Valmy in SPAAAAAAAAACE (Mass Effect Series AAR)

[Valmy]

Man, I hated the minigames in this game.  I eventually just gave up on the whole thing because I didn't want to play them.  So, I'm glad for this AAR, so I'll finally get to see what I missed.

What? You don't like to play memory matching games? I am just relieved there is more than one minigame this time.

Did you never play Mass Effect 2? Cool I hope you enjoy it. I don't think it is really your kind of game as you will see.

[Valmy]

Peeps on the tube likely thought I was crazy, chuckling to myself.

Thanks! I have a sick amount of fun writing these things.

[viper37]

Yes I know how it goes. Mass Effect 2 is all about conservation of resources. You don't want to use valuable credits mining moderate planets.

In ME3, the mini-game is very different.  But it's even more annoying.

Non story-spoiler, only game mechanics:
[spoiler]
You look for artifact in systems controlled by reaper.  You use an active scan to reveal objects in the systems or on the planets.  But everytime you scan, you alert the Reapers.  And at some point, they come for you and the system is unaccessible until you have done one more main missions.

The first time, I did it the proper way, with hit&scan tacticts, trying to keep the Reapers off balance   For the other replays, I simply used IGN guides telling me where exactly where the stuff I needed
[/spoiler]

[garbon]

Peeps on the tube likely thought I was crazy, chuckling to myself.

Thanks! I have a sick amount of fun writing these things.

I also was inspired to boot up ME2 with the graphics mod suggested. Two thoughts:

1) Wow, how much prettier it all looks with that graphics mod.
2) Wow, I didn't remember how clunky Shepard's dialogue is. Also, I keep being distracted by Martin Sheen telling me what to do.

[Valmy]

MASS EFFECT 2 PART TWO or I AM THE OMEGA AND OMEGA

Ok so once Joker returns to eventually kill Shepard again he says that the Alliance went after the crew of the Normandy for some reason. Or at least they went after Joker and frankly I don't blame them. Dude should have been court martialed. But anyway he went to Cerberus because they offered him a chance to fly, which frankly was a probably an attempt to get Shepard to work for them by finding somebody he knows just based on how The Illusive Man introduces him. Joker is obviously not hard to manipulate.

Now I mentioned back in the introduction about the campiness of Mass Effect 2 and the next scene is the first one where I was like 'oh come on'. Cerberus has built a new Normandy. A bigger shinier like more awesome Normandy. Now even ignoring the lore nerd stuff about how it was mentioned in Mass Effect Part Four that the drive alone on the original Normandy cost 120 billion credits (and let me tell you this new drive makes that one look like a hamster wheel) this is just a tad ridiculous. What exactly is the impact of destroying the old Normandy and killing Shepard if they are both going to be brought back almost immediately better than new? Because it was super important that Shepard work for Cerberus for some reason? I don't know. But it looks cool.



'Oh yeah such amazing ship porn...oh yesss...excuse me a second.'

Miranda and Jacob walk aboard ship with Shepard and he looks around like 'holy shit this thing is shiny.' But then they show him the real secret of the Normandy SR-2.



'Maybe I should point out that the last time we ran into a bunch of AIs they worshipped the Reapers as Gods.'

Also I should point out that is NOT an Electronic Data Interchange, which allows seamless synergy of business data across many platforms, but rather an Electronic Defense Intelligence. Now that may sound dangerous but don't worry. EDI is mostly there to spy on Shepard and his crew and inform The Illusive Man. EDI also has the capability to de-activate life support systems. Probably nothing to worry about.

So let's take a tour of the ship and get to know the crew of this fancier far more AWESOME Normandy. I mean you know this is a better game because it has a cooler ship right? Man the dark and the blue has been totally flushed out of this thing, I guess Cerberus is less big on power conservation.

First we have the command deck.



EDI gives us a little tour so I will use her to introduce each area when possible.



'And that Navigator is named....what exactly?'

Or does the AI do the navigating?

Joker hangs out up here and now there is only one massive fancy leather seat for him instead of three stations. He is excited up there in the cockpit for all the new adventures ahead.



'Yes...yes I did Joker. Think about what you did.'

He will continue to make sarcastic comments as the plot (such as it is) progresses.



The Command Information Center is now bigger and better and has more staff. And in fact there are now far more stations for command deck techs. Since we have an AI I am not exactly sure what all these people are for or who is even in charge of them. I guess they are all about sensor data and gunnery calibrations. Crewmen Hadley and Matthews are usually chatting about various things in this area. They are always on duty. I know who Shepard is writing a good quarterly report about.

We also have Shepard's personal assistant Molly Ringwald. No word what Emilio Estevez's position in Cerberus is, but since his dad is The Illusive Man he probably has something cushy.

Ok her name is actually Kelly Chambers and man is she a sickeningly endearing combination of sunshine and cotton candy. Why would such a nice woman work for a terrorist organization?



'I work for ISIS because I love Islam but that doesn't mean I don't also want a Christian State in Iraq and Syria or a Druze State or a Yazidi State!'

I mean really where did the Illusive Man get these people? Anyway she has a lot more to say as the game goes on.



The FTL communications room which now looks like a board room so I guess we now know we are in the private sector. It has some kind of fancy quantum communications system to link it directly to The Illusive Man. I guess just so we cannot track the signal to find out where The Illusive Man is. Paranoia and all that.

There are two new areas on this deck. The first is the Armory, which used to be down in engineering on the old Normandy where Ashley and Wrex always stood around. Well now Jacob stands in the new Armory.



You can talk to Jacob but he is so task orientated he rarely has anything to say but 'we need to get out there and do this difficult mission' and stuff about how he is so glad to be working for people who don't have pesky rules and laws getting in the way of ass kicking. This makes Jacob a bit like Garrus in ME1, which I already mentioned in the last part. He does mention that he, to, once saved the Citadel with Miranda.



'You know you probably would have gained my loyalty much faster if you led with that rather than how you didn't care about leaving all your colleagues to die.'

Jacob is slightly bitter he does not get any credit for it. Tell me about it pal.

The other new room is the lab which we do not yet have access to.

The next deck is the Crew's Quarters.



The center part is the mess again but it is bigger and brighter with more chatty Cathys.



'At least you have a chef. I am pretty sure the crew of the last Normandy lived on protein paste.'

There are two Cerberus crewmen always there eating, Goldstein and Hawthorne. They must have very big appetites. There is a kitchen now where Kaidan used to stand where Mess Segeant Rupert Gardner hangs out preparing the meals and doing basically all the other maintenance on the ship.



'Fortunately we keep the sick bay right by the mess hall for this reason.'

He asks Shepard to pick up some food for him when they get to the Citadel. Yeah! Sidequest!



The Medical Bay is in the same location as it was in the old Normandy. Well it does lack the infinite Medigel dispenser now. Oh sure they gave us leather seats but left that out! Doctor Chakwas is back as the chief doc. Man she was a Major, I hope she did not give up her generous pension to join this terrorist organization. She gives some lame reason that we she just prefers working on starships but she later admits she followed Joker to treat his brittle bones disease. Shepard asks her if she needs any supplies and she admits she is struggling with a booze deficit.



'I am most impressed by the fact that Garrus wrote a book about the US Supreme Court.'

So Shepard will get her another bottle if he finds one.

Where the Captain's Cabin was on the old Normandy now contains the XO's cabin where Miranda now hangs out doing something nefarious on her console.



'Well you sure showed me when tried to kidnap that Quarian and told me how you wanted to use mind control on me.'

Weirdly though the conversation takes a strange turn. Miranda really strikes you as a true believer but not a total dangerous fanatic. She seems to believe that The Illusive Man is some kind of genius advocate for humanity and he ultimately means well.

And then she really opens up to Shepard in an intimate way and reveals she was genetically engineered and trained for greatness and all the pressure she feels to do great things and succeed. And then you start thinking things like 'wait who is this character and what did they do with the Miranda we met in the intro of the game?' I mean before she was all like 'I am not here to make friends Shepard I only care about Cerberus and its goals and I want to mind control you, sacrifice my colleagues, and kidnap Quarians.' Now she is expressing idealism and trying to connect with Shepard on a personal level. Isn't she supposed to be some sort of ice queen? Meltiest ice queen ever.



'Your vile plan to melt my heart with your endearing vulnerability WILL NEVER WORK LAWSON. Ok maybe it is working a little bit.'

I remember being very confused by this sudden shift in Miranda once you get on the ship when I played the game the first time. Is she manipulating us? I guess we will find out eventually.



Besides Mess Sergeant Gardner are the sleep pods in the same place as the old Normandy. So enjoy sleeping standing up crew! The door there is to the battery room but that is not available yet.

In the back of the deck is an entirely new section. The first are mens and womens restrooms. It is not North Carolina so Shepard could enter both without being arrested. It makes me wonder how this worked in the original Normandy. The two observation decks and the life support room are not available yet.



'Awwww you have an adorable little girl! Well...you're dead.'

Even though they still have the sleep pods there is a crew's quarters with bunk beds. So who has to sleep in the pods? Maybe they draw straws. Crewmen Rolston and Patel are basically always there talking about Rolston's family. Lazy bastards.

The deck below that is engineering, where all the cool kids hand out.



In the back is the cargo area though you cannot get into either of the cargo bays yet.



Through the window there you can look down on the shuttle and the ground vehicle...or would if we had a ground vehicle.

There is a little passage under the middle of this deck with a currently useless room. I think this would be a great place to stash something dangerous and unstable.

Beyond that is main engineering.



'The engine must cost at least 200 billion credits. How many planets does The Illusive Man own exactly?'

Down here are also the two engineers Gabriella Daniels and Kenneth 'Scotty' Donnelly. I guess this Normandy requires fewer engineers for some reason. Ok Kenneth is not really called Scotty but he might as well be. That dude is so Scottish that even grumbler would agree he is a true Scotsman.



'I dannae if the daddy bags can take any more captain!'

The last deck is...well...it is all Shepard's.



I have to admit if all Cerberus had done is given Shepard his own deck he might have been tempted.



You have a full bathroom, an office, a full sized bed, a case for sweet model ships, a sound system, and a fish tank. I mean there are no fish in the tank but still it is pretty nice. It is definitely an upgrade from the last Normandy.

Ok enough of that, it is time to talk about the mission. The mission is to gather recruits for our mission to go through the Omega 3 fatty acids....wait...I mean the Omega 4 relay to their certain death. Shepard has Dossiers on the following famous and notorious mercenaries and other scum:

Kasumi Goto - The greatest thief in the galaxy. Because of that she is a rather unknown and obscure figure but she has agreed to meet Shepard on the Citadel.

Zaeed Massani – The most feared and ruthless mercenary humanity has ever produced. He will meet Shepard at a Terminus space station called Omega. Damn how many things called Omega are in this game? I guess it is Bioware's favorite Greek letter.

Dr. Mordin Solus – A famed Salarian biological weapons expert and former member of the Salarian Special Tasks group (you may remember them from Virmire back Mass Effect Part Nine). He is also on Omega...the station not the relay.

Dr. Okeer – A millennia old Krogan Warlord so old he once referred to Gilgamesh as 'the new guy'. Ok seriously he was a leader of the Krogan during the Krogan Rebellion (which if you recall occurred during the reign of Emperor Justinian II). He has acquired lots of Collector's technology and is busy doing something on the planet Korlus in the Terminus Systems.

Archangel – An expert sniper and vigilante who is presently making a nuisance of himself for the mercenary bands on Omega.

Jack – A dangerous biotic with a history of violence and murder who can be found locked in the prison of Purgatory and is supposed to be the most powerful human biotic on record.

The first step is to go to the Citadel and meet with the Council and Udina and Anderson as well as recruit Kasumi Goto. And, I assume, have a victory parade and get lots of medals. Maybe a promotion. Free beer at least.



'Yes here I come; there is plenty of time to roll out the red carpet.'

Tracking down a master thief should be pretty hard but in the event she gets in touch with Shepard the second he lands on the station through an advertisement.



'Oh please let it be one of the guns from the last Mass Effect!'

No such luck. But she is eager to join us in our suicide mission so long as we recover a box that contains the memories of her former partner who was killed by some super criminal. His name was Keiji Okuda and he had some information so dangerous that it could cause an interstellar war and put the future existence of humanity in peril. So it is probably pretty important to recover this box.  It seems The Illusive Man left that part out. Shepard promises to get around to it at some point. That is good enough for her.



'So says the woman hanging from the ceiling just to have a simple conversation.'

Well that was easy enough.

The local news still basically just reports on stuff Shepard did two years ago.

Shepard's mom refused to accept a promotion to Admiral, preferring to remain a captain in order to honor his memory. Shepard should probably let his mom know he is still alive. Man how bad a son is he?

A huge investigation is being launched into Cerberus based on the testimony of Corporal Toombs and Dr. Wayne for the business with the massacres of Alliance Marines and Admiral Kahoku. Damn it is about time!

Chairman Burns  has finally managed to get the reparations for the L2 biotics passed two years after they convinced him to help by holding him hostage and threatening to shoot him.

Terra Nova is celebrating the two year anniversary after some unnamed Alliance guy saved them from the notorious Batarian terrorist Balak. Whoever that guy is he should sure be proud.

Shepard Memorial Plaza on Elysium is now the most popular place to get married in the galaxy. I tell you that sounds like a good place if Shepard ever decides to tie the knot. 'In memory of the groom'

Citadel Ships have been shocked to come into contact with scouting ships that bear a striking resemblance to ancient Rachni ships. Wow that is weird I have no idea why that might be.

The booming colony of Zhu's Hope is now announcing a major expansion plan. Every water repair person rumored to have at least 69 thousand credits.



'The heroic Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, human hero to all Aliens. She is a symbol of alien-human cooperation throughout the galaxy.'

I know that is exactly how she would have wanted it *sniff*

Upon passing through Citadel Security Shepard gets stopped because for some reason an error has occurred.



'Yeah, you know, I am kind of a big deal on the Citadel. Breathe it in.'

Weirdly Bailey, when he is not telling his subordinates to abuse suspects (damn why is everybody a crazy vigilante in this world?), does not seem all that blown away by the great hero of the Citadel suddenly turning up alive.

So Shepard arrives in the Citadel but the world has clearly moved on. Well I guess besides the fact that all the things he did are still in the news. I mean sure he can leverage his fame into providing him with opportunities to sell himself out to gain small discounts at local shops...



'Ooooooooh the indignity.'

And he does get harassed by accusations of selling out humanity by the local press:



'That was me. You're welcome. But I couldn't have done it without my parents, the fans, my agent'

There is just no pleasing some people.



'Oh please, like the Protheans have anything to do with the colonial disappearances. Stupid religious fanatics. Oh and this is all Ashley's fault.'

Good to see Emily Wong leveraged all the help I gave her to become the talking head of the Citadel.

Anyway recently having sold his soul for a few credits Shepard goes around and buys everything he can, because in Mass Effect you hardly ever bought anything but in Mass Effect 2 you buy everything you can.



'Yes! I found Syt's Christmas gift!'

Well almost everything...



'75,000? Wow I would hate to pay full price for this stuff.'

Selling out your good name sure doesn't go very far. In addition Shepard has to save a poor young Quarian from an incredibly contemptible Volus. Shocking to see the good name of Volus dragged through the mud again.



'Oh you wacky Volus.'

So anyway of course he just left it some place and he is a raging asshole because...well...Volus.

It sure was great to get back to the Citadel! Ok so none of the common people seemed to think Commander Shepard was a big deal but surely the Council he saved will be eager to hear he has returned to lead the charge to save the galaxy from the Reapers.



'Reapers'

Man if anything they are even less willing to believe Shepard now.



'What? I convinced him to shoot himself and you think HE was the charismatic convincing one?'

Gah! But fortunately they agree to restore his Spectre Status so long as he stays out in the Terminus Systems. Well not exactly the parade Shepard expected but better than nothing. As I said before the Council may not be able to ever truly repay Shepard for saving their lives but it would have been nice if they had at least tried a bit.

Udina is...well...you know.



'A trip to the Citadel is just not complete without seeing you pissed off old buddy.'

But at the end of the day he comes around to the idea that Shepard will be far away creating political shitstorms in the Terminus Systems.

Anderson and Shepard then have a moment to reconnect and talk mentor to protégé. He lets Shepard know that Alenko has been assigned to some secret project and all information on his whereabouts is classified. The Geth have been completely defeated and almost entirely driven back behind the Perseus Veil. But besides that the news is bad. He is getting pretty decisively beaten on the political front on the whole Reaper business.



'Fight on old soldier!'

Anderson is ever the honorable man. Man from the very second Tali's Geth recording was heard revealing the existence of the Reapers the exact same people believe it and the exact same people doubt it among the political elite. Not one thing Shepard has done has influenced anybody on the Citadel since then. Damn he can convince terrorists to give up, criminals to reform, and bad guys to shoot themselves but politicians are just too stubborn.

Well that is it for the Citadel for awhile.

Shepard gets aboard the Normandy SR-2 and now the Port Observation Lounge is now open complete with full bar. Kasumi settles in and made the place her quarters. There she tells more about her former partner Keiji. It seems they were more than just business partners and she has a lot of sentimental objects that reminds her of their life together. She also has a cloaking ability like Shepard does and she tends to use it to get gossip on the ship so that is something Shepard can check up on from time to time.



'Look I am sure you have a really interesting story to tell but do you mind if I got get a drink while you are telling it?'

Man that is a really nice room and Kasumi gets it all to herself.

While he was on the Citadel Shepard got ingredients for Gardner and booze for Chakwas.



'Only 40 experience points? Motivation to perform more fetch quests: fading.'

Yeah the side content gets you far less goodies, like barely noticeable. Of course what really is the main plot now? We are recruiting people and dealing with their problems.

Chakwas and Shepard have a stiff drink and toast to the old days.



'Remember the time we found minerals? Oh the memories.'

So now it is time to move on to Omega. The space station one.



'I told you this game was red and no place is redder than Omega.'

Omega was an asteroid mined heavily by the Protheans for its Element Zero deposits and left it hallowed out. Over the next thousands of years it has been settled and become a wretched hive of people of low moral fiber. I bet you thought I was going to say something else huh?

The law on Omega is sort of like how one might imagine a mafia town in Italy. Everybody gets by through paying the gangs protection money. So why people live on this place I have no idea.

Once they land on this charming outpost they find Zaeed Massani beating down some Batarian he was hired to capture. I guess I can respect a guy who takes time in the middle of another appointment to meet with Shepard. This character, and frankly Omega in general, has a late 20th century action movie feel to it. Like I expect everybody to say a catch phrase and shoot people in the face like they give no shits.



'That's what very manly and testosterone filled action heroes like us do. We will take revenge on the bastards that wronged us and then slowly walk away while something explodes in the background.'

If that sounds lame and clichéd you might be playing the wrong game BTW

Like Kasumi, Zaeed took this job hoping that Shepard would help him with something. He was hired to go to the planet Zorya and liberate a factory stolen by the notorious mercenary leader Vito Santiago, of the Blue Suns. It seems the Eldfell-Ashland Corporation doesn't like their plants captured and their employees used as slaves by Terminus warlords. Zaeed has absolutely no other reason for wanting to do this job. Nope.

So Shepard agrees to do it so Zaeed tells him he will finish his Batarian kidnapping job and then join them on the Normandy.

Omega is pretty much a giant slum which is administrated from a decadent night club. What more can one say really?



'Yes...yes it is. But since your alternative outfit has removed your trademark combat high heels something has to keep you on your toes.'

The Afterlife Club is the reddest and coolest nightclub in the galaxy. I especially love its Elcor bouncer saying things like 'Menacing: try it punk' in his Elcor monotone.

The head gangster of Omega is the Asari Aria T'Loak who has like a half dozen catch phrases and is super cool. Like over the top cool. She keeps a humiliated Krogan around just to show what happens to people who break Omega's only rule:



'Well that and no outside food.'

I swear to God it is a cheesy action film. But so wonderfully cheesy. Shepard plays along with his own laconic wit and then asks her about Mordin Solus and Archangel. They both sound like they are in deep shit. Mordin is in a quarantined plague area and Archangel has succeeded in getting cornered and his many enemies are closing in for the kill.



'Ah...so you are saying it is unlikely he can meet us here?'

We have to work for our companions from here on out.

So basically the mercenary gangsters who want him dead are hiring freelancers to help take him out. So Shepard will get hired and then go in and kill all the Mercs from behind and break Archangel out. This bastard better be worth it. So they go and sign up. Shepard then convinces some young dude not to do so, knowing that he would have to shoot the kid later. The boy runs off crying to his mommy.

In Afterlife they also find Helena Blake. Remember her? The crimelord Shepard used his charm skill on?



'That is between her sewing circles with elderly widows.'

They stop in the slums to buy whatever you can buy on Omega.



'This thing is romanceable in the next Mass Effect.'

Shepard helps another Quarian by paying his way off Omega back to the Flotilla. He is basically the guardian angel of wayward Quarians.

Ok on to hire Archangel before the mercs can kill him. So they go down to the meeting point and the meet and greet merc lets them know about their exciting role as cannon fodder.



'Welcome to the team. We look forward to sending you to your death.'

Now I have to say this entire section is both awesome and ridiculous. It is tons of fun and cheesy and you expect everybody to shout 'Yippee-ki-yay motherfuckers!' as they fight. But Archangel is cornered across a bridge in a building that is basically a house, not some might impenetrable fortress. It has chest high walls and chairs and couches and things. Any 19th century army would line up a few guns and shoot high explosive shells into this building and blow it up. But somehow this alliance of three space age mercenary gangs only have access to small arms and one helicopter thing. And they cannot advance across a small bridge against an opponent using a slow firing sniper rifle. It makes no sense and frankly it is best not to think about it too much.

Before the fight you get to go talk to the three merc leaders you are soon going to be fighting. Archangel has personally offended all three of them. He pissed off the leader of the 'Eclipse' by killing his brother. The Eclipse leader, a Salarian name Jaroth, has brought a giant robot to take care of Archangel. And well you know what those robots will do.



'It is only fair. The good guys' robots always attack them to.'

He tried to ambush the kill the Krogan leader of the 'Blood Pack' (a chaotic group of Krogan and Vorcha thugs...wait the Vorcha? Who are the Vorcha? More on them later). And he raided the house of the leader of the 'Blue Suns' (the superego to the Blood Pack Id) merc group. Zaeed seems to know all the Blue Suns personally. This might be important later.



'Oh don't worry Tarak. Soon all your problems will be over.'

So it is go time and all the freelancers move out over the bridge. Shepard, Miranda, and Zaeed charge across the bridge and shoot them all from behind and then wipe out the Blue Suns infiltration team. And yeah you will never guess who the nearly suicidal vigilante Archangel is and you will never guess why he did it.



'Oh Garrus you have made such character development since the last game!'

But fortunately on Omega Garrus can pretty much shoot anybody and be assured they probably needed killing. He had a whole vigilante squad, unfettered by the stupid laws the government makes to keep people from shooting bad guys, but they have all died. Now it is just him. So Shepard promises to somehow get out of this mess alive.

After the death of the Blue Suns freelancer cannon fodder and their infiltration team the Eclipse move up with their robots and Salarians. They get shot down by Garrus and his new allies and soon Jaroth decides to send in the heavy robot. It, of course, immediately turns on the Eclipse and soon all of them are dead except Jaroth.



'Probably should have bought those ExoGeni Space Zombies instead eh?'

With the Eclipse beaten an explosion rocks Garrus' complex. Garrus tells Shepard he has to run down the basement and close the security doors since the Bloodpack has busted in the tunnels downstairs. Man I bet you wish your security had some kind of remote control panel or something huh? Garrus has to face the force of the Bloodpack coming across the bridge so Shepard leaves Zaeed with him.

Miranda and Shepard get downstairs in the nick of time and shut the first door with the blood pack just a few feet away. There are two more security doors. One is across a huge warehouse full of Bloodpack. This is a really tough area since you have to drive forward against Krogan and Vorcha and Varren (remember them?) across the room to close the door under fire. Fortunately somebody put a bunch of chest high boxes in the room.



'Ok blow up the crate, run to the pillar, use the arc projector on the Krogan, kick the Varren, run up to the door, push the button, and run away screaming...got it'

Then they close the other door, which was located down a long Blood Pack filled hallway but it was fortunately filled with chest high walls so Shepard was able to drive down the hall and shut the door.

Shepard and Miranda come back upstairs and the Blood Pack have cornered Garrus and Zaeed in a bad way and drive them off in the nick of time. Everything is going pretty awesome!



'Oh come on Tarak he is facing the wrong way you just could have blown his head off without announcing it.'

None the less Tarak knocks Garrus out with his gunship, shooting part of his face off. Then the Blue Suns start being dropped into the room and Shepard and company have to rely on Garrus' bullet and rocket proof furniture to hold them off. Once the Blue Suns are beaten they haul Garrus out of there. This convinces all the merc gangs that Archangel is dead so that kind of works.

Doctor Chakwas eventually fixes him up...mostly. Garrus wonders how ugly he is now and expects it to help Shepard's social life.



'Wait how can you be the funny guy Garrus? You don't have a british accent.'

So Garrus is pretty much the same guy only now he can take on whole armies all by himself and he cracks jokes. So I guess that is something.

Jacob, on the other hand tends to hit the same notes.



'I get no credit for all my good deeds so I joined Cerberus who get things done! Wait didn't I already say that the first couple minutes you met me?'

Yeah he really needs something new to talk about.

Meanwhile the love fest between Miranda and Shepard continues. She reveals that she was built by this insanely megalomaniac business man in a test-tube to carry on his mighty legacy. And it kind of seems like then his experiment was stolen by Cerberus to make a super-agent.



'I truly appreciate you as a person and I don't just bring you along to use your overload and warp as often as possible.'

Shepard tells her how she is not great because of her psycho dad or those Cerberus assholes but because of who she is. She says Shepard is very kind but she is not sure she really believes that. Can she finally learn to trust value herself as a person? Oh the drama. The terrorist with a heart of gold. If she is going to turn good she could at least apologize for that control chip thing.

Speaking of terrorists with hearts of gold, Kelly Chambers just wants to hold Garrus tight.



'Wow you do love Turians don't you?'

Joker is slightly less happy to see Garrus.



'I think Joker is just jealous that now Garrus says funny things to.'

Meanwhile Garrus has positioned himself in the main battery, making sure those gun controls are super um....something. So now we get to see that part of the ship! Remember it is just beyond the sleep pods on the crew deck. Why the crew deck? I guess so the gunners have easy access to snacks.



Is it really necessary to stand right behind the guns in a spaceship? Anyway Garrus reveals how he built his own vigilante squad to fuck with organized crime on Omega and how his group was betrayed by a fellow Turian named Sidonis. Turian on Turian crime. So now Garrus has a new person to declare eternal vengeance on.



'That blown off part of your face makes this look even more horrifying.'

But Garrus has not yet tracked the bastard down.

Zaeed is too macho to live someplace normal so have set himself up in the starboard cargo storage area. He likes to regale Shepard with tales of extreme violence.



'I am awesome. Super awesome. In a very specific way.'

Those two engineers had sent Shepard to get something for them in the Omega markets and he did and to celebrate they play some Poker. Ironically he makes far more off them in the game than he spent on the thing they wanted. Shepard is quite the card shark.



'I am Commander Fucking Shepard. I am great at everything...except dancing.'

So it is back to Omega to find Mordin Solus in the Quarantine Zone. On the way there they drop off some information they found with the Mercs with Aria and she asks them to protect her pet Krogan from some Blood Pack assassins. The long story short is that they confront these two Blood Pack Krogans and then Shepard's squad shoots them all in a moment of cut scene mightiness.



'This will be the poster for the action movie we make of the Omega section.'

I laughed. It was silly. But it fit the Omega section perfectly.

Ok now it is off to the quarantine zone. There is a plague hitting this area that kills everything that is not human. The Vorcha are also immune because they are immune to all disease. Ok time to talk about the Vorcha.

They are an entirely new species for Mass Effect 2 and only seem to exist in the Terminus Systems. The Vorcha are smaller more animalistic versions of the Krogan. They are incredible violent and aggressive and short lived and regenerate their tissue rapidly, hence why they are immune to all disease. Because they have little intelligence and are incredibly fast breeding and aggressive most people consider them a blight. They are native to the planet Heshtok and well...not sure what else there is to say. Oh Mark Meer also voices all  Vorcha so when a Vorcha talks to male Shepard it is Mark Meer talking to himself.

So anyway only humans and Vorcha are immune to this plague.



'Nice. Do you want to write these captions Garrus?'

So it will be Kasumi and Miranda in the quarantine zone. Deep inside Mordin Solus is developing a cure to the plague. This district used to be a protection racket for the Blue Suns but since they mostly consist of Turians and Batarians they being decimated by the plague and the Blood Pack Vorcha are moving in to control the district. Since humans are mysteriously immune the Blue Suns blame the humans for it since they consider the Vorcha too stupid to be responsible. RACISS!



'Nah we are just trying to recruit the scientist away who is trying to cure it.'

Kasumi is sort of like Miranda except she randomly does this melee attack from time to time. I think warp and buffing everybody is still way better but hey I will be doing a few more missions with her.

Eventually the reach the clinic.



'Oh I am pretty sure those robots will be shooting you at some point.'

When they finally meet Mordin he is a fast talking Salarian genius who has found a cure for this advanced engineered plague. He is surprised to hear Cerberus wants him to help against the Collectors, but he thinks he is already going up against them.



'Wow something in Mass Effect 2 that directly relates to the main plot!'

The Blood Pack are spreading the disease through the ventilation system but recently they have shut down the fans to try to kill everybody in the district now that they realize Mordin is speading the cure. The plan seems to be for the Collectors to kill everything on Omega besides the humans and then harvest them for whatever reason. Then the Vorcha would rule Omega alone.

Mordin wants them to take the cure and re-activate the ventilation system and end the plague. He also wants them to find his assistant who is out distributing the cure.

Since his assistant is a human the local plague sufferers naturally conclude he is spreading the plague instead of the cure for it. Shepard and company find him being held up by angry Batarians. After using his charm skill Shepard convinces them if they let the assistant go Shepard will let them go. They are shocked the EVIL humans would keep their word.



'Well this is a fictional work.'

So they reach the fans and an angry Vorcha explains the plot for players who have not been paying attention.



'Unlike some others I actually pay attention but thanks for the reminder.'

One of the longest and toughest fights in the game so far occurs. They have to fight to the ventilation system and put the cure inside then right to one fan, turn it on, and then fight to the other fan and turn it on. The Vorcha and Krogan are just pouring in all over the place and if you ever mess up you get to start all over again. If you are not super conservative you will get trapped and killed pretty fast. The Krogan, Varren, and flamethrower Vorcha will quickly overwhelm you if you let them.



'I have his tanks in my sights! Just need to shoot him and he will light up like a fireba...oh shit I forgot to reload.'

For some reason the Krogan and Vorcha did not just destroy the ventilation system since they are all about violence and do not tend to think ahead but I appreciated their restraint. After they win and the plague is being cured Mordin agrees to join the effort.

Jacob welcomes Mordin on board and briefs him on the mission. He is amazed that Cerberus is using both an AI and recruiting Aliens and concludes Cerberus must be really desperate. Shepard tells him about the Seeker Swarms and he gets excited.



'This entire string of thoughts was said in about 2 seconds.'

So now the research lab is open and a bunch of possibilities come with it. Lots of upgrades for the ship and the squad's armor and weapons become available and you use minerals you mine from uncharted planets to carry it out. Oh boy! Every squad member besides Kasumi and Zaeed also has their own upgrade they can give you. Jacob has an upgrade to ship's armor. Miranda has an upgrade to the ship's mineral scanner. Garrus has a top secret Turian gun design based on Sovereign's main gun. Mordin has an upgrade to his omni-tool. As we get more people we will have more of these.



Mordin is a real workaholic who, like most Salarians, sleeps less than an hour every day. He loves challenges and has an extensive record as a special forces operator and medical researcher for the Salarian Special Tasks Group. Specifically he has done extensive work on the Krogan Genophage which he explains is only designed to keep Krogan reproduction to regular levels and not actually exterminate them. More on this later. In a bit of fanservice he says he served under Captain Kirrahe.



'Cloaca? What does that mean....HEY!'

I told you it was a cloning facility and did not actually cure the Genophage! I feel vindicated.

The Collectors though have not stood still while Shepard has been shooting mercs.



'Is that named after that Ferris Wheel guy?'

So another human colony has been taken out. Time to aggressively counter that by getting out there in space and mining minerals and scanning random planets!

We have six companions with two more to recruit!

[Valmy]

Peeps on the tube likely thought I was crazy, chuckling to myself.

Thanks! I have a sick amount of fun writing these things.

I also was inspired to boot up ME2 with the graphics mod suggested. Two thoughts:

1) Wow, how much prettier it all looks with that graphics mod.
2) Wow, I didn't remember how clunky Shepard's dialogue is. Also, I keep being distracted by Martin Sheen telling me what to do.

Shepard's dialog is pretty...uneven in its quality. I think the sheer volume of lines is a problem there.

You will probably finish the game well before I do

[viper37]

Now I mentioned back in the introduction about the campiness of Mass Effect 2 and the next scene is the first one where I was like 'oh come on'. Cerberus has built a new Normandy. A bigger shinier like more awesome Normandy. Now even ignoring the lore nerd stuff about how it was mentioned in Mass Effect Part Four that the drive alone on the original Normandy cost 120 billion credits (and let me tell you this new drive makes that one look like a hamster wheel) this is just a tad ridiculous. What exactly is the impact of destroying the old Normandy and killing Shepard if they are both going to be brought back almost immediately better than new? Because it was super important that Shepard work for Cerberus for some reason? I don't know. But it looks cool.

If you rip off the first design and improve on it, it won't cost you 120 billion credits to improve on it.
I figured they stole the design (they have spies and sympathizers everywhere), might even have stolen parts of a new engine design the Earth Forces were working on.

It's kinda like the nuclear aircraft carrier.  The first one the US built costed a lot of money, but I figure the Russians developped their own after that for less, and then the US improved on the design for less money than the original drives, etc.

I guess Cerberus is less big on power conservation.

Back in the days, we were told monochrome monitors in yellow/gold like this were more energy efficient than 16 color monitors

He will continue to make sarcastic comments as the plot (such as it is) progresses.

I had less a problem with the plot as with the overall gameplay in my first run: walk along some kind of corridor, kill bad guys that come out of nowhere, destroy a boss, level ended.
That felt... boring.  And until they introduce some more DLCs a tad more story driven, I didn't quite like that game.

I mean really where did the Illusive Man get these people?

I don't know...  Where does Trump get his supporters?

Isn't she supposed to be some sort of ice queen? Meltiest ice queen ever.

Remember how charming you were with terrorists in the first game?  Imagine with the ladies...

It makes me wonder how this worked in the original Normandy

Unisex bathroom, like in the old warships, I guess?

There is a little passage under the middle of this deck with a currently useless room. I think this would be a great place to stash something dangerous and unstable.

[viper37]

Now I have to say this entire section is both awesome and ridiculous. It is tons of fun and cheesy and you expect everybody to shout 'Yippee-ki-yay motherfuckers!' as they fight. But Archangel is cornered across a bridge in a building that is basically a house, not some might impenetrable fortress. It has chest high walls and chairs and couches and things. Any 19th century army would line up a few guns and shoot high explosive shells into this building and blow it up. But somehow this alliance of three space age mercenary gangs only have access to small arms and one helicopter thing. And they cannot advance across a small bridge against an opponent using a slow firing sniper rifle. It makes no sense and frankly it is best not to think about it too much.

Arya doesn't mind some minor damages, but explosives inside her space station?  I think that falls under the category "Don't fuck with Arya".

[Valmy]

Yeah well the Mercs were already planning to attack her anyway

But still Garrus' defenses were not exactly formidable. They talked like he had defense towers and land mines.

[garbon]

Peeps on the tube likely thought I was crazy, chuckling to myself.

Thanks! I have a sick amount of fun writing these things.

I also was inspired to boot up ME2 with the graphics mod suggested. Two thoughts:

1) Wow, how much prettier it all looks with that graphics mod.
2) Wow, I didn't remember how clunky Shepard's dialogue is. Also, I keep being distracted by Martin Sheen telling me what to do.

Shepard's dialog is pretty...uneven in its quality. I think the sheer volume of lines is a problem there.

You will probably finish the game well before I do

Yeah, as if you putting an AAR together takes you no time at all.

[viper37]

Shepard and company have to rely on Garrus' bullet and rocket proof furniture to hold them off.

Don't you wish they would use the same material to build the Normandy?

Btw, is there something wrong with Miranda?  I wonder if it's caused by the alternate outfit.

Btw, there is a way to romance Kelly Chambers, did you know?
https://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/944907-mass-effect-2/53455594
[spoiler]
My suggestion if you want her: romance who you want to romance.  Save before the final missions.  Drop your love interest.  Pursue romance with Kelly[/spoiler]

'Wow something in Mass Effect 2 that directly relates to the main plot!'

In a way, nearly everything does.  The side quests for the ship helps a lot.  The loyalty missions are necessary for your crew, if they don't trust you, there's not much chance they will gave their 100% when you ask them to risk their neck.

As I said before, the plot is not a huge problem for me in this game.  It is very simplisitic and unoriginal, but there are no massive plotholes I could find.  Unless you tie it with ME1, that is.

[Valmy]

Btw, is there something wrong with Miranda?  I wonder if it's caused by the alternate outfit.

Besides the usual? What are you referring to?

[viper37]

Besides the usual? What are you referring to?

She looks strange to me:

It's like she's 7 of 9 instead of Dark Angel
Like one huge very dark eyebrow on the left of the picture, and her face is very pale.

[Valmy]

Yeah she is wearing a visor in her alternative outfit, that is what you are seeing not an eyebrow. She is usually pale

[viper37]

ah, that is it