Been a while, but I saw this (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173) in the BBC and I've been wondering about it ever since.
Quote
What is it like to be asexual?
By Lucy Wallis BBC News
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fnews.bbcimg.co.uk%2Fmedia%2Fimages%2F57876000%2Fjpg%2F_57876215_1182872-high_res-how-sex-works.jpg&hash=145923d58b00a4093a70f6b204413f970c2e2b51)
Jenni is in a relationship with Tim, who is not asexual.
Twenty-one-year-old Jenni Goodchild does not experience sexual attraction, but in an increasingly sexualised society what is it like to be asexual?
"For me it basically just means that I don't look at people and think 'hmm yeah I'd have sex with you,' that just doesn't happen," says Jenni.
A student in Oxford, Jenni is one of the estimated 1% of people in the UK who identify themselves as asexual. Asexuality is described as an orientation, unlike celibacy which is a choice.
"People say 'well if you've not tried it, then how do you know?'" says Jenni.
"Well if you're straight have you tried having sex with somebody you know of the same sex as you? How do you know you wouldn't enjoy that? You just know that if you're not interested in it, you're not interested in it, regardless of having tried it or not."
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the main online hub for the asexual community, stresses that emotional needs vary widely in the asexual community, just as they do in the "sexual" community.
There is a difference, for instance between aromantic asexuals and romantic asexuals, says sociologist Mark Carrigan, from the University of Warwick.
Aromantic or romantic?
"[Aromantic asexuals] don't have any romantic attractions, so in many cases they don't want to be touched, they don't want any physical intimacy," says Carrigan.
"[Romantic asexuals] don't experience sexual attraction, but they do experience romantic attraction. So they will look at someone and they won't respond sexually to them, but they might want to get closer to them, to find out more about them, to share things with them."
This is true of Jenni who is heteroromantic, and although having no interest in sex, is still attracted to people, and is in a relationship with 22-year-old Tim. Tim, however, is not asexual.
"A lot of people actually ask if I am being selfish and keeping him in a relationship that he won't get anything he wants [from] and he should go and date somebody like him, but he seems quite happy, so I'd say I'd leave that up to him," says Jenni.
Tim is enjoying spending time with and getting to know Jenni by focusing on the romantic aspects of their relationship.
"The first time that Jenni mentioned in conversation that she was asexual, my initial thought was 'hmm that's kind of odd'," says Tim, "but then I did know enough not to make assumptions about what that meant.
"I have never been obsessed with sex. I've not been one to have to go out at night and have to have someone to have sex with, because that's what people do... so I'm not all that concerned about it".
Continue reading the main story
"Start Quote
Fifty or 60 years ago would anyone have actually felt the need to define themselves as asexual or would society have just accepted them not engaging in sexual behaviour?"
End Quote Mark Carrigan, University of Warwick
Jenni's relationship with Tim does have a physical side, as they cuddle and kiss to express their affection for each other.
Asexuality has been the subject of very few scientific studies which has led to speculation about why some people feel no sexual attraction.
"There are people who definitely view it as a disorder and are like 'oh if we give you these pills we can fix it'. Or people who ask you 'have you had your hormones checked', as though that's the obvious solution," says Jenni.
"And then you get people who go one step worse, and I have been asked before if I had been molested as a child, which is not an appropriate question to ask somebody to be honest, and also I haven't been. It was the assumption that 'hey you have something wrong with you, clearly you were molested as a child' is just such a terrible attitude to have."
Carrigan suggests that the lack of scientific research is tied in with the fact there was not really an asexual community until the launch of AVEN.
"Until there were people who were defining themselves as asexual, which didn't really happen until 2001, there wasn't really an object to study," says Mark.
Asexuality is distinct from the condition of people who lack sexual desire but find that problematic.
"There has been lots of research on hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which is classified as a personality disorder, and it is if you do not experience sexual attraction and it's causing you suffering. So lots of people who later came to be defined as asexual either were or might have been defined as having this condition."
Although asexuals do sometimes experience discrimination in society, Carrigan says it is different from the "outright phobia" that lesbian and gay people are sometimes subject to.
"It's more about marginalisation because people genuinely don't understand asexuality," says Mark.
"Fifty or 60 years ago would anyone have actually felt the need to define themselves as asexual or would society have just accepted them not engaging in sexual behaviour? I think there has been quite a profound change.
"The 'sexual revolution' has been a hugely valuable change in how we deal with sex and how we think about it as a society. Research has left me with a sense that there is a degree of oversexualisation in society, the fact that people just don't get asexuality."
Relationship, sex and behaviour expert Dr Pam Spurr admits not receiving many inquiries about asexuality.
"In the few times as an agony aunt or in my other work I have had questions about it, people often feel incredibly secretive about it because it's so rare," says Spurr.
She says people feel comfortable talking about high and low sex drives, but that asexuality itself is not a subject that is widely discussed.
The question that fascinates Carrigan is the future effect of a visible asexual community on people who are not asexual.
"For instance there wasn't a concept of heterosexuality before there were homosexuals," says Carrigan. "It was only when there were people calling themselves homosexuals that it made sense for anyone to think of themselves as heterosexual."
"If it is true that up to 1% of the population are asexual and more people are aware of them, will that change how 'sexual' people think about themselves, because there is not really a good word to refer to people who aren't asexual."
The comments (it is BBC) seem to be pretty bland and stuff. My first reaction to reading this a couple months ago was that this chick is doing her partner a grave injustice. I mean, I can understand not wanting sex, but to ask someone else who is not that way to live like that with you just because you can't be arsed? I want to save that guy from her somehow.
I'd do her.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 05:31:29 PM
I'd do her.
no kidding. I dont have time to read the article, but this bitch is just taking the art of cockteaseryto sublime levels.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on April 30, 2012, 05:29:22 PM
The comments (it is BBC) seem to be pretty bland and stuff. My first reaction to reading this a couple months ago was that this chick is doing her partner a grave injustice. I mean, I can understand not wanting sex, but to ask someone else who is not that way to live like that with you just because you can't be arsed? I want to save that guy from her somehow.
She should lie back and think of England. :yes:
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on April 30, 2012, 05:29:22 PM
Been a while, but I saw this (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173) in the BBC and I've been wondering about it ever since.
Quote
.....
The comments (it is BBC) seem to be pretty bland and stuff. My first reaction to reading this a couple months ago was that this chick is doing her partner a grave injustice. I mean, I can understand not wanting sex, but to ask someone else who is not that way to live like that with you just because you can't be arsed? I want to save that guy from her somehow.
It's a mind fuck, someone screws around with other peoples minds in effort to externalise their own internal fuckedupedness and in the process establishes both a power relationship and makes the world just that little bit more messed up. <_<
*shrug*
Different people have different levels of sexual drive.
Sometimes people with different level of sex-drive like each other for other reasons and have a relationship. Maybe it works (good for them), maybe it doesn't (oh well).
Not sure I see what the big deal is.
By the way this person is getting considerable press coverage with this story; it seems to keep cropping up every couple of months, expect her to parlay it into a minor job in the media. :hmm:
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 05:50:51 PM
*shrug*
Different people have different levels of sexual drive.
Sometimes people with different level of sex-drive like each other for other reasons and have a relationship. Maybe it works (good for them), maybe it doesn't (oh well).
Not sure I see what the big deal is.
This is the kind of thing a person may think he's ok with until one day years later he realizes he's not ok with it at all. And then suddenly, all kinds of awful bitterness and stuff will come to the surface. Not that it's all her fault, I mean, the guy is agreeing to it for now. I just don't see how anyone would think it's ok to ask a person to live like that, even if they do it of their own free will.
Prediction: This will end badly for for them. No doubt in my mind.
If she is indeed getting press, then presumably we may later hear the tale of how he woke up one day and said fuck this shit I'm outta here. Or got caught cheating on her or in a brothel or something.
Edit: Does anybody agree with the premise that "If he loves her he should be able to go without sex his whole life"? That's in the comments. Bleh.
Only way to be sure she's not teasing is to watch for nipple boners.
Dude is a schmuck. Needs to ditch rainbow bright.
I'd cure her.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on April 30, 2012, 06:16:25 PMThis is the kind of thing a person may think he's ok with until one day years later he realizes he's not ok with it at all. And then suddenly, all kinds of awful bitterness and stuff will come to the surface. Not that it's all her fault, I mean, the guy is agreeing to it for now. I just don't see how anyone would think it's ok to ask a person to live like that, even if they do it of their own free will.
Prediction: This will end badly for for them. No doubt in my mind.
Yeah sure. That's true for a lot of relationships, though, isn't it? That they'll probably end badly.
The fact that they've talked about their differences openly and know each others' limits increases the odds that their relationship IMO, but significant differences in what they want decreases it. But who's to say that in the future they don't reach some agreement where he's allowed to fuck around on the side or something, if that's what he wants? At least they have a basis to communicate this, which is more than can be said for your classic "first we fuck like bunnies, then we stop sex almost completely and at least one partner is incredibly frustrated, but it's never addressed" trajectory.
QuoteIf she is indeed getting press, then presumably we may later hear the tale of how he woke up one day and said fuck this shit I'm outta here. Or got caught cheating on her or in a brothel or something.
Quite possibly.
QuoteEdit: Does anybody agree with the premise that "If he loves her he should be able to go without sex his whole life"? That's in the comments. Bleh.
Giving up sex entirely, if you have a regular sex drive, is a pretty big sacrifice yeah... and pretty likely to fail, it seems. But it's a romantic notion to some, so you'll see that kind of comments. Just don't agree to give up YOUR sex life forever and you'll be fine.
So it's a she-garbon? Even has the hair right.
Does anyone suspect that if this got investigated a bit more the story would be much different than the article presents?
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 06:55:13 PM
Does anyone suspect that if this got investigated a bit more the story would be much different than the article presents?
You mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 06:55:13 PM
Does anyone suspect that if this got investigated a bit more the story would be much different than the article presents?
You mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I just know that it seems whenever there is a news story I know a decent amount about, it is wrong in major ways. I also know there are a lot of people that will do almost anything to get publicity, and of course most people aren't straightforward about their sex lives. And this is a news story about what 2 people report about their sex lives, which is also resulting in them getting international press.
I guess that may not be a reasonable post on my part, because if we stop accepting the validity of what is reported there won't be much for languish to comment on.
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
I think it's a pretty good idea to assume that anything that a reporter says in an article is incorrect, or at least a half-truth. Reporters are usually pretty stupid.
She sounds like a narcissistic bitch and that dude's pinched "walk all over me" face says it all really. :yucky:
Seems like a recipe for an unhappy relaionship.
Quote from: Viking on April 30, 2012, 07:32:01 PM
Seems like a recipe for an unhappy relaionship.
Evolutionary dead end.
Quote from: Legbiter on April 30, 2012, 07:30:26 PM
She sounds like a narcissistic bitch and that dude's pinched "walk all over me" face says it all really. :yucky:
They will break up in a year or two when he finds out she is cheating on him.
Sounds like a job for the Seduction Community. :P
The proper response to one partner being asexual is for him/her to yield themselves. Not liking it isn't the same as not hating it.
submission is virtuous, endearing, and ultimately preferable to mutual desire, which is debasing.
In theory, one should seek out a similarly asexual partner, but there's little reason to avoid an otherwise fine relationship because they have a sexual appetite and you do not.
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 07:45:42 PM
They will break up in a year or two when he finds out she is cheating on him.
Hopefully for his sake it's with a girl.
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 07:45:42 PM
Quote from: Legbiter on April 30, 2012, 07:30:26 PM
She sounds like a narcissistic bitch and that dude's pinched "walk all over me" face says it all really. :yucky:
They will break up in a year or two when he finds out she is cheating on him.
God I hope so. I can't decide whether he should be euthanized or given an all expenses paid 10 day vacation to Bangkok.
Could maybe crowdfund the latter option?
Quote from: Lettow77 on April 30, 2012, 07:53:27 PM
The proper response to one partner being asexual is for him/her to yield themselves. Not liking it isn't the same as not hating it.
submission is virtuous, endearing, and ultimately preferable to mutual desire, which is debasing.
In theory, one should seek out a similarly asexual partner, but there's little reason to avoid an otherwise fine relationship because they have a sexual appetite and you do not.
You let your roommate cornhole you yet, Tokyo Rose?
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FTUi9F.jpg&hash=1f2c06787416c3464b3b73df30c0fbc3eb88307b)
I wouldn't do that, even if he wanted to! I can't just NTR his missus, she's a nice lady.
Is NTR a popular acronym I just don't know, or is it one of the supersecret ones that only Internet Elites like lettow know? :unsure:
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 30, 2012, 07:54:14 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 07:45:42 PM
They will break up in a year or two when he finds out she is cheating on him.
Hopefully for his sake it's with a girl.
When I was in college a friend of mine dated an Indian girl for about 3 years (most of college). She mentioned a few times that the idea of sex was gross but we never thought anything of it because they typically slept together. Then at the end of the relationship it came out that even though they were sleeping together they never did anything of a sexual nature. This is what pissed off my friend and they broke up. We thought she might be gay.
Then about a month later she started dating, and having sex with, an Indian med student (confirmed by her roommates). The whole time she was just treading water until the right partner came along.
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 08:03:18 PM
The whole time she was just treading water until the right partner came along.
Yeah, that's odd; never heard of any women ever doing that.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 08:09:48 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 08:03:18 PM
The whole time she was just treading water until the right partner came along.
Yeah, that's odd; never heard of any women ever doing that.
But three years of usually sleeping in the same bed as a guy--a twin bed mind you--and never letting him get anywhere? That may be worse than waterboarding.
Bitches be trippin'.
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 08:15:32 PM
But three years of usually sleeping in the same bed as a guy--a twin bed mind you--and never letting him get anywhere? That may be worse than waterboarding.
All it proves is he's as big an idiot as she is a goofball.
The important part is, is he happy with the situation? If her lack of sex drive doesn't bother him kudos for him. If it does, however, either it's counseling with a sexologist or him sleeping with other women.
A truly asexual person (and not someone witholding sex for control issues) should allow the person to seek sex somewhere else, within bounds that both agree with, or be willing to let him/her go. Otherwise it is really unfair for the other partner, as sex is an integral part of a relationship and he shouldn't be paying for something that is vital to a viable relationship.
Quote from: Neil on April 30, 2012, 06:54:11 PM
So it's a she-garbon? Even has the hair right.
My hair was never that involved.
Quote from: Drakken on April 30, 2012, 08:43:26 PM
The important part is, is he happy with the situation? If her lack of sex drive doesn't bother him kudos for him. If it does, however, either it's counseling with a sexologist or him sleeping with other women.
A truly asexual person (and not someone witholding sex for control issues) should allow the person to seek sex somewhere else, within bounds that both agree with, or be willing to let him/her go. Otherwise it is really unfair for the other partner, as sex is an integral part of a relationship and he shouldn't be paying for something that is vital to a viable relationship.
Let them go? Are they trapped?
Quote from: garbon on April 30, 2012, 08:56:22 PM
Quote from: Drakken on April 30, 2012, 08:43:26 PM
The important part is, is he happy with the situation? If her lack of sex drive doesn't bother him kudos for him. If it does, however, either it's counseling with a sexologist or him sleeping with other women.
A truly asexual person (and not someone witholding sex for control issues) should allow the person to seek sex somewhere else, within bounds that both agree with, or be willing to let him/her go. Otherwise it is really unfair for the other partner, as sex is an integral part of a relationship and he shouldn't be paying for something that is vital to a viable relationship.
Let them go? Are they trapped?
No shit. People are making this sound like some sort of contractual obligation. WTF is wrong with you over-rationalizing fucksticks? What are you, lawyers?
Quote"In the few times as an agony aunt or in my other work I have had questions about it, people often feel incredibly secretive about it because it's so rare," says Spurr.
And what the fuck kind of fucked-up British term is that, anyway? What kind of fucked up profession is "agony aunt"? What the fuck is that? What kind of slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cockersucker job is that about?
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 09:06:59 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 30, 2012, 08:56:22 PM
Quote from: Drakken on April 30, 2012, 08:43:26 PM
The important part is, is he happy with the situation? If her lack of sex drive doesn't bother him kudos for him. If it does, however, either it's counseling with a sexologist or him sleeping with other women.
A truly asexual person (and not someone witholding sex for control issues) should allow the person to seek sex somewhere else, within bounds that both agree with, or be willing to let him/her go. Otherwise it is really unfair for the other partner, as sex is an integral part of a relationship and he shouldn't be paying for something that is vital to a viable relationship.
Let them go? Are they trapped?
No shit. People are making this sound like some sort of contractual obligation. WTF is wrong with you over-rationalizing fucksticks? What are you, lawyers?
Apparently you should only enter a relationship if you plan to be together forever.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 09:12:24 PM
Quote"In the few times as an agony aunt or in my other work I have had questions about it, people often feel incredibly secretive about it because it's so rare," says Spurr.
And what the fuck kind of fucked-up British term is that, anyway? What kind of fucked up profession is "agony aunt"? What the fuck is that? What kind of slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cockersucker job is that about?
advice columnist
Quote from: garbon on April 30, 2012, 09:15:37 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 09:12:24 PM
Quote"In the few times as an agony aunt or in my other work I have had questions about it, people often feel incredibly secretive about it because it's so rare," says Spurr.
And what the fuck kind of fucked-up British term is that, anyway? What kind of fucked up profession is "agony aunt"? What the fuck is that? What kind of slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cockersucker job is that about?
advice columnist
Very well, then. Carry on.
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 08:03:18 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 30, 2012, 07:54:14 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 07:45:42 PM
They will break up in a year or two when he finds out she is cheating on him.
Hopefully for his sake it's with a girl.
When I was in college a friend of mine dated an Indian girl for about 3 years (most of college). She mentioned a few times that the idea of sex was gross but we never thought anything of it because they typically slept together. Then at the end of the relationship it came out that even though they were sleeping together they never did anything of a sexual nature. This is what pissed off my friend and they broke up. We thought she might be gay.
Then about a month later she started dating, and having sex with, an Indian med student (confirmed by her roommates). The whole time she was just treading water until the right partner came along.
Also a bad person.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:58:13 PM
Also a bad person.
What about girls who save themselves for their husband? Are they categorically bad or only if they don't follow through?
Yilaborate.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 08:16:49 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on April 30, 2012, 08:15:32 PM
But three years of usually sleeping in the same bed as a guy--a twin bed mind you--and never letting him get anywhere? That may be worse than waterboarding.
All it proves is he's as big an idiot as she is a goofball.
Yip
If you want sex don't date someone who doesn't. It's that simple. It's not like they're promising tomorrow when tomorrow never comes. Now, the wedding ring switch is just down right heinous.
He's probably got him some side action.
Quote from: 11B4V on April 30, 2012, 10:13:57 PM
He's probably got him some side action.
Well those chicks were pretty big so he'd have to go along way to get to the other side of her.
Quote from: Razgovory on April 30, 2012, 10:25:01 PM
Quote from: 11B4V on April 30, 2012, 10:13:57 PM
He's probably got him some side action.
Well those chicks were pretty big so he'd have to go along way to get to the other side of her.
You're in over your head in this thread, arent you? Perhaps another chariot thread or thread talking about little boats will appear for you. :P
Quote from: 11B4V on April 30, 2012, 10:32:04 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on April 30, 2012, 10:25:01 PM
Quote from: 11B4V on April 30, 2012, 10:13:57 PM
He's probably got him some side action.
Well those chicks were pretty big so he'd have to go along way to get to the other side of her.
You're in over your head in this thread, arent you? Perhaps another chariot thread or thread talking about little boats will appear for you. :P
ah little boats :wub:
But i think raz was talking about Jaron's old fundy girlfriend(s?)
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 30, 2012, 10:10:50 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:04:10 PM
Yilaborate.
Like the girls Jaron dates.
If you care for someone, you should be prepared to provide for their sexual needs within reason. It says so in the Bible.
More generally, in any relationship where someone establishes the kind of power dynamic where one's needs are substantially satisfied and the other's are left substantially unfulfilled, a categorical wrong has been committed.
In the case of withholding till marriage, that's arguably just merely stupid and barbaric, but there is still an element of control that I find discomforting.
Yeah, I only remember that one girlfriend of Jaron's who dropped on the floor. So I assumed she was on the hefty side. What is this about little boats?
Quote from: Razgovory on April 30, 2012, 10:38:01 PM
Yeah, I only remember that one girlfriend of Jaron's who dropped on the floor. So I assumed she was on the hefty side. What is this about little boats?
there were also pictures. Of one at least. don't know if he had any other fundies
The little boats was the thread were grumbler was arguing about the naming of a type of little boat (starts with a p, can't recall off hand the term) with malthus.
Quote from: Razgovory on April 30, 2012, 10:38:01 PM
What is this about little boats?
They need fewer rowers.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:37:28 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 30, 2012, 10:10:50 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:04:10 PM
Yilaborate.
Like the girls Jaron dates.
More generally, in any relationship where someone establishes the kind of power dynamic where one's needs are substantially satisfied and the other's are left substantially unfulfilled, a categorical wrong has been committed.
It's wrong only when one is forced to stay. no one is forced to join or stay within a sexless relationship (sexless after marriage is a bit different).
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:40:21 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on April 30, 2012, 10:38:01 PM
Yeah, I only remember that one girlfriend of Jaron's who dropped on the floor. So I assumed she was on the hefty side. What is this about little boats?
there were also pictures. Of one at least. don't know if he had any other fundies
The little boats was the thread were grumbler was arguing about the naming of a type of little boat (starts with a p, can't recall off hand the term) with malthus.
Yeah. I remember that one, I didn't think I was really part of that.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:56:05 PM
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
And, as an added bonus: no matter whatever happens, no matter how the relationship ends, you can always stand there knowing she can never take back the fact that she's had your penis in her mouth.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR CARED ENOUGH TO BOTHER
WELL YOUVE HAD MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE
:lol:
:lol:
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:41:45 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:37:28 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 30, 2012, 10:10:50 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:04:10 PM
Yilaborate.
Like the girls Jaron dates.
More generally, in any relationship where someone establishes the kind of power dynamic where one's needs are substantially satisfied and the other's are left substantially unfulfilled, a categorical wrong has been committed.
It's wrong only when one is forced to stay. no one is forced to join or stay within a sexless relationship (sexless after marriage is a bit different).
I'll give the asexual chick this, at least she was upfront about it. Even so, this is damaging to him*, and she should know it; if she cared, she could do something about it; she doesn't (unless, as noted, "cuddling" means "blowjobs"); her words do not match her actions, and she takes what she requires without giving what he requires (or, as far as I could tell, permitting him to seek it elsewhere). Therefore, she is a hurtful, exploitative person.
*I am unwilling to believe that it is not.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 10:50:35 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:56:05 PM
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
And, as an added bonus: no matter whatever happens, no matter how the relationship ends, you can always stand there knowing she can never take back the fact that she's had your penis in her mouth.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR CARED ENOUGH TO BOTHER
WELL YOUVE HAD MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE
Thoughts like that keep me warm at night.
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 10:54:45 PM
Thoughts like that keep me warm at night.
I've never had that thought, but there are otehr things i see in myself that make me think of CdM. I shall one day turn into him... and that makes me sad :( :P
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:55:24 PM
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
Bad metaphor...the slob is a genius, because the OCD clean freak will always clean up after him...thus he is a winner. :P
Quote from: Tonitrus on April 30, 2012, 10:57:57 PM
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:55:24 PM
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
Bad metaphor...the slob is a genius, because the OCD clean freak will always clean up after him...thus he is a winner. :P
and sexual boy "clean up after himself" too ;), but they will both in the end resent the slob/ice queen :lol:
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 10:50:35 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:56:05 PM
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
And, as an added bonus: no matter whatever happens, no matter how the relationship ends, you can always stand there knowing she can never take back the fact that she's had your penis in her mouth.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR CARED ENOUGH TO BOTHER
WELL YOUVE HAD MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE
I have thought that exact same thing before :lol:
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:55:24 PM
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
No, because in theory each negotiates a compromise upon which they can found a fair, equitable, and honest relationship, with which both can be happy (or equally displeased).
Ms. Anestrogenia is like LOL I RULE BOYS DROOL. There appears to be no attempt at compromise. And, honestly, I'd bet a thousand dollars she gets off (figuratively, perhaps) on the idea that he wants to fuck her and can't. People like to be wanted.
Quote from: Zoupa on April 30, 2012, 11:01:33 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 10:50:35 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:56:05 PM
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
And, as an added bonus: no matter whatever happens, no matter how the relationship ends, you can always stand there knowing she can never take back the fact that she's had your penis in her mouth.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR CARED ENOUGH TO BOTHER
WELL YOUVE HAD MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE
I have thought that exact same thing before :lol:
Much like the Islamic Warrior sees victory in a suicide bombing, we will always possess the ultimate victory. Because she's had your penis in her mouth. And, like the suicide bomber, you just can't undo that victory.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:02:53 PM
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:55:24 PM
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
No, because in theory each negotiates a compromise upon which they can found a fair, equitable, and honest relationship, with which both can be happy (or equally displeased).
Ya, the compromise is the one Tonitrus mention, OCD cleans and slob does nothing
QuoteAnestrogenia is like LOL I RULE BOYS DROOL. There appears to be no attempt at compromise. And, honestly, I'd bet a thousand dollars she gets off (figuratively, perhaps) on the idea that he wants to fuck her and can't. People like to be wanted.
There is no compromise with sexuality. If you and your friend were having an arguement would you compromise and blow him? :D If it's unappealing to her (for whatever reason) he'd be the dick for pushing the matter. She was clear about it from the get go. He's the dumb ass.
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 11:06:47 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:02:53 PM
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:55:24 PM
Oh, i agree, if he's in anyway sexual he's a dumbass and will come to regret it. She's in the clear. To me it's no different then a OCD clean freak dating a slob. They're both stupid, but neither is wronging the other. it's who they are.
No, because in theory each negotiates a compromise upon which they can found a fair, equitable, and honest relationship, with which both can be happy (or equally displeased).
Ya, the compromise is the one Tonitrus mention, OCD cleans and slob does nothing
QuoteAnestrogenia is like LOL I RULE BOYS DROOL. There appears to be no attempt at compromise. And, honestly, I'd bet a thousand dollars she gets off (figuratively, perhaps) on the idea that he wants to fuck her and can't. People like to be wanted.
There is no compromise with sexuality. If you and your friend were having an arguement would you compromise and blow him? :D If it's unappealing to her (for whatever reason) he'd be the dick for pushing the matter. She was clear about it from the get go. He's the dumb ass.
Yeah, if I were dating a guy, I think I'd probably consider blowing him, otherwise I'd feel kind of like an asshole.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:02:53 PM
Ms. Anestrogenia is like LOL I RULE BOYS DROOL. There appears to be no attempt at compromise. And, honestly, I'd bet a thousand dollars she gets off (figuratively, perhaps) on the idea that he wants to fuck her and can't. People like to be wanted.
One day this guy's gonna snap, roll her over while when they're "cuddling", pin her down with a forearm into the back of her neck and fuck her tight little asshole until the highlights in her hair are splattered over the wall, running down the headboard in a wet cacophony of color from her tears. And it will much to LOL about.
Shit, I just got hard. BE RIGHT BA
I was thinking more like "You can be awake when I cum in your hair, or you can be asleep. If I were you, I'd pick awake, but it's your body, your choice, baby."
This became more about our own bitterness and less about the article somewhere back about ten posts ago, didn't it? :lol:
I just wanted to mention it before Jacob did. You know it was coming.
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:21:46 PM
This became more about our own bitterness and less about the article somewhere back about ten posts ago, didn't it? :lol:
I just wanted to mention it before Jacob did. You know it was coming.
Dude, hatas gonna hate. Don't sweat Mr. Perfect.
Her idea that she will only ever do things she enjoys is weird. Does she have a job?
If she truly is asexual having some sex to please her man isn't a big deal.
You heteros need to learn to live in open relationships. Even if none of the partners is asexual, people usually have different levels of sexual drive and it is only fair that the person with higher levels of it can get something on the side without ruining the relationship. Same goes for liking different stuff in sex.
I think the problem for heteros is the mindset which starts with a "default set-up" (one dick one cunt) so you don't develop that negotiate mentality about sex. For gays it's naturally different.
:rolleyes: The forum asexual defending the bitch. What a shocker.
"That negotiate mentality" is called being whipped. And, surprise! It happens to gays too! Lesbians even! :P
The story would be exactly the same if it were a same-sex couple.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on May 01, 2012, 02:10:23 AM
"That negotiate mentality" is called being whipped. And, surprise! It happens to gays too! Lesbians even! :P
The story would be exactly the same if it were a same-sex couple.
Not really. What I meant is that when two gay guys meet, one of the first topics they need to negotiate is their sexual compatibility - even if it is something as simple as seeing whether they are both tops, or bottoms, or who's the top and who's the bottom. This naturally makes you more flexible and willing to discuss these things.
I don't think most heteros discuss on their first date (or even before the date) whether they like anal or bondage, by comparison.
What I find funny is hetero dudes who assimilated the cunt-truth that "sex always is meaningful".
All women like anal and bondage. What's to discuss?
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 10:50:35 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 09:56:05 PM
Quote from: Jacob on April 30, 2012, 07:14:59 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on April 30, 2012, 06:59:46 PMYou mean to suggest there is more to their "cuddling" and "kissing" then they let on?
I guess their cuddling could be more interactive than the standard definition, especially if they don't want to be overly detailed or graphical in their description of what they do.
If she's not at least sucking dick, she's a bad person. There, I said it, and I'd say it again if I had to.
You don't have to be into it to do it right. It's simply technical. No asked you to like brushing your teeth either.
And, as an added bonus: no matter whatever happens, no matter how the relationship ends, you can always stand there knowing she can never take back the fact that she's had your penis in her mouth.
YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR CARED ENOUGH TO BOTHER
WELL YOUVE HAD MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND THAT CAN NEVER CHANGE
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FAYfhr.gif&hash=747100307a2099b140674278185b4010662f5271)
Quote from: Martinus on May 01, 2012, 03:58:03 AM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on May 01, 2012, 02:10:23 AM
"That negotiate mentality" is called being whipped. And, surprise! It happens to gays too! Lesbians even! :P
The story would be exactly the same if it were a same-sex couple.
Not really. What I meant is that when two gay guys meet, one of the first topics they need to negotiate is their sexual compatibility - even if it is something as simple as seeing whether they are both tops, or bottoms, or who's the top and who's the bottom. This naturally makes you more flexible and willing to discuss these things.
I don't think most heteros discuss on their first date (or even before the date) whether they like anal or bondage, by comparison.
Umm like you, most people tell prostitutes what they are into on the first "date".
Quote from: HVC on April 30, 2012, 10:13:43 PM
If you want sex don't date someone who doesn't. It's that simple. It's not like they're promising tomorrow when tomorrow never comes. Now, the wedding ring switch is just down right heinous.
Disagree. One said for better or worse.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on April 30, 2012, 11:12:07 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:02:53 PM
Ms. Anestrogenia is like LOL I RULE BOYS DROOL. There appears to be no attempt at compromise. And, honestly, I'd bet a thousand dollars she gets off (figuratively, perhaps) on the idea that he wants to fuck her and can't. People like to be wanted.
One day this guy's gonna snap, roll her over while when they're "cuddling", pin her down with a forearm into the back of her neck and fuck her tight little asshole until the highlights in her hair are splattered over the wall, running down the headboard in a wet cacophony of color from her tears. And it will much to LOL about.
Shit, I just got hard. BE RIGHT BA
Sometimes you just gotta take that shit, amirite bro?
im with the suspicious sect. she goes to oxford and does look a bit of a hipstery type. just the sort to want to work in the media.
though yes, if true, not liking something isnt the same as hating it. how many gifls like going down on guys? yet many sometimes do it...
Quote from: Ideologue on April 30, 2012, 11:21:46 PM
This became more about our own bitterness and less about the article somewhere back about ten posts ago, didn't it? :lol:
I just wanted to mention it before Jacob did. You know it was coming.
:cheers:
(unlike the dude in the article, I might add)
Quick question, Jake: you're all, like, cuddly and sensitive ponytailish and shit...would you put up with a chick like that?
DONT WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION YES OR NO
Quote from: CountDeMoney on May 01, 2012, 03:48:33 PM
Quick question, Jake: you're all, like, cuddly and sensitive ponytailish and shit...would you put up with a chick like that?
DONT WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION YES OR NO
Absolutely not, no way. The moment it's clear there's going to be no knocking boots, I'm out. By date three at the latest there better be a clear and irreversible trendline towards the bed if we're not already there.
It doesn't offend me that she's asexual, nor that some dude is with her; that's their business. In my past dating life I've gotten together with girls who weren't compatible with me, and the relationships were ended swiftly and amicably; no need for resentment or wasted effort in trying to change them. People are different. I was always looking for ones that suited me.
Asexuality is a real and acceptable phenomenon. That she is unwilling to service her partner regardless is odd, but I can't hold it against her too much. That he tolerates it is the real strange thing.
As far as their relationship is concerned, he comes out more sympathetic, as the more forbearing and self-sacrificing of the two.
Although asexuality in isolation is fine, and to some extent even praiseworthy, she herself is too likely to be a no-good very-bad independent woman type, such as models their hair after Rainbow Dash and self-identifies with feminism's most noxious doctrines.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on May 01, 2012, 03:48:33 PM
Quick question, Jake: you're all, like, cuddly and sensitive ponytailish and shit...would you put up with a chick like that?
DONT WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION YES OR NO
No. I wouldn't even put up with a chick who isn't willing to reach out the first night, when she probably would with someone else met in a club on some drunken one night-stand at 2 AM. I don't have time for these shenanigans, and there are plenty of women who will without putting a friggin' contract on my head.
What do you mean by "reach out"?
Quote from: Jacob on May 01, 2012, 08:43:02 PM
What do you mean by "reach out"?
Show willingness to have sex, either at my flat or hers. Duh. :rolleyes:
Is that in the seduction community manual?
YOU THOUGHT I FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT.
Quote from: Ed Anger on May 01, 2012, 08:45:54 PM
Is that in the seduction community manual?
YOU THOUGHT I FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT.
No, it's in the no-nonsense, no-bullshit, no-stringing-along manual, which I'm sure you'll approve.
I threw away the rulebook.
Quote from: Drakken on May 01, 2012, 08:44:17 PM
Quote from: Jacob on May 01, 2012, 08:43:02 PM
What do you mean by "reach out"?
Show willingness to have sex, either at my flat or hers. Duh. :rolleyes:
I thought that earlier you had accepted her asexuality as a genuine thing. Now you're saying she probably puts out on the first night, just not for the guy in the story or you. That confused me, but you've cleared it up now.
Quote from: Jacob on May 01, 2012, 04:12:32 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on May 01, 2012, 03:48:33 PM
Quick question, Jake: you're all, like, cuddly and sensitive ponytailish and shit...would you put up with a chick like that?
DONT WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION YES OR NO
Absolutely not, no way. The moment it's clear there's going to be no knocking boots, I'm out. By date three at the latest there better be a clear and irreversible trendline towards the bed if we're not already there.
It doesn't offend me that she's asexual, nor that some dude is with her; that's their business. In my past dating life I've gotten together with girls who weren't compatible with me, and the relationships were ended swiftly and amicably; no need for resentment or wasted effort in trying to change them. People are different. I was always looking for ones that suited me.
Man, I'd like to trade places with you, for just ten minutes.
You'd come back, your worldview would be shattered, I'd probably already have ruined your marriage, it'd be fun times.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on May 01, 2012, 03:48:33 PM
Quick question, Jake: you're all, like, cuddly and sensitive ponytailish and shit...would you put up with a chick like that?
DONT WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION YES OR NO
You know for all his sensitive pontailishness, Jake is a pretty ruthless and callous.