Explain this dating thing

[garbon]

Besides you are only a fan as you tabor the die alone, face eaten by cats model.

You make it sound like a bad thing.

That's because it is. Also I like how the kindle took my rush to spell favor and left me with tabor.

[Malthus]

But the cattle-call is better than simply waiting for romantic lighning to strike. 

The Cattle-call is what you do when you are waiting around.  Personally I think meeting the love of your life is pretty romantic no matter how you do it.

'I was there getting my electric toothbrush surgically removed again and then the most beautiful anesthesiologist in the world walked in the door'

Come, now, meeting up at the hospital would make a good story, especially if it featured inappropriate insertions. 

What I mean by "not romantic" is the more typical "I filled out an internet profile form, sort of like a resume only for relationships not jobs, and I got some hits, and s/he was the best of the lot - the interview/date went really well" kinda thing.

Sure, if it results in a great relationship, who cares. I'd rather go through that than sit around twiddling my thumbs and waiting for my cats to eat my face. I am though glad I didn't have to go through that process - I'd find it a trifle alienating. Though I realize most people do it that way now.

[CountDeMoney]

I don't really understand this considering that you are the one getting cats with your "partner".

They're each getting a cat, so they can share in pseudo-parenting and have cat play dates.

Pretty fucking silly, but hey.  At least the cats can't write checks.

[Martinus]

I don't really understand this considering that you are the one getting cats with your "partner".

They're each getting a cat, so they can share in pseudo-parenting and have cat play dates.

Pretty fucking silly, but hey.  At least the cats can't write checks.

I love you.

[Martinus]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.

But why do you want to be in a relationship, period? There is such a concept of people mistaking being in love with another person, and instead are in love with being in love. That's the same thing.

But I guess I don't feel like getting into another discussion of this sort. It's tedious and too many people, when forced to confront their own choices, tend to be very defensive.

I don't really understand this considering that you are the one getting cats with your "partner".

I'm doing this because it seems like a good idea at the time. This is the longest/most serious relationship I have ever been in, and I'm enjoying this as an experience, noting both the advantages and the disadvantages compared to being alone (fortunately we do not live together, as that would probably be unbearable). There's nothing more and nothing less to it.

I can very well imagine myself being alone (I have been for the large part of my 20s) and I don't have a need to always be (or try to be) in a relationship as such.

[Valmy]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.

But why do you want to be in a relationship, period? There is such a concept of people mistaking being in love with another person, and instead are in love with being in love. That's the same thing.

But I guess I don't feel like getting into another discussion of this sort. It's tedious and too many people, when forced to confront their own choices, tend to be very defensive.

I don't know I just always did.  I wanted long term love and commitment and all that shit practically from the moment I hit puberty.  I think it is because I enjoy emotional intimacy and family so much.

[Valmy]

But I can very well imagine myself being alone

Yeah I never had any interest at all in being alone.  I would rather gouge out my eyes with a blunt object.  But I know alot of people like it.

[Martinus]

Well, I'm an introvert. I enjoy the "me-time" and I actually like my relationship right now, since we both do not seem to want to move beyond the stage of "dating" (we call each other several times a day, and meet about 3-4 times a week to do stuff together). That gives me both the time to do my work (I know some people would probably have a problem with my work/life balance if I was in a more "traditional" relationship) and the time to do stuff I like to do alone or with friends (such as gaming, playing chess with my best friend, reading books, having wine tasting Fridays with a bunch of faggots and faghags and the like).

Sure, I sometimes feel boredom but this motivates me to seek out new stuff. I can't imagine having these "empty" moments removed by having a constant presence of a wife/husband or a kid without a moment for myself.

[CountDeMoney]

But I can very well imagine myself being alone (I have been for the large part of my 20s) and I don't have a need to be in a relationship as such.

I think there's a launch window in one's life where you're optimally primed for the "perma-relationship" (read: engagement, marriage) part of your adult maturation;  first there's school, then there's establishing career, then there's the "thinking about the future with the long-term gf/bf/misc.";  I think, once you get past that window in your late 20s-early 30s, you've pretty much missed it, and you've molded your lifestyle around it accordingly.

I've seen the author of this book hitting the talk circuit recently:
Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

In 1950, only 22 percent of American adults were single. Today, more than 50 percent of American adults are single, and 31 million—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone. People who live alone make up 28 percent of all U.S. households, which makes them more common than any other domestic unit, including the nuclear family. In GOING SOLO, renowned sociologist and author Eric Klinenberg proves that these numbers are more than just a passing trend. They are, in fact, evidence of the biggest demographic shift since the Baby Boom: we are learning to go solo, and crafting new ways of living in the process.

Klinenberg explores the dramatic rise of solo living, and examines the seismic impact it's having on our culture, business, and politics. Though conventional wisdom tells us that living by oneself leads to loneliness and isolation, Klinenberg shows that most solo dwellers are deeply engaged in social and civic life. In fact, compared with their married counterparts, they are more likely to eat out and exercise, go to art and music classes, attend public events and lectures, and volunteer. There's even evidence that people who live alone enjoy better mental health than unmarried people who live with others and have more environmentally sustainable lifestyles than families, since they favor urban apartments over large suburban homes. Drawing on over three hundred in-depth interviews with men and women of all ages and every class, Klinenberg reaches a startling conclusion: in a world of ubiquitous media and hyperconnectivity, this way of life can help us discover ourselves and appreciate the pleasure of good company.

With eye-opening statistics, original data, and vivid portraits of people who go solo, Klinenberg upends conventional wisdom to deliver the definitive take on how the rise of living alone is transforming the American experience. GOING SOLO is a powerful and necessary assessment of an unprecedented social change.

[Martinus]

Well, I'm 34 and since this relationship started when I was 32, I may very well be in for a long haul. 

[garbon]

Well, I'm an introvert. I enjoy the "me-time" and I actually like my relationship right now, since we both do not seem to want to move beyond the stage of "dating" (we call each other several times a day, and meet about 3-4 times a week to do stuff together). That gives me both the time to do my work (I know some people would probably have a problem with my work/life balance if I was in a more "traditional" relationship) and the time to do stuff I like to do alone or with friends (such as gaming, playing chess with my best friend, reading books, having wine tasting Fridays with a bunch of faggots and faghags and the like).

Sure, I sometimes feel boredom but this motivates me to seek out new stuff. I can't imagine having these "empty" moments removed by having a constant presence of a wife/husband or a kid without a moment for myself.

So why are you so quick to label individuals as pathological or enslaved to social mores when they have values that you don't share?

[CountDeMoney]

Yeah I never had any interest at all in being alone.  I would rather gouge out my eyes with a blunt object.  But I know alot of people like it.

Yup.  I prefer my alone time.  I remember talking to someone about dating, and they're like, "well, why don't you meet people with the same interests?"  Well, my interests are primarily reading and writing.  Not exactly group activities.  I prefer watching movies alone.  Even when I did exercise, lulz, I wanted to do it alone.  There's not much out there I'm interesting in doing that I can't do, or prefer to do, by myself.

But then again, I chafe at authority figures which, no matter how you try to sugar-coat it, is exactly what a relationship partner tries to become, either overtly or covertly, consciously or unconsciously.  Live free or die.

[Martinus]

Besides, I think gay relationships may develop differently. If you don't live together, don't have children and can fuck other people, this tends to develop more akin to long term friendships which is fine with me.

[garbon]

Besides, I think gay relationships may develop differently. If you don't live together, don't have children and can fuck other people, this tends to develop more akin to long term friendships which is fine with me.

Of course, many gay people do the opposite of what you list above.

[Martinus]

Which is why I used the word "may".