House Hunting Duds

[Malthus]

I thought it would be interesting for those of us who have gone through the nerve-wracking business of house-hunting to disuss experiences with amusing less-than-stellar examples of houses they examined.

These should be houses that looked good "on paper" - the price was right, neighbourhood okay, rooms and features sheet read well - that disclosed some amusingly unlivable flaw when actually examined.

When we were house-hunting, we saw lots of these (indeed sometimes it appeared we saw nothing but these), and to each dud we gave a nickname. Here are some examples:

1. Cigarette House: a house that looked good but was so permiated with stale cigarette smoke from decades of chain-smoking indoors as to be unihabitable; consensus being that the smell could not be removed without expensive renovations.

2. The Cliff Dwelling: house looked great and view was wonderful but backyard visibly eroding into a gigantic cliff; guarden shed currently prevented from falling 80' into neighbour's yard by a cinder block used as a prop. Neighbours to each side have cliff face reveted by concrete defences somewhat like beach defences at Normandy.

3. The Boo Radley: generally unfinished basement (bare concrete), but in the far corner from the stairs what appears to be a nanny or inlaw bedroom suite with ensuite bathroom, all carpeted with musty broadloom; with metal door on bedroom, with heavy latch and lock - on the outside of the door. WTF? (Seriously, WTF?)

Please add your own ...

[alfred russel]

I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.

It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.

[frunk]

The Barn - Barn roof style house, not great shape (the back deck would have needed a lot of work), poor layout but it was reasonably priced and had most of what we were looking for.  The real killer was the front entrance.  At first it looked fine, but closer inspection revealed the corner of the house sloped down dramatically.  We couldn't see any cracks or other signs of warping inside or out and the second floor was level at the same location.  Our best guess was that it had been built like that.

[Malthus]

The Barn - Barn roof style house, not great shape (the back deck would have needed a lot of work), poor layout but it was reasonably priced and had most of what we were looking for.  The real killer was the front entrance.  At first it looked fine, but closer inspection revealed the corner of the house sloped down dramatically.  We couldn't see any cracks or other signs of warping inside or out and the second floor was level at the same location.  Our best guess was that it had been built like that.

Perhaps a ramp to let the animals in more easily? 

[Malthus]

I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.

It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.

Heh I wonder what those $1 homes in Detroit look like on the inside ... 

[alfred russel]

I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.

It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.

Heh I wonder what those $1 homes in Detroit look like on the inside ... 

Most of the homes I was looking at were around $20k, so if they are in that much worse shape, you probably don't want to wonder that.

If it was about 15 years earlier, I would have taken my daughter to a house where the door was left open for probably several months. "See, this is what happens when you leave the door open, now do you want our house to be like this? Then close the door behind yourself when you come inside." Well, actually I wouldn't, because bringing a young child to a mold infested home with standing water and who knows what living on the floor is probably not healthy, if not child abuse.

[Ed Anger]

The two I remember is shit house and zombie cemetery right behind the back yard.

[Darth Wagtaros]

I looked at a house that had a huge rock in the basement, they just built the house around it. In the other corner was a large cast iron oil container, that had to remain in place because breaking it up could cause the residual oil inside to go up in flames.  So that was a lot of space lost to stupid crap.

[Sheilbh]

I was looking to rent.  Before I got my current pleasant East London pad we were shown a place in Shadwell.  Two storey flat in an old council block. There was a non-functioning Stana stair lift and the rooms had been lined with plastic. I was actually scared when being shown round that the house was just a lure used by our serial killer estate agent.

[dps]

Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back.  Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap.  We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it.  When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned.  Not Fit For Human Habitation."   We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that.  We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".

We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.

[mongers]

Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back.  Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap.  We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it.  When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned.  Not Fit For Human Habitation."   We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that.  We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".

We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.

I like his sort of honesty; hey you caught us out, though we are after all in a thoroughly dishonest business.   

[Ideologue]

Oh, it was probably fine.

[dps]

Oh, it was probably fine.

From what we could see, the building appeared to be structurally sound (being structurally unsound is usually what gets buildings condemned in my experiece).  So that suggests that there was some sort of environmental contamination of some sort, which might actually be worse. 

[Malthus]

Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back.  Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap.  We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it.  When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned.  Not Fit For Human Habitation."   We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that.  We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".

We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.

I must admit, I like their moxy.

[DGuller]

Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back.  Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap.  We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it.  When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned.  Not Fit For Human Habitation."   We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that.  We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".

We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.