Valmy in SPAAAAAAAAACE (Mass Effect Series AAR)

[viper37]

'Last game's thresher maw would have demolished this pillar and Shepard in one shot.'

That's just a juvenile, like the first shark in Jaws 3

Btw, in Illium, did you forget two side quests?  One involving two star crossed lovers and one involving a Salarian?

I cannot wait! Though I might have to wait awhile. I did what I thought was one parts worth on Illium and then it ended up being 2.5 parts. The Mass Effect 2 part of this AAR is taking longer than I thought but I guess it makes sense as there are so many unconnected side plots.

Yes, ME3 is the same.  Though they try to tie it to the plot a little better.

[Valmy]

MASS EFFECT 2 PART 9 or BAD GIRLS DON'T CRY BUT THEIR VICTIMS' MOTHERS DO

NORMANDY

And the intrepid band leaves Tuchanka and sets off back into the galaxy in search of minerals and side quests.
The events on Tuchanka fill Mordin with Salarian pride.



'There is that proud day when one of your students seizes their destiny of handing the galaxy over to a murderous mercenary band.'

Grunt is reveling in his patriotic desire to murder for his clan and krannt. Shepard wants him to dial it back a bit.



'Calling for sanity? I can see that would be a weird foreign thing to Krogan.'

Now to Omega to finally drop those packages off to Ish and see about Samara's sweet baby girl.

OMEGA

Ish's packages all seem to put him in trouble with Aria. Shepard points out that this information could get Ish killed.



'Forget this. I am tired of trying to save people from themselves. If you want to be fried alive by space gangsters that is your business.'

Good luck not dying Ish. I am already guardian angel to the Quarians, if I start saving every Salarian to I would hardly have time left to save the galaxy.

SAMARA'S LOYALTY MISSION ON OMEGA

Shepard goes and asks Aria about Morinth. Of course, she knows everything.



'Really? Can I just go to a tenement on Omega and ask about the dead girl? I don't have to be more specific?'

Fortunately there is one apartment you can go into in the tenement and it is hers. Whew I thought we would be spending all month. Her mother is upset that justice is hard to find on Omega and glad somebody is here to investigate.

I mean she did decide to live on a planet run by gangsters and mercenary bands.

Anyway her daughter was named Nef (no really, that is her name) who was a bit of a loner and spent all of her time making sculptures.



'She was just going through a phase. A very short phase.'

It is a pretty horrible story actually. Morinth is a real monster.  Shepard and Samara promise to help get justice for her daughter.



'Oh my she is crying blood!!11'

I am disappointed they have not yet invented mascara that doesn't run in the future. They go look through Nef's things and her diary shows how Morinth seduced her and invited her to her doom.



'Yes...a hunger for your blood.'

I wonder if this is why people think Vampires are hot. 'He looks at me like he wants to eat me up.'

All the details of this seduction are important because Shepard needs to name drop things Morinth likes to get her to invite him over so Samara can nab him. Just have to hope she asks no follow-up questions.

They go to the VIP lounge of the Afterlife Club (the club that seems to be the functional capital of Omega) and get in using the trick Nef did when she met Morinth. Shepard changes into his civilian gear. Samara gives him an inspiring pep talk.



'Yeah I am not some lonely kid thinking she is just some Asari. Pure evil and certain death just are not what I am looking for in a relationship right now.

But you are with Miranda.

Point taken.'

Death by snu snu possible.

Anyway Shepard now has to appeal to Morinth without freaking her out. Just coincidentally the very first guy he talks to has a similar goal and he wants to get tickets to a band Morinth loves. Shepard takes note of the band so he can name drop later.



'Yeah you may want to just stay friends with this one pal.'

Morinth likes people who live dangerously. Fortunately, just a few feet from entering the club a dangerous situation is unfolding. An undercover journalist is trying to do a story on a dangerous gang leader. But he is on to her and is going to hurt her bad. Since gang leaders run things on Omega I don't get his paranoia here. Shepard must warn her by using the word 'Terminal' and 'Eternity' in that order so she can escape.



'Well done. Somewhere a creepy Asari is hungry for your soul.'

After that he beats up a Turian who is creeping on the strippers, somebody should talk to Aria about her bouncers. Then he shows off is dancing skills with some glamorous patrons.



'Advanced technology has done nothing to help dancing development.'

Morinth's black little heart has squeed enough and calls Shepard over to get to know him better determine if he is worth murdering. Shepard drops the names of the artist, the movie, and the band which does not at all look to Morinth that he has been researching her. Then he mentions how he likes traveling throughout the galaxy murdering things, which is actually true. Then he turns on the charm.



'Just the kind of guy you want to bring home to mom. Except your mom is trying to kill you.'

Morinth is super excited now and wants to feed on his sweet sweet soul.



'What? You are not into public displays of murder?'

In her apartment Morinth shows Shepard all her favorite things, including an assault rifle he gets a nice upgrade from.



'Wow that is very subtle subtext there.'

He sits down on the couch with her and Morinth moves forward to seduce him and devour his soul. But Shepard resists her magical death spell to her shock. She quickly realizes she is screwed.



'Bitch's little helper: that is me. You Asari throw around that word a lot.'

Samara then enters right on cue and the ultimate Asari heavy weight fight begins. Despite trying to murder Shepard just a few seconds ago Morinth tries to bargain with him.



'Well...let's see. She has threatened to kill me but you have tried to kill me. Tough one.'

But seriously Morinth is one of the most repulsive people on Omega and that is saying something. Considering how many missions have no choices in ME2 it is weird that this one has this bizarre option. It is like that weirdly sociopathic option to destroy the Urn of Sacred Ashes in Dragon Age on the behest of an obviously insane cult that keeps trying to kill you. Why would you do that? Well because you can mostly.



'Nef's mother sends her regards.'

So that is that. The only main mission in the game with no fighting. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.

NORMANDY

Joker not-so-secretly wishes that Shepard had chosen the other side though.



'What a way to go, amiright?'

Sure, beats Shepard's almost certain death-by-Reaper coming up here soon.

Speaking of the Reapers Mordin has been studying the degeneration of the Protheans and notes their lack of culture or sophistication as Reaper-slaves. As their brains degenerated it was all replaced by tech making them a bizarre organic-synthetic life form. Hey just what Saren was convinced was the supreme destiny of life right? I think we can pass on this destiny, despite how exciting the Collectors make it look. During this conversation Mordin notes he participates in culture by singing Gilbert and Sullivan productions. He then demonstrates.



'See? I am not the only one to slip in a lame modification of a popular show tune into this AAR.'

We shall never speak of this again.

Kasumi wonders how that last quest was for Samara.



'Oh right. I probably should go talk to her about it. I am sure she is taking it well.'

Samara has all the bright shiny optimism one might expect from a Paladin-Samurai.



'Oh good because I was worried you were taking this hard.'

But she is ready to do 'good deeds', as defined by her crazy code anyway, until her life comes to its inevitable violent end now that she has nothing left to live for. What a great quest.

Back out into space. They find a cargo ship hijacked by the Geth that is about to crash into a human colony.

MSV BROKEN ARROW CRASHING INTO THE PLANET JONUS IN THE PYLOS NEBULA



'You know you might have cursed your ship by giving it a name like that.'

They board and try to save the colony and the much-needed supplies aboard the ship from its violent end. The Geth are assholes.

They board with just moments to spare because we need maximum drama.



'Nice shot Shepard. That wall will be feeling that in the morning.'

But what do they need to do? The ship's computer fills them in.



'Right. What does a power coupling look like? Damn I should have brought Gabby and Ken with me.'

And there is little time to figure it out and an infinite number of Geth shoot at you while you are trying to do it.



'Can you stop please? I am trying to foil your evil plan.'

But Shepard manages to get them activated and turn the engine back on. The Geth run away and the day is saved! Human colonies saved: um...several. More than one. Losing track really.

But I know none of us got enough of killing Geth in the first Mass Effect so let's do this some more.

CANALUS



'Geth and their wacky weather machines.'

Wasn't there some sort of geth weather machine back in the Hammerhead missions? Anyway why the Geth are doing this is not addressed in this mission and the weather they are creating is just really foggy weather that makes the fighting tougher.



'When creating fake fog the Geth's flashlight heads puts them at an immediate disadvantage.'

After fighting through waves of Geth they finally reach the weather device.



'Awwww one of those Geth computers from Mass Effect! All the nostalgia for a few months ago.'

NORMANDY

Back on the Normandy Mordin gives Shepard crap due to his choice of romance partners.



'Ok you can stop giggling now.'

Shepard and Miranda have laid hands on each other about two times for a total of about five seconds so I think he is safe.

Samara regales Shepard with tales of her run in with his old friend Nihlus. He managed to get away by using her own code against her.



'If only Nihlus had similar cunning in dealing with other Spectres.'

JOAB

The next vacation location for Shepard is the planet Joab in the Rosetta Nebula. Huh I just noticed how Greek is becoming less popular for planet and star cluster names.



'I presume their intentions are: being evil.'

Shepard brings Zaeed along to see his own mates but he does not have anything to say.

This planet has a human colony named 'New Jericho' and a population of a staggering 21 million. Considering all Mass Effect had said about human colonization efforts I am finding these seemingly endless numbers of huge human colonies hard to believe...at least in the context of the lore. But Mass Effect 2 shoots the lore all to hell so I really need to get over it.

An illegal archaeological team, our friends from the ExoGeni Corportaion, has discovered a Prothean artifact and decided to seek the aid of the Blue Suns. This was not a great idea.



'Hey guys! After all the Blood Pack and Eclipse I kind of missed you guys.'

I hadn't killed Turians in so long.



'You can always count on Vido. Just not for what you are hoping for.'

I was a little surprised Zaeed had nothing to say about that tie in.

Eventually they find the big Blue Suns boss.



'Fight behind a crate? Real men prefer bullet proof glass.'

And they find the Prothean artifact. Which is one of those pyramids.



'Hey one of those Prothean computers! All the Mass Effect goodness...except it is not amber anymore.'

Then Shepard gets the vision from Mass Effect again except this time with the right Protheans in there so Bioware can show you what you REALLY saw in Mass Effect.



'So forget all about this.'



'This is what you really saw.'

So that is that. Well ok not entirely. This is part of a whole Blue Suns mission sequence. Lieutenant Locke was supposed to secure the Prothean relic and meet with a certain Captain Vorhees.



'We will get right on that.'

But first we have something much more urgent: an empty building to blow up.

PRAGIA

Time to go to the Nubian Expanse and help Jack do some petty shit.



'This empty building will never know what hit it!'

Jack wants us to go to the ruins of the Cerberus facility where she was lovingly brought up as a psychopathic murderer and blow it to hell, if you cannot remember from back in Part 5.

It is always rainy and miserable on Pragia.



'Welcome to rain forest planet.'

Shortly after entering the facility they find one of those holographic journals everybody seems to make of everything. The guys running the facility are proud of the progress they are making creating super powerful human biotics but want to keep what they are doing from the Illusive Man who is getting suspicious about...something or other. But they hope their results will get him to look past whatever they thing will upset him. Miranda says the facility obviously went rogue and that is enough to convince her Cerberus is cool. And has nothing else to say in this mission. That is weird because for some reason I had this memory of she and Jack going back and forth as you explore the facility. Jack does have a comeback for her though.



'They were using the wrong cover sheets on their TPS reports.'

This room also has those portable cells they had back on Purgatory that Jack speculates they used to bring the kids to the project.
Jack has this memory that she was horrible abused and hated by everybody but she survived because she was so very tough and awesome. But it becomes clear that in fact she was the crown jewel of the project and everyone and everything was sacrificed for her success. Granted even then she was subjected to things like pumped full of narcotics when she killed people with biotics to make murder pleasurable for her. Well mission fucking accomplished Cerberus.



'Wow this has to be tough on your ego Jack.'

But there is trouble in evil paradise. They are not alone.



'Well that and how Varren got here to begin with.'

Somebody from Tuchanka might be in there with them.

And who could it be? Let's assemble a series of clues from the parts of the game we have played thus far...oh just kidding you know who it is.



'I am shocked to see a random mercenary group here!'

At the next holograph journal they discover that the other kids in the facility were being experimented on to see what worked so they could use it on Jack. But since they discovered they had an arena where they had her kill the other kids I guess that is not surprising.



'Cerberus killing humans like chattel? Doesn't sound like they went rogue to me.'

But eventually somebody kills the guy while he is in the middle of doing his journal. And that somebody is Jack.



'I am impressed you were doing this while angry biotics were destroying your facility. Proper documentation is important.'

The Ascension Program is the program that Captain Anderson's girlfriend works at in the book Ascension. I wonder if we ever cross paths with Kahlee Sanders in the games?

Anyway, right before they get to Jack's room they run into the main forces of the Blood Pack and they were hired by one of the former kids in the project. Crazy. I guess there is a lot of money in being a traumatized biotic.



'So kill us first and think later? Sounds like the Blood Pack alright.'

Though since Shepard did kill the leader of the Blood Pack they probably would have tried to kill him anyway if they thought about it. Three Krogans at the same time might be a problem but they were all stuck there on that platform. Which works great for a sniper like Shepard.



'Not a bad idea. Pity you will all be dead before you can even get down here.'

After the Blood Pack Krogans are dead they go into Jack's old room and find the former student, Aresh, there. He has a very specific way of making sense of his trauma: inflict it on other people.



'Though to be fair he could just be getting the data but...'

Shepard manages to convince Jack to let him go without murdering him, though I have no idea how he is going to escape with us planting this bomb. After a bit of sightseeing and reminiscing on Jack's horrendous childhood at Camp Cerberus they plant the bomb and leave.



'Really? Even when we plant the bomb with no enemies at all we still make it exciting?'

Shepard must be an adrenaline junkie.

NORMANDY

Back on the Normandy Jack goes to have a conversation with Miranda.

Jack wants Miranda to admit what Cerberus did to her was wrong. Miranda thinks it was not truly Cerberus but a rogue group. And well...that is basically it. They are at an impasse. Jack decides the best way to convince Miranda is to inflict unspeakable torture on her.
Some might say that is an overreaction.

Shepard appeals to their sense of duty.



'Or whatever is getting in the way here.'

Jack...sort of agrees.



'Sure...I guess that makes sense.'

But Jack is now loyal and unlikely to murder us all...besides Miranda. Win!

Next: Murder and Treason...not involving Jack

[viper37]

Really? Can I just go to a tenement on Omega and ask about the dead girl? I don't have to be more specific?'

Criminality is an at all time low on Omega.  Well, not many things are illegal per se, so asking about a "dead girl" means you're looking at an unsanctionned death, so these are rare.

Really? Can I just go to a tenement on Omega and ask about the dead girl? I don't have to be more specific?'

No, that's because they shine in the sun.

They board with just moments to spare because we need maximum drama.

I think it's just your incredible timing.

The Ascension Program is the program that Captain Anderson's girlfriend works at in the book Ascension. I wonder if we ever cross paths with Kahlee Sanders in the games?

Why do you keep asking questions you do not want answers to?

[viper37]

I like your AAR, but once is enough

[Valmy]

I like your AAR, but once is enough

Languish glitched on me for some reason. Photobucket is screwing up to.

In fact I was not even aware it successfully posted. I came here to try again only to find three copies 

[grumbler]

Once again, an enjoyable AAR.

We will not speak of this again.

[viper37]

Once again, an enjoyable AAR.

yes more entertaining than the game's plot

ME3 is a little better on the plot side, but unfortunately, they went to far with the extended cut.

[Valmy]

Um Photobucket seems to have cracked down on the evil of 3rd party hosting. Whatever that means. So what I can store stuff there but not link it anyplace? Huh. Not really sure what that means for this AAR. Anybody have any ideas?

Edit: So here we are.

https://www.ghacks.net/2017/06/30/photobucket-now-charges-399-for-third-party-hosted-images/

PhotoBucket now charges $399 for third-party hosted images

by Martin Brinkmann on June 30, 2017 in Internet - Last Update:June 30, 2017

If you have visited a website recently that displays images hosted on Photobucket, or are embedding images hosted on Photobucket on your own, you may have had a rather rude awakening one day as Photobucket decided to block these images from being displayed on third-party sites.

All Photobucket images hosted on third-party sites, at least from what we can tell, are replaced by a dummy image. It reads: Please update your account to enable 3rd party hosting. For important info, please go to www.photobucket.com/P500.

According to some users that we spoke with who are affected by this, this happened without prior notice or any form of warning on Photobucket's part.

Photobucket defines third-party hosting (what is with using 3rd instead of third?) as embedding an image or photo on another website. This includes embedding photos on forums, eBay, Etsy, Craigslist or another other site on the Internet that is not Photobucket.com.

When you open the referenced page on the Photobucket website, you are informed that you may restore the third-party hosted content by becoming a Plus 500 subscriber.

A Plus 500 plan allows for unlimited third-party hosting, and provides members with other benefits such as an ad-free browsing environment on the Photobucket site, priority customer support, or full resolution photo storage.

Photobucket offers three paid plans to members, but only the most expensive plan supports third-party hosting of images. It is available for $39.99 per month, or at a discount when billed yearly for $399.99.

According to Photobucket, the site has more than 100 million unique users who have stored more than 15 billion images on its servers.

For users who are affected by this, it is important to note that the images are not gone. They are still hosted on Photobucket, and you can actually load them right then and there by right-clicking on them and selecting "open image in new tab" or "open link in new tab" depending on the web browser that you are using. This opens the Photobucket website where the original image is displayed.

The problem right now is however that Photobucket has been used as a host for images for years on many sites on the Internet. And it is not even the case that the site owner can do something about it if other members of the site have embedded photos from Photobucket as the disabling is account linked.

All members of a site who used Photobucket in the past would have to sign up for the -- rather expensive I might say -- Plus 500 plan to restore the old functionality. This is not practicable at all, and it won't happen.

As far as alternatives are concerned, there is Imgur for instance which supports the embedding of images on third-party sites.

While members of Photobucket may wait and hope that the company reverses the stance on third-party hosted images, it is probably better to migrate the photos to another hosting service entirely.

You can download your entire library of images by selecting Library on Photobucket, and there the download album link under actions.

Closing Words

Photobucket may make a quick buck from the unannounced change, as some members may feel pressured in paying up so that their images are displayed again on third-party sites.

I think however that many more will leave Photobucket and use another service instead for image hosting. This may be fueled by site-wide bans of the service.

The plan is overpriced in my opinion, not only because there are free alternatives available out there, but also because you may sign up for a VPS or web hosting account instead for a fraction of the price that Photobucket charges.

Even if it would be priced reasonably, and Photobucket has any right to adjust its pricing, blocking images without prior notice or migration options, especially since this was free before, is not the most elegant of ways to go about it.

Well fuck. That is a hell of a lot to migrate and then go back and change. All my AARs are now screwed up.

[Valmy]

Short term plan: Switch over to imgur for the time being and hope Photobucket comes to its senses. Once ME2 is over I may go back and try to fix all this crap if they persist.

[viper37]

Short term plan: Switch over to imgur for the time being and hope Photobucket comes to its senses. Once ME2 is over I may go back and try to fix all this crap if they persist.

Flicker or Google photo could do the job.
https://alternativeto.net/software/photobucket/

[viper37]

from what I see, you have a unique name for all your pictures, not something auto-generated by your site, so only the domain name would change.

You would need to migrate all your pictures to, say, Imgur, then edit your posts here, copy the entire text, past it in Wordpad, search&replace "http://photobucket.com/gallery/user/" by "http://imgur.com/gallery/user/" or rather its equivalent.  it's still a pain in the ass, so I think your idea of waiting to migrate your stuff is a good one. they may quickly backtrack on this.

[viper37]

The team behind the ALOT mod I had Valmy install has reprocess their texture through AI upscaling to make 2k and 4k versions of their pack...

It looks gorgeous.  Makes me want to play ME2 and 3 again...  Maybe even #1 if I can find it again...
https://www.kotaku.com.au/2019/03/mass-effect-2-with-ai-upscaling-looks-fantastic/

[viper37]

they may quickly backtrack on this.

seems like they did because I can see your pictures on Photobucket now

[Valmy]

they may quickly backtrack on this.

seems like they did because I can see your pictures on Photobucket now

Yes so I may start this up again at some point. But plenty has changed since 2017 I have another baby and stuff. Also since it is EA and they hate their customers, since Andromeda did not sell well they instantly stopped supporting it which I find a bit annoying.

[viper37]

they may quickly backtrack on this.

seems like they did because I can see your pictures on Photobucket now

Yes so I may start this up again at some point. But plenty has changed since 2017 I have another baby and stuff. Also since it is EA and they hate their customers, since Andromeda did not sell well they instantly stopped supporting it which I find a bit annoying.

Andromeda isn't related to Sheppard.  It has the name Mass Effect, it has some of its technology, but it ain't related story-wise.

I understand real life takes precedence.  It was fun reading it.
Maybe when the new baby reaches her teen, you'll find some time to finish it