So my Mom has gone crazy. Raz on the March!

[Tamas]

Raz, I am sorry this does not sound very nice.

But still: do not waste money and energy on confronting her in person. She may realize (sooner than you might think) what she has done, on her own. You pushing her can only make that process slower.

What you should use your energy on is yourself. Try to keep yourself together as much as possible in your condition, both for you and your dad.

[garbon]

How hard is it to say: I don't know what to tell you. I'm figuring things out.

In her position, i don't know.  Do you know?

It's true...I am making the assumption that she can still speak.

[Legbiter]

It's a shit move on her part by the looks of it but, eh, it happens. People flake out and hurt their loved ones all the time. 

Hope this dosen't turn out too bad for you Raz.

[Camerus]

It is irresponsible and hurtful for someone to just up and leave their family with little or no explanation.  Certainly not nearly *as* irresponsible and hurtful as if her kids were not grown, but irresponsible and hurtful nonetheless.

On the other hand, your mom seems to be going through some tough emotional times, as are you all.  Perhaps this is her equivalent of going to the looney bin?

As to what you should do, I suppose the most useful advice I can give is that you should try and remind yourself that it's ultimately not really your problem and that you should try not to get too tied up in it.  Yes she is your mom and you love her, but if she is acting in a hurtful or unstable fashion, it behoves you try and separate yourself from it emotionally as much as you can.

[Caliga]

A husband who is sick, and a son who is mentally disabled.  My old man, is not well.  In the last six years he has been in the hospital twice with life threatening illness.  Now mind you, my mom doesn't actually do much to take care of us.  Mostly should just sits on her ass and watches TV, but at least there was some kind of moral support.

I don't see that her moral support has helped you with your life and various issues all that much.  She may view you as a personal failure of hers and maybe she's just given up trying.

Princesca's aunt has a son who is in a similar situation, though he does have a job... it's just some part time thing with UPS and he still lives at home and all that.  Though she never says anything to him about her disappointment (which quite frankly is part of the problem IMO) she'll rant and scream and cry to her sisters, parents, etc. about it all the time.  She views it as a personal failure on her part and herself as a failed mother, though her other child is in college and doing quite well for herself.

[Valmy]

It doesn't help that she just swiped 500 bucks from my dad's account, and now wants to file separate tax returns.  That'll cost us an additional 1,800.  She may very well cause us to lose our house.

She stole $500.00 from your dad?  That seems a bit beyond the pale to me...

[Legbiter]

She stole $500.00 from your dad?  That seems a bit beyond the pale to me...

Now, now, she's on a magic quest to go live her own life.

[Razgovory]

Well I called my mom up.  Told her I was going to head up there, which seems to have bothered her.  She promised she would return next Monday and "hash" all this out.  We shall see.

Though I would prefer to have her here for the confrontation.  I don't have a new traveling hat yet.  Dry Cleaner destroyed my old one.

[merithyn]

A husband who is sick, and a son who is mentally disabled.  My old man, is not well.  In the last six years he has been in the hospital twice with life threatening illness.  Now mind you, my mom doesn't actually do much to take care of us.  Mostly should just sits on her ass and watches TV, but at least there was some kind of moral support.

Sounds like she's been dealing with a lot for quite a long while. I'm not surprised that she needed a break from all of it, especially if she's dealing with depression due to the circumstances around her.

Raz, you have every right to feel how you feel. You have every right to be furious with her, hurt, angry, upset, and whatever else comes up. My only point was that she also has every right to feel how she feels, and while I don't agree with how she's handling it, I do feel for her, too. There is no easy way to extricate oneself from a situation like this, and she chose one of the worst ways to do it. Nonetheless, she's hurting, too, and that should be remembered.

[viper37]

Wow... just wow. She's a grown woman with grown children. Her only true responsibility anymore is to herself, with her husband a close second. If at 29 and beyond her children can't fend for themselves, that's not really her problem. It doesn't mean that she doesn't "deeply care" for her children; it means she's ready to take care of herself first for a while. And she's not irresponsible to do so, either. In fact, I'd argue that she's taking responsibility for herself for once.

I'm sorry you're hurting Raz. I know this is incredibly hard for you. But seriously, you need to adjust the way you're thinking about this. It's not about you.

If one of your kids is 29 and goes to the hospital for a nervous breakdown, will you stay home or will you visit him?  Raz seems to have an history of mental problems, and I think most mothers would at least visit their kid in the hospital.  That's what my grandma did for my uncles, all her life.

Besides, Raz hinted she has cut all ties with her family, so, really, what kind of mother does that, even to her adult childs?  Do you see yourself cutting all ties to your kids once they're older?

[Razgovory]

She doesn't have the right to take 500 bucks, and flee.  She doesn't have the right to lie to me or the rest of her family.  I have no idea what she's feeling.  She won't tell me.  Apparently she's been planning this for a long time.  I am not sympathetic.  Feeling bad is one thing.  Go to a doctor.  Wrecking the lives of your family, because you want to be a teenager again is not a good thing.

[Razgovory]

Wow... just wow. She's a grown woman with grown children. Her only true responsibility anymore is to herself, with her husband a close second. If at 29 and beyond her children can't fend for themselves, that's not really her problem. It doesn't mean that she doesn't "deeply care" for her children; it means she's ready to take care of herself first for a while. And she's not irresponsible to do so, either. In fact, I'd argue that she's taking responsibility for herself for once.

I'm sorry you're hurting Raz. I know this is incredibly hard for you. But seriously, you need to adjust the way you're thinking about this. It's not about you.

If one of your kids is 29 and goes to the hospital for a nervous breakdown, will you stay home or will you visit him?

Well, I was planning it to be a suicide.  People meddle to much.

[Valmy]

She doesn't have the right to take 500 bucks, and flee.  She doesn't have the right to lie to me or the rest of her family.

I could have sympathy but the lying and the stealing makes this different.

[viper37]

Well, I was planning it to be a suicide. 

what would that achieve, really? Isn't it a coward's way to leave the Earth?  You flee in front of adversity instead of fighting your way through rough times?

[Valmy]

Well, I was planning it to be a suicide.  People meddle to much.

We love you Raz don't leave us