Should a man ask for permission from his future bride's parents?

[Martinus]

I'd do it but not before asking my gf if she was okay with it (both the wedding & permission).

That would be a hoot.

GF: "Honey, I want to ask you something."
GF's GF: "Uhm sure".
GF: "I intend to ask you to marry me..."
GF's GF: "Oh! Yes, I say yes!"
GF: "Uhm, no, wait, you didn't let me finish. I intend to ask you to marry me but before I do it I want to ask your father for a blessing. Would you mind if I did?"
GF's GF: "WHAT. THE. FUCK."

[Martinus]

I fully agree with Caliga. There is nothing respectful or polite about it - it sounds awfully anachronistic and retarded. She should be the one telling her parents that - going "behind her back" and asking is extremely rude and patronizing, imo. In normal case, you do not have a "relationship" with your future wife's parents before you get married anyway (or even if you do, this relationship is nowhere near as strong as her relationship with her parents or your relationship with her) so you should not presume upon it. It's mindboggling that so many people who posted above me find this not only acceptable, but even desirable.

Well usually by the time you propose she is expecting you to do it any moment now, and likewise my mother-in-law knew it was coming.  If you are "going behind her back" to do it...well that is just creepy.

Well, yeah, if you have a good relationship like that, sure. But then I would find it creepy too, only in a different way. Very yenta-ish, arranged marriage style.

[Grey Fox]

That's not how I meant it but funny post.

So many Gs & Fs.

[Valmy]

Well, yeah, if you have a good relationship like that, sure. But then I would find it creepy too, only in a different way. Very yenta-ish, arranged marriage style.

You do realize I was still going to ask her to marry me and if she said 'no' then it wouldn't have happened right?

This was more like 'this is going to happen, you on board?'  I mean when you marry somebody you are not just marrying them, you are also marrying their family.  Hopefully you either really like them or they live very far away.

[DGuller]

I'd do it but not before asking my gf if she was okay with it (both the wedding & permission).

That would be a hoot.

GF: "Honey, I want to ask you something."
GF's GF: "Uhm sure".
GF: "I intend to ask you to marry me..."
GF's GF: "Oh! Yes, I say yes!"
GF: "Uhm, no, wait, you didn't let me finish. I intend to ask you to marry me but before I do it I want to ask your father for a blessing. Would you mind if I did?"
GF's GF: "WHAT. THE. FUCK."

[Martinus]

I don't know. Maybe as a gay man I never thought it through, but to me the whole "you are not just marrying your wife/husband, but their entire family" seems like something outdated and out of 19th century or something. I ever met the parents of only one of my boyfriends, and two of my boyfriends met my parents (once and twice, respectively) - so it would never occur to me to ask if we had an opportunity to marry.

Incidentally, in gay marriage, who asks for whose parents' blessing?

[Valmy]

I don't know. Maybe as a gay man I never thought it through, but to me the whole "you are not just marrying your wife/husband, but their entire family" seems like something outdated and out of 19th century or something. I ever met the parents of only one of my boyfriends, and two of my boyfriends met my parents (once and twice, respectively) - so it would never occur to me to ask if we had an opportunity to marry.

Incidentally, in gay marriage, who asks for whose parents' blessing?

Well you are marrying her family because, you know, she is a member of that family and it is likely you are going to be seeing her nuclear family a crapload and her extended family from time to time.  Oh and your kids are going to be members of that family as well and you are going to get sucked into their little dramas.  In the case of my wife she hangs with her mother all the freaking time.  If we had a bad relationship the marriage would fail.  But every couple is different, for some people they either have no family or are estranged in which case it wouldn't matter.

As for gay couples...well just like straight couples it sorta depends on how the relationship works and how close/not close people are to their families blah blah.

[Barrister]

I wouldn't have thought of it myself, but my wife had mentioned that her sister's husband had asked her dad for permission (even though at that point they were living together and had a child together) and my future wife thought that was a very nice and respectful thing to do.

So I can take a hint, but like a few others mentined, it wasn't as if I would just "no" for an answer, so I settled on asking her dad for his blessing.  He was touched (and for a guy screwing his daughter on a regualr basis, and for him being a right bastard to a number of people, he's never given me the slightest reason to complain) so perhaps the gesture worked out in the end.

And for the whole "you're marrying into the family" - absolutely true.  Unless your future partner wants nothing to do with their family you're going to wind up spending a whole lot of time with your future in-laws, so its best to stay on good terms with them.

[Brazen]

When my ex and I told my folks we were getting engaged, my dad said: "Aren't you going to ask for my permission, then?"

He did.

[Ed Anger]

If they expect me to pay for part or most of the wedding, then yes, you better come and give me respect.

[The Larch]

Permission shouldn't be asked, the bride to be is her own person and more than able to make her own decissions. Besides, by the point that a couple proposes most of the time it is already bleedingly obvious that it's happening so parents' have had time to object to it should it had been the case.

[HVC]

Don't know anyone who asked permission to get married, but i do know one guy who got along with his longterm girlfriends dad (went to hockey games, bars, etc) and he told him he was breaking up with his daughter before he told his girlfriend

As to the question at hand, depends on the family. if they're more traditional i have no problem with asking for their blessing.

[Valmy]

Don't know anyone who asked permission to get married, but i do know one guy who got along with his longterm girlfriends dad (went to hockey games, bars, etc) and he told him he was breaking up with his daughter before he told his girlfriend

But surely that was just because he blurted it out and not his plan right?

[Malthus]

The whole "asking permission" thing is a relic of a time when the wife's parents actually had a choice in the matter.

Today, they don't. I suppose if pretending that they do makes them happy, might as well go for it - but I did not imagine anyone in this day and age actually still did this. Hell, my *parents* didn't do this.

What's next, offering ten camels and a mule as bride-price? 

[Josquius]

They shouldn't, but then nor SHOULD they be getting married. The entire thing is all about tradition in the first place- so in for a penny in for a pound.