Should a man ask for permission from his future bride's parents?

[DGuller]

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

[The Brain]That's a terrible trade.[/The Brain]

[Malthus]

They shouldn't, but then nor SHOULD they be getting married. The entire thing is all about tradition in the first place- so in for a penny in for a pound.

Not so. Marriage has several legal major consequences concerning your status, quite irrespective of tradition.

[Malthus]

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

[The Brain]That's a terrible trade.[/The Brain]

[Drakken]

None of her parents' business, she's not 16. I need her approval only.

Then again, I don't want to marry.

[Valmy]

They shouldn't, but then nor SHOULD they be getting married. The entire thing is all about tradition in the first place- so in for a penny in for a pound.

Why shouldn't they?

[Valmy]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

I am not sure who you are arguing with.  Nobody is saying that her parents get to decide only that discussing it with them could set up a positive relationship going forward.

[Valmy]

None of her parents' business, she's not 16. I need her approval only.

Then again, I don't want to marry.

And if she was 16 I would recomend not informing her parents anyway

[Ed Anger]

None of her parents' business, she's not 16. I need her approval only.

Then again, I don't want to marry.

And if she was 16 I would recomend not informing her parents anyway

If she was 16, I'd be breaking the punk's legs.

[Barrister]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

I am not sure who you are arguing with.  Nobody is saying that her parents get to decide only that discussing it with them could set up a positive relationship going forward.

This will probably break down between the usual camps of "tradition is meaningless, so why bother doing it" and "well it's traditional, so as long as it doesn't hurt anybody why not do it".

It's not about pretending[/u], it's about the ritual.

[HVC]

Don't know anyone who asked permission to get married, but i do know one guy who got along with his longterm girlfriends dad (went to hockey games, bars, etc) and he told him he was breaking up with his daughter before he told his girlfriend

But surely that was just because he blurted it out and not his plan right?

Father asked once in a while when he'd get married. So, ya, he just blurted it out. Best part is they still hang out much to the daughters unease

[Drakken]

And if she was 16 I would recomend not informing her parents anyway

Elopement is a dying tradition nowadays. 

[Malthus]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

I am not sure who you are arguing with.  Nobody is saying that her parents get to decide only that discussing it with them could set up a positive relationship going forward.

I'm not arguing with anyone - I'm expressing surprise that anyone in real life actually still did this bit of ritual.

If one does, more power to 'em. But I hardly imagine it would have any effect one way or the other on most parental relationships, any more than an abject failure to pay bride-price would - because, for the most part, parents aren't actually expecting it.

[Malthus]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

I am not sure who you are arguing with.  Nobody is saying that her parents get to decide only that discussing it with them could set up a positive relationship going forward.

This will probably break down between the usual camps of "tradition is meaningless, so why bother doing it" and "well it's traditional, so as long as it doesn't hurt anybody why not do it".

It's not about pretending[/u], it's about the ritual.

It's not that the tradition/ritual is "meaningless", it is that the tradition/ritual is mostly "dead". To the point where, in many cases, performing it will make you look like some sort of throwback.

[Valmy]

I'm not arguing with anyone - I'm expressing surprise that anyone in real life actually still did this bit of ritual.

If one does, more power to 'em. But I hardly imagine it would have any effect one way or the other on most parental relationships, any more than an abject failure to pay bride-price would - because, for the most part, parents aren't actually expecting it.

Ok I was just confused since you made a second post saying the same thing which made me think you were answering somebody.

[Barrister]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

I am not sure who you are arguing with.  Nobody is saying that her parents get to decide only that discussing it with them could set up a positive relationship going forward.

This will probably break down between the usual camps of "tradition is meaningless, so why bother doing it" and "well it's traditional, so as long as it doesn't hurt anybody why not do it".

It's not about pretending[/u], it's about the ritual.

It's not that the tradition/ritual is "meaningless", it is that the tradition/ritual is mostly "dead". To the point where, in many cases, performing it will make you look like some sort of throwback.

Well as witnessed in this thread, it would seem like it is not mostly dead.