The Future Mother-in-law draws blood.

[mongers]

Mother-in-law's manners e-mail: Right or wrong?
30 June 11 15:35

By Katie Fraser
BBC News


For any bride (or groom) to-be, one of the most nerve-wracking aspects of entering married life is winning over the future in-laws.

So when one young woman, Heidi Withers, returned from visiting hers in Devon, it's unlikely she welcomed the detailed critique of her manners that dropped into her inbox from her fiance's stepmother, Carolyn Bourne.

Having forwarded the e-mail that described her behaviour as "staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace" to her friends, it then went viral, attracting attention from around the world.

Here are some examples from the missive, followed by some expert opinions.

"When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms."
.....

rest of item here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/mobile/magazine-13973331


This page has the full text of the email:

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Mother-In-Law-Email-Carolyn-Bournes-Stern-Etiquette-Message-To-Heidi-Withers-Goes-Viral/Article/201106416021513?f=rss

This is the full email from Mrs Bourne to Miss Withers:

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.

Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.

She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

[citizen k]

I pity Freddie too.

[Drakken]

Wait, people still need the approval of their in-laws nowadays? 

[Slargos]

Sounds a bit exaggerated, but while some of the complaints may seem quaint it also does seem like the girl may be a bit of a chav. 

[Grey Fox]

Brits.

[grumbler]

I pity Freddie too.  

Indeed.  He starts with a mother like that, and doesn't seem to have chosen his bride very well (though all I really know about her is that she forwarded the cow's email very foolishly). I fear the lad is fucked.

[Drakken]

Maybe that's why Freddie is marrying her - because the parents wouldn't approve, like girls going out with no-good thugs in a fit of teenage rebellion. The mother-in-law does read like an emasculating cow.

[The Brain]

They both sound horrible.

[grumbler]

They both sound horrible.

Really?  What do you know of the bride, other than that her mother-in-law-to-be is an asshole and that the bride-to-be forwarded an email from an asshole?

[DGuller]

I pity Freddie too.  

Indeed.  He starts with a mother like that, and doesn't seem to have chosen his bride very well (though all I really know about her is that she forwarded the cow's email very foolishly). I fear the lad is fucked.

Being fucked would be the only consolation.

[The Brain]

They both sound horrible.

Really?  What do you know of the bride, other than that her mother-in-law-to-be is an asshole and that the bride-to-be forwarded an email from an asshole?

The description in the e-mail.

[DGuller]

One has to assume that behavior itself was not imagined.  If so, the bride-to-be does come off a bit ditzy. 

Of course, it's hard to tell how overwhelming that behavior really is:  she could be a generally good person with rough edges and incomplete knolwedge of social norms, or she could be a vulgar trash.

[Eddie Teach]

What do you know of the bride, other than that her mother-in-law-to-be is an asshole and that the bride-to-be forwarded an email from an asshole?

I'd assume that she is in fact diabetic. And that she made a comment about wishing for a castle wedding, if not necessarily campaigning for one.

[grumbler]

The description in the e-mail.

But that's from a person who is desperately trying to find things to fault; and she doesnt actually describe any behavior, just says things like "When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something."  Now, if The Cow put a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and Heidi Withers said "eww, I refuse to eat potatoes," then the complaint is justified.  If she simply said, "oh, I am sorry; didn't Freddie tell you?  I'm Jewish/vegetarian/Hindu and cannot eat pork/meat/beef" then The Cow has no complaint, other than with Freddie for not telling her.

My point is that The Cow isn't a very reliable source of information.  Sorta like Hans, only ruder.

[The Brain]

The description in the e-mail.

But that's from a person who is desperately trying to find things to fault; and she doesnt actually describe any behavior, just says things like "When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something."  Now, if The Cow put a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and Heidi Withers said "eww, I refuse to eat potatoes," then the complaint is justified.  If she simply said, "oh, I am sorry; didn't Freddie tell you?  I'm Jewish/vegetarian/Hindu and cannot eat pork/meat/beef" then The Cow has no complaint, other than with Freddie for not telling her.

My point is that The Cow isn't a very reliable source of information.  Sorta like Hans, only ruder.

I said "sound", not "are". Jesus Christ.