Should a man ask for permission from his future bride's parents?

[jimmy olsen]

I fully agree with Caliga. There is nothing respectful or polite about it - it sounds awfully anachronistic and retarded. She should be the one telling her parents that - going "behind her back" and asking is extremely rude and patronizing, imo. In normal case, you do not have a "relationship" with your future wife's parents before you get married anyway (or even if you do, this relationship is nowhere near as strong as her relationship with her parents or your relationship with her) so you should not presume upon it. It's mindboggling that so many people who posted above me find this not only acceptable, but even desirable.

Well usually by the time you propose she is expecting you to do it any moment now, and likewise my mother-in-law knew it was coming.  If you are "going behind her back" to do it...well that is just creepy.

Well, yeah, if you have a good relationship like that, sure. But then I would find it creepy too, only in a different way. Very yenta-ish, arranged marriage style.

Yenta?

[Caliga]

I could swear you've already asked this question before.

I think it's a nice gesture to ask for their "blessing" but not necessarily permission.

Now that you mention it, I dimly recall a thread like this one in the past... but unsure why I'd start one, since I got engaged in 1998 and this would be my brother's first engagement.

[crazy canuck]

I could swear you've already asked this question before.

I think it's a nice gesture to ask for their "blessing" but not necessarily permission.

Yep, which is exactly why I did it.  My wife's dad appreciated the gesture. 

[crazy canuck]

It's not that the tradition/ritual is "meaningless", it is that the tradition/ritual is mostly "dead". To the point where, in many cases, performing it will make you look like some sort of throwback.

Well sure if you are equating it with paying a bride price or dowry or some shit like that.  But generally letting the bride's parents know your intentions may just be a good idea depending on the circumstances.  Sometimes it may indeed by as ridiculous as handing over 10 cows and a particularly well carved spear.

I also asked for cows but no go.

[MadImmortalMan]

Didn't ask for "permission" out of principle, but did have a chat where I told them my intention.

[Warspite]

I see a lot of bitter single men posting in this thread, and not so many married people.

[Razgovory]

If you want a dowry.

[garbon]

In normal case, you do not have a "relationship" with your future wife's parents before you get married anyway (or even if you do, this relationship is nowhere near as strong as her relationship with her parents or your relationship with her) so you should not presume upon it.

[garbon]

Yenta?

Yes - although not that I'm agreeing with what Marti said.

[AnchorClanker]

I'd say it depends on the 'family culture' - you're going to have to gauge what would be appropriate and go with it.
There's not an absolutely correct answer on this one.

[crazy canuck]

I'd say it depends on the 'family culture' - you're going to have to gauge what would be appropriate and go with it.
There's not an absolutely correct answer on this one.

Next you are going to say its ok to fry a steak in some circumstances.

[Eddie Teach]

[Malthus]

Lord, it looks like someone vomited on it. 

[Ed Anger]

You best keep your nasty comments about chicken fried steak to yourselves. heathens.

[crazy canuck]

What the hell is that!