Everyday Adventures

[The Brain]

I bought breakfast at the supermarket this morning.

[The Brain]

A huge spider on the balcony keeps me inside today.

[PDH]

There was a fly in my house.  I opened the screen door and it flew out.

[Eddie Teach]

I won an involuntary commitment hearing on Wednesday.    The psychiatrist was: apoplectic. 

So when did you get released?  That day?

[Ed Anger]

I just shat out what I estimate to be 5 pounds of shit. That was what I get for eating 2 slices of Domino's pizza. 

[The Brain]

Today a lesbian sat next to me on the bus.

[Ed Anger]

My bowel movements have been erratic. 2 days of nothing, then I launch a foot and half torpedo into the bowl. Then 2 more days of nothing.

[The Brain]

My stool is firm.

[The Brain]

Today I was at a conference where I encountered people who looked like movie actors. I called them "Gregory Peck", "Richard Burton" and "William Macy". "Gregory Peck" was a woman.

[sbr]

[CountDeMoney]

I had the most awful nightmare last night.
For some reason, I was on the coast of Antartica with my cat, and we slipped off a glacier shelf.  Floating farther and farther from shore, I had to decide if I was going to hang on to the kitty litter box with her, risking us both, or to set her adrift in it alone with a remote chance of rescue.
I set her off, and watched her to the horizon until I succumbed to the water.

Never eat frozen White Castle cheeseburgers from the Rite Aid at 1am, people.

[DGuller]

I had the most awful nightmare last night.
For some reason, I was on the coast of Antartica with my cat, and we slipped off a glacier shelf.  Floating farther and farther from shore, I had to decide if I was going to hang on to the kitty litter box with her, risking us both, or to set her adrift in it alone with a remote chance of rescue.
I set her off, and watched her to the horizon until I succumbed to the water.

Never eat frozen White Castle cheeseburgers from the Rite Aid at 1am, people.

White Castle cheeseburgers are never the root of the problem, although they are an extremely unfortunate complication.  The root of the problem is usually the thing that makes you want to eat frozen White Castle cheeseburgers. 

[CountDeMoney]

White Castle cheeseburgers are never the root of the problem, although they are an extremely unfortunate complication.  The root of the problem is usually the thing that makes you want to eat frozen White Castle cheeseburgers. 

Don't get Razzy on me, man.

[The Brain]

I had cake today.

[Eddie Teach]

I had the most awful nightmare last night.

Sounds like your dreams have had a sheltered life.