D&D 5e - Help Me Name Fred's Bitches

[C.C.R.]

So, I'm in two 5e games.

The first one is more of A Family Game - currently my eldest daughter, my close friends Mr. & Mrs. ex-Swabbie and myself, and at various times we've also had my youngest daughter, my fiancee, her daughter and some other closer friends sit in. The environment in this game is pretty relaxed, so we cook for this one (tomorrow night is cheesy potato bacon soup, fyi), have a few drinks, hang out and Throw Math Rocks & Kill Shit. We use Starbursts for baddies (you can write numbers/ letters on the wrappers with Sharpies to tell who's who & whomever kills them gets to eat them) and we use Legos for our PC's and many NPC's. Mostly a vibe of adults getting out of the house every couple of weeks to hang out and have fun. I generally DM this game, but Mrs. ex-Swabbie breaks me out here & there and is currently running Spelljammer for us.

And then, there's the other game. The Chaotic Stupid game.

Played weekly in the basement of my buddy's buddy, it's four kids in their early 20ies (including my eldest daughter), three guys in their 30ies and yours truly, Old Man C.C.R. There's always a blunt being passed around (always clockwise, it seems, not sure why) with two bongs & a dab rig strategically stationed for those who can't wait their turn, which is fine - La Lechuga del Diablo isn't really my gig personally (I always stick to coffee and/or PBR), but it's legal here, they're all adults and all like free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment and shit.

So, yeah, The Basement Game runs about as you'd expect, with stoner shenanigans aplenty. I've lost a couple of PC's down there because of Chaotic Stupid, but that's fine, too. They're just fictional characters, and it takes me like five minutes to make up a new one on D&D Beyond. It also gives me the opportunity to say, "Fuck you, you think YOU are Chaotic Stupid? Hold my beer and let the old man show you how it's done."

One such character, the one for whom I came here seeking help, is Fred. Bishop Fred Bickering, an 8th level Storm Cleric of Umberlee, was inspired by and named after the character of the same name from the feature motion picture Caddyshack and is a bit of an amalgam of that and Hunter S. Thompson from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas. A lifelong sailor and Master Mariner, at the age of 50 Fred pissed off Umberlee, got struck by lightning & went Off The Rails. After several years of not being able to hold down a job Fred found sanctuary in the Temple of Umberlee in Luskan, learning to cook and to minister to sailors in the Name of Umberlee, and was then unleashed on an unsuspecting world.

When we last saw Fred, he and the rest of the party had defeated the BBEG in the Feywild and returned to the Guild Hall back in Phandelver, at which point we paused that campaign to give the DM a break & somebody else ran Curse of Strahd for awhile (where my initial Dirty Harry-inspired Monster Hunter Ranger was also killed by Chaotic Stupid and replaced by a B.B. King-looking Bard named Elmore Diddley with a +1 spellcasting focus lute named Woozabell, but that's another story). We have now wrapped CoS and are resuming the other campaign on Wednesday, having been given the option to either retain our old characters or to roll new level 8 toons. I have chosen to retain Fred.

Sorta kinda starting to ALMOST get to the point (don't rush me, it's been awhile), one of Fred's (not very) subtle kinks is playing into both the stereotypical sailor's & stereotypical priest's penchant for Buggery. Rum, sodomy, lash, ANY port in a storm, yada yada yada, you get the idea, some of you more than others. No judgement here, I consider my prostate to be an erogenous zone, too, albeit swollen from Middle Age. Again, this is the Chaotic Stupid stoner buddy of a buddy's basement game, and my 20 y/o daughter sits right next to me to literally hit me when I start crossing The Line. Which helps. Hod help her when I get older. She can't WAIT to pull the plug on me.

Anyhoo, I'm going to talk to my DM (with a high expectation of success) and see if he'll let me use the Sidekick mechanics from Tasha's Cauldron of Anything to allow the Archbishop to send Fred acolytes to train into the service of Umberlee, all at ridiculously low levels with life expectancies measured in seconds and, here it comes, finally: all with incrementally increasing levels of Buggery-inspired names.

How long have many of us known each other now? Going on 20 years since the Exodus? I had to take an Extended Break for Personal Reasons and use some ASI's to level up my WIS a bit, but I check in here from time to time and, honestly, you motherfuckers are the exact same people talking about the exact same shit in the exact same way as almost twenty years ago. Which is not just Fine, it is Comforting, because I'm the exact same motherfucker that I was twenty years ago, too, but I took a little time to try & work on that nasty Attention-Whore habit that I had. Or something.

So, right, The Point:  I please need help coming up with sick, twisted names for a never-ending stream of sidekicks to an old, lightning-addled ex-sailor priest. There, I said it out loud. I hope that you can appreciate why I came here, after all of this time, with this request. I don't even have the balls to go to Reddit with a throwaway account with this one. It's just too Out There. I'd likely get IP banned or whatever passes for such these days. I know the name of my first one, I will edit in any suggestions after him:

 

Aubrey Pillowbottom
Just Chester
Patty Crackens
Jose Grande
Jose Pequeno
Hans Uppholen
Bo Thom
Buck Nekkid
Dick Gobbler
Dick Ryder
Peter Takir
Ernest Stroker
Oliver Le Baque
Justin De La Tippe
Phil McCrackin
Willie Love
Prince Louis Mountbottom
Ben Dover
Justin de Beck
Buck Gerry
The Assistant Analyst
Red Asser
Sly Deep
Roger Backburn
Oral Roberts
Slider LuBelle
Will Buckman
Rick Tum
Will Oiled
Bill End
Berry MacCockiner
Barry MacCockinim
Cheeky Bearbottum

[Berkut]

Just Chester.

Patty Crackens

[HVC]

I don't understand a quarter of the words you wrote, but hi!

[C.C.R.]

I don't understand a quarter of the words you wrote, but hi!

Hello back, Portagee... 

[C.C.R.]

Just Chester.

Patty Crackens

Thank you, Sir. And how long has it been since you've touched World of Tanks, Berkut? I had me a stalker there at one point about eight years ago & had to give it up...

[Richard Hakluyt]

Welcome back CCR, good to see you again 

We used to have a member of the royal family who was a sailor who took part in such activities; his (slightly-adjusted) name was Prince Louis Mountbottom 

[Josquius]

Jose Grande
Jose Pequeno
Hans Uppholen
Bo Thom
Buck Nekkid
Dick Gobbler
Dick Ryder
Peter Takir
Ernest Stroker
Oliver Le Baque
Justin De La Tippe
Phil McCrackin
Willie Love

[C.C.R.]

Welcome back CCR, good to see you again 

We used to have a member of the royal family who was a sailor who took part in such activities; his (slightly-adjusted) name was Prince Louis Mountbottom 

Hey Tricky Dick, it's been awhile.

And Prince Louis Mountbottom is my favorite so far... 

[C.C.R.]

Oliver Le Baque

This one is Solid Gold, but there's a player at the table named Oliver (who is also the game's resident Maladjusted Edgelord) so I won't be able to use it...

[Jacob]

Good to see you :

Ben Dover
Justin de Beck
Buck Gerry
The Assistant Analyst
Red Asser
Sly Deep
Roger Backburn
Oral Roberts
Slider LuBelle
Will Buckman
Rick Tum (or maybe Rick Thomas)
Will Oiled
Bill End

... also the character obviously has to start referring to "nature's pocket" in casual conversation.

[C.C.R.]

Good to see you :

Ben Dover

... also the character obviously has to start referring to "nature's pocket" in casual conversation.

Good to see you, too, love the "nature's pocket" idea, and how in the actual FUCK could I not have thought of Ben Dover first? 

[The Brain]

Hi CCR!

[PDH]

Berry MacCockiner - if it hasn't been suggested yet. (Sorry, Berenice)

[C.C.R.]

Hi CCR!

 

[C.C.R.]

Berry MacCockiner - if it hasn't been suggested yet. (Sorry, Berenice)