Things to Say to Cold Calling Brokers

[Monoriu]

I get calls mostly from insurance brokers.  I don't know about the US, but it is illegal for stock brokers to cold call people here (it is ok if you have an account with them).

If someone calls me, I *have* to pick up the phone.  Because there is no caller ID, and that call maybe from my boss.

[DontSayBanana]

Yeah, "I'm already a member/subscriber/etc" is a good one.  You're not really supposed to accuse the customer of lying, just thank them.

We played dumb, tried to sound "conversational," and asked what they thought of the cover article.

Seriously, I was stuck in one of those fired/quit situations because I was too ethical for the manager. We had a guy who would manually dial refusals and prank call them, in one case ordering 200 double cheeseburgers at a McDonald's halfway across the country.

Those of us who are sane and work as telemarketers hate the job and ourselves. Those who enjoy the job... are usually a pretty "special" breed.

[garbon]

Doesn't really work in a profession like Minsky's, where you may be getting a call from a client.

Oh when I get calls like that at work, I pickup and then hangup. Some might say that is rude, but I think they are rude for calling me*.

*Incidentally I feel the same way about those people who try to get you to sign up/donate money for the environment and people who beg you for money.

[citizen k]

"I'm sorry I don't take cold calls, goodbye!".

Regrettable that one has to be so abrupt; but, from being quite rare, these calls have increased in frequency.

Does Britain have a Do Not Call list? I'm on the one for the U.S. and I only receive calls from businesses that I already do business with.

[Richard Hakluyt]

Yes, it's called the calling preference service or something like that. I've signed up to it and it has eliminated about 80% of the cold calls.

One of my biggest problems though is with my bank. Whenever I move money around they get tremendously excited and get into contact. They want me to become a "private client" and receive their "free, independent financial advice". Now, I have enough money that it would be profitable for them to get their hands on it, but not enough money to get high quality financial advice for free (I'm not sure there is any such thing at all in fact).

[Monoriu]

Yes, it's called the calling preference service or something like that. I've signed up to it and it has eliminated about 80% of the cold calls.

One of my biggest problems though is with my bank. Whenever I move money around they get tremendously excited and get into contact. They want me to become a "private client" and receive their "free, independent financial advice". Now, I have enough money that it would be profitable for them to get their hands on it, but not enough money to get high quality financial advice for free (I'm not sure there is any such thing at all in fact).

If it is possible to get good financial advice, we won't get it from banks, even from so-called "private banking".  I reached that conclusion after reading this -

http://www.deloitte.com/view/en_CH/ch/services/consulting/article/dfec586731101210VgnVCM100000ba42f00aRCRD.htm

(choose reconnecting for profit)

The study surveyed the really high end bank clients.  Even they are not happy with the financial advice they get.  They feel the banks are "product pushers".  They don't think they are getting anywhere near objective advice.  Simply, they just don't trust their bank advisors. 

If even the billionaires don't get objective advice, us the little guys are just distribution channels. 

Even if the bank as an organization want to develop a long-term relationship with its clients, the staff won't.  They're just concerned with this month's paycheck. 

[The Larch]

I got tons of cold calls at home, always from South American people (I've never talked to a Spaniard until the "pass me to your manager" phase), all of them offering me swell internet deals or new awesome cell phone packages. I even got scammed once, damn sweet talking Argentinian lady.

The other day it got so bad I even disconnected the phone in order not to be bothered.

[Warspite]

[Caliga]

This thread has: inspired me.

The next time I get a solicitation via phone, I'll start singing The Major General's Song from Pirates of Penzance to the dude. 

[swallow]

 @ Warspite
It's great, my son quite often answers the 'phone now an they tend to give up because he keeps asking hem questions.

My standard reply which works is 'sorry, I'm just about to go out right now and I'm afraid there won't be a covenient time at a later date'  The second half is vital because they ask for a better time otherwise

[Caliga]

One time my mom got a cold call from someone trying to sell curtains or blinds or something, and she said "I'm sorry but we live in a cave" in an effort to get the person off the call.  They STILL kept trying to sell to her.   I think she ddi just hang up on them eventually.

[DontSayBanana]

Some gems from experiences with hanging around Kain and a couple other friends:

"City Morgue; you dice 'em, we ice 'em."
"Autobot Headquarters, Optimus Prime speaking."
Scream "BATMAN!" and hang up the phone.

Also, making up insane drivel is a good way to get telemarketers to take you off the list- the pitch person will try to run it through as a sale ("If it's not a no, it's a go"- solid answers only needed for "will you pay for this"), but even sleazy PBP's quality control wouldn't allow that sale to go through.

[Ideologue]

"Excuse me, I'm masturbating."

[The Brain]

I don't get cold callers on my cell and since I don't have any old-skool phone I don't have the problem.

[Barrister]

You guys should try unlisted numbers.  Well worth it.  I never get cold call telemarketers.