Long Term Friendships With Those Of Your Sexual Preference ?

[Valmy]

That's what they call one-hour martinizing.

This is like a totally over-the-top situation that probably involves Nazis.

[mongers]

That never happened to me, indeed thinking about it, I seemed to have been kept away from their female friends.   

Me neither.  My friends were not very helpful in that department.

[Valmy]

But they were always handy with things like 'Any woman would be lucky to have you!  Pity all my friends are gay/dudes/taken.'  Damn them.

[Ideologue]

That's what they call one-hour martinizing.

This is like a totally over-the-top situation that probably involves Nazis.

What new [consumer item] should I get?  I can buy ten of them and not even feel it, you know.

[Jacob]

I have a couple of female friends who are long term friends. We don't see each other that much these days but we're still good friends. There were periods where there was a bit of sexual tension component to our friendship, but not too much and it's pretty far in the past now.

[derspiess]

It's certainly possible, although it's mildly uncomfortable unless I'm getting regular sex and if the woman is less attractive than my regular sexual partner.  Not a particularly enlightened thing to say, I suppose, but if I like a person, and they are female, it follows naturally and logically that I would want to fuck them/date them/what have you.

Ditto-- with the addition that if she is less attractive, then I get concerned about her being attracted to me. 

So I guess effectively the answer is "no" for me.

[mongers]

I have a couple of female friends who are long term friends. We don't see each other that much these days but we're still good friends. There were periods where there was a bit of sexual tension component to our friendship, but not too much and it's pretty far in the past now.

Interesting.

[mongers]

But they were always handy with things like 'Any woman would be lucky to have you!  Pity all my friends are gay/dudes/taken.'  Damn them.

You know I think I'm going to go out on a limb and say in your situation, I think it sounds like they enjoy/ed your 'male company or attention' too much to risk having it curtailed by them finding you a date or long term partner.

[The Brain]

Can we have a thread someday that isn't gay?

[Ideologue]

It's certainly possible, although it's mildly uncomfortable unless I'm getting regular sex and if the woman is less attractive than my regular sexual partner.  Not a particularly enlightened thing to say, I suppose, but if I like a person, and they are female, it follows naturally and logically that I would want to fuck them/date them/what have you.

Ditto-- with the addition that if she is less attractive, then I get concerned about her being attracted to me. 

So I guess effectively the answer is "no" for me.

Actually, I'll qualify that.  I'm not a particularly envious fellow (), so "if my SO is fully attractive," I suppose even a more attractive female friend might not bother me.  However, the boredom/sameness--let alone decreased sexual frequency--of later stages of relationships (unavoidable? certainly it violates no law of physics to avoid it, no matter how analogous it may be to entropy ) may make this less covetous-sounding reformulation unworkable.

[Malthus]

But they were always handy with things like 'Any woman would be lucky to have you!  Pity all my friends are gay/dudes/taken.'  Damn them.

You know I think I'm going to go out on a limb and say in your situation, I think it sounds like they enjoy/ed your 'male company or attention' too much to risk having it curtailed by them finding you a date or long term partner.

More likely, they worry that by setting two friends up, you end up losing one or both if the relationship goes badly.

[mongers]

It's certainly possible, although it's mildly uncomfortable unless I'm getting regular sex and if the woman is less attractive than my regular sexual partner.  Not a particularly enlightened thing to say, I suppose, but if I like a person, and they are female, it follows naturally and logically that I would want to fuck them/date them/what have you.

Ditto-- with the addition that if she is less attractive, then I get concerned about her being attracted to me. 

So I guess effectively the answer is "no" for me.

Actually, I'll qualify that.  I'm not a particularly envious fellow (), so "if my SO is fully attractive," I suppose even a more attractive female friend might not bother me.  However, the boredom/sameness--let alone decreased sexual frequency--of later stages of relationships (unavoidable? certainly it violates no law of physics to avoid it, no matter how analogous it may be to entropy ) may make this less covetous-sounding reformulation unworkable.

And this time in English please.

[HVC]

Man since coming out of the closet valmy has become angry

No real difference. Just that it's more annoying hearing them complain about relationships then my male friends. As a bonus chicks will set you up with hot friends. Guys will not since they want to do said hot friends.

They do ?

That never happened to me, indeed thinking about it, I seemed to have been kept away from their female friends.   

they think you're to good for their friends... Yeah, that's it

[mongers]

But they were always handy with things like 'Any woman would be lucky to have you!  Pity all my friends are gay/dudes/taken.'  Damn them.

You know I think I'm going to go out on a limb and say in your situation, I think it sounds like they enjoy/ed your 'male company or attention' too much to risk having it curtailed by them finding you a date or long term partner.

More likely, they worry that by setting two friends up, you end up losing one or both if the relationship goes badly.

This implies the person has to take sides in any break up ?

edit:
Oh that reminds me, Malthus I need to pm/email you to ask you some advice about a political issues situation you might find rather interesting.

[Jacob]

Interesting.

They were both colleagues at my last pre-career job. We spent several years seeing each other all day five days a week and spending all night drinking about five nights a week as well; it was more of a group thing but it was long enough and intense enough that friendships lasted long after we stopped working at the movie theatre.

With one of them, we almost always argued in that classical rom-com "destined to be together" kind of way (except I always thought she was joking when she was annoyed at me and just argued because I thought it was entertaining) and there was one month where I thought I had a bit of a crush on her. With the other one there was one drunken night of boundary crossing that we agreed to pretend never happened (and that she barely remembered, she had to ask me the details the next day).

Ultimately, however, we usually had other interests that were higher priority so we fitted fairly well into each other's "friend zones" as it were. The friendships developed out of long term association and shared social lives; some attraction followed, it wasn't really that strong when it was tested and was thus put by the wayside, but the friendship remained.

It's not necessarily typical, I don't think. There are plenty of female friends I haven't stayed in contact with. I expect that's because fundamentally there was unresolved or disappointed sexual attraction underneath it all.