What would you rather do....

[Malthus]

And for people who complain it costs too much?  Well don't spend so much!  Don't have it in a fancy hotel.  Don't spend thousands on a dress.  And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar!  We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.

Easier said than done. Two friends of mine got married last summer. They wanted to have a small-ish wedding with their friends and family, but the family of the groom were adamant in getting a lavish party filled to the brim with almost every acquitance they had, and ended up getting away with it and forcing the bride's family to bankroll a good chunk of it. My friends weren't even able to invite all the people they wanted because they weren't given many invitations for their discretional use.

If the family want X and Y, they should pay.

[merithyn]

thanks for the Buddha friendly choices, If i "had" to marry for some reason, I'd choose female and wedding as you get the fab dress etc. but otherwise I'm in the never marry column.

I actually thought about you when making the poll, and decided to let you decide which you would answer.

[merithyn]

When I was younger I disliked all of that rite-of-passage ceremonial stuff. But such events do serve a function: it is an excuse to gather together your family & friends. Now that my brothers are scattered to the courners of the world, I can see that this sort of thing is important. 

There has to be *something* in life to interrupt the endless round of work, playing video games, posting on the 'net, etc. and to gather people together for some actual face to face socialization (even for a bunch of introverted shut-ins, like most Languishistas  ).

Banging bridesmades and embarrasing, drunken revelations from random family members are just icing on the cake, so to speak. 

What if you don't want the families to get together?

Case in point:

Max's Mennonite family would not attend a wedding where booze was served... and my alcoholic family wouldn't attend one where it wasn't. Two such vastly different groups of people really just shouldn't come together... ever. And since both Max and I dislike being the center of attention, having two receptions to appease both groups did not appeal.

Besides, I don't mind attending weddings.. I just don't want to have one of my own. So I'll leave it to my myriad family members to have weddings, funerals, and graduations so that we can all get together.

[Grallon]

Oh, is that what the 'tards think?  Thanks.  I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about.

Anyone else enjoys the irony of this? 

I think grumbler was mercilessly ridiculed about being thick when young - hence the defense mechanism of constantly insulting others' intelligence.




G.

[Slargos]

I don't think the argument is that you're alone in this type of deliberate provocation, it's just that you're the god-king of nit pickers.

Oh, is that what the 'tards think?  Thanks.  I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about. 

Oh, I think you do and indeed did, but for the sake of the show that must go on, I shall pretend otherwise. 

[Barrister]

And for people who complain it costs too much?  Well don't spend so much!  Don't have it in a fancy hotel.  Don't spend thousands on a dress.  And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar!  We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.

Easier said than done. Two friends of mine got married last summer. They wanted to have a small-ish wedding with their friends and family, but the family of the groom were adamant in getting a lavish party filled to the brim with almost every acquitance they had, and ended up getting away with it and forcing the bride's family to bankroll a good chunk of it. My friends weren't even able to invite all the people they wanted because they weren't given many invitations for their discretional use.

Did your friend's parents force them at gun point?

As Malthus points out, if someone is willing to pay then they get to call the shots.  At my own wedding my parents wanted to do a rehersal dinner, and wanted to pay for it.  As such it was 'their night', and we got minimal involvement.

But we paid most of the other expenses, and we got to call the shots.

[Malthus]

What if you don't want the families to get together?

Case in point:

Max's Mennonite family would not attend a wedding where booze was served... and my alcoholic family wouldn't attend one where it wasn't. Two such vastly different groups of people really just shouldn't come together... ever. And since both Max and I dislike being the center of attention, having two receptions to appease both groups did not appeal.

Besides, I don't mind attending weddings.. I just don't want to have one of my own. So I'll leave it to my myriad family members to have weddings, funerals, and graduations so that we can all get together.

Hey, my folks are a pack of over-educated Jews and atheists; hers are a clan of highly folk religious Ukranian peasants, whose cossack forefathers probably used Jewish heads as footballs. If *they* can stand each other for one ceremony, Mennonites and drunks can, too.   

Seriously, there were many highly "WTF?" moments in dealing with my wife's family - folk Catholics are seriously strange. My favorite was, when we were first dating, sitting around in her parent's living room waiting for her to get ready (this always took an unreasonably long time). There was nothing to do and I didn't have a book handy, and the only thing to read in English was some sort of religious pamphlet, so I read it ... it was a sort of guide to prayers you were supposed to do by concentrating on some aspect of Jesus' life while doing your rosary. Each day, you were supposed to spend 40 minutes thinking about some horrible torment *they* (meaning "the Jews") subjected Jesus to before his death. They weren't even the standard tortures - they invented *new* ones. For example, on Tuesdays you were supposed to meditate for 40 minutes on the thought of a pack of laughing Jews forcing human turds into Jesus' mouth.

This was not reassuring. 

[Razgovory]

Oh, is that what the 'tards think?  Thanks.  I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about.

Anyone else enjoys the irony of this? 

Nope, just you.

[Grallon]

Nope, just you.

I think you should have some more pills; you seem somewhat erratic of late.




G.

[merithyn]

Hey, my folks are a pack of over-educated Jews and atheists; hers are a clan of highly folk religious Ukranian peasants, whose cossack forefathers probably used Jewish heads as footballs. If *they* can stand each other for one ceremony, Mennonites and drunks can, too.   

Seriously, there were many highly "WTF?" moments in dealing with my wife's family - folk Catholics are seriously strange. My favorite was, when we were first dating, sitting around in her parent's living room waiting for her to get ready (this always took an unreasonably long time). There was nothing to do and I didn't have a book handy, and the only thing to read in English was some sort of religious pamphlet, so I read it ... it was a sort of guide to prayers you were supposed to do by concentrating on some aspect of Jesus' life while doing your rosary. Each day, you were supposed to spend 40 minutes thinking about some horrible torment *they* (meaning "the Jews") subjected Jesus to before his death. They weren't even the standard tortures - they invented *new* ones. For example, on Tuesdays you were supposed to meditate for 40 minutes on the thought of a pack of laughing Jews forcing human turds into Jesus' mouth.

This was not reassuring.

You didn't read what I wrote very carefully.

His family wouldn't come if there was alcohol at the reception. My family wouldn't come unless there was.

Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas.

[Eddie Teach]

I think grumbler was mercilessly ridiculed about being thick when young - hence the defense mechanism of constantly insulting others' intelligence.

I doubt it's of much significance; insulting others' intelligence is pretty standard netiquette.

[Monoriu]

I wedded her without spending the money.  Had full scale war with parents.  I gave them the middle finger.

Our marriage was Mono-rific. We were students at the time, and our parents (who wanted a big invite list including *their* friends & various ancient relations) mostly ponied up the dough - but we got to keep all the presents. 

In short a net transfer of wealth from our parents to us, plus a party. What's not to like?

The problem was, we were not poor students.  We could easily afford a "proper" wedding with all the bells and whistles.  If we did it, *we* would have to pay for it 

[MadImmortalMan]

Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas.

There. This is a smart girl. 

[garbon]

There. This is a smart girl. 

Vegas

[Malthus]

You didn't read what I wrote very carefully.

His family wouldn't come if there was alcohol at the reception. My family wouldn't come unless there was.

Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas.

Your family seriously would not come to your wedding if they don't get booze? 

I took that as hyperbole, a shorthand for 'would not get along'. 

In Vegas, did you go for an Elvis wedding?