Barrister's obnoxious thread full of smug parenting stories

[Admiral Yi]

My sister pimped me out one Christmas break.

[Ed Anger]

Real conversation between Jeremy and Riley:

Riley: Jeremy, your friend Tyler is hot!
Jeremy: No.
Ri:
Jeremy: Just no.
Ri: No what?!
Jeremy: You cannot date my friends. Ever.
Ri: Why not?
Jeremy:
Ri:
Jeremy: Well, let me put it like this. Would you be okay with my dating one of your friends?
Ri:
Jeremy:
Ri:  Okay. Yeah, no dating each other's friends.
Jeremy:

Can I date Riley's friends?

[katmai]

Too old for you.

[merithyn]

Can I date Riley's friends?

They're too old for you.

[katmai]

Too slow!

[CountDeMoney]

Like Ed.

[Ed Anger]

 

[HVC]

 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc3eC-NbrBo&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DQc3eC-NbrBo

[Ed Anger]

 

[HVC]

aww. It's ok, you've still got a better life than most people here

[PRC]

My son is just over 14 months and i'm sure like every child that age is curious about everything.  Today he was reaching out and touching our unlit gas fireplace, pulling the panel at the bottom down and pulling on the wires, slapping the glass, etc.  The wife noticed him doing it and said "No touch" while I, a little more sharply than intended loudly shouted "HEY!".  He turned around, looked a little unsure, then went full quiver-lip cry.  I felt terrible.

[Barrister]

As for obnoxious smug parenting stories... I went through the crawlspace storage looking for some packed-up baby clothes.  I didn't find the clothes, but I found something better.

Teddy.  My teddy.  Hand-made by my mommy back in '75.  Sure, he has mid-70s diaper-pins holding his arms on, and a couple of holes he is slowly losing stuffing out of.  But Baby Number 2 is definitely getting Teddy.  Or rather, excuse me, Ted. E. Bear, to give him his proper name.   I don't care if baby just chews on him, spits up on him, or whatever - it is what Ted E. Bear would want.

So last year my wife took one look at Ted E. Bear and declared that while he could sit on a shelf, there was no way that baby (now named Andrew) would get his hands on him.   It was probably the old-school diaper safety pins holding his arms on.

So he's been sitting on a shelf for the last year.

But last night my older boy, Timmy, saw him and asked questions about him.  I explained that his name was Ted and that he was a very good friend of mine from when I was a baby.  Timmy thought that was very interesting and carried him around for awhile.

When it was time for bed Timmy said he wanted Ted to talk.  He asked if he had a button.  I said no, that Ted can talk, but he only whispers, and held him up to Timmy's ear.  Timmy looked puzzled for a bit, but then he had a lightbulb moment where he said "yeah! I can hear him!".  Timmy and Ted then went to bed together, and he was carrying him around when he woke up this morning.

If toys have even a tiny little spark of a soul, I'm sure Ted E. Bear is one happy bear today.

[merithyn]

Aww. That's so sweet!

[Ed Anger]

Until the bear comes to life and has a drug fueled party.

[Jacob]

Until the bear comes to life and has a drug fueled party.

Alright Hunter S. Edson