Should a man ask for permission from his future bride's parents?

[Caliga]

Languish - decide PLZ.

[ulmont]

Nay.

[Caliga]

Last week, my brother took his girlfriend to Minorca and they got engaged there.  Over the weekend I was talking about it with him, and he matter-of-factly brought up that he had called his girlfriend's parents (separately, because they are divorced) prior to proposing to ask their permission.  I was like "wow, people still do that!?", and he acted like I was a cretin for not knowing, or doing it myself when Princesca and I got engaged.

My view is that, since Princesca isn't the property of her parents in the view of modern society, aside from being an anachronism asking permission is a bit demeaning and patronizing.  His view is that it's tradition and not doing so indicates a lack of respect for the in-laws.  Honestly, the thought of doing this didn't even cross my mind when we got engaged.  I asked Princesca about it and she said she would have been angry if I'd called her mom and dad to "ask permission".

[Admiral Yi]

I could swear you've already asked this question before.

I think it's a nice gesture to ask for their "blessing" but not necessarily permission.

[Grey Fox]

I'd do it but not before asking my gf if she was okay with it (both the wedding & permission).

[Warspite]

I think the correct thing to do, of course assuming the daughter and father have reasonably good relations, is to say, "I intend to ask your daughter to marry me and would like to ask for your blessing".

[CountDeMoney]

It's the respectful thing to do.

Hell, even an asshole like me knows you should do that.  Don't have to ask for a "blessing", though.  But approval should be asked for.

And if he says no?  Fuck it, do it anyway.  And tell him how every holiday dinner he'll be reminded that your penis has been in his daughter's mouth.

[11B4V]

No, marriage is an antiquated religious practice.

[jimmy olsen]

Yes, but a negative answer isn't binding.

[Malthus]

Never even considered it.

What, are we living in Fiddler on the Roof? 

[Grinning_Colossus]

Father's thought process first half-second:

What a respectful, tradition-minded young man. 


Followed by...

Aw fuck, that means he'll want me to pay for the wedding. 


Ergo:

"No" 

[Valmy]

I guess I sorta did since my mother-in-law and I conspired on the proposal.  So I guess I answer no, but I did anyway.  However it was more like 'I am proposing to your daughter will you help me out?' and less 'beloved matron so-and-so I doth beseech thee for thy daughter's hand'.

[DGuller]

I try not asking questions when I will be disregarding the answer I don't like regardless.  That's a bit dishonest.

[Martinus]

I fully agree with Caliga. There is nothing respectful or polite about it - it sounds awfully anachronistic and retarded. She should be the one telling her parents that - going "behind her back" and asking is extremely rude and patronizing, imo. In normal case, you do not have a "relationship" with your future wife's parents before you get married anyway (or even if you do, this relationship is nowhere near as strong as her relationship with her parents or your relationship with her) so you should not presume upon it. It's mindboggling that so many people who posted above me find this not only acceptable, but even desirable.

[Valmy]

I fully agree with Caliga. There is nothing respectful or polite about it - it sounds awfully anachronistic and retarded. She should be the one telling her parents that - going "behind her back" and asking is extremely rude and patronizing, imo. In normal case, you do not have a "relationship" with your future wife's parents before you get married anyway (or even if you do, this relationship is nowhere near as strong as her relationship with her parents or your relationship with her) so you should not presume upon it. It's mindboggling that so many people who posted above me find this not only acceptable, but even desirable.

Well usually by the time you propose she is expecting you to do it any moment now, and likewise my mother-in-law knew it was coming.  If you are "going behind her back" to do it...well that is just creepy.