House Hunting Duds

[lustindarkness]

I remember seen a nice pretty "garden home" that the back yard was so small I don't think you could turn a lawnmower in it to mow the lawn (truly a yard, squared).

[Warspite]

The Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.

The estage agent is ahead of you, because your questions will be quickly resolved when "bedroom" three is revealed. On paper, it's all there: the carpeted floor, double bed (wedged into the end of the room like cannon wadding), and an emaciated wardrobe. Also fighting for space are the combination boiler and the washing machine.

It isn't a bedroom at all, and without the third person living in the house it becomes rather expensive. You are left cursing the estate agent's ludicrously mendacious listing.

The Corridor of Personal Mishap +5
Somewhat like the above, except all the bedrooms are fine. It's just that bedroom three is a spartan loft conversion. If you're not whacking your head on one of the exposed beams hovering menacingly at forehead height, the means of access to the room is an extremely steep flight of stairs (that even the navy would consider more of a ladder). The house I saw with this arrangement, I actually struggled to get back out of the room; needless to say, we did not follow up our enquiry.

Pythagoras' Room
You're no newbie to the house hunt, so you carefully ensure that before agreeing to a viewing you get a good idea of the square footage of each room to make sure you don't waste any time.

Except this time the agent has outwitted you once again: while all the bedrooms are of decent size, bedroom three is shaped like the product of some mad geometrist. The room may even twist back on itself in some unnerving architectural mobius strip. Regardless, you'll barely be getting a bed in here, let alone anything else. Enjoy your 25m^2 of space.

Warmth is a Sin
The previous residents must have been puritans or masochists, because there's only draughty single-glazed sash windows, and no central heating.

[Malthus]

 

Those are great.

[Scipio]

A lovely little brick house, with spacious, partially finished attic, immaculate plumbing, crappy kitchen layout but new appliances.  The major problem: interior stucco done in some horrible fluted out style, and painted in different colors in each bedroom, including one precious bedroom where each wall, the ceiling, the floor, and the CEILING FAN BLADES were painted different colors, FOR THE KIDS, man.  The stucco looked like the fucking xenomorphs had shat on the walls.  It was awful.  I offered 96k for it, because the bones were so good.  They had it listed at 105k.  Two years later it finally sold, for under 80k.

That's what you get for selling a shitty house.

[Caliga]

Princesca and I looked at one house down here we ended up calling the "Dukes of Hazzard House" for a couple of reasons... one, because the people that lived there had Confederate flags all over the place, two, because they had a giant life-sized cutout of Richard Petty, and three, there was a giant hole in the living room wall.  The occupants were there when we looked and when we asked about it, the (pregnant) teenage daughter said "KENNY DONE PUNCHED THAT HOLE OUT WHEN HE WUZ DRUNK ONE TIME".

Also, the house looked kind of odd from the outside... it was a relatively new house but was very narrow and tall, unlike most McMansions you see these days.  It had a really nice property (13 acres as I recall) but we couldn't get past the odd house layout and the fact that we would have needed to rehang drywall in the living room due to 'Kenny's' drunken rage.

[Darth Wagtaros]

You could have left the hole there and just used it as your punchin' wall after you done drakn too much Maker's Mark.

[Caliga]

I guess I could have kept my stash in there as well.

I remember that a portion of that property was heavily wooded and thinking it would be a good place to grow weed.

We looked at another house that had a very long front porch (basically the whole front of the house).  The porch corresponded with a weird 'secret' room in the basement that was windowless and just lined with concrete slab.  I looked in there and thought 'HELLO, GROW-OP SPACE'.

[Darth Wagtaros]

I'd have thought the owners were Austrian and had a daughter.

[Ed Anger]

This thread reminds me why I despised house hunting.

[Ideologue]

The Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.

Sounds great to me.  I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.

And then I'll pave the yard.

[Capetan Mihali]

The Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.

Sounds great to me.  I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.

And then I'll pave the yard.

I think the idea was that at least 3 people were supposed to live in the 3-bedroom apartment.

[Ideologue]

I'll take the crappy room and pay 3/5 what the guy in the big room pays (lol, Newsradio reference).

Also, the washing machine is right there.  Bonus!

[Darth Wagtaros]

I'll take the crappy room and pay 3/5 what the guy in the big room pays (lol, Newsradio reference).

Also, the washing machine is right there.  Bonus!

No you won't. You'll start off strong but soon enough you'll be bitching up a storm and painting a self portrait in your own shit on the walls of the laundry room.

[PRC]

Sounds great to me.  I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.

And then I'll pave the yard.

That would make a pretty crap investment... actively looking for a house that you'd have trouble reselling at a future date?  If you do buy a shitty house at least make sure it's in a good neighbourhood as that will still sell down the road.

[Darth Wagtaros]

Sounds great to me.  I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.

And then I'll pave the yard.

That would make a pretty crap investment... actively looking for a house that you'd have trouble reselling at a future date?  If you do buy a shitty house at least make sure it's in a good neighbourhood as that will still sell down the road.

That too.