Why women don't study computer programming - AAR of my first class

[merithyn]

Humiliated? Really?

I rest my case.

Was there something I missed in your story?

Nobody talking to you when it came to social time because they are a bunch of ackward dorks is a "horrible ordeal"?

That part was a non-issue, so far as I was concerned. Yes, it was embarassing, but no, I didn't feel humiliated.

Instead, it was the way that the professor pointed out in front of the entire class that a) I was a woman, b) I'd be GREAT at the social stuff because I'm a woman (and then having no one talk to me at all during the social stuff), c) tell the entire class that I was going to have problems programming because I'm a woman, and d) tell the entire class that that was okay, because since I'm a woman I'm organized and therefore I could overcome those deficiencies.

Again, how you'd respond to that is how you would respond to that. I, on the other hand, felt humiliated. Yes, humiliated. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there until everyone left. At one point, I was actually fighting tears. I'm glad that you would have absolutely no problem in that situation. I, however, did have a problem with it. A very big problem.

And before you go there, fuck you. I had my big-girl panties on. I sat there, took it, said nothing, and got on about my business. But how I FELT about it was exactly as I've explained.

[dps]

Personally, I've never been humiliated by anything anyone else has done to me.  I've often embarrassed myself, but anything someone else does can't embarrass me, just piss me off. 

[merithyn]

Personally, I've never been humiliated by anything anyone else has done to me.  I've often embarrassed myself, but anything someone else does can't embarrass me, just piss me off.

That's how I normally respond, but in this case, I was so confused. I've never had anyone do that to me before - call me out in front of the entire class, point out my differences, and then tell the whole class what my deficiencies would be before he even knew my name! - and I knew that he wasn't being malicious. He honestly thought he was making things easier for me! I couldn't be angry at him. Not really, anyway. That confusion, along with having my supposed abilities and inabilities laid out as fact to the entire class, just made me want to escape as quickly as possible. I never wanted to go back, either. 

[Berkut]

Humiliated? Really?

I rest my case.

Was there something I missed in your story?

Nobody talking to you when it came to social time because they are a bunch of ackward dorks is a "horrible ordeal"?

That part was a non-issue, so far as I was concerned. Yes, it was embarassing, but no, I didn't feel humiliated.

Instead, it was the way that the professor pointed out in front of the entire class that a) I was a woman, b) I'd be GREAT at the social stuff because I'm a woman (and then having no one talk to me at all during the social stuff), c) tell the entire class that I was going to have problems programming because I'm a woman, and d) tell the entire class that that was okay, because since I'm a woman I'm organized and therefore I could overcome those deficiencies.

Again, how you'd respond to that is how you would respond to that. I, on the other hand, felt humiliated. Yes, humiliated. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there until everyone left. At one point, I was actually fighting tears. I'm glad that you would have absolutely no problem in that situation. I, however, did have a problem with it. A very big problem.

And before you go there, fuck you. I had my big-girl panties on. I sat there, took it, said nothing, and got on about my business. But how I FELT about it was exactly as I've explained.

Fuck me? Really?

[DGuller]

Fuck me? Really?

This thread has taken an interesting and unexpected twist.

[Jaron]

Yeah...that is a lot of limelight to deal with, Meri, but I have not the slightest doubt in my mind you'll get through this just fine.

[merithyn]

Fuck me? Really?

I was frustrated. I'm sorry.

[Eddie Teach]

Yeah...that is a lot of limelight to deal with, Meri, but I have not the slightest doubt in my mind you'll get through this just fine.

The social part, sure, but she also has to learn to program.

[derspiess]

That's how I normally respond, but in this case, I was so confused. I've never had anyone do that to me before - call me out in front of the entire class, point out my differences, and then tell the whole class what my deficiencies would be before he even knew my name!

I had that happen in the very first college class I sat down in.  It was a 300-level American History class and the prof had to do counts of the # of students by year.  He started with seniors and worked his way down through the 2 sophomores that were in there.  He then laughed and said "I'm pretty sure there aren't any freshman in here" and I stood up & told him he had one.

He glared at me & reminded me this was a Junior-level history class not intended for underclassmen and that "freshman don't tend to do very well in my classes".  Pissed me off at first, but I was able to turn that into some motivation (nothing motivates me better than someone telling me I can't do something).  He tended to be a bit dismissive early in the semester whenever I offered anything for class discussions and I suspect he graded my exams a bit tighter than the others, but once I aced the mid-term he had no choice but to respect me.  Until a year later when he shouted at me for a disagreement we had about labor unions, but that's another story.

[merithyn]

Yeah...that is a lot of limelight to deal with, Meri, but I have not the slightest doubt in my mind you'll get through this just fine.

The social part, sure, but she also has to learn to program.

[merithyn]

I had that happen in the very first college class I sat down in.  It was a 300-level American History class and the prof had to do counts of the # of students by year.  He started with seniors and worked his way down through the 2 sophomores that were in there.  He then laughed and said "I'm pretty sure there aren't any freshman in here" and I stood up & told him he had one.

He glared at me & reminded me this was a Junior-level history class not intended for underclassmen and that "freshman don't tend to do very well in my classes".  Pissed me off at first, but I was able to turn that into some motivation (nothing motivates me better than someone telling me I can't do something).  He tended to be a bit dismissive early in the semester whenever I offered anything for class discussions and I suspect he graded my exams a bit tighter than the others, but once I aced the mid-term he had no choice but to respect me.  Until a year later when he shouted at me for a disagreement we had about labor unions, but that's another story.

I would prefer that kind of a response to my being in the class. I can turn that into something I can use. Like you, telling me that I can't do something - aggressively or dismissively - will light a fire under me like nothing else.

I have a feeling that this guy is going to be bending over backwards to "help me succeed", because obviously, I can't do it all by myself. I fully expect him to be much easier when it comes to grading me, and to give me extra time much more easily, which, now that I think about it, pisses me off.

In the beginning, I was hurt and embarassed. The more I think about it, though, the more angry that I get. Yeah, he was trying to be inclusive, but, nice as he was trying to be, it was completely inappropriate. The part that really pisses me off is that I know that any success that I have he's going to put it down to my being "organized" rather than anything else. 

[Malthus]

I had that happen in the very first college class I sat down in.  It was a 300-level American History class and the prof had to do counts of the # of students by year.  He started with seniors and worked his way down through the 2 sophomores that were in there.  He then laughed and said "I'm pretty sure there aren't any freshman in here" and I stood up & told him he had one.

He glared at me & reminded me this was a Junior-level history class not intended for underclassmen and that "freshman don't tend to do very well in my classes".  Pissed me off at first, but I was able to turn that into some motivation (nothing motivates me better than someone telling me I can't do something).  He tended to be a bit dismissive early in the semester whenever I offered anything for class discussions and I suspect he graded my exams a bit tighter than the others, but once I aced the mid-term he had no choice but to respect me.  Until a year later when he shouted at me for a disagreement we had about labor unions, but that's another story.

I would prefer that kind of a response to my being in the class. I can turn that into something I can use. Like you, telling me that I can't do something - aggressively or dismissively - will light a fire under me like nothing else.

I have a feeling that this guy is going to be bending over backwards to "help me succeed", because obviously, I can't do it all by myself. I fully expect him to be much easier when it comes to grading me, and to give me extra time much more easily, which, now that I think about it, pisses me off.

In the beginning, I was hurt and embarassed. The more I think about it, though, the more angry that I get. Yeah, he was trying to be inclusive, but, nice as he was trying to be, it was completely inappropriate. The part that really pisses me off is that I know that any success that I have he's going to put it down to my being "organized" rather than anything else. 

Hey, any success you achieve can be put down to him pissing you off. 

[derspiess]

The part that really pisses me off is that I know that any success that I have he's going to put it down to my being "organized" rather than anything else. 

Dunno.  Nothing succeeds like success.  Work as hard as you can to perform at or near the top of the class and move on after that.  I think you're worrying too much about him having the appropriate frame of mind.

[merithyn]

The part that really pisses me off is that I know that any success that I have he's going to put it down to my being "organized" rather than anything else. 

Dunno.  Nothing succeeds like success.  Work as hard as you can to perform at or near the top of the class and move on after that.  I think you're worrying too much about him having the appropriate frame of mind.

Point conceded. I'll be working hard to learn as much as I can - well, and to be the top of the class. To hell with Mr. Professor. Sir.

[derspiess]