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Explain this dating thing

Started by Josquius, July 09, 2012, 02:53:29 AM

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garbon

#75
July 10, 2012, 08:59:18 AM
Quote from: Martinus on July 10, 2012, 08:52:51 AM
Which is why I used the word "may".

Which then says nothing as straight relationships may develop differently as well. :yawn:
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Josquius

#76
July 10, 2012, 09:15:54 AM

I can sort of see some point in what Martinus is saying but I think a lot of that is down to how different things are for gay guys.
For gay guys getting laid with random strangers is a lot easier than for straight men, so the sex concern isn't so huge. And they don't have the countdown timer on having kids that straight people (girls and by extension straight men to an extent) do, they don't have the big scary looming 30 (well...not in the same way as straight people...).


Online dating- now that I've totally never understood. I've investigated those sites before and....yeah. There tends not to be much on offer at all...And even if there was...mailing random strangers on a site specially for dating....the whole contrived thing is too strong for me, even on top of the weirdness of dating. Being so up front like that is not something I can imagine doing. Probally just me being crazy on this though.
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garbon

#77
July 10, 2012, 09:19:14 AM
Quote from: Tyr on July 10, 2012, 09:15:54 AMthey don't have the big scary looming 30 (well...not in the same way as straight people...).

Until recently with the demographic shift it was even worse.
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Drakken

#78
July 10, 2012, 10:45:24 AM Last Edit: July 10, 2012, 10:51:27 AM by Drakken
Quote from: Tyr on July 10, 2012, 09:15:54 AM
I can sort of see some point in what Martinus is saying but I think a lot of that is down to how different things are for gay guys.
For gay guys getting laid with random strangers is a lot easier than for straight men, so the sex concern isn't so huge. And they don't have the countdown timer on having kids that straight people (girls and by extension straight men to an extent) do, they don't have the big scary looming 30 (well...not in the same way as straight people...).

If you are a remotely average-looking guy getting laid is not that hard either - as long you show you have balls and you're not afraid of rejection,you don't crush on the hawt babe you have no chance with, you don't look straight out from Tri-Lambda in Revenge of the Nerds, and you don't sound like a serial killer when you talk.

You make it sound like it takes a degree in astrophysics (or to be some kind of rich jock straight out of Ivy League) for a straight guy to find someone to hook up with; even squirrels get laid with one another in nature. If you don't go out and don't show that you are available, no one's gonna give you that kind of attention.

Martinus

#80
July 10, 2012, 11:04:11 AM
Quote from: Drakken on July 10, 2012, 10:45:24 AM
Quote from: Tyr on July 10, 2012, 09:15:54 AM
I can sort of see some point in what Martinus is saying but I think a lot of that is down to how different things are for gay guys.
For gay guys getting laid with random strangers is a lot easier than for straight men, so the sex concern isn't so huge. And they don't have the countdown timer on having kids that straight people (girls and by extension straight men to an extent) do, they don't have the big scary looming 30 (well...not in the same way as straight people...).

If you are a remotely average-looking guy getting laid is not that hard either - as long you show you have balls and you're not afraid of rejection,you don't crush on the hawt babe you have no chance with, you don't look straight out from Tri-Lambda in Revenge of the Nerds, and you don't sound like a serial killer when you talk.

You make it sound like it takes a degree in astrophysics (or to be some kind of rich jock straight out of Ivy League) for a straight guy to find someone to hook up with; even squirrels get laid with one another in nature. If you don't go out and don't show that you are available, no one's gonna give you that kind of attention.

Noone wants to fuck fat.

Martinus

#81
July 10, 2012, 11:08:04 AM
Quote from: Phillip V on July 10, 2012, 10:53:48 AM


Pictures like this make me melancholic. Are the slots one to four worth the price of the slot five?

Valmy

#82
July 10, 2012, 11:31:16 AM
I do think about that sometime Marty.  Especially with regards to my kids...I just created a relationship and people I love so much that if something were to happen it would destroy me.  That is something I try not to think about.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

HVC

#83
July 10, 2012, 11:31:38 AM
you're gonna die alone anyway, might do the best you can with slots 1-4.
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

Martinus

#84
July 10, 2012, 11:32:50 AM
Quote from: HVC on July 10, 2012, 11:31:38 AM
you're gonna die alone anyway, might do the best you can with slots 1-4.

We are all alone when we die. But is it better to lose something you once had or never have it?

HVC

#85
July 10, 2012, 11:38:11 AM
Sometimes, ya. To take it down to a less catastrophic scenario. Ever have a pet? I know it's not the same, but most people have had pets and lost pets and wouldn't change a thing.

Loss is a part of life. To minimize loss means you don't live life to the fullest. Now I'm not saying you need family/wife/husband to live life to the fullest. If you truly don't have the inclination there's nothing wrong with that. But if you suppress the inclination to avoid future pain I feel you lose something. Remember, you often regret the experiences you didn't have more than the experiences you did have (unless it involves jail time :P )
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

dps

#86
July 10, 2012, 04:23:39 PM
Quote from: Martinus on July 10, 2012, 06:28:07 AM
Quote from: dps on July 09, 2012, 06:21:17 PMMaybe some people think that just waiting around for good things to happen to them isn't the best plan.  To become a lawyer, did you just hang out at a bar, hope someone would come along and just hand you a law degree, and then someone from a law firm would just come along and offer you a position?  Well, maybe it works like that in Poland, but in most places, the good jobs end up going to those who take a proactive approach to obtaining them.  Why should romantic relationships be any different?
I think you touch the key issue with the mentality here.

Having a gainful employment is a value in itself - something you are supposed to have. So you do need to go out and try to find the job/education rather than waiting for it to happen to you (or not).

And that's where I think the difference lies. Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people). We are taught by the popular culture that being in a relationship is a value in itself, and if you aren't in a relationship then there is something wrong with you and you should try to fix it. Instead, we should teach people that being in a relationship with someone, anyone, should not be a goal, but rather something that happens to you (or not).

Dating someone doesn't necessarily lead to a permanent and/or monogomous relationship.  Some of you Europeans seem to be thinging of it in a much more formalized way than it's ususally taken to mean in the States.  It just boils down to hanging out with someone who you like and might get to fuck.  Can it lead to a permanent and/or exclusive relationship?  Sure, but it doesn't have to.

QuoteWe are all alone when we die. But is it better to lose something you once had or never have it?

You'll likely to outlive your parents.  Would you prefer to have never known them and been raised in an orphanage?

jimmy olsen

#87
July 10, 2012, 05:34:42 PM
Quote from: Valmy on July 09, 2012, 11:43:53 AM
Quote from: Ideologue on July 09, 2012, 11:41:55 AM
Valmy broke that shit down.

I think Euros have started about 10 threads on this topic.  I am really starting to master my talking points :P
Who besides Tyr has made these kinds of comments?
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

The Minsky Moment

#88
July 10, 2012, 05:46:21 PM
It is inconceivable to me that Europeans can't understand dating when their monetary system has been a classic example of a date that started out with promise and excitement but then went horribly wrong. 
The purpose of studying economics is not to acquire a set of ready-made answers to economic questions, but to learn how to avoid being deceived by economists.
--Joan Robinson

Habbaku

#89
July 10, 2012, 05:57:40 PM
Quote from: The Minsky Moment on July 10, 2012, 05:46:21 PM
It is inconceivable to me that Europeans can't understand dating when their monetary system has been a classic example of a date that started out with promise and excitement but then went horribly wrong.

Europeans believed the "just the tip" part.  :(
The medievals were only too right in taking nolo episcopari as the best reason a man could give to others for making him a bishop. Give me a king whose chief interest in life is stamps, railways, or race-horses; and who has the power to sack his Vizier (or whatever you care to call him) if he does not like the cut of his trousers.

Government is an abstract noun meaning the art and process of governing and it should be an offence to write it with a capital G or so as to refer to people.
-J. R. R. Tolkien
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