Explain this dating thing

[CountDeMoney]

Some of you think too goddamned much.

[Drakken]

Some of you think too goddamned much.

[HisMajestyBOB]

Dating in Japan /= Dating in West.

Still not that hard though. Go out and get coffee together - if you can't be charming and social for that, it's not going anywhere unless she wants a foreigner fuck-buddy. Another option is to get a cheap dinner, with a beer or other alcohol, and maybe go to karaoke. Sing her a romantic love song and make out.

[Martinus]

Maybe some people think that just waiting around for good things to happen to them isn't the best plan.  To become a lawyer, did you just hang out at a bar, hope someone would come along and just hand you a law degree, and then someone from a law firm would just come along and offer you a position?  Well, maybe it works like that in Poland, but in most places, the good jobs end up going to those who take a proactive approach to obtaining them.  Why should romantic relationships be any different?

I think you touch the key issue with the mentality here.

Having a gainful employment is a value in itself - something you are supposed to have. So you do need to go out and try to find the job/education rather than waiting for it to happen to you (or not).

And that's where I think the difference lies. Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people). We are taught by the popular culture that being in a relationship is a value in itself, and if you aren't in a relationship then there is something wrong with you and you should try to fix it. Instead, we should teach people that being in a relationship with someone, anyone, should not be a goal, but rather something that happens to you (or not).

I guess in a way it's similar to my position about having kids - people do a lot of stuff because they think like they are supposed to do them at a certain age (our culture teaches you that if you are not married by, say, 30, and do not have children by, say, 35, you are a loser or at least missing out on something important in your life), and just go through the motions without thinking for themselves.

[CountDeMoney]

See, Marti, once in a while you can actually be a lucid, cogent contributor with a viable point to be made. 
Unfortunately for the rest of us, you're usually you're just a big shitcock semen stain.

[garbon]

No it is still stupid. He's just railing against majority values and notice how he threw the heterophobia in by talking about kids again. I don't think Balmy is particularly codependent because he actively found someone to be with. To hear Matti tell it though, he was indoctrinated!

Besides you are only a fan as you tabor the die alone, face eaten by cats model.

[garbon]

Besides wtf? I think I might like a girlfriend. Oh I know, I'll just twiddle my thumbs and hope one appears.

[CountDeMoney]

Besides you are only a fan as you tabor the die alone, face eaten by cats model.

You make it sound like a bad thing.

[Malthus]

I think you touch the key issue with the mentality here.

Having a gainful employment is a value in itself - something you are supposed to have. So you do need to go out and try to find the job/education rather than waiting for it to happen to you (or not).

And that's where I think the difference lies. Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people). We are taught by the popular culture that being in a relationship is a value in itself, and if you aren't in a relationship then there is something wrong with you and you should try to fix it. Instead, we should teach people that being in a relationship with someone, anyone, should not be a goal, but rather something that happens to you (or not).

I guess in a way it's similar to my position about having kids - people do a lot of stuff because they think like they are supposed to do them at a certain age (our culture teaches you that if you are not married by, say, 30, and do not have children by, say, 35, you are a loser or at least missing out on something important in your life), and just go through the motions without thinking for themselves.

Most people enjoy companionship and sex, and feel lonely and frustrated if they do not have these things in their lives. This makes obtaining a significant other a "goal", not some sort of social groupthink. Though being seen and pitied by others as an unlovable loner plays its part in making those who are already lonely and frustrated because they lack companionship and sex extra-specially unhappy. 

This is just how we are wired as a social species. There are exceptions, but in general people are not happy to be alone. This may at times inspire them to settle unwisely of course, but that is just why some sort of "dating" is important - you don't want loneliness and frustration to inspire you to simply setle on the person who just happens to drift into your life. What are the chances that they are a good match for you? Isn't it better to go activly looking and comparing? That way, at the very least you will look over a larger pool of people.

Personally, I'm all in favour of some sort of romance and spontenaity in dating. I don't really like the cattle-call aspects of modern online dating, because it isn't to my mind at least very romantic. I was lucky enough in meeting my own wife in a romantic manner, for which I am happy. Why do I like romance? Well, I guess because it creates what may be a necessary illusion that we are special, not just advanced animals looking for our social/economic/physical match (even if the latter is probably true  ). But the cattle-call is better than simply waiting for romantic lighning to strike. 

[Valmy]

But the cattle-call is better than simply waiting for romantic lighning to strike. 

The Cattle-call is what you do when you are waiting around.  Personally I think meeting the love of your life is pretty romantic no matter how you do it.

'I was there getting my electric toothbrush surgically removed again and then the most beautiful anesthesiologist in the world walked in the door'

[Valmy]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.  I guess I have never heard how being pro-active and powerful in your life makes you unhappy and sitting around being passive is the true path to happiness before.

[garbon]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.  I guess I have never heard how being pro-active and powerful in your life makes you unhappy and sitting around being passive is the true path to happiness before.

[Martinus]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.

But why do you want to be in a relationship, period? There is such a concept of people mistaking being in love with another person, and instead are in love with being in love. That's the same thing.

But I guess I don't feel like getting into another discussion of this sort. It's tedious and too many people, when forced to confront their own choices, tend to be very defensive.

[CountDeMoney]

But the cattle-call is better than simply waiting for romantic lighning to strike. 

The Cattle-call is what you do when you are waiting around.  Personally I think meeting the love of your life is pretty romantic no matter how you do it.

Yeah, a friend of my sister's went head-over-heels over the girl that ass-ended his Beemer in a supermarket parking lot with her hoopdie Civic.  A story straight out of a bad movie script. 
He hit the fucking lotto, she's smoking hot as shit, well out of his league in a Pepsi Challenge--but he's a six-figure law associate, so make of that what you will.

So there's lightning, and then there's Jewish lightning.

[garbon]

Most people seem to believe that you are "supposed to be" in a relationship - whereas I think it's a folly (and one that results in a lot of unhappy people).

I guess I just think if you want something you should put effort into getting it.

But why do you want to be in a relationship, period? There is such a concept of people mistaking being in love with another person, and instead are in love with being in love. That's the same thing.

But I guess I don't feel like getting into another discussion of this sort. It's tedious and too many people, when forced to confront their own choices, tend to be very defensive.

I don't really understand this considering that you are the one getting cats with your "partner".