister

#155
January 31, 2019, 04:01:34 PM
Quote from: Berkut on January 31, 2019, 03:55:19 PM
I think WalMart sounds a lot dumber than she does in this story...

Meh.  They make the calculated trade-off that they'll accept exchanges w/o a receipt, knowing it will encourage some level of fraud, in order to increase customer satisfaction of those who legitimately want to make an exchange but can't find their receipt.

The dumb part of course wasn't the fraud itself (which is a very common MO), but to return to the store once the card had been cancelled.
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Josquius

#156
January 31, 2019, 04:13:47 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on July 13, 2018, 06:59:36 PM
Quote from: HVC on July 25, 2016, 06:52:40 PM
Real transcript read by the voices of Rick and morty :lol:

https://youtu.be/DXB988kF3hI


So I was curious what happened to this guy.  Plead guilty, life imprisonment.

Just decided to look it up for myself

https://nypost.com/2017/12/12/man-whose-incredibly-crude-exchange-with-judge-went-viral-gets-life/
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Berkut

#157
January 31, 2019, 05:01:19 PM
Holy crap.
"If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven't been paying attention."

select * from users where clue > 0
0 rows returned

Barrister

#158
January 31, 2019, 05:40:39 PM
Quote from: Berkut on January 31, 2019, 05:01:19 PM
Holy crap.

I know he killed a man in cold blood, and I don't wanting him walking the streets, but I feel bad for the guy.
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Syt

#159
February 15, 2019, 03:38:09 AM










:wub:
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.
—Stephen Jay Gould

Proud owner of 42 Zoupa Points.

Threviel

#160
February 15, 2019, 04:34:08 AM
Damn, some boring bureaucrat is going to come down hard on that.

viper37

#161
June 01, 2019, 09:30:30 AM
Here is one really nice story :)

Wanted BC man arrested after revealing location

Quote
Jessie Dean Kowalchuk has been transported back to Kamloops from Edmonton  to face a judge for three charges of breach of probation stemming from three separate files in 2015.

Last December, Kowalchuk saw his photo being circulated by Kamloops media outlet CFJC Today as part of a weekly Most Wanted segment, said Kamloops RCMP spokesperson Cpl. Jodi Shelkie.

He then sent a direct message on Facebook to CFJC Today.

"News flash morons: I'm in Edmonton and not coming back," said Kowalchuk in part of his message, which was given to CBC by the RCMP.

"The tone of his message was very derogatory stating that the RCMP had missed the ball, because he'd been living in Edmonton for three years," said Shelkie.

Warrant extended

After the RCMP became aware of Kowalchuk's Facebook post, it requested the B.C. Prosecution Service extend his three outstanding warrants to Alberta.

On May 10, he was arrested by Edmonton police, remanded and then sent back to Kamloops, said Shelkie.

"We're just really pleased that he sent the message advising where he was living in Alberta and that we were able to extend the warrants to Alberta so that we could bring him back here to face charges," she said.

"You've  got to face up to your actions at some point and you know it doesn't matter where you go. Sooner or later the police are going to find you, and in this case, we did."


that one tops the list, I'm sure! :P

I really like the conclusion... The RCMP always get their man... yeah, with a little help ;)  :D
I don't do meditation.  I drink alcohol to relax, like normal people.

If Microsoft Excel decided to stop working overnight, the world would practically end.

Barrister

#162
June 01, 2019, 10:35:10 AM
I approve of someone who isn't me bumping this thread. :thumbsup:
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Syt

#163
February 28, 2020, 03:29:39 AM




Ed Sheeran:



:lol:
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.
—Stephen Jay Gould

Proud owner of 42 Zoupa Points.

Josquius

#164
February 28, 2020, 03:48:11 AM
That's what a church gets for allowing the performance of such a sinful song?

:lol:
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