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TV/Movies Megathread

Started by Eddie Teach, March 06, 2011, 09:29:27 AM

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Habbaku

#5415
August 16, 2012, 11:38:43 PM
The medievals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Give me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you care to call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers.

Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so as to refer to people.
-J. R. R. Tolkien

garbon

#5416
August 16, 2012, 11:40:43 PM
I don't want to know why you had a link to that.
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Habbaku

#5417
August 16, 2012, 11:59:50 PM
I didn't have a link to that.  It's pretty easy to Google "fucking sequins" when you remember it.
The medievals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Give me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you care to call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers.

Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so as to refer to people.
-J. R. R. Tolkien

garbon

#5418
August 17, 2012, 12:07:10 AM
I've never had thoughts about fucking sequins. :mellow:
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Habbaku

#5419
August 17, 2012, 12:09:03 AM
Okay... :unsure:
The medievals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Give me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you care to call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers.

Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so as to refer to people.
-J. R. R. Tolkien

CountDeMoney

#5420
August 17, 2012, 10:51:32 AM
Not the Onion, but close...duffleblog.com

QuoteNBC Cancels Series, Entire Cast Of 'Stars Earn Stripes' Killed In Afghanistan

Hollywood, CA – The entire cast of the the military-themed reality television show Stars Earn Stripes has been killed in Afghanistan, according to a statement released today from NBC.

"This is really an unfortunate tragedy," said NBC Executive Andrew Jacobson. "These stars were trained by real professionals and given lots of fake Hollywood-style action shots. We thought that it would be fitting for the final assault of the season to take place in Afghanistan on the front lines with no help from their professional instructors."

While many critics accused the show of using excessive special effects with fake explosions and bullets, NBC felt it was necessary to respond and change course in the season finale.

"We thought the best way to portray the hardships of being in the military was to use a real setting and a real mission, which is what we did by placing the stars in a real combat scenario. Unfortunately, the stars' training didn't cover actual military tactics, but rather focused on what looked cool on TV."

Most of Hollywood is in shock and disarray over the deaths of such stars as Dean Cain and Terry Crews. Sylvester Stallone, who worked alongside Crews in other films, spoke to The Duffel Blog amid tears.

"I never saw this coming. Terry was always on point on the set," said Stallone. "He always seemed to be believable with the fake weapons and explosives we used. I expected him to excel on the show, and it's truly regrettable that he was killed."

According to the NBC statement, the cast of Stars Earn Stripes was on a top secret raid on the home of the leader of the Haqqani Network.

General James Mattis, CENTCOM Commander, allowed the raid to take place, saying "it's about fucking time those pricks in Hollywood did something besides bitch to Congress. Let them take a few live rounds and see how 'cool' it is when their buddy is bleeding out of his fucking skull."

The price of NBC stock has plummeted with the news of the show cancellation.

Mr. Jacobson informed the Duffel Blog that NBC is seeking an alternative set of stars for the next season of Stars Earn Stripes, but little interest is coming from Hollywood.

"It seems like these actors, they all talk about 'support the troops this, support the troops that,' and they do those USO tours where they sign autographs and take some pictures, but in the end, they really don't get the premise of guns actually hurting people, namely themselves."

An MQ-9 Reaper Drone flying overhead partially witnessed the tragedy, with pilot Major Willie Trevino watching.

"Apparently, Nick Lachey tried to sing a song for the Taliban or whoever the fuck they were fighting and they didn't like it," said Trevino. "Then they chopped his balls off before they hung him. I would have fired a missile at the compound, but these things are expensive, you know?"

The statement from NBC closes with an apology about the lack of further episodes.

"We here at NBC would like to apologize for airing this show and will no longer be showing any new episodes. We'd hate for people to get attached before the last episode where everyone gets fucking slaughtered."

Some fans have already expressed their dismay at the cancellation, including Early Baldwin, an Alabama native and avid follower of the series. After calling NBC to lodge a formal complaint against the show's cancellation, it was explained to him that the entire cast was murdered in a one minute fire-fight.

Early retorted, "I don't give a shit, we gotta support the troops, now put the damn show back on!"

The Haqqani Network posted a statement to their Facebook page which said, "The cast of Stars Earn Stripes was killed. This is a tremendous victory against the Great Satan. These people weren't even A-list celebrities, why try and ransom those rejects when it was so much more fun to cut off their balls?"

garbon

#5421
August 17, 2012, 10:55:27 AM
What is duffelblog?
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

CountDeMoney

#5422
August 17, 2012, 10:59:09 AM Last Edit: August 17, 2012, 11:01:14 AM by CountDeMoney
Quote from: garbon on August 17, 2012, 10:55:27 AM
What is duffelblog?

http://www.duffelblog.com/

Sorta Huffington Post for military news.  Sorta.  :P

lustindarkness

#5423
August 17, 2012, 11:12:01 AM
I can't remember if I have a copy of the original Red Dawn, I need to watch it. It will drive me crazy until I can get home and check.
Grand Duke of Lurkdom

garbon

#5424
August 17, 2012, 11:24:24 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on August 17, 2012, 10:59:09 AM
Quote from: garbon on August 17, 2012, 10:55:27 AM
What is duffelblog?

http://www.duffelblog.com/

Sorta Huffington Post for military news.  Sorta.  :P

Yeah I went to it but couldn't really tell if the news was real or not there. Especially not after that bit you posted.
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

CountDeMoney

#5425
August 17, 2012, 11:44:28 AM
Quote from: garbon on August 17, 2012, 11:24:24 AM
Yeah I went to it but couldn't really tell if the news was real or not there. Especially not after that bit you posted.

http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/07/african-american-skipper-makes-history-takes-command-of-uss-nathan-bedford-forrest/

garbon

#5426
August 17, 2012, 01:05:31 PM
So there really is an audience for this parody?
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

CountDeMoney

#5427
August 17, 2012, 01:10:40 PM
Quote from: garbon on August 17, 2012, 01:05:31 PM
So there really is an audience for this parody?

If you notice, it's for a military audience.  As you know from your fellow Languishites in uniform, they're not known for their nuanced grasps on comedy.*






*Navy and Chair Force members excepted, of course.

garbon

#5428
August 17, 2012, 01:15:05 PM
:(
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Tonitrus

#5429
August 17, 2012, 04:36:11 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on August 17, 2012, 01:10:40 PM
Quote from: garbon on August 17, 2012, 01:05:31 PM
So there really is an audience for this parody?

If you notice, it's for a military audience.  As you know from your fellow Languishites in uniform, they're not known for their nuanced grasps on comedy.*






*Navy and Chair Force members excepted, of course.

I was about to get pissed off.  :P
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