Poll
Question:
... elope or have a wedding?
Option 1: Male - elope
Option 2: Female - elope
Option 3: Male - wedding
Option 4: Female - wedding
Option 5: Neither - I'll never marry
I'm curious. Given your choice, which would you rather do? Have a wedding (small, large, simple, extravagant, doesn't matter) or elope with just your partner?
I had both, and while the wedding was a fun party, I can think of a whole lot more fun ways to spend the money. The eloping wasn't as exciting, but it felt more real. Over all, I prefer eloping over a wedding.
So does this mean you are going to stop posting about Max and your kids?
:huh:
I've no idea, so I'll just say I hate this narrative about one and one's partner.
What's (an) elope?
G.
Quote from: Grallon on January 17, 2010, 09:48:40 PM
What's (an) elope?
It's a verb. You spirit your future spouse away from her parents' house and get married on the sly.
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 09:40:20 PM
I'm curious. Given your choice, which would you rather do? Have a wedding (small, large, simple, extravagant, doesn't matter) or elope with just your partner?
I did the wedding...probably large but not extravagant, as these things go (say 200ish guests, buffet dinner). No celebrities were hired.
...if I had it to do all over again,* justice of the peace and get the hell out of town all the way. My brother did something similar to my thoughts - sent an email to all the relatives from Vegas with pictures of the chapel.**
*And I won't. This is a one and done situation. Win or lose, only getting married once.
**Very tasteful. Looked more or less like a church. No Elvis impersonators or anything.
We got married. 250 people, married in a church in a nearby town, reception in the town hall in my wife's home town.
Wouldn't have done it any other way. It was an amazing party - people had a lot of fun.
And it doesn't have to be expensive. For 250, we probably paid a few thousand dollars. A whole bunch of aunts and grandmas came out to cook the food.
Did the wedding, smallish, ok service, nothign special.
If I were to do it again, I would go for the marriage license and pay the court 25 clams.
Grallon:
Longer answer. Elopement (the noun) has connotations of going against the wishes of one's parents (or hers, or both) and the expectation of no support. Meri (who is Mexican you recall and often struggles with English words) seems to be using he word to mean "small wedding" or "simple justice of the peace ceremony." Or "cheap."
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 09:43:41 PM
:huh:
I thought this was a round about way you to say you just ran off with some guy.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 17, 2010, 10:11:29 PM
Grallon:
Longer answer. Elopement (the noun) has connotations of going against the wishes of one's parents (or hers, or both) and the expectation of no support. Meri (who is Mexican you recall and often struggles with English words) seems to be using he word to mean "small wedding" or "simple justice of the peace ceremony." Or "cheap."
Don't confuse grallon. An Elope is a type of deer. An Elopement is wall made up of elopes. Mostly it refers to the neolithic fortifications of north Africa.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 17, 2010, 10:11:29 PM
Grallon:
Longer answer. Elopement (the noun) has connotations of going against the wishes of one's parents (or hers, or both) and the expectation of no support. Meri (who is Mexican you recall and often struggles with English words) seems to be using he word to mean "small wedding" or "simple justice of the peace ceremony." Or "cheap."
:moon:
To elope is to run off and get married without telling the family. That's exactly what I meant.
Having a wedding sounds like a nightmare to me. So much nerve-racking preparation required, so many people in one room, so many speeches. Not wanting to have a wedding is the second biggest reason I'm still single (after not having a woman that wants to marry me).
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 11:09:32 PM
:moon:
:ultra:
QuoteTo elope is to run off and get married without telling the family. That's exactly what I meant.
You can elope and have a wedding or you can elope and go to city hall. You have the same options if you don't elope. Your either/or is not an either/or.
:moon:
I really don't like that smily.
Wedding. I'm somewhat conservative at heart, at least culturally.
Wedding. I dig making it at least seem more important than just a justice saying "Bam! You two will now qualify for MFJ filing status!"
Only reason we haven't already is because 1) we need some more money to have an actual wedding, and 2) both of our schedules are booked pretty solid for the next couple of years.
Neither, because I'll never be stupid enough to fall for that bullshit.
Besides, I elope with myself all the time. GOTTA LOVE ME SOME ME
QuoteNeither - I'll never marry
No desire to ever have a wedding. I've always thought of it as being for the chick, and something the dude has to put up with.
If no one ever threw a wedding bash how are guys supposed to bang bridesmaids?
Uh Pablo, you usually aren't suppose to bang bridesmaids on your wedding day.
Quote from: katmai on January 18, 2010, 12:20:20 AM
Uh Pablo, you usually aren't suppose to bang bridesmaids on your wedding day.
One of my buddies did get lucy with one of my wife's bridesmaids on our wedding day... :zipped:
Get lucy?
Is this some uke slang?
I have gone so far as to offer to pay for my relatives to elope. Voted the first option.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on January 18, 2010, 12:33:52 AM
I have gone so far as to offer to pay for my relatives to elope. Voted the first option.
You want your relatives to elope? Eww...
Well he is from Ohio.
I'd prefer to elope, but most chicks (especially younger ones) aren't down with that.
Quote from: DGuller on January 17, 2010, 11:13:41 PM
Having a wedding sounds like a nightmare to me. So much nerve-racking preparation required, so many people in one room, so many speeches. Not wanting to have a wedding is the second biggest reason I'm still single (after not having a woman that wants to marry me).
You and I are alot alike it seems. I'm not sure who should be more worried about that.
Elope. The only good thing weddings have is telling women wedding ceremonies are a patriarchal imposition they should fight against.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 17, 2010, 11:21:44 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 11:09:32 PM
:moon:
:ultra:
QuoteTo elope is to run off and get married without telling the family. That's exactly what I meant.
You can elope and have a wedding or you can elope and go to city hall. You have the same options if you don't elope. Your either/or is not an either/or.
:moon:
Just noting, in passing, that there is a brand of
ad hominim that says that I am supposedly the person who engages in these kinds of arguments. Not sure what the graltards, Martards, and Sytards are gonna do to you if you keep proving their tired old winge wrong.
I'm totally uncaring about getting married.
I will do it if I'm with a woman who really wants to (maybe I'll pretend I don't want to then I'll trade it for something I want....) but otherwise meh...
actually I'm maybe slightly opposed; I hate fuss and formality and being the centre of attention.
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 06:33:06 AM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 17, 2010, 11:21:44 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 11:09:32 PM
:moon:
:ultra:
QuoteTo elope is to run off and get married without telling the family. That's exactly what I meant.
You can elope and have a wedding or you can elope and go to city hall. You have the same options if you don't elope. Your either/or is not an either/or.
:moon:
Just noting, in passing, that there is a brand of ad hominim that says that I am supposedly the person who engages in these kinds of arguments. Not sure what the graltards, Martards, and Sytards are gonna do to you if you keep proving their tired old winge wrong.
I don't think the argument is that you're alone in this type of deliberate provocation, it's just that you're the god-king of nit pickers. :contract:
Wedding.
If I'm going to go thru the paint of getting married, might aswell have the big party for it.
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 06:33:06 AM
Just noting, in passing, that there is a brand of ad hominim that says that I am supposedly the person who engages in these kinds of arguments. Not sure what the graltards, Martards, and Sytards are gonna do to you if you keep proving their tired old winge wrong.
The kind of argument where someone asks a question about a word's meaning and you answer it? Fucking Sytards should cut you some slack.
Voted for eloping, then after reading the thread saw that it didn't exactly mean what I'd do, so I no longer know what I should answer. :hmm:
Can you straighten up the meaning of eloping? :P
Quote from: The Larch on January 18, 2010, 08:20:55 AM
Voted for eloping, then after reading the thread saw that it didn't exactly mean what I'd do, so I no longer know what I should answer. :hmm:
Can you straighten up the meaning of eloping? :P
Only if fucking Sytard OKs it first.
I eloped and I'd recommend it to anyone, more so as the years go on and I see how painful organising a big wedding is. When the day's about the two of you, why would you worry about the fact no-one wants to sit next to your cousin Stan and your Auntie Peggie's coeliac?
In the unlikely event I ever did it again, I'd nip down to the local registry office but book a pub afterwards for a knees up with my friends.
Quote from: The Larch on January 18, 2010, 08:20:55 AM
Can you straighten up the meaning of eloping? :P
The literal meaning is to get married without any of the legal attributes of marriage, including getting the permission of the parents, reading of the banns, etc. Generally, it implied sneaking out and going someplace where one could get married without all the legal jazz. In practice, it means getting married without having all the formal marriage stuff: announcements, big ceremony, reception,
et al.
So the question really refers to formal vs informal marriage.
I'd have an extravagant wedding. :homestar:
Quote from: Slargos on January 18, 2010, 06:58:03 AM
I don't think the argument is that you're alone in this type of deliberate provocation, it's just that you're the god-king of nit pickers. :contract:
Oh, is that what the 'tards think? Thanks. I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about. :ccr
Quote from: Martinus on January 18, 2010, 08:54:39 AM
I'd have an extravagant wedding. :homestar:
More for the sake of those whom you would
not invite than for the sake of those you would, I'll bet! :cool:
Is there a better reason to throw a lavish, extravagant party of any kind? :P
Quote from: Martinus on January 18, 2010, 09:11:12 AM
Is there a better reason to throw a lavish, extravagant party of any kind? :P
Your funeral! :w00t:
:P
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 08:53:38 AM
Quote from: The Larch on January 18, 2010, 08:20:55 AM
Can you straighten up the meaning of eloping? :P
The literal meaning is to get married without any of the legal attributes of marriage, including getting the permission of the parents, reading of the banns, etc. Generally, it implied sneaking out and going someplace where one could get married without all the legal jazz. In practice, it means getting married without having all the formal marriage stuff: announcements, big ceremony, reception, et al.
So the question really refers to formal vs informal marriage.
That's what I assumed, skipping the ceremony and going straight into cohabitation. The running away from the family thing threw me away. Thanks.
I bitterly disappointed Seedy when I got married. I feel his angry gaze from Maryland.
As for the question, no more than a small church service. And a large-ish reception. OPEN BAR IS A MUST.
When I was younger I disliked all of that rite-of-passage ceremonial stuff. But such events do serve a function: it is an excuse to gather together your family & friends. Now that my brothers are scattered to the courners of the world, I can see that this sort of thing is important.
There has to be *something* in life to interrupt the endless round of work, playing video games, posting on the 'net, etc. and to gather people together for some actual face to face socialization (even for a bunch of introverted shut-ins, like most Languishistas :P ).
Banging bridesmades and embarrasing, drunken revelations from random family members are just icing on the cake, so to speak. :D
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 10:32:17 AM
When I was younger I disliked all of that rite-of-passage ceremonial stuff. But such events do serve a function: it is an excuse to gather together your family & friends. Now that my brothers are scattered to the courners of the world, I can see that this sort of thing is important.
There has to be *something* in life to interrupt the endless round of work, playing video games, posting on the 'net, etc. and to gather people together for some actual face to face socialization (even for a bunch of introverted shut-ins, like most Languishistas :P ).
Banging bridesmades and embarrasing, drunken revelations from random family members are just icing on the cake, so to speak. :D
My english, it not so good yes? You explain. What mean? :huh:
I wedded her without spending the money. Had full scale war with parents. I gave them the middle finger.
Quote from: Slargos on January 18, 2010, 10:34:35 AM
My english, it not so good yes? You explain. What mean? :huh:
I'm afraid non-hateful interactions with other humans may remain unintelligible to you, no matter what the language. :P
Quote from: Monoriu on January 18, 2010, 10:38:44 AM
I wedded her without spending the money. Had full scale war with parents. I gave them the middle finger.
Our marriage was Mono-rific. We were students at the time, and our parents (who wanted a big invite list including *their* friends & various ancient relations) mostly ponied up the dough - but we got to keep all the presents. :D
In short a net transfer of wealth from our parents to us, plus a party. What's not to like?
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 11:15:29 AM
Quote from: Slargos on January 18, 2010, 10:34:35 AM
My english, it not so good yes? You explain. What mean? :huh:
I'm afraid non-hateful interactions with other humans may remain unintelligible to you, no matter what the language. :P
We've come so far, you and I, Malty, yet you still do not comprehend. :(
thanks for the Buddha friendly choices, If i "had" to marry for some reason, I'd choose female and wedding as you get the fab dress etc. but otherwise I'm in the never marry column.
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 10:32:17 AM
When I was younger I disliked all of that rite-of-passage ceremonial stuff. But such events do serve a function: it is an excuse to gather together your family & friends. Now that my brothers are scattered to the courners of the world, I can see that this sort of thing is important.
I agree. It's the same with funerals. Sure, you can easily say "but we can all just get together
without a wedding, but the thing ie people never do. Therefore such events are important as excuses to get friends and family together, and to rebuild the social bonds.
I think the act of getting married is useful. It's a moment of real solemnity when you stand up in front of a couple hundred people and promise to love and cherish your partner. It just makes it
feel different then mere cohabitation.
And for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Wedding? I'm saving for my tomb.
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PM
And for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Cheapass.
Your vassals will dislike you if you are a miser.
Quote from: Ed Anger on January 18, 2010, 03:27:05 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PM
And for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Cheapass.
Your vassals will dislike you if you are a miser.
There's a lot of heavy drinkers in my family.
:blush:
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 03:48:18 PM
Quote from: Ed Anger on January 18, 2010, 03:27:05 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PM
And for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Cheapass.
Your vassals will dislike you if you are a miser.
There's a lot of heavy drinkers in my family.
:blush:
Ah, Russians.
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PMAnd for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Easier said than done. Two friends of mine got married last summer. They wanted to have a small-ish wedding with their friends and family, but the family of the groom were adamant in getting a lavish party filled to the brim with almost every acquitance they had, and ended up getting away with it and forcing the bride's family to bankroll a good chunk of it. My friends weren't even able to invite all the people they wanted because they weren't given many invitations for their discretional use.
Quote from: The Larch on January 18, 2010, 04:07:59 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PMAnd for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Easier said than done. Two friends of mine got married last summer. They wanted to have a small-ish wedding with their friends and family, but the family of the groom were adamant in getting a lavish party filled to the brim with almost every acquitance they had, and ended up getting away with it and forcing the bride's family to bankroll a good chunk of it. My friends weren't even able to invite all the people they wanted because they weren't given many invitations for their discretional use.
If the family want X and Y, they should pay.
Quote from: BuddhaRhubarb on January 18, 2010, 01:17:32 PM
thanks for the Buddha friendly choices, If i "had" to marry for some reason, I'd choose female and wedding as you get the fab dress etc. but otherwise I'm in the never marry column.
I actually thought about you when making the poll, and decided to let you decide which you would answer. :hug:
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 10:32:17 AM
When I was younger I disliked all of that rite-of-passage ceremonial stuff. But such events do serve a function: it is an excuse to gather together your family & friends. Now that my brothers are scattered to the courners of the world, I can see that this sort of thing is important.
There has to be *something* in life to interrupt the endless round of work, playing video games, posting on the 'net, etc. and to gather people together for some actual face to face socialization (even for a bunch of introverted shut-ins, like most Languishistas :P ).
Banging bridesmades and embarrasing, drunken revelations from random family members are just icing on the cake, so to speak. :D
What if you don't want the families to get together?
Case in point:
Max's Mennonite family would not attend a wedding where booze was served... and my alcoholic family wouldn't attend one where it wasn't. Two such vastly different groups of people really just shouldn't come together... ever. And since both Max and I dislike being the center of attention, having two receptions to appease both groups did not appeal.
Besides, I don't mind attending weddings.. I just don't want to have one of my own. So I'll leave it to my myriad family members to have weddings, funerals, and graduations so that we can all get together. :P
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 08:56:51 AM
Oh, is that what the 'tards think? Thanks. I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about.
Anyone else enjoys the irony of this?
I think grumbler was mercilessly ridiculed about being thick when young - hence the defense mechanism of constantly insulting others' intelligence. :P
G.
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 08:56:51 AM
Quote from: Slargos on January 18, 2010, 06:58:03 AM
I don't think the argument is that you're alone in this type of deliberate provocation, it's just that you're the god-king of nit pickers. :contract:
Oh, is that what the 'tards think? Thanks. I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about. :ccr
:lol:
Oh, I think you do and indeed did, but for the sake of the show that must go on, I shall pretend otherwise. :sleep:
Quote from: The Larch on January 18, 2010, 04:07:59 PM
Quote from: Barrister on January 18, 2010, 01:27:02 PMAnd for people who complain it costs too much? Well don't spend so much! Don't have it in a fancy hotel. Don't spend thousands on a dress. And despite what Ed says, don't have an open bar! We charged $2 per drink (just enough to cover the cost of the booze), and people still had a blast.
Easier said than done. Two friends of mine got married last summer. They wanted to have a small-ish wedding with their friends and family, but the family of the groom were adamant in getting a lavish party filled to the brim with almost every acquitance they had, and ended up getting away with it and forcing the bride's family to bankroll a good chunk of it. My friends weren't even able to invite all the people they wanted because they weren't given many invitations for their discretional use.
Did your friend's parents force them at gun point?
As Malthus points out, if someone is willing to pay then they get to call the shots. At my own wedding my parents wanted to do a rehersal dinner, and wanted to pay for it. As such it was 'their night', and we got minimal involvement.
But we paid most of the other expenses, and we got to call the shots.
Quote from: merithyn on January 18, 2010, 04:27:40 PM
What if you don't want the families to get together?
Case in point:
Max's Mennonite family would not attend a wedding where booze was served... and my alcoholic family wouldn't attend one where it wasn't. Two such vastly different groups of people really just shouldn't come together... ever. And since both Max and I dislike being the center of attention, having two receptions to appease both groups did not appeal.
Besides, I don't mind attending weddings.. I just don't want to have one of my own. So I'll leave it to my myriad family members to have weddings, funerals, and graduations so that we can all get together. :P
Hey, my folks are a pack of over-educated Jews and atheists; hers are a clan of highly folk religious Ukranian peasants, whose cossack forefathers probably used Jewish heads as footballs. If *they* can stand each other for one ceremony, Mennonites and drunks can, too. ;)
Seriously, there were many highly "WTF?" moments in dealing with my wife's family - folk Catholics are seriously
strange. My favorite was, when we were first dating, sitting around in her parent's living room waiting for her to get ready (this always took an unreasonably long time). There was nothing to do and I didn't have a book handy, and the only thing to read in English was some sort of religious pamphlet, so I read it ... it was a sort of guide to prayers you were supposed to do by concentrating on some aspect of Jesus' life while doing your rosary. Each day, you were supposed to spend 40 minutes thinking about some horrible torment *they* (meaning "the Jews") subjected Jesus to before his death. They weren't even the standard tortures - they invented *new* ones. For example, on Tuesdays you were supposed to meditate for 40 minutes on the thought of a pack of laughing Jews forcing
human turds into Jesus' mouth.
This was not reassuring.
Quote from: Grallon on January 18, 2010, 04:33:57 PM
Quote from: grumbler on January 18, 2010, 08:56:51 AM
Oh, is that what the 'tards think? Thanks. I was never sure, because the personal attacks were always slathered on so thick, and were written by such morons, that I never quite got what it was they were always moaning about.
Anyone else enjoys the irony of this?
Nope, just you.
Quote from: Razgovory on January 18, 2010, 07:45:55 PM
Nope, just you.
I think you should have some more pills; you seem somewhat erratic of late.
G.
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 05:04:58 PM
Hey, my folks are a pack of over-educated Jews and atheists; hers are a clan of highly folk religious Ukranian peasants, whose cossack forefathers probably used Jewish heads as footballs. If *they* can stand each other for one ceremony, Mennonites and drunks can, too. ;)
Seriously, there were many highly "WTF?" moments in dealing with my wife's family - folk Catholics are seriously strange. My favorite was, when we were first dating, sitting around in her parent's living room waiting for her to get ready (this always took an unreasonably long time). There was nothing to do and I didn't have a book handy, and the only thing to read in English was some sort of religious pamphlet, so I read it ... it was a sort of guide to prayers you were supposed to do by concentrating on some aspect of Jesus' life while doing your rosary. Each day, you were supposed to spend 40 minutes thinking about some horrible torment *they* (meaning "the Jews") subjected Jesus to before his death. They weren't even the standard tortures - they invented *new* ones. For example, on Tuesdays you were supposed to meditate for 40 minutes on the thought of a pack of laughing Jews forcing human turds into Jesus' mouth.
This was not reassuring.
You didn't read what I wrote very carefully.
His family wouldn't come if there was alcohol at the reception. My family wouldn't come unless there was.
Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas. :D
Quote from: Grallon on January 18, 2010, 04:33:57 PM
I think grumbler was mercilessly ridiculed about being thick when young - hence the defense mechanism of constantly insulting others' intelligence. :P
I doubt it's of much significance; insulting others' intelligence is pretty standard netiquette.
Quote from: Malthus on January 18, 2010, 11:18:34 AM
Quote from: Monoriu on January 18, 2010, 10:38:44 AM
I wedded her without spending the money. Had full scale war with parents. I gave them the middle finger.
Our marriage was Mono-rific. We were students at the time, and our parents (who wanted a big invite list including *their* friends & various ancient relations) mostly ponied up the dough - but we got to keep all the presents. :D
In short a net transfer of wealth from our parents to us, plus a party. What's not to like?
The problem was, we were not poor students. We could easily afford a "proper" wedding with all the bells and whistles. If we did it, *we* would have to pay for it :P
Quote from: merithyn on January 18, 2010, 10:13:38 PM
Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas. :D
There. This is a smart girl. :)
Quote from: merithyn on January 18, 2010, 10:13:38 PM
You didn't read what I wrote very carefully.
His family wouldn't come if there was alcohol at the reception. My family wouldn't come unless there was.
Not worth the hassle, I assure you. And since we were paying for it, we did what we wanted: Vegas. :D
Your family seriously
would not come to your
wedding if they don't get booze? :huh:
I took that as hyperbole, a shorthand for 'would not get along'.
In Vegas, did you go for an Elvis wedding? :elvis:
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 09:40:20 PM
I had both, and while the wedding was a fun party, I can think of a whole lot more fun ways to spend the money. The eloping wasn't as exciting, but it felt more real. Over all, I prefer eloping over a wedding.
Eh there is no other time in my life all my friends and relatives will come together and celebrate me. That was a glorious day.
But we have been over how 'fake' you find all human traditions and rituals and I really don't want to repeat that conversation. I get you don't like them and we just have to agree to disagree on that point.
Quote from: Valmy on January 19, 2010, 10:51:23 AM
Quote from: merithyn on January 17, 2010, 09:40:20 PM
I had both, and while the wedding was a fun party, I can think of a whole lot more fun ways to spend the money. The eloping wasn't as exciting, but it felt more real. Over all, I prefer eloping over a wedding.
Eh there is no other time in my life all my friends and relatives will come together and celebrate me. That was a glorious day.
But we have been over how 'fake' you find all human traditions and rituals and I really don't want to repeat that conversation. I get you don't like them and we just have to agree to disagree on that point.
You are going to agree to disagree on whether merithyn prefers eloping over a wedding? I don't understand.
Age and stage influences this choice. I got married when I was young and I felt an obligation to our respective parents and grandparents to have a wedding ceremony they could attend.
If I was to marry now I would probably elope.
Quote from: grumbler on January 19, 2010, 04:30:42 PM
You are going to agree to disagree on whether merithyn prefers eloping over a wedding? I don't understand.
Now you are just trying to be difficult.
Quote from: crazy canuck on January 19, 2010, 04:40:40 PM
Quote from: grumbler on January 19, 2010, 04:30:42 PM
You are going to agree to disagree on whether merithyn prefers eloping over a wedding? I don't understand.
Now you are just trying to be difficult.
*Now*? ;)
Quote from: Malthus on January 19, 2010, 10:46:37 AM
Your family seriously would not come to your wedding if they don't get booze? :huh:
I took that as hyperbole, a shorthand for 'would not get along'.
In Vegas, did you go for an Elvis wedding? :elvis:
My family seriously would not come to our reception if we did not serve alcoholic beverages of some kind. It was made pretty clear to me during another discussion that that was the case.
We were married by a JOP at the County Courthouse in Vegas, then went out for Mexican food with a few friends. That was on Friday, our first full day in Vegas. Then we spent the next few days enjoying the sights before heading home.
It was exactly what we both wanted.
A few months later we had another ceremony with the kids, just us, them, and a friend of ours who said some words and then took pictures for us. After, we went out to dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant. No fuss, no muss.
Quote from: Valmy on January 19, 2010, 10:51:23 AM
Eh there is no other time in my life all my friends and relatives will come together and celebrate me. That was a glorious day.
But we have been over how 'fake' you find all human traditions and rituals and I really don't want to repeat that conversation. I get you don't like them and we just have to agree to disagree on that point.
To clarify, I find the way that rituals and traditions are usually done to be "fake", not the spirit of them. I find some rituals to be very poignant, and lovely. Weddings is one of those things that most often becomes about everything but the real reason everyone is together: to support the union of two lives. For that reason, I prefer a man, a woman, a Justice of the Peace (or minister, or whatever), and a witness, and nothing more. There is nothing BUT the union, so that can be the only focus.
Quote from: merithyn on January 19, 2010, 05:19:32 PM
To clarify, I find the way that rituals and traditions are usually done to be "fake", not the spirit of them. I find some rituals to be very poignant, and lovely. Weddings is one of those things that most often becomes about everything but the real reason everyone is together: to support the union of two lives. For that reason, I prefer a man, a woman, a Justice of the Peace (or minister, or whatever), and a witness, and nothing more. There is nothing BUT the union, so that can be the only focus.
Well since those are your beliefs, you are quite entitled to them.
But to my mind that's not really what a wedding is about. If it's *just* the union, then you don't need a JP or a witness - it's between the man and the woman.
But a wedding is something more. It's about making those vows in public, before an audience. It is about creating ties between two very different families, and bringing those two families together. It is a very public ritual.
Even yours and Max families - I'm sure you could have bridged that gap if you had wanted. Just off the top of my friend you have the wedding, maybe you have a dry supper, but then warn the Mennonites that alcohol will be served afterwards. That's just off the top of my head.
But you didn't want a wedding. And if Vegas was good for you guys, then I'm happy for you.
Quote from: merithyn on January 19, 2010, 05:19:32 PM
I prefer a man, a woman, a Justice of the Peace (or minister, or whatever), and a witness, and nothing more. There is nothing BUT the union, so that can be the only focus.
:o This kind of base heteronormativity uttered from your keyboard!?
The thing with bringing in family and friends is that costs invariably go up. Massively. It is easy to say "but you can do it cheaply". It's not practical. When everybody does wedding banquets in 5-star hotels, wear expensive designer jewelry and clothes, and hire professional PR companies to do the weddings, my family and friends will grumble if we don't. Especially if they know we can afford it.
Quote from: Barrister on January 19, 2010, 05:49:46 PM
Well since those are your beliefs, you are quite entitled to them.
But to my mind that's not really what a wedding is about. If it's *just* the union, then you don't need a JP or a witness - it's between the man and the woman.
But a wedding is something more. It's about making those vows in public, before an audience. It is about creating ties between two very different families, and bringing those two families together. It is a very public ritual.
Even yours and Max families - I'm sure you could have bridged that gap if you had wanted. Just off the top of my friend you have the wedding, maybe you have a dry supper, but then warn the Mennonites that alcohol will be served afterwards. That's just off the top of my head.
But you didn't want a wedding. And if Vegas was good for you guys, then I'm happy for you.
Thanks. It worked for us. :)