Valmy in SPAAAAAAAAACE (Mass Effect Series AAR)

[grumbler]

Yes, they do.  Otherwise, they are just like the robots Valmy slaughtered in his first act.

Not att all unlike the husks he slaughtered in later acts?  This isn't an argument around a "plot hole," it is just a reiteration of the plot hole.  There is no requirement for a combat robot that mandates artificial intelligence.

The AI ban is not a form of UN-like resolution.  Nor is it enforced by one very advanced and very agressive species.
More on that in ME3.

I'd love to see the regulation that could define AI in such a way that an advanced and aggressive species could enforce it but still allow computers just below the threshold of whatever that species thinks constitutes "AI."  This is essentially an appeal to magic.

They are half cybernetics and don't need to breath.  They are kinda dead, like zombies.  No will of their own, primal instincts only.

The laws of physics still apply.  They need energy, and if they have muscles that energy is going to need to come as sugar of some sort.  I.E. food.  That's a lot more cumbersome than connecting a wire and recharging a battery.

But the most important aspect of all:
It's sci-fi.  In a video game.  Not everything makes sense with today's comprehension of science.  I mean, they create some kind of bubble to traval faster than light and need to discharge their drive core every now and then.  And some kind of relay network built by an ancient race will let them traval to other star systems in seconds.

That's why I was pointing out to Valmy that he misunderstood my comment.  I think he is explaining well enough; it's the material he is explaining that causes the cognitive dissonance.

I get that husks are used because they are "cool."  That's a perfectly valid game designer decision.  The game does not have to make perfect sense.  But I am allowed to note when it doesn't seem to, as well.

[viper37]

Not att all unlike the husks he slaughtered in later acts?  This isn't an argument around a "plot hole," it is just a reiteration of the plot hole.  There is no requirement for a combat robot that mandates artificial intelligence.

if you want it to adapt to ennemy strategies, yes.  Otherwise, it's a simple script, and it's limited.

I'd love to see the regulation that could define AI in such a way that an advanced and aggressive species could enforce it but still allow computers just below the threshold of whatever that species thinks constitutes "AI."  This is essentially an appeal to magic.

It says they will take your desert away and send you to your room if you create an AI.
If you haven't played ME 3, I won't talk about it, because they give more explanation on that in the game.  And I know Valmy hasn't played, and having constant spoilers is annoying.

The laws of physics still apply.  They need energy, and if they have muscles that energy is going to need to come as sugar of some sort.  I.E. food.  That's a lot more cumbersome than connecting a wire and recharging a battery.

You need a power source to recharge the battery.  Can be hard to come by during an invasion.  Their food source is not.

I get that husks are used because they are "cool."

Not really.  But ME2 is still very limited (so was ME3, but it's still a lot better), so they can't have 300 types of ennemy unit types around the screen.  The engine simply can't handle that.  I do not know if they fixed this in Andromeda, since their engine can now support a lot more variations in ennemy types.

[grumbler]

if you want it to adapt to ennemy strategies, yes.  Otherwise, it's a simple script, and it's limited.

I'm not sure why you are belaboring this point.  You argue that husks are adequate even though they have "no will of their own, primal instincts only" and yet insist that robots must have AI to "adapt to ennemy [sic] strategies."  If a plot hole has you making contradictory arguments, it's probably a plot hole you cannot resolve through any argument.

It says they will take your desert away and send you to your room if you create an AI.
If you haven't played ME 3, I won't talk about it, because they give more explanation on that in the game.  And I know Valmy hasn't played, and having constant spoilers is annoying.

It's not a matter of ME3, it's a matter of logic.  defining AI so that it allows computer capabilities that are is desired in the game but prohibits things the game doesn't want to include is an appeal to magic.  Which is okay.  It's like Fallout 4 allowing you to 'wash away" radioactive poisoning; it doesn't have to make sense if it serves a game purpose.  Tenacious defense of the indefensible isn't the best strategy for dealing with comments about it, though.

You need a power source to recharge the battery.  Can be hard to come by during an invasion.  Their food source is not.

Think about the power needed to propel starships, and then claim that power is "hard to come by" in this universe!  Food is always going to be harder to come by because of the bulk and inefficiencies involved.

Not really.  But ME2 is still very limited (so was ME3, but it's still a lot better), so they can't have 300 types of ennemy unit types around the screen.  The engine simply can't handle that.  I do not know if they fixed this in Andromeda, since their engine can now support a lot more variations in ennemy types.

So, your argument is that they use husks AND robots because the engine is too limited to handle robots alone?   Gotcha.  Maybe you should stop digging now.

[Legbiter]

Just caught up on this AAR Valmy. 

[viper37]

I'm not sure why you are belaboring this point.  You argue that husks are adequate even though they have "no will of their own, primal instincts only" and yet insist that robots must have AI to "adapt to ennemy [sic] strategies."  If a plot hole has you making contradictory arguments, it's probably a plot hole you cannot resolve through any argument.

Husks move faster.  They do more damage.  They can wait in ambush.  They have a fear factor the robots do not have, unless they look like terminator.  The psychological effect is not to be forgotten, given the master plan of the Reapers.

It's not a matter of ME3, it's a matter of logic. 

No, story wise, your position does not make sense.  And I won't spoil the story, even if it's a tad weak, for you guys.

Think about the power needed to propel starships, and then claim that power is "hard to come by" in this universe!  Food is always going to be harder to come by because of the bulk and inefficiencies involved.

Think about how many Reaper ships like sovereign there are.  100?  1000?  How many worlds to invade?  A few hundred thousand?

So, your argument is that they use husks AND robots because the engine is too limited to handle robots alone?   Gotcha.  Maybe you should stop digging now.

Again, you do not read what I post.  I shouldn't be surprised.  When you're ready to read again, we'll have an intelligent discussion

[Valmy]

Sorry guys I just bought a lot and signed a contract to build a new house and then my wife went out of town so I am doing the sole-child care provider thing for a few days. I should be able to post part seven by the end of the week.

[garbon]

[Valmy]

I know I know. I should keep my priorities straight better

[garbon]

[HVC]

Sorry guys I just bought a lot and signed a contract to build a new house and then my wife went out of town so I am doing the sole-child care provider thing for a few days. I should be able to post part seven by the end of the week.

Congrats

[viper37]

I know I know. I should keep my priorities straight better

yes, you should.  Hire a nanny for the kids and play!

[Valmy]

MASS EFFECT 2 PART SEVEN or DANTIUS' INFERNO

THANE'S RECRUITMENT MISSION ON ILLIUM

Shepard's lead for finding the assassin Thane works for a shipping company as some kind of administration type and is named Seryna. She helped Thane get to his next target, somebody Shepard has already met of course since it is Illium.



'Or rather we accidentally killed her sister randomly...but details.'

You might remember this from the Mass Effect AAR part four. Anyway, Nassana is still in the shady doings business and all the people she has had killed has caught up with her. So Thane is going after her pro bono on his own and she has locked herself in the penthouse of one of her towers. The other is under construction so Shepard will be infiltrating through there to try to find Thane. Seryna flies him over there and Shepard, Miranda, and Jack arrive.



'Our next action movie poster!'

Then they enter the tower and wow is Nassania Dantius one paranoid nutter. She has a small army in there. And she was rather unnecessarily rough with the construction crew.



'Wow so you can just have your robots start killing whomever?'

I am so glad they introduced those things. They make everybody feel secure.

Shepard and company must go up the tower to the very top. And the waves of bad guys just keep coming. This level is notorious for me of every time you think you have beaten all the bad guys and are starting to scrounge for heat clips and loot another group blows you away.



'Might as well get comfy behind this crate. I will not be going anywhere for awhile.'

Then they get to the next level where they face...MORE BADGUYS.



'Freeze! Ok that was bad.'

And of course, it is Eclipse.



'Ready for your headshot? Ok I will stop.'

Something about fighting in a skyscraper that brings out the cheesy 80s action movie one liners. They keep finding Salarian workers, who comprised the entire work force for some reason, who have been saved by Thane as he scaled the tower. There is only one way into Nassana's penthouse and that is across an unfinished bridge spanning the two towers.



'So long as you left random boxes around that can stop bullets I should be fine.'

After killing tons and tons of enemies, I swear this mission has three or four times the number of enemies as the others, they get to the top of the tower where they surprise an Eclipse Merc trying to find out where Thane is.



'How about goodbye?'

Oh, but I didn't do that since this is a Paragon run. Lame. Anyway, so Shepard lets him live in exchange for information on Thane but he admits Eclipse knows nothing.

You know Shepard is gunning down dozens of Eclipse mercs and robots. I would think they would be more concerned about him than Thane.

They clear out the penthouse in the second tower. Nassana then calls asking for an update on how the whole 'stopping the assassin' project is going.



'It just may not be your day Ms. Dantius.'

That was satisfying. I wish Shepard could have played around with her more.

They get out there on the bridge and fortunately the Salarians workers did conveniently leave lots of waist high bullet-proof boxes around. But man, I am starting to wonder if there are any Eclipse Mercs left on Illium.



'Hot enough for...just kidding. What are they even keeping in all these boxes?'

They enter the penthouse at the other building and Nassana is waiting for them. For some bizarre reason, possibly because they took out over 100 of her robots and mercs, she thinks they are there to kill her.



'Funny story: I am actually after the assassin who is trying to kill you. Your people died for nothing.'

But she refuses to believe him and then Thane dramatically drops from the ceiling and kills a few of her guards with his bare hands and then shoots her dead in her stomach. Mysteriously all the rest of her guards disappear and Thane starts praying for his soul. He believes in the ancient pagan gods of the Drell people. He is trying to purify himself since he is dying of an incurable disease. He is a doomed and tragic assassin with a heart of gold. No wonder the ladies like him.



'Yeah it is basically a foolish and probably fruitless venture. We are all probably doomed. It is right up your alley.'

Thane is excited to hear that they are on such a dangerous mission that might help save the galaxy since he is trying to right wrongs before his disease kills him.



'Eh it would have been Cerberus who paid you anyway but thanks.'

BACK ON THE NORMANDY

Speaking of Cerberus Jacob becomes weirdly self-righteous about Thane coming onboard.



'You work for a terrorist organization.'

Besides I am sure we already have a few mercs on our team already. But maybe Jacob is too smart to give Zaeed.

Kelly thinks Thane is ever so dreamy.



'Yes...yes...wipe the drool from your mouth counselor.'

Joker is less enamored.



'Actually I do collect model ships. You want to see? They are pretty cool...ok maybe that is not so cool when I hear myself say it.'

Garrus has a special request for Shepard. He has found the Turian, Sidonis, who he thinks betrayed his team. And he wants to go talk to him and get his side of the story. Haha just kidding.



'Yeah generally that is not used to refer to what we consider acceptable behavior these days Garrus.'

So Sidonis is on the Citadel. We are supposed to meet with Garrus' contact, some guy name Fade, on the Citadel. Sweet I hope he gives us ability score bonuses...not that we have those anymore.

Samara is eager to share with Shepard about her wacky code.



'Would you mind just giving me the cliff notes version on how not to be killed by you later? That would be great.'

Shepard goes to introduce himself to Thane and Thane explains a bit about his disease. Shepard rather moronically suggests he goes and visits Dr. Chakwas.



'Well I appreciate you not rolling your eyes...not that I could tell if you did.'

Thane's people lived on an arid and dry planet but they destroyed it by consuming its limited resources. The Hanar saved them and permitted them to live on their planet which is very wet and moist. Eventually living on this planet causes a fatal condition which is presently killing Thane.

Miranda admits she has feelings for Shepard and he agrees that he does not love her just for her warp ability. I might feel something sexual whenever she rips apart some barriers with it though.



'Actually I die a few times a mission. I think we will be fine.'

So awwwww.

But let's get to the relationship that dominates the Mass Effect universe: people's relationship with their dads.

JACOB'S LOYALTY MISSION ON 2175 AEIA



'If you are going to be shipwrecked in a star system it should have a cool name like 'Alpha Draconis'.'

Shortly after landing they find the VI for Jacob's dad's wrecked ship, the MSV Hugo Gernsback, and discover the ship crashed and the distress beacon was damaged. But then it was fixed and then mysteriously slightly delayed.



'Even Jacob's freaking dad gets to be a captain.'

It is a lovely planet so maybe they just wanted to hang around and enjoy nature for a few years. However, the food on this planet is toxic to humans and reduces them to slightly above animal intelligence, which would make them perfect for Languish posters but incapable of much else. They explore the ship and find evidence of some pretty rapey intentions by one of the officers with some of his crew-mates who are mentally degenerating. So yeah you can see where this is going.

Unfortunately, some of the feral humans were not of the docile variety.



'Now now we are not here to see any liar, we are just here to help Jacob's Dad. Oh you mean...'

Unfortunately, the feral dudes had to be put down. What a shit mission this is.

They find a camp full of other feral humans but these ones are docile...and all female. Pretty disturbing. They are delighted to see Jacob.



'Now I don't think Jacob is that ugly lady.'

Yeah this is getting pretty fucked up. Soon the robots show up...oh geez.

Ok Mass Effect 2 drove me nuts with its casual disregard of its own lore back when I took this series much more seriously. But here is another example. The robots were introduced after the Battle of the Citadel per the lame excuse for them appearing now and not in Mass Effect. But here they are aboard this civilian vessel that crashed 10 years ago. And they are a key part of this story so it is not some throw away thing. There are other examples of this. Miranda was born before humanity even discovered biotics even though she was designed as an exceptional biotic. And it just goes on and on. Mass Effect 2 does not give any shits with its timeline though so I don't either.

I am getting tired of fighting these tiresome robots though.



'So he sends out a distress call and then sends robots to kill us? Your dad sucks Jacob.'

After the robots are dead the former ship doctor, now barely sentient, hands us a note she wrote back when she realized what was going on. It reveals that Jacob's dad and the other officers took all the food and made the crew eat the toxic local food while they fixed the beacon. Once the lady crew members were all docile they were given to the officers for sex toys. Once the distress beacon was fixed Jacob's Dad killed all the other officers and all the feral male crewmembers were sent into exile. Then he ruled as a god for the next nine years or so.

Shepard asks what Jacob thinks since it is his dad.



'I HAVE NO FATHER'

Jacob just seethes with righteous fury. But granted this whole situation is pretty fucked up.

Despite what the doctor said Jacob's Dad has a whole squad of brainwashed male guards and robots. And of course one of the big ones.



'Pssst...over here.'

Pretty boring really. Meanwhile Jacob's dad is throwing out lame excuses for why they must fight through his own men and robots just to rescue him. This just irritates Jacob more.

Jacob's dad is there spouting out bullshit to Shepard who quickly introduces him to his own son.



'Yes yes Jacob. Is your own son coming to rescue you really that surprising?'

Now here comes the most hostile child-father meeting since Lizzie Borden (allegedly).

Jacob is having none of his father's shit.



'Not that Jacob showed much affection for him even before this incident.'

I think the fact they set it up like Jacob did not even have that great a father who he cared much for to begin with kind of weakens this whole deal. But the game did come perilously close to giving Jacob a motivation or a relatable moment.

They alert the Alliance which arrives shortly after the Normandy departs to rescue the surviving crew-members and arrest Taylor the elder.

NORMANDY

Back on the Normandy Jacob demands to know why the Illusive Man sent him the message about the Gernsback. The Illusive Man insists he didn't do it. But then Miranda pops in and says she did.



'I bet this would have made a lot more sense if I could play that game EA deleted off the App store.'

Jacob, though, is overall grateful he got to tie up that loose end.



'Yeah it seems like you really enjoyed yourself.'

So anyway that is that for that bullshit quest.



'Yes it was Joker. Yes it was.'

Meanwhile Shepard gets a weird e-mail from one of the Salarian workers in the Dantius towers.



'Wait what happened exactly? Did you decide to become a dancer? A Drellsexual? So confused.'

Thane goes on to explain how the Hanar trained him to be an assassin to kill everybody who said something mean about the Enkindlers. That C-Sec guy from Mass Effect had no idea what forces he was trifling with. But seriously the Hanar have people they need killing and since they are incapable of shooting a gun they use the Drell to do their dirty deeds. Thane was really honored to be used this way.



'Yeah that is what they told me in the Alliance to.'

So his reflexes and body were trained to kill and he did it to pay back the debt for the Hanar rescuing his people. But it is also why he feels no personal responsibility for his killings. It is just part of the Drell gig.

Drell also have perfect memories so they can vividly re-experience any time in their life. They also weirdly give commentary in a strange voice while doing this.



'So is that how you met your wife? How romantic.'

That is how he met his now dead wife. That's right ladies, he is available!

But do you know who is not available? Shepard. Or so the entire ship seems to know.



'Ah so...I guess anything I do gets back to Miranda huh?'

She is a terrorist Shep. Watch your back.

Speaking of people who should watch their back Samara has found the fugitive she has been chasing. Her name is Morinth and she is on Omega. Hey Shepard should probably finally go back there and give that stuff to Ish anyway.



'Really? Huh. That seems a litte...extreme.'

Morinth is an Ardat-Yakshi which is a sort of Asari that kills whoever mates with her. And she has a compulsive need to do this. Wow ok that sounds pretty bad. I think that concludes that conversation.



'Ok maybe we do have a bit more to talk about.'

All of Samara's children are Ardat-Yakshi see.  Her kids are only ones currently known to exist. The others agreed to live in a form of house arrest to protect themselves and the universe from their need to kill. But this 'Morinth' refused and has gone on a 400 year reign of terror. So that is why Samara decided to become a Justicar. So I gather this quest is pretty important to her?

Zaeed knows how to deal with wannabe tyrants like Jacob's dad.



'Man I would have liked to see that. Maybe I should have brought you along.'

But before we can go after Morinth the Illusive Man wants to see Shepard. Some Turians found and managed to disable a Collector Ship. All the Turian ships were destroyed in the process though so now the Collector Ship is just floating out there. The Illusive Man has intercepted this information and kept it from the Turians.



'Ok shouldn't we be trying to rescue colonists as well or something?'

This quest is one of the weirder ones in the first two games. Obviously the Turians did no such thing. The game lets you know almost immediately that the ship has no damage.



'So how did the Turians supposedly immobilize it? Mean thoughts?'

COLLECTOR SHIP

But hey even though this is an obvious and bizarre trap and the Illusive Man is an obvious liar they go right ahead and board.



'Well here your patsy's are Collectors. Do your worst.'

Once on board EDI starts to scan it and discovers that:



'Huh so is there time to go grab that Delan asshole from Horizon and stick him in here?'

And it also turns out to be the same ship that blew up the original Normandy. I was not aware there was more than one Collector Ship but Shepard and company think it an interesting coincidence.

The ship looks like some kind of demented beehive and includes numerous horrors.



'Well if you end up dead at the end anyway I guess it is hard to disagree with Shepard.'

Eventually they find out that the Collectors are not just inflicting horrible experiments on the humans they capture but on themselves. EDI finds the data collected from one such experiment and discovers the shocking truth:



'Where are your Enkindlers now!!! Oh wait...right here.'

So like the Keepers the Collectors are the empty slave husks of a former legendary empire the Reapers destroyed. They clearly lost something of their intelligence since they leave Shepard an amazing M-98 Widow sniper rifle on the ground for him to pick up.



'Well nobody can say the Collectors are not sporting.'

Actually for guys who usually paralyze their opponents with seeker swarms they do seem weirdly eager for a fair fight here.

The Collectors have billions of pods for human captives on this ship which leads Thane to a rather radical conclusion:



'They are going to capture EVERY human? Well I guess that is one way to make sure Shepard cannot stop them.'

Humans all look the same. I mean I know this Collector Ship is super advanced and everything but capturing every human on earth seems a bit beyond its capabilities.

So they get to the central computer and hook EDI up and she goes to work. But that is the Collector's signal to launch their attack.



'OMG! This is shockingly a trap!'

Shepard, Miranda, and Thane go flying off into the air on their little platform and instead of jump dumping them out or putting them in a cage of something the Collectors swoop into fight them in person. I swear between these guys and the Warden of Purgatory I have seen two of the worst laid traps in history. EDI struggles to take back control of the situation.



'Well hurry it up! Cerberus did not save you from being destroyed by me to slack off!'

Once the Collectors are beaten and EDI has control of the platforms and they get back to the Collector Computer. EDI discovers that IT WAS A TRAP...by the Illusive Man.



'Well yeah nobody believed that weak-sauce nonsense. Well maybe Miranda did.'

Then they have to fight their way out. The Collectors keep trying to shut the doors to keep Shepard in but EDI keeps opening them.



'One Prothean widow coming right up.'

At one door the Collectors send another Praetorian after them and I really really regret not bringing the Collector Beam along. Fortunately using Shepard's cloaking device they manage to bounce the Praetorian AI back and forth across the battle field so it can never settle on a target and use its big boom attack. The Praetorians always target Shepard but when he cloaks it goes after Miranda and Thane. Then Shepard uncloaks and it heads back to Shepard and repeat.



'You are one dumb motherfucker'

Obviously combining lots of Husks together does not combine their intelligence. Or maybe it does, they don't seem to have much going on up there. Eventually they get back to the shuttle and escape before the Collector Ship can charge up its guns.



'The guns will be charged up in just seconds to make this more dramatic!'

They rush back onto the Normandy just as the Collectors start to open up on them.



'I know we thought it was cool to try to dodge them last time but why not activate the FTL engines this time?'

So they manage to do that and escape. Wow. I just don't get what the Collector's Plan was there. If they had just blown the Normandy away immediately they would have won...I guess EDI messed up the plan? There were a million ways they could have captured Shepard there. Pretty bizarre. And now they gave Shepard a tiny chance to win when before he had none. It is best just not to think about that quest to much.

NORMANDY

Shepard lets the Illusive Man have it.



'So if you knew he was going to betray you, whose fault was this really Shepard?'

But the Illusive Man tells him to chill, everybody escaped with zero casualties and they got the secret to the Omega 4 Relay: the Collectors use some kind of fancy Id Friend-Foe (IFF) thing that lets you use the relay safely. And Cerberus just happens to know where they might get one.



'Wait so you found one from 740 galactic civilizations ago?'

It is an older IFF sir but it checks out.

So how long has this thing been going on?

So the plan is now to go board that Reaper and get the IFF and I am sure the Illusive Man is not this time sending them to certain death. It will all go according to plan.

Mordin, Jacob, and Miranda meet with Shepard to plan the next move. EDI calculates where the Omega 4 Relay goes based on data they got from the Collector Ship.



'So we are going through the death death relay into a black hole? This just keeps getting better and better.'

Mordin speculates that the magic of Mass Effect fields should allow a base to exist among all those black holes. What can't those things do?

Jacob is eager to get on that Reaper and start getting IFFs but Shepard figures that since the thing has been sitting there for 37 million years they might have time.



'So yeah we are not going to be doing anything directly related to the plot for a really long time.'

Next: back into space for more minerals and boatloads of side quests!

[viper37]

I just don't get what the Collector's Plan was there. If they had just blown the Normandy away immediately they would have won...I guess EDI messed up the plan? There were a million ways they could have captured Shepard there. Pretty bizarre. And now they gave Shepard a tiny chance to win when before he had none. It is best just not to think about that quest to much.

They want Shepard alive, for some reason.  Or some part of his genetic material still intact.  And yeah, EDI messed up that plan.

So how long has this thing been going on?

See Mass Effect 3: Leviathan for an answer.

[Valmy]

MASS EFFECT 2 PART 8 or UNSPEAKABLE RITES ALONG WITH A FEW UNSPEAKABLE WRONGS

NORMANDY

Jacob is annoyed that even though they are trying to save everybody they are just sitting by and doing nothing.



'Well if they don't care about the Reapers killing everybody they are unlikely to care about the Collectors kidnapping humans.'

Kelly is super happy to see Shepard survived the Collector's trap.



'Hugs for every hero!'

Matthews and Hadley are talking about how the Protheans got transformed into brainless slaves. Matthews is surprisingly insightful.



'Wow it took Chorban two years to figure that part out.'

Joker is quick to understand Thane's appeal.



'Never underestimate the attraction of the tortured bad boy.'

Meanwhile the two continuously eating crewmen, Goldstein and Hawthorne are also discussing the Prothean-Collector connection.



'Bugs can be regal. Like bees.'

Thane goes on to talk about how his species has perfect memories and how that causes them to not always live in the moment. He talks about how he can easily recall every detail of all of his assassinations. Shepard wonders if this causes him to feel any guilt.



'Assassins don't kill people, employers do.'

Let's just say I find Thane's philosophy on life unconvincing. But that is just me being an anti-Drell bigot.

Zaeed is impressed with the recent mind shattering revelation.



'Yes yes you are a badass who kills lots of people; do you have to work that into every conversation?'

But while everybody has Protheans on their mind Tali is distracted by the fact the fleet has charged her with treason. After an extensive and fascinating lore drop on Quarian treason trials, along with some case history, she says that she has no idea what exactly brought this on.



'It was your evil twin! Alternative universe Tali has struck again!'

Now that is the plot twist this series needs to go full melodrama. But they will be traveling out to the fleet soon to figure out WTF is going on.

But enough of this. Shepard has run out of minerals to do his upgrades so they need to get out there and scan some planets. I have to say though you hardly need any minerals in this game and, as I said before, you actually get punished if you mine too much so it is actually a pretty tiny part of the game. The main reason to scan the planets is to find the side quests that hide out there in the universe.

TAITUS



'Pirate robots? It is not as exciting as it sounds.'

This quest is pretty dull. Basically a guy bought a YMIR to mine some minerals but the thing is a piece of junk and can only go a short distance before it shuts down. So you grab power cells and put it in the YMIR and it slowly makes its way to the minerals. There are a few Varren to kill but eventually you get the minerals. And that is it.



'This is the stuff dramatic space adventures are made of.'

Yeah so we got some minerals.

NORMANDY

Back on the Normandy Thane reveals he was a pretty miserable absentee father. His son, Kolyat, has been abandoned ever since Thane's wife passed away. Woah usually people in these games have terrible fathers, Thane IS a terrible father. His son is trying to follow in Thane's foot steps as an assassin despite his best efforts to keep him out of the profession.



'Wait so you are a sinner? Ok because your soul is responsible but your body isn't and...nevermind.'

Best to just go with it. Anyway Kolyat is on the Citadel trying to get his career as a hitman going. Hey Shepard is already going there to kill somebody for Garrus. There are so many assassinations to do on the Citadel these days.

SINMARA



'This colony apparently depends on random space heroes coming by to handle their maintenance issues.'

Again there is not much too this quest. You go to the shield generator and mess around with it and get the coolant, control, and generator units back online.



'This shield makes me want some honey.'

And that is that. Another colony: saved.

TARITH



'Glad to see even Krogan recognize the necessity of resource extraction.'

The Blood Pack has a mining operation here and probably are up to no good. So Shepard lands to have a friendly chat. But the planet's atmosphere is filled with chlorine gas. Fortunately, Miranda's eyes are chlorine-proof so she only needs a breath mask.



'So fog makes it hard to see? I am so glad I have this fancy AI around to tell me these things.'

The Vorcha miners are not too bright and so tend to wander off in the fog. The Krogan set up these beacon towers to enable the Vorcha to find their way back. Well Shepard can use those as well.

This planet is overrun with RachniKlixen who are like Rachni but morons.

They charge right at you to do melee damage and explode when they die. Fortunately Shepard's cyro rounds make them pretty trivial.



'Klixen in the mist'

In a mission that reminds me a bit of many other Bioware beacon towers, like in the Dragon Age Inquisition: Jaws of Hakkon, you just follow the light to the end. The Blood Pack is waiting.



'Did they just shoot Shepard's head off?'

After the battle they discover that the minerals are being sent to a military base preparing for some kind of planetary invasion:



'An invasion of where exactly?'

Ah well an invasion of something is probably bad so they will get to that eventually.

HELYME



'No mining facility will be left unexplored! Hey it is our friends the Eldfell-Ashland Energy Corporation...and Eclipse.'

Oh Eldfell-Ashland to lose one facility to mercenaries may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two looks like carelessness.

The whole point of this mission is to locate a cargo ship that Eclipse is trying to capture. So you fight through lots and lots of Eclipse mercs.



'It is like I never left Illium.'

Eventually EDI has to decrypt the location of the cargo ship while you fight off the mercs.



'Yes! We achieved...something...I guess!'

So the location of the ship gets sent to Cerberus and nothing else seems to happen. But Eclipse Mercs were killed so that was good.

But fighting off the Blood Pack made me hunger for more hot Krogan action so it is time to go see the scenic Krogan homeworld of Tuchanka.

TUCHANKA



'So the Krogan destroyed their own homeworld? Well what else did you think was going to happen on a planet full of Krogan.'

How life continues on a planet with no plants is a mystery. I don't think predators just endlessly eating each other is sustainable but hey we did not play this game for science facts.

Speaking of science facts the local guardsmen are able to make medical conclusions after looking at another Krogan for a few seconds.



'Oh so...Grunt is fine? Him wanting to tear my ship apart is normal? How comforting.'

But Grunt is less fine with the nuclear wasteland that is his species home.



'Yeah but you wouldn't want to be like those weak Asari and have someplace decent to live anyway.'

True military glory is living in a bombed-out wreck. Back in the Mass Effect postgame discussion I mentioned the early 90s game Star Control 2 and in that game there was this race called the Thraddash that was there to make fun of warrior races like the Krogan. In that game the Thraddash had nuked themselves back to the stone age multiple times and never learned anything from their history. They were on their 19th Civilization and there was a joke where the 14th Civilization decided that maybe nuking themselves was a bad idea and it immediately triggered a massive revolt of die hards and ended with...yes...the Thraddash nuking themselves back to the stone age. The Thraddash were hilariously over-the-top violent and belligerent and it was all played for laughs. So, I find it hilarious that here we have a species that is exactly like the Thraddash in every way except it is played completely straight.

Or maybe it isn't and in fact Bioware means this to be a joke. It is hard to tell sometimes.

After the defeat of Saren and his cloning program the Krogan have been freed from his influence and Clan Urdnot runs things on Tuchanka...sort of. And who is their leader?



'Shepard's expression reflects how he feels about even Wrex getting promoted while he still remains a Commander.'

Wrex is trying to get the Krogan to act more strategically and abandon the old ways of constant warfare for its own sake. Naturally the die hards are upset about it and none are more upset than Star Trek's Michael Dorn.



'Sounds like somebody is about to be nuked back to the Stone Age.'

So more on him later. Shepard asks Wrex what is up with Grunt.



'So puberty makes Krogans uncontrollably violent? How does that distinguish this event from other times in a Krogan's life?'

It is good to see Wrex taking his father's place as leader of Urdnot. I knew when he was saying he was done with his family and the Krogan he was full of it.

There are two merchants on Tuchanka and Grunt's quest is how you get a discount with one of them. The other requires you kill those space monkeys from Part 8 of the Mass Effect AAR. Fauna in the galaxy sure gets around.



'Stay away from the Krogan's food space monkey! Go eat um...oh right they nuked everything.'

Sucks to be you monkeys but I did get a discount.

GRUNT'S RITE OF PASSAGE ON TUCHANKA

They go to the Urdnot Shaman and get in another argument with Uvenck about Grunt being a freak. Shepard puts him in his place and he promises that he will take more direct action against them in the future. Should be fun.

The Shaman takes them out to a ruined Krogan city (though I guess that is redundant) where they must activate a keystone to start a Rite of Passage.



'So contemplate how keystones undergo trials to keep up arches?'

But this keystone has nothing to with arches or anything one might think of as a keystone. Instead it is this button they must push. Pushing it releases a horde of Varren against them.



'Grunt is having a good old time. The Varren less so.'

Next in this very contemplative rite Klixen are released against them. Wait are they also native to Tuchanka? Giant bugs drop them off.



'Second verse, same as the first.'

So yeah the first two waves were no big deal. The last one is a Thresher Maw. It is supposed to be symbolic of the Krogan struggle with the Genophage. How spiritual.

But the Thresher Maw is not like Mass Effect's Thresher Maw. It is semi-Thresher Maw. The margarine of Thresher Maws. The diet coke of Thresher Maws, just one calorie, not Thresher Maw enough.



'Last game's thresher maw would have demolished this pillar and Shepard in one shot.'

The Thresher Maw gets Shep a few times but fails to one shot him. In Mass Effect they one shot the Mako. Just saying.



'Down he goes. And he was the only Thresher Maw in Mass Effect 2. How the mighty have fallen.'

After the Thresher Maw goes down Uvenk shows up and tells them that nobody has killed a Thresher Maw on foot since Wrex. Damn if Wrex had told me that in Mass Effect I would have sent him against them a few times. That is probably why he left that out.

Uvenk and is impressed and says Grunt can join his clan as a second-class citizen and not be destroyed as Uvenk intended. Grunt is not impressed with the offer.



'Great so now we have to kill an entire Krogan krannt? Thanks Grunt.'

Fortunately fighting Krogans and fighting Varren and Klixen are not so different.



'The ice for the post-Rite party will be Uvenk's remains.'

They get back to Urdnot HQ and the Shaman welcomes Grunt into the clan. Grunt picks Shepard as his battlemaster.



'The token is a shotgun upgrade, of course.'

Speaking of Fortack now they have a discount as his store, since Grunt is a member of Urdnot now. He has some expensive stuff so they will be coming back to Tuchanka from time to time as they get money.

The Shaman then tells Shepard all about the Krogan's 'civilization'.



'You are some stupid motherfuckers.'

Thraddash only less silly...ok equally silly.

NORMANDY

Joker is bummed Wrex will not be coming with us.



'Yeah I think every ship has a one Krogan limit.'

Jacob is good. Like wanting to party good.



'Ah yeah we are going to get spill all the drinks. Wait...what?'

Oh Jacob you and your hip slang. I bet the kids think you are rad.

That ends all the talking you get to do with Jacob for the most part. I will talk more about him in the postgame.

Grunt is finally given a purpose in life. An identity to murder for.



'That is great until we finish our mission...then I worry.'

Speaking of murdering Zaeed is impressed with our antics.



'Not as tough as one might think'

Seriously after that battle I had to go back and check to see if somehow the difficulty has been turned off insanity. Maybe I am just really good at Mass Effect 2 now.

GOING AFTER MORDIN'S COLLEAGUE ON TUCHANKA

Now to rescue Mordin's colleague.

Wrex said his scout might help them out. The Blood Pack have him and the Blood Pack is known as Clan Weyrloc on Tuchanka. The leader of the clan, and the Blood Pack I assume, is Weyrloc Guld. They have set themselves up in an old Krogan hospital which I understand are more sturdy than bomb shelters since, when sick or injured, Krogan tend to become incredibly violent. Because of course they do.



'So there is a giant road that goes right to their base? Did Wrex really need me to talk to a scout to find out where it is?'

Once they reach the outskirts of the hospital the violence and mayhem begins. Or rather continues but now Shepard is a participant.



'No that is not the truck we took here. There are just lots of burning trucks lying around.'

There are also two side quests on this mission. One is getting a spare part for a truck, well plenty of those lying around. The other is finding a mission Urdnot scout.

They reach the hospital and see a dead human the Krogan were experimenting on in their Genophage experiments. Mordin is impressed.



'Oh are we? How nice!'

Hah! In your face other species. Nobody is as useful in experiments as we.

They reach the gates and Krogans come out to meet them. Their clanspeaker tells Shepard that Weryloc Guld has allowed them to live so long as they leave and tell the universe about its imminent doom once they cure the Genophage.



'Yeah then the Salarians will rue the day they ever introduced the Genophage! I guess instead of just killing them all.'

Shepard says the rest of the galaxy thinks the Krogans are cute and fluffy and will be shocked to discover the Krogans are violent.



'I can only assume this is the half of the galaxy that has never met a Krogan before.'

I mean does anybody think that if the Genophage is cured the Krogans will NOT wage war on the galaxy again? Well we will be meeting somebody soon who doesn't.

Shepard tells him they are not leaving without Maelon so the Blood Pack attacks.



'The Blood Pack is violent? Well they just lost my support.'

Beyond the gate they find the brutal carnage of the Genophage research lab. Dead experimental subjects fill the room.



'Um Mordin the Krogan have destroyed their own civilization 12 times. Pointless wastes of life are what they specialize in.'

Beyond this they find the captured Urdnot scout. He has been brainwashed to be eager to sacrifice himself to help the Blood Pack with the Genophage because he thinks he is small and weak. Well Shepard shakes him out of it by giving him the ultimate insult.



'Woah. That's going just a bit too far.'

At this ultimate insult the Urdnot scout charges back to Urdnot with a mighty roar. But since everything between Shepard and Urdnot is dead he really does not need to get so worked up.

Then they enter the heart of the hospital where the Blood Pack is waiting for them. This fight is pretty fun with lots of charging bad guys and multiple levels. But it turns out to be the only fight. Weyrloc Guld even charges in.



'Wait he is the leader of the Blood Pack and he does not even get a cut scene?'

I know Weyrloc and the Blood Pack are pretty bad people but he still deserved better.

They find the lab where Maelon is being held. And he is not being held.



'Well he could just be insane.'

Yeah Maelon has decided that the Genophage is bad and he is going to fix it by helping the Blood Pack wage a bloody war of conquest.



'True. Little did you know how much havoc and war they would cause even with the Genophage.'

Yeah he says that the galaxy is violent anyway and having a Krogan population explosion would make everybody smarter, I guess because they would have lots of rampaging Krogan running around. Pretty weak. Mordin wants to kill him but Shepard tells him to let Maelon go.

Mordin then has to decide what to do with his Genophage curing research. Well we do have a Reaper invasion coming so you never know...



'I mean what is the worst that can happen?'

So yeah. Someday the Genophage might be cured. Won't that be nice?

[Valmy]

They want Shepard alive, for some reason.  Or some part of his genetic material still intact.  And yeah, EDI messed up that plan.

Yeah I guess she kept them from just blowing up the Normandy. Pretty embarrassing for them eh?

See Mass Effect 3: Leviathan for an answer.

I cannot wait! Though I might have to wait awhile. I did what I thought was one parts worth on Illium and then it ended up being 2.5 parts. The Mass Effect 2 part of this AAR is taking longer than I thought but I guess it makes sense as there are so many unconnected side plots.