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General Category => Off the Record => Topic started by: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:23:05 AM

Title: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:23:05 AM
What are your bets for what the newspaper headlines will be on November 9th, points for accurate predictions, comedy, puns and downright Languishitist content.


I'm guessing 'The Sun' in the UK will have a large photo of Trump overlaid with "You're Fired"   *





* I know that's what out chap says in the UK version, I don't know the US version, but it'll be for UK reader consumption, so they'll go with that, probably.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: viper37 on November 03, 2016, 09:26:57 AM
I don't think Trump will lose.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Tamas on November 03, 2016, 09:28:19 AM
Yeah with the FBI backing him and in general the whole script with the poll numbers starting to resemble the Brexit ones, I am not certain any more, that he will lose.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 09:28:50 AM
I don't know. I get all my news from here. So what will Tim's post read on November 9th?
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:30:58 AM
Quote from: Tamas on November 03, 2016, 09:28:19 AM
Yeah with the FBI backing him and in general the whole script with the poll numbers starting to resemble the Brexit ones, I am not certain any more, that he will lose.

I have greater faith* in the US electorate than I do in the UK** ones.




* not a lot, just a little bit more.

** I've had much greater contact with them, so have no illusions at all about their high-mindedness.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:31:47 AM
Quote from: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 09:28:50 AM
I don't know. I get all my news from here. So what will Tim's post read on November 9th?

Either way, Tim should be banned for 24 hours or life depending on the result.  :P
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: FunkMonk on November 03, 2016, 10:03:57 AM
Nov 9:

QuoteBREAKING NEWS: FBI DIRECTOR FOUND DEAD IN APPARENT SUICIDE

Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Duque de Bragança on November 03, 2016, 10:10:19 AM
Quote
Nov 9:

QuoteBREAKING NEWS: AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 10:15:28 AM
No headline, just a Trump Pepe looking smug, adorned in real gold leaf.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: The Brain on November 03, 2016, 10:20:41 AM
Scarlett Blows Swede
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: FunkMonk on November 03, 2016, 11:39:33 AM
Quote from: The Brain on November 03, 2016, 10:20:41 AM
Scarlett Blows Swede

:lol:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Ed Anger on November 03, 2016, 12:03:12 PM
Berkut found unconscious, oven mitts shredded.

Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: dps on November 03, 2016, 01:01:56 PM
"Electoral College tie;  House to pick next President"
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Zanza on November 03, 2016, 01:10:32 PM
November 10th, 2020: "Trump re-elected as Führer with 97,8%"  :P
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 01:11:31 PM
Quote from: Zanza on November 03, 2016, 01:10:32 PM
November 10th, 2020: "Trump re-elected as Führer with 97,8%"  :P

Don't be silly, no American newspaper could find an Umlaut.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Barrister on November 03, 2016, 01:12:33 PM
Quote from: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:23:05 AM
What are your bets for what the newspaper headlines will be on November 9th, points for accurate predictions, comedy, puns and downright Languishitist content.


I'm guessing 'The Sun' in the UK will have a large photo of Trump overlaid with "You're Fired"   *

* I know that's what out chap says in the UK version, I don't know the US version, but it'll be for UK reader consumption, so they'll go with that, probably.

Yup, that was Trump's catchphrase on the show.

I hate to be a killjoy, but the election won't be decided by the time UK papers have to go to print for November 9.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Crazy_Ivan80 on November 03, 2016, 01:32:11 PM
November 9th: Putin next presi...

[press carted of to siberia]
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 01:45:11 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

He wouldn't take office until January. :nerd:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:46:58 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 01:45:11 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

He wouldn't take office until January. :nerd:

Anyone but Trump wouldn't. :contract:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 01:47:25 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

Free Topkek for everyone?
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:50:58 PM
Quote from: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 01:47:25 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

Free Topkek for everyone?

Dank memes displayed 5 times a day while facing the direction of the Trump Tower.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Josephus on November 03, 2016, 01:55:09 PM
Canadian Newspaper Headline:

Border clogged as Americans flee
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 01:58:25 PM
November 10th:

"Frozen American Corpses Stacked Like Cordwood By Canadian Highways"
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Jacob on November 03, 2016, 02:06:30 PM
"Trump loses in historic defeat"
"Clinton first woman elected president of the US"
"Clinton wins"
"Phew!"
"Glad that's over!"
"Congress vows to impeach President Elect Clinton" (just kidding, that has already been promised)

... stuff like that.

Personally I expect Clinton to win. The only thing that gives me pause is the magnitude of the disaster if she doesn't.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Crazy_Ivan80 on November 03, 2016, 02:09:56 PM
'Only two more years before this nonsense starts over again!'
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:10:42 PM
Quote from: Crazy_Ivan80 on November 03, 2016, 02:09:56 PM
'Only two more years before this nonsense starts over again!'

:weep:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: alfred russel on November 03, 2016, 02:16:22 PM
Quote from: Crazy_Ivan80 on November 03, 2016, 02:09:56 PM
'Only two more years before this nonsense starts over again!'

If you thought it was bad before...

Whoever is elected, the other side is going to hate her with a passion, probably more than GWB or Obama. Plus the incumbent will be really old and probably rather weak.

Things will get going early, and intensely.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:20:31 PM
The nutballs will be coming in ever greater numbers left and right. I think Clinton will be the last mainstream candidate in awhile. It will be the election of Siege vs. Citizen K. I am not looking forward to it.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 02:23:13 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on November 03, 2016, 02:16:22 PM
If you thought it was bad before...

Whoever is elected, the other side is going to hate her with a passion, probably more than GWB or Obama. Plus the incumbent will be really old and probably rather weak.

Things will get going early, and intensely.

I'm not that sure that Ryan, McConnell et al will be that quick to join the howling mob.  Trump has to an extent delegitimized the white lumpenproletariot.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Jacob on November 03, 2016, 02:29:47 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 02:23:13 PM
I'm not that sure that Ryan, McConnell et al will be that quick to join the howling mob.  Trump has to an extent delegitimized the white lumpenproletariot.

Depends on a few things, I think:

1) How big was the margin of Trump's defeat, and how it affected down-ballot races. Clinton with a marginal victory vs a GOP controlled house and senate is a very different scenario than a Clinton landslide and a democrat controlled house and senate.
2) How safe are they from being primaried by the Trump-shirts.
3) How viable do they think continuing the 30-year vilification campaign against Clinton will be in obtaining significant gains in 2018.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:31:52 PM
Ryan is beloved in Wisconsin so I think he is pretty safe. Not sure how ready Kentuckians are to throw out Mitch though, though he would be running for re-election the same time as the incoming President and he would be almost 80 so this might be his last ride in any case.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 03:09:21 PM
Quote from: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:20:31 PM
The nutballs will be coming in ever greater numbers left and right. I think Clinton will be the last mainstream candidate in awhile. It will be the election of Siege vs. Citizen K. I am not looking forward to it.

If the parties have an ounce of sense left in them, they'll tighten up the rules for the nomination process to make another Trump-style run impossible.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 03:12:27 PM
Quote from: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 03:09:21 PM
If the parties have an ounce of sense left in them, they'll tighten up the rules for the nomination process to make another Trump-style run impossible.

Closed primaries, earlier party registration deadlines, none of that would help.

Maybe a literacy test.  :hmm:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Eddie Teach on November 03, 2016, 03:29:47 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

BUR
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Barrister on November 03, 2016, 03:33:58 PM
Quote from: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:31:52 PM
Ryan is beloved in Wisconsin so I think he is pretty safe. Not sure how ready Kentuckians are to throw out Mitch though, though he would be running for re-election the same time as the incoming President and he would be almost 80 so this might be his last ride in any case.

Ryan's not losing his seat, but the GOP caucus likes to eat its own leaders, and there have been open rumblings about trying to take down Ryan as Chairman.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 03:39:01 PM
Oh well that's true. Ryan's leadership in the House is certainly precarious. I am not sure who would take over for him though.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Hamilcar on November 03, 2016, 03:45:53 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on November 03, 2016, 03:12:27 PM
Maybe a literacy test.  :hmm:

:lol:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: citizen k on November 03, 2016, 03:51:54 PM
Quote from: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:20:31 PM
It will be the election of Siege vs. Citizen K.

Vote CK!

(https://i.imgflip.com/10t0sp.jpg)

I promise a rubber chicken in every pot!


Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: CountDeMoney on November 03, 2016, 06:40:39 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

Martinus Banned
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Ed Anger on November 03, 2016, 07:08:15 PM
 :lol:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: FunkMonk on November 03, 2016, 09:11:30 PM
 :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: derspiess on November 03, 2016, 09:18:53 PM
:rolleyes:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: KRonn on November 03, 2016, 09:24:40 PM
Quote from: Barrister on November 03, 2016, 03:33:58 PM
Quote from: Valmy on November 03, 2016, 02:31:52 PM
Ryan is beloved in Wisconsin so I think he is pretty safe. Not sure how ready Kentuckians are to throw out Mitch though, though he would be running for re-election the same time as the incoming President and he would be almost 80 so this might be his last ride in any case.

Ryan's not losing his seat, but the GOP caucus likes to eat its own leaders, and there have been open rumblings about trying to take down Ryan as Chairman.

Ryan is safe in his home state Wisconsin but the split in the Republican party is a bit intense between the establishment and anti-establishment who are very unhappy with government going along as usual. So as part of the establishment he gets a lot of grief from the outsider type Republicans who have become a lot more vocal and visible.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Savonarola on November 04, 2016, 01:45:44 PM
Quote from: mongers on November 03, 2016, 09:23:05 AM
What are your bets for what the newspaper headlines will be on November 9th,

(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblogs.lse.ac.uk%2Fgovernment%2Ffiles%2F2016%2F03%2Fcitizen-Kane_fraud-at-polls.jpg&hash=07541811a580b5ef127420fa92058bc8d356f7d3)

(Not necessarily with the Charles Foster Kane by-line; although they could keep it in if Trump loses.  He does bear a resemblance to CFK (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBaZmYd3nsM).)  Anyhow since now both sides are accusing the other of cheating, it's only a question of whether that will appear in Pravda or The New York Times.

Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 04, 2016, 03:05:32 PM
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zeitreisen.de%2Fmillennium%2Foriginal_img%2Fvorwaerts_1923_0911.GIF&hash=10ac3715630537504a7a27c0939235d5a6886707)
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Martinus on November 04, 2016, 03:13:56 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on November 03, 2016, 06:40:39 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

Martinus Banned
:ph34r:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: CountDeMoney on November 04, 2016, 04:35:27 PM
I may not even wait.  We have early voting here, and early banning.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: mongers on November 04, 2016, 05:11:22 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on November 04, 2016, 04:35:27 PM
I may not even wait.  We have early voting here, and early banning.

That's an option.

What about pre-emptive strikes on posters likely to be insufferable after Nov 8th?

That has to put Timmay, Legbiter, Marty and a few others* in the frame depending on the result.   :)




*incl. me if HRC wins outright and DJT disappears off the face of the earth in a puff of green smoke.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Ed Anger on November 04, 2016, 06:35:00 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on November 04, 2016, 04:35:27 PM
I may not even wait.  We have early voting here, and early banning.

TURN YOUR KEY
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Siege on November 06, 2016, 09:48:37 AM
I think the democrats can still get enough dead people to vote to steal this election. And then, chances are Prez Trump is gonna get shot within the first year like Reagan did.

All in all, i expect the democrats to not recognize a Trump victory, because, you know, elections only have consecuences when democrats win.

Also, because Trump is a white male, he will likely be challenged every step of the way, and threatened with impeachment on a daily basis, unlike a minority or female prez, who would accuse his political enemies of racisssm or gender discrimination with the help of the Vast Left Wing Media.

Therefore, i expect a Trump Presidency to be kept in check by the tools of a democratic system, while i expect a Clinton presidency to corrupt the system to the core to the point the US would become another banana Republic with pay to play and all the other typical clinton corruption scandals.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Zanza on November 06, 2016, 10:05:52 AM
Quote from: Siege on November 06, 2016, 09:48:37 AM
I think the democrats can still get enough dead people to vote to steal this election. And then, chances are Prez Trump is gonna get shot within the first year like Reagan did.

All in all, i expect the democrats to not recognize a Trump victory, because, you know, elections only have consecuences when democrats win.

Also, because Trump is a white male, he will likely be challenged every step of the way, and threatened with impeachment on a daily basis, unlike a minority or female prez, who would accuse his political enemies of racisssm or gender discrimination with the help of the Vast Left Wing Media.

Therefore, i expect a Trump Presidency to be kept in check by the tools of a democratic system, while i expect a Clinton presidency to corrupt the system to the core to the point the US would become another banana Republic with pay to play and all the other typical clinton corruption scandals.
:lol: Sometimes, when you had just the right amount of Coors Lite, you can be quite funny.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Josquius on November 07, 2016, 02:29:46 AM
A big picture of smiling trump and the headline "we're screwed"
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: CountDeMoney on November 09, 2016, 02:08:53 AM
Quote from: Martinus on November 04, 2016, 03:13:56 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on November 03, 2016, 06:40:39 PM
Quote from: Martinus on November 03, 2016, 01:39:09 PM
Trump Elected God-Emperor, Institutes the Church of Kek

Martinus Banned
:ph34r:

I almost forgot.  I've had enough of your gloating tonight.  derniggerhater I can tolerate, he's still a fellow American.  But you're not even from around here.

So we're going to have to go with the spirit of the evening, and get all anti-furriner and anti-faggot on you with the early edition headlines.

Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Josquius on November 09, 2016, 02:19:25 AM
It seems I was right then....
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 09, 2016, 03:10:06 AM
New Yorker: "An American Tragedy"
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 09, 2016, 03:16:37 AM
CNN Money: Global markets tank as U.S. election results shock investors
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: garbon on November 09, 2016, 03:27:53 AM
Quote from: Syt on November 09, 2016, 03:16:37 AM
CNN Money: Global markets tank as U.S. election results shock investors

My American friend in London was like, I wanted the pound to regain on the dollar but this isn't quite how I wanted it.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 09, 2016, 03:54:58 AM
(https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/7036624d8c4ad80dda1b4f71418aaa600015cb3a/0_21_595_744/master/595.jpg?w=620&q=55&auto=format&usm=12&fit=max&s=1f703eecd49bc736f551c574473679ec)
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: celedhring on November 09, 2016, 04:00:55 AM
"God forgive America" is the headline...
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: garbon on November 09, 2016, 04:03:57 AM
Actually we should be railing against God if anything. We ask him to bless us all the fucking time and he let's this shit happen?

Fuck him! :angry:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 09, 2016, 04:07:55 AM
Daily Wail:

(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2016%2F11%2F09%2F08%2Farticle-3918258-3A32CE7900000578-463_964x831.jpg&hash=2ef72de013f8b49f90f5a4e05635330d789c35b4)


Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: CountDeMoney on November 09, 2016, 04:14:46 AM
Quote from: garbon on November 09, 2016, 04:03:57 AM
Actually we should be railing against God if anything. We ask him to bless us all the fucking time and he let's this shit happen?

Fuck him! :angry:

Maybe it's for the best you're overseas, g.  From the results of the election, it would appear that a majority of your countrymen don't want you here anyway.

Sorry, man.  :console:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: garbon on November 09, 2016, 04:35:15 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on November 09, 2016, 04:14:46 AM
Quote from: garbon on November 09, 2016, 04:03:57 AM
Actually we should be railing against God if anything. We ask him to bless us all the fucking time and he let's this shit happen?

Fuck him! :angry:

Maybe it's for the best you're overseas, g.  From the results of the election, it would appear that a majority of your countrymen don't want you here anyway.

Sorry, man.  :console:

Yeah but here I am a Muslim who they don't want either. -_-

Anyway, I guess no big bother. Still got my enclaves of NYC, SF, LA, SD and PS. :D

Though apparently already there is family drama with my one uncle who voted for Trump. I blocked his ass awhile ago on FB but might make for a tense Christmas if tempers haven't cooled off.
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Syt on November 09, 2016, 10:27:01 AM
Scottish paper Buchan observer:

http://www.buchanobserver.co.uk/news/aberdeenshire-business-owner-wins-presidential-election-1-4282745

(https://s16.postimg.org/nssly1yxv/Clipboard20.jpg)
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: derspiess on November 09, 2016, 10:39:00 AM
I tuned in to Glenn Beck this morning hoping to hear a full meltdown, but he's taking it very well :mellow:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: The Brain on November 09, 2016, 11:07:08 AM
Quote from: The Brain on November 03, 2016, 10:20:41 AM
Scarlett Blows Swede

:smoke:
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: Eddie Teach on November 09, 2016, 01:05:28 PM
Nice dream, eh?
Title: Re: November 9th 2016 Newspaper Headlines?
Post by: mongers on November 09, 2016, 06:22:58 PM
Tomorrows Libération:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cw2RyzHWgAURuqV.jpg)