Barrister's obnoxious thread full of smug parenting stories

[CountDeMoney]

So my sister dropped my youngest niece off for a birthday party on Saturday, and it was early enough only one other girl was there.
They're burning time on a trampoline, and my niece felt it was still "her turn" on the trampoline, and the other girl disagreed.
So my niece stays on the trampoline, and the other girl punches her in the nose.

On the drive home, Mommy's talking to her about it and, yes, it was wrong for the other girl to punch her, but wouldn't it just have been easier to get off the trampoline to avoid a fight?

Her response:  "I should have seen it coming first."

[merithyn]

He followed that up by sleeping for 5h, a breast break & 3 more hours of sleep.

What a good boy!

[merithyn]

Thought I'd share these here, too.

This morning, while I'm standing in the bathroom with Riley, brushing my teeth, I remember something that I'm supposed to tell her. I motion for her to wait a second, finish brushing, and then stand and look at her for a second.

Riley: What?
Me: There was something that I had to tell you.
Riley: And...it is....?
Me: Hold on. I can't remember.
Riley:
Me: Give me a second!
Riley:   
Me: Nope, can't remember. I'll text you later.
Riley:  It's okay, Mom. No matter what anyone tells you, you're not getting old. 
Me: 

later, I'm sitting on my computer checking the news when I hear Riley from the kitchen:

Riley: Mom, why is there a bowl of dry cereal on the counter in here?
Me: Oh! I was making cereal! I forgot! *races into the kitchen to finish making the cereal*
Riley: How do you FORGET that you're making cereal?!
Me: Well, I poured my cereal and went to put the box back on top of the fridge when I noticed that the dry erase board for this week hadn't been updated yet so I did that and then I had to tell you that it was Jeremy's day for dishes and yours for cleaning the living room and when I came in to do that I remembered that I had been looking something up on the computer so I sat down to do that and then I saw the headline for Miley Cyrus on the VMA awards so I went to YouTube and watched her twerk. Then you reminded me about the cereal.
Riley:   It's okay, Mom. No matter what anyone tells you, you're not getting old.
Me:

[Grey Fox]

I really like Riley has a name. You have redeemed yourself after the fiasco that is the names of your boys.

[Valmy]

I really like Riley has a name. You have redeemed yourself after the fiasco that is the names of your boys.

Meh only one has a fruity name that was self-inflicted.

[Barrister]

So a couple of nights ago I took the boys to the park to play.  As usual on our way back we stop at a little retention pond to watch the ducks.

I'm trying to convince Tim that it's time to go home, that night is coming.  He says "well what about the ducks", and I say that the ducks are going to go to sleep.  And for God knows what reason, I tell him that the owls are going to be coming out soon.

So of course Timmy latches onto this idea that "the owls are coming!", and peppers me with questions about owls.

We go through our night time routine.  I brush his teeth and read him a story.  Then I sing him a song (I don't know how this started - I'm a terrible singer). Approximately 95% of the time he wants Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, occasionally broken up with Itsy Bitsy Spider or Old MacDonald's Farm.

But not this night.  This night he wants to hear The Owl Song.  I try to tell him that I don't know The Owl Song, so maybe he should sing it for me.

So he does.  On the spot he comes up with some song about owls.  It went something like "The owls come out at night, de do de do de do, the owls live in the woods, a be ba be ba bo", and went on for a solid minute or so.

Me:

I wish I could have recorded it.  It was cool.

And of course by the next night he had completely forgotten it, and we were back to my tone-deaf Twinkle Twinkle.

[Ed Anger]

I sing Electric Six's Danger! High Voltage to my kids

FIRE IN THE TACO BELL

[Grey Fox]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

[Syt]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

Your girlfriend is cold!

[Grey Fox]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

Your girlfriend is cold!

I read her a story once, told me to fuck off about a third thru.

[Valmy]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

Really?  Woah.  How old is she?

[Grey Fox]

2 years and 3months.

All indications points that my son will not be like that.

[Barrister]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

This might change.  Over half the reason we have such a long bed-time routine is because Timmy is stalling for time and doesn't want to go to bed.

[Grey Fox]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

This might change.  Over half the reason we have such a long bed-time routine is because Timmy is stalling for time and doesn't want to go to bed.

Oh she's got a trick for that too.

She goes to the bathroom a 100 times!

[Malthus]

My bed time routine consist of hugs & kisses then she tells me to leave her room & close the door.

This might change.  Over half the reason we have such a long bed-time routine is because Timmy is stalling for time and doesn't want to go to bed.

Oh, my son is a master at that.

Begs for more story, says he's hungry, has to go the the washroom, then he's thirsty ...