TV/Movies Megathread

[Ideologue]

Prometheus.

A lot of shit doesn't make sense.  It's good, yes, but it's no Blade Runner.

[Admiral Yi]

Watched the 30 for 30 on Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knickerbockers (and Spike Lee).  Brought back some memories.

I definitely wouldn't mind guarding Cheryl in the low post.

I'd never heard John Starks talk before.  A more mush-mouthed backwater accent you will never encounter.

[Ed Anger]

I John Starks. 

[CountDeMoney]

Now those Knicks were fun.

[HVC]

Prometheus.

A lot of shit doesn't make sense. 

like squid baby

[The Brain]

Prometheus.

A lot of shit doesn't make sense. 

[spoiler]like squid baby[/spoiler]

Yeah. I like MiB1 but a shoutout like that seemed inappropriate in Prometheus.

[Kleves]

Coriolanus. A Shakespeare adaptation in the vein of McKellen's Richard III. I liked it.

[The Brain]

Coriolanus.

LOL

[Ideologue]

Prometheus.

A lot of shit doesn't make sense. 

like squid baby

Yes.

Btw, I know our spoiler code is annoying with this much stuff, but if you highlight it, it's okay.  Or not.  Fuck you, I do this for me.

[spoiler]That one didn't make sense at all, to the extent it most egregiously violated two laws of thermodynamics.  1)It shouldn't have gotten bigger after leaving the body.  2)Growth at that rate would have generated so much waste heat it probably would've set her womb on fire.

Actually, after reflecting on Prometheus for a day and watching someone else's review of it, I've come to the conclusion it was kind of shitty, and the parts I liked--namely David, Fassbender being superb; the neat design of the race of Woody Harrelsons; and the deliberate refusal to explain the Harrelsons' motivations--had all anesthetized me to the stupid bits.  This is good because I didn't have to deal with them while watching the film, so I still enjoyed it as a movie experience.  But now that it's worn off, I'm really kinda pissed that so much potential was wasted.  Because there was a lot of potential, especially with David and all that ancient astronaut nonsense.

Here's a short list of things wrong:

1)Why would they tell ancient humans where their stockpile of unpleasant shit was located?  At the time, they seemed to like us, and it was only later they wished to destroy us.

2)Why did they develop these uncontrollable biological weapons instead of simply aiming perfectly controllable rocks at Earth, if they did wish to eliminate us?

3)If they were going to use biological weapons, why such camera-friendly abominations, instead of, I dunno, airborne AIDS?  And why so many different classes of nasty?  There's the ambiguous genitalia monster, the zombie spermataphore, Starro the Conqeuror, and the xenomorph, none of which have any obvious superiority to one another nor to humans, nor do any of them possess any obvious specific combat role unfulfilled by the others.  Indeed, none of them are actually a match for organized humans with access to our civilization's technology, that is, both expressly designed or improvised weaponry, as demonstrated amply by Ellen Ripley.  This always bothered me about the bioweapon explanation for the xenomorphs, but, here--seriously, what the hell?  I guess actually there are only two real monsters in the film, the pussydick snake and the zombification virus that got into the dude scientist's cum, but as for the latter, WTF is up with that nonsense life cycle?  It's a pathogen, then when someone's infected with it, if they fuck someone, it implants as a baby, becoming a giant starfish, which later implants an egg that becomes a crypto-Alien xenomorph.  Are the Harrelsons' just fucking around up there?

3a)Quick follow-up question: what would've happened if he'd popped on her face?  Don't wait for the translation, answer now.

4)Why is everyone so dumb?

5)Is it medically correct for someone leap ten feet down and anchor themselves with their upper body when they've just had serious abdominal surgery?

6)Seriously, you can't just dismiss the proven relationship between humans and all life on Earth, with one stupid line.  It's like that awful episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Chase"--actually, it's exactly like that episode, and while the ancient humanoids were nice in that, it misunderstands fundamentally how evolution, you know, basically works.

In TNG, the ancient humanoids "designed" us billions of years ago by "seeding" Earth.  Which you can't say happened, because it's roughly as stupid as saying that Mars has a breathable atmosphere or that you can go walk on the sun.  It's just not factually correct.

You could say that aliens engineered human intelligence and form, using our immediate evolutionary ancestors, but that's not what is depicted at the beginning of Prometheus, which appears to show a Harrelson disintegrating himself at roughly the end of the Hadean or similar geological period, in order to deliver preexisting living chemicals to Earth.  Now maybe a fucked up dead body and, more likely, its single-celled hangers-on could lead to terrestrial biogenesis, despite the adverse conditions, but it's not a very efficient, or plausible, or remotely fucking possible, way to produce an intelligent species three billion years later that has the same or similar DNA.  If the opening scene is actually supposed to occur later, introducing a big mess of DNA into a river five million years ago doesn't do anything but feed the fish that live in that river.  It obviously does not affect human evolution any more than if I got eaten by a shark I could expect a race of mermen to come into being somewhere down the line.

7)The premise of the movie is a lot like 2001 except much stupider, down even to an evil artificial intelligence.  It tries to make up for this with tentacle porn and an exploding alien head.  I guess that's cool, but it's pretty wasteful.

Of course, there's more, but those are the first seven that spring to mind.[/spoiler]

[The Brain]

Fassbender's shit is by far the best stuff in the movie. He rocks.

[The Brain]

Also: [spoiler]if Ridley Scott wanted to do At The Mountains Of Madness couldn't he just, you know, do At The Mountains Of Madness? [/spoiler]

[CountDeMoney]

Fassbender's shit is by far the best stuff in the movie. He rocks.

He has really been getting his dance card filled since Inglorious Basterds.  Very good in Shame.

[katmai]

John Carter.

I liked it and Lynn Collins is muy caliente!

[PDH]

Saw Prometheus.  It was ok, but as Brain said a whole lotta dumb people. 

Ide, I think there was only one monster there - all the rest came from it. (the captain's explanation)

[CountDeMoney]

Ide, I think there was only one monster there - all the rest came from it. (the captain's explanation)

Redact, dammit!