Do you want your wife to use your name?

[OttoVonBismarck]

I don't know that many people care. I do think a man who changes his last name in any way is essentially a bitch, though.

Not all last names are created equal, if I was a woman I'd probably base my decision on whether or not I had a good last name versus my husband.

[alfred russel]

I'm amused that these days anyone cares enough to stress over it. Who cares? If you want to take her name, take it. If she wants to take yours, then she takes it. If neither of you care for your names, come up with something different.

My kids have grown up in a family with multiple last names being used: their father's, my maiden, Max's original last name, our newly-minted married name. None of us worry too much about it. It's never been a problem because none of us make it a problem. The kids' friends call me Mrs. Ex-husband all the time, and I just smile and say hello. A huge chunk of my friends still refer to me by my maiden name, and a bunch more refer to me by my new last name. Hell, my own mother called me by Max's original last name for years after we were married, even though it was never my name.

Despite what's been said it, it really isn't a big deal for kids to have a different last name from their parents anymore. Divorce and re-marriage is too common for anyone to even blink at it. As for "part of being a family" is all having the same name... sorry, but that's just ridiculous to me. A name isn't even in the top 10 for me on what "being a family" is all about. Or are you saying that when a daughter takes her husband's name she's abdicating from the family? Or if a son does so?

There are those who are so entrenched in tradition that it's a matter of masculine pride that "his woman" takes his name. If she's okay with that, then good for them. If not, why does it matter, ultimately? There's nothing wrong with tradition, but when it becomes more important than who the person is you're taking as your spouse... that's kind of messed up.

When I was a kid, I asked my grandfather if he was scared fighting in WWII. He told me he was, until my father was born, because he then knew there was someone to carry on his name (first, middle, and last). I pointed out that my father gave his sons different names so his name was doomed, and my grandfather was like "yeah" and looked unhappy. My father and grandfather had a somewhat difficult relationship, and I think this was a thing between them.

I was close to my grandfather, and my father and I have had some arguments through the years. I've always had in the back of my mind that if my wife will go along I'd like to name a son after my grandfather. It would be a late game comeback for his name and I'm sure would irk my father to see his name erasing plan foiled.

[merithyn]

When I was a kid, I asked my grandfather if he was scared fighting in WWII. He told me he was, until my father was born, because he then knew there was someone to carry on his name (first, middle, and last). I pointed out that my father gave his sons different names so his name was doomed, and my grandfather was like "yeah" and looked unhappy. My father and grandfather had a somewhat difficult relationship, and I think this was a thing between them.

I was close to my grandfather, and my father and I have had some arguments through the years. I've always had in the back of my mind that if my wife will go along I'd like to name a son after my grandfather. It would be a late game comeback for his name and I'm sure would irk my father to see his name erasing plan foiled.

My sons' middle names all came from someone in the family. In my youngest son's case, he was named after his father (first name) and my father and brother (middle name). It's tradition - strongly held - in both my family and my ex-husband's to name the sons after the fathers/uncles/grandfathers. Or rather, it was.

Neither my brother nor I followed the strictest of conventions on this. My brother is a junior, named after my father who was named after his grandfather. My nephew's first name is completely unrelated, though he carries my brother's name as a middle name. My son has the same first name as my ex, but a very different middle name. His name is Jerome, but he's called Jeremy where his father (and uncle and great-uncle) all went by Jerry.

Traditions change with time. There's nothing wrong with that.

[The Larch]

In Spain a wife doesn't take her husband's family name, sons in turn get both surnames although we mostly only use the father's. Only the patronymic (father family name) is passed down, though.

Nowadays the mother's surname can go first if both parents agree. Since my surname is ultra common I personally wouldn't mind it in my case.

And the son can switch the order once he's over 18, so nobody's stopping you (I'd say both your surnames are bang average though  )

Yeah, there's little point in switching one -ez for another -ez. :p

Now, if I could take both my dad's and my mom's second surnames, now that'd be cool...

[Richard Hakluyt]

Didn't really crop up for me and my wife as she had a very common last name that she was glad to lose.

[garbon]

I'm amused that these days anyone cares enough to stress over it. Who cares? If you want to take her name, take it. If she wants to take yours, then she takes it. If neither of you care for your names, come up with something different.

That's a bit flippant. Great that it wasn't an issue for you but I don't think that negates that people can legitimately feel otherwise.

[CountDeMoney]

Nobody will marry me

[Brazen]

My wife and I will share a compound name made from out surnames, or if that's unattractive, choose one from a novel we both admire.

A cautionary tale, men who have a different surname to their children will have trouble taking them through passport control in less evolved countries.

"What is your relationship to these children sir?" *pings rubber glove*

[fhdz]

Where's the option for "Marriage? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

[Eddie Teach]

My wife and I

I'd like to hear more about this.

[Ideologue]

What's a "Carles Viana" and why is it funny?

[Lettow77]

Besides the last name being obviously non-negotiable, any prospective wife has to accept a predetermined name for the firstborn son.

[CountDeMoney]

any prospective wife has to accept a predetermined name for the firstborn son.

I'm not sure "Stonewall J.E.B. Bedford Forrest Wilkes Boothe E. Lee" is going to fit on the birth certificate.

[Neil]

any prospective wife has to accept a predetermined name for the firstborn son.

I'm not sure "Stonewall J.E.B. Bedford Forrest Wilkes Boothe E. Lee" is going to fit on the birth certificate.

He's in Japan.  I'm sure Lettow wouldn't be so foolish as to give his son a name that would forever mark his child as an outsider to be cruelly excluded.  The half-white thing will be hard enough.

[Ideologue]

I think he might be foolish enough.  But this is, of course, a truckload of sour grapes.