Ok so now that I have the summer off school I have time to do awesome things like try to succeed in my International Khazar Conspiracy Game, or the Protocols of the Elders of Tukestan or whatever.
Naturally my first Khan was sure he would ride on to Jerusalem and be declared melech mashiach as you do. But there is a rule in CK2. The Pechenegs and Khazars have an agreement that there can only be one ruler of the lower Volga so a brutal fight to the death followed. Many mercenaries and event troops fell. But at the end of it the Elohim anointed King over all Turko-Israel was victorious. Next Year we shall kick ass in Jerusalem.
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You may notice that only smallish Goyim realms lay between Israel and Hashem's chosen Turks. So the plan was to hack our way through and be sure the Abbasids and Byzantines would be smited so we would know his name is the Lord. But it seems the Cumans also could not stand there being more than one ruler of all Turkestan so Khazaria and its glorious King had to beat them back and then down.
And this is where my favorite pattern of this game starts. Every time Khazaria got into a war on one end of the Kingdom a war (and usually an religious revolt as well) would sprout up at the other end. So the Cumans were beaten but the Tengris in the West rose up in revolt and the Magyar King invaded in search of the legendary beet fields of the Crimea.
So with the might of Sampson Manasseh II smashed the Cumans and then rode over the traitorous rebels before engaging the Magyars in the decisive battle of glory!
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And promptly got his ass kicked. Many beet fields were ceded after being watered by the blood of good Turkish boys.
Rather embarrassingly once the Hungarians got into some scrapes with the Czechs, our vassal the Duke of Azov successfully drove the Hungarians out of the East for good. Ah well it all belongs to mother Khazaria.
In order to get the East to quiet down so we could start out glorious march to Jerusalem, the Turkomen got a good smashing. Of course the Armenians invaded and the erm...Suomowhomevers rose up in revolt.
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Back and forth we go. Seriously this is getting tiresome it literally takes months to ride from East to West and momentum continues to push the borders further east. That and we can only summon about 3000+mercs total. I an starting to think Manasseh II may not be mashiach after all. The religious problems are really ridiculous, without any holy sites under my control the moral authority of Jews never gets above about 40% or so, so you can forget about converting anybody fast. I mean sure you have to be circumcised but people convert to Islam don't they?
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The Armenians have been hacked through but of course the Cumans are not done. As you can see Manasseh II has become quite the Torah scholar, finding all the reasons in scripture why being Jewish sucks. I decided that since we are the only Jewish realm in the area that I wanted to get as much of my dynasty involved as possible so I have been working hard to get counties for every male who even be mistaken for an adult from a distance while squinting. So I went with Seniority succession figuring that kind of made sense.
In February 905...er...I mean in Adar of 4665 Manasseh II died, having destroyed many of his enemies and enlarged his realm a great deal despite having suffered many defeats on the battlefield. His son Nisi, a great Torah scholar but otherwise unexceptional, took over as Great Khan of Khazaria. As you can see the Abbasids have been busy and now the western door to the promised land has mostly been shut. That does not bother a true believer like Nisi though who drove his soldiers forward determined to strike down the Idolaters.
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Yeah we are going to get our asses kicked. Fortunately Nisi died of disease just two years into his wars of conquest having only conquered Georgia. His brother Dawid, Duke of the Turkomen, took over as Khan. Dawid is a military man who saw that shit was about to go down.
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Nisi's conquests finally got the attention of Bulgaria and the Byzantine Empire and in a few butt kickings they put an end to Khazar ambitions in the west. Dawid turns the Khazar horde eastwards. Not sure how we will get to Jerusalem that way.
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Much blobing going on in that direction. Pretty much the opposite of what we hoped would happen.
The Shia Mahdi has taken power in Baghdad (with the Abbasids in Damascus) which...might be interesting. Anyway Dawid leads his troops eastwards.
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And of course the Bulgarians take the opportunity to invade again. This time we kick the crap out of them.
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Yeah that was awesome. Fuck you Bulgars.
So anyway here we are in July of 932...er...rather in Av in 4692.
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Still more Cumans and Kirghiz to bring under the sway of the Elohim anointed King of Turko-Israel. But I am not really sure what to do now. The Finns in Perm above me have a mighty nation that includes the Bolgars but that darn pagan attrition thing makes any war against them something I would rather not contemplate. Maybe the Samanids and conquer Persia, then westwards to Jerusalem? All silk roads lead to the promised land? I don't know a little afraid to tackle the Muslims. And of course somewhere around 990 the Seljuks will show up and that is what usually ends my Khazar games. I know garbon has a rather gamey way of handling this problem but it seems to cheap...
Anyway how quickly will Valmy lose and his dreams of seeing his Turks be melekh mashiach be smashed? If he stays interested you may find out here.
Quote from: Valmy on May 14, 2014, 11:09:43 PM
As you can see Manasseh II has become quite the Torah scholar, finding all the reasons in scripture why being Jewish sucks.
:lol:
Great AAR Valmy!
I'm reading. More, please.
Be a Moses to your people Valmy and lead them from the steppes into the light. Onward to Jerusalem. :Joos
Looks like you have an opportunity to take back the Crimea.
Quote from: Valmy on May 14, 2014, 11:33:03 PM
I know garbon has a rather gamey way of handling this problem but it seems to cheap...
:P
Well yes, I suggest you take on the Samanids so when the Ghaznavids pop up in a little bit, they can crack your skulls before the Seljuks roll around.
Great AAR. I'm all verklempt.
Quote from: garbon on May 15, 2014, 09:57:50 AM
Quote from: Valmy on May 14, 2014, 11:33:03 PM
I know garbon has a rather gamey way of handling this problem but it seems to cheap...
:P
Well yes, I suggest you take on the Samanids so when the Ghaznavids pop up in a little bit, they can crack your skulls before the Seljuks roll around.
Oh hell who are the Ghaznavids? I am pretty much boned out east aren't I?
Got added with addition of India.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghaznavids
Oh hell they are even from Kirghistan. Maybe I should attack the Crimea after all. No hordes will hit the Balkans anytime soon. I just want to avoid something like getting gangbanged by crusades, but then it looks like I am going to gangbanged no matter where.
The Khazar AAR: come for the gangbang.
Holy Shit, the HRE formed. I've never seen that happen.
Torah! Torah! Torah!
I'm almost tempted to get this game now.
Quote from: fhdz on May 15, 2014, 07:39:07 PM
Torah! Torah! Torah!
:lol:
damn! I wish I'd said that.
Quote from: grumbler on May 15, 2014, 08:39:59 PM
Quote from: fhdz on May 15, 2014, 07:39:07 PM
Torah! Torah! Torah!
:lol:
damn! I wish I'd said that.
No kidding. Gotta save that one for this year's Ra Sha Na Na.
:lol:
Continuing the long sad story of Turko-Israel.
Ok so first let's have a look at the religious situation:
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And to make it worse shortly after this Jews in the capital province of Itil convert to the Karaite heresy. I moved my 30 learning Rabbi there to convert them from one type of Jew to another type of Jew. Percent chance of success: 4.5% annually. Oh for fuck sake.
Khan Dawid leads his armies in smashing the Kirghiz but the effort was clearly too much for an old dude and died right at his moment of triumph. His brother Isaac, ruler of a bunch of Finns in Burtasy on the Volga, takes over as Khan Isaac II. He is anointed King of all Turko-Israel and finishes up the war in the east. And naturally the Armenians waaaaaaay on the other side of kingdom rise up in revolt being the idolatrous polytheistic blood drinking traitorous bastards that they are. It took over a year but he rode over to Armenia and met them in glorious battle only to have his skull cracked in battle.
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During the brief regency period under Khan Dawid's son Kamaj, the horrendously bad decision was made to attempt to take advantage of the chaos in Bulgaria to retake the Crimea. I am not sure what foolish advisors had Kamaj's ear on that one but we soon found out that the reason for the civil war in Bulgaria was that a Byzantine backed Greek Orthodox family were taking over so when the Khazars attacked the Byzantines joined in and it was soon evident disaster would follow. Fortunately the regency period ended with the unconscious Isaac II's death
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Isaac and Dawid's brother Suleiman, the brutally cruel count of Abkhazia, became Khan. And about five seconds after being anointed he surrendered to the Bulgarians. That mistake cost the Khazars hundreds of gold but fortunately few soldiers. Yeah going west is just bad news. So back east he goes to finish the Cumans.
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You may notice that a few counties have broken off from the Perm kingdom but attempts to take them were quickly proven impossible due to...whatever black magic makes all your soldiers die in idolatrous lands. Suleiman leads his people for several more years torturing and killing rebels and starts to focus south on Persia. The Mahdi is doing very well and chaos is reigning as the established Persian kingdoms try to respond. Suleiman responds, between endless rebellion crushing, by conquering a few breakaway counties in Dihistan and starts eyeing the Samanids. He also started thinking about attacking the weakened Abbasids until very bad news reached him that:
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the Abbasids had converted to Shia. No idea who the Sunni Caliph is now but once again Hashem is seriously fucking with...er....testing our faith here. Attacking either the Mahdi or the Abbasids in a Holy War would be suicide, or at least way too risky to try.
Fortunately the Samanids are still Sunni's, thus vulnerable. Suleiman launches a major war against them to capture Khiva and the area to the south of the Aral sea. Things are going ok until there is yet another revolt plus:
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Great. Suleiman beats the Samanids, crushes the rebels, and then turns west:
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See this:
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And promptly surrenders Armenia to the vile flesh eating Emperor of the Eastern Idolatrous Goyim.
Here is the situation in Cheshvan of 4717 (aka October 956)
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The Christians are mighty, the Mahdi-Abbasid alliance is mighty, and the Russians and Finns are protected by black attrition causing magic. So...nobody to attack but the Sunnis. Suleiman the Cruel is preparing to do just that...well actually already has if you look at that screenshot closely.
So in order to take this singular province in Persia a gigantic war was started and a very high price indeed was paid for that one stinking province. It was also not the only way Suleiman did not live up to the wisdom of his namesake Solomon.
Shortly after the Khazars gather to defeat the Persians and their allies the Samanids the Bulgarians (or the Tauricans or whatever) invade again.
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The Khazars, with might fortified by matzo, crush the Persian alliance and turn west just in time for the Mahdi to invade attempting to take Khiva and the provinces south of the Aral sea. So the Khazars ride south to meet them, and Suleiman creates a mercenary army to fight the Bulgarians. Unfortunately the Mahdi was attacking on two fronts and both the main Khazar army and the mercenary army meet major Mahdi forces and are defeated in the same week. The mercenary army is disbanded and what is left of Suleiman's retinues retreat and a new levy is called up. The Khazars surrender to the Mahdi and while waiting for a reply a son named Isaac is born to Queen Ipek:
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What? Some sort of demon child? How absurd Jews don't believe in that stuff right? We'll just ask the Rabbi:
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See? Total nonsense the Torah knows all. I am sure nothing bad will come of this. Sure it is a little weird some Jewish woman from far to the west with the bizarre name of Héloïse (is Peter Abélard coming to?) just shows up to be his nanny, but whatever Jews do not believe in demons. Strange dreams start tormenting Suleiman's eldest son Alp
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Probably just a coincidence. Not even sure why demons would want to kill his eldest son anyway, he is like 20th in line to Khan. Anyway lalalalala nothing happening here.
Anyway back to the war. While the new army is forming the Samanids re-enter the war to drive the Khazars out of Dihistan and a major Cuman liberation army forms in both the western and eastern ends of the kingdom. Great. The Bulgarian army is nowhere to be seen when a new mercenary army arrives in Cherson so they take back everything the Bulgarians had taken and then ride east to fight the Cuman rebels. The main Khazar army sees about 5,000 Samanids heading for Dihistan and decides to ride west to link up with the mercenary army. On the way Khan Suleiman the Cruel dies, obviously worn out by this endless and bloody war and having not-demonic-and-totally-normal sons.
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Suleiman was the last of the sons of Manasseh II to be Khan of the Khazars. Manasseh III, who succeeds him, is the second son of Khan Dawid and the ruler of Turgay in Cumania. He is anointed on the 27th of Adar 4721. With the defeat of the western rebels Manasseh III gathers the army and rides back to meet the Bulgarians in battle in Cherson:
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VICTORY!!!11 Bulgaria calls it quits after that. Just two massive enemy armies left.
Manasseh III rides all the way east and defeats the other huge 5,000 man Cuman Rebel army and while that battle is going on Suleiman's eldest son Alp mysteriously dies:
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Huh. For no particular reason Manasseh III sends Isaac to be educated at one of his cousin's courts and the strange woman Héloïse goes with him. I am sure nothing more will ever happen with this.
Following the defeat of the Cumans, the final battle is fought in Dihistan against the Samanids:
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After the Samanid army is destroyed it is just a matter of taking back Khazar baronies until the Samanids give up. The joy of the victory is too much for Manasseh III unfortunately.
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He dies and is succeeded by his younger brother Kamaj ruler of Syr Darya on the Aral Sea. You might remember him from his blundering antics as regent for Isaac II way back before Suleiman became Khan. Now he is elderly and unfirm and his reign is probably not going to be much longer than his time as regent. He was anointed on the 25th of Nisan 4726.
Shortly after that the Samanids gave up and the 10 year long war was over. One province was gained, four were lost, three major revolts were defeated, and the Bulgarians, Persians, and Samanids were all defeated.
Behold the situation:
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Obviously the Samanids, the Saffarids, and the Persians are the applies to be plucked with the Mahdi as the main nemesis. And of course we have hordes about to invade. There is a certain inevitability of my doom that makes this interesting. I am certainly feeling the pressure as well, time is of the essence. Just as the that long war is over I am getting ready to attack the Samanids again.
Actually, you're in way less trouble than you think! :lol:
AI Byzantium is doing quite well by the way.
Quote from: jimmy olsen on May 18, 2014, 04:12:57 AM
Actually, you're in way less trouble than you think! :lol:
AI Byzantium is doing quite well by the way.
Given that he's not actually khan of the khazars but a person playing a video game?
Quote from: Viking on May 18, 2014, 12:38:57 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on May 18, 2014, 04:12:57 AM
Actually, you're in way less trouble than you think! :lol:
AI Byzantium is doing quite well by the way.
Given that he's not actually khan of the khazars but a person playing a video game?
I meant his position in the video game! :rolleyes:
Quote from: Viking on May 18, 2014, 12:38:57 PM
Given that he's not actually khan of the khazars but a person playing a video game?
I dunno, getting locked in a padded room yourself is probably worse than your great-great-grandchildren getting overrun by Mongols.
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Rabbi Tabghaç: "As our sages of blessed memory tell us, to be a Jew is about taking actions. We are commanded to perform the mitzvot to show that we honor Hashem and his Torah. We are commanded to wait for the melekh mashiach, may he come quickly, but how are we to recognize him? By the deeds he performs which fulfill the prophets. By his actions. And as commanded by the Holy One, blessed be he, our anointed King Kamaj has been warring against the enemies of Israel. By this he honors Israel and pleases Elohim. But there are other mitzvot my King. Are we not commanded to rest on Shabbat? Are we not commanded to rest our soil during the sabbatical year? The warriors of Khazaria need to rest and rejuvenate. The fertile people of this land need to produce more fruit in the form of warriors to fight for Hashem and his Torah."
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Khan Kamaj: "There is wisdom in what you say Rabbi. This land is weary. Its people are weary. Maybe it is time for the next generation of fruit to ripen. What other teaching can you tell me from the Tanakh and the wise sayings of our sages?"
Rabbi Tabghaç: "David and Jonathan were definitely gay."
Khan Kamaj: "I KNEW IT"
And thus did Khan Kamaj decide to wimp out on his attack on the Samanids...er...obey the will of Hashem and the homoerotic House of David. The long ten year war for that one stinking Persian province had led to grumbling amongst the nobles of Khazaria and plots and schemes behind every corner to perhaps get the Turks of Khazaria back to their traditional goals of sheep herding and raiding people and taking their stuff and less on delusions of messianic glory. For instance here is the list of factions, page 1 of 3:
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Traitorous scum. To say Khan Kamaj had questionable popularity would be as great an understatement as to say Sampson had questionable taste in women or that Israel had a questionable diplomatic strategy when confronting the Assyrian Empire. In any case the wisdom of the Khans decision was soon proven when the Eastern Roman Empire attacked once more. Hoping to emulate the Maccabees driving off a seemingly invincible army of Greeks, Kamaj called the warriors of Khazaria together. But the aging Khan did not have it in him:
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Kisa was made Khan on the 25th of Nisan in 4727. Kisa was an unlanded noble who had been serving as Marshall of Burtasy. But from Kislev 4682 (December 921) until Nisan 4714 (April 954) he had been the ruler of Albania in Armenia, which is not confusing at all. He had lost his lands due to the same Emperor, Eusebios the Magnificent. But despite this, or because of this, there would be no repeat of the Maccabees. As Kisa said, Hashem rewarded Maccabeus for fighting for Israel not Abkhazia. Indeed only the insane would fight a war for Abkhazia. Besides by the time the Khazars had gathered the war was already a fait accompli.
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Seeing the weakness of the new Khan, the Bulgarians eagerly invaded once again trying to reclaim Cherson. Bulgarians are clearly a slow learning breed. The Khazars already have most of their troops gathered so Kisa calls in two mercenary troops and it is off to the Crimea. At the head of his men Kisa took his 11,000 man army and smashed into the Bulgarian army of almost equal size. The Bulgarians were destroyed and Kisa invaded the Crimea only for yet another massive revolt break out on the other end of the Kingdom. As he thought about whether to fight for Bulgarian money or to let them off the hook to defeat the rebels an amazing miracle occurred:
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OMY! Miraculously the Karaite heresy has been stomped out in Itil! Whew one less religious burden...or so we thought. Seeing a narrow disaster averted Kisa decided to avert a second and made white peace with Bulgaria and went about crushing the rebels. Kisa then decided to follow the wise advice of Rabbi Tabghaç and cool his heels. Kisa spent the next few years laying around and eating mutton...and...erm...whatever else it is steppe Turks eat and collecting tax money for mercenaries to be ready for the next war. The goal before war would be declared again was 1,000 gold in CK2 currency which is probably about a 1,000,000 Talents or something. Because of this Kisa became known as Kisa 'the Fat' at least publicly. In the halls of treason and faction, which now consumed almost everybody in the Kingdom, he was known as Kisa 'the obese and lazy tax farming douchebag'. But what do you expect when 'the Fat' is the polite version? Anyway cousin Isaac 'the voice of Satan' takes out another Bulanid:
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And another cousin, Itakh, Kisa's former liege in Burtasy led the Khazars and the Turkomens in revolt against the lazy tax farming tyrant:
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Even though the Cuman provinces are mostly worthless the rebels made one vital mistake and left the Khan in full control of Itil, the kingdom's heart, but also in possession of huge amounts of gold. Itakh would be spending much of the war trying to reignite Karaite insurrection in Itil and would eventually be successful but Kisa's Itil horde plus his mercenaries were able to time and time again defeat Itakh's armies before they could gather together. One has to wonder what Itakh's ultimate game was since, as Kisa heir, he had a lot to lose from the success of his own insurrection to limit the power of the Khanate.
During the height of the revolt Isaac 'the voice of Satan' starts gathering men around him to take the Khanate by force. Finally having enough of this craziness Kisa captures and has Isaac put to death. And thus ends the story of the crazy Demon Bulanid. Pity I thought something more spectacular would happen. Maybe Isaac will return someday and kill us all who knows?
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Anticlimax thy name is Isaac. But Abraham might have thought something similar. Anyway once the revolt broke out in Itil Kisa had to end the war against Itakh without any serious repercussions on the traitors.
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As usual there is no justice in this world. Or is there? A miracle then occurs:
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The horde appears and attacks...THE MAHDI! PRAISE HASHEM! Not sure what happened to those people garbon mentioned, I have not bought Rajas of India yet so maybe that makes a difference here though I thought the only difference was I could not play Indians.
Hashem has delivered by striking down the prime foe of his people. It is time for the Khazars to end their sabbatical and be called to action once more.
Here is the situation as Kisa 'the Fat' readies his strategy. With the Shi'ites in retreat the door to the Promised Land will be open a short time:
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The weak Persian Shah controls Gilan and Oromeih. Capturing those cities would put the Khazars beside the weak Shi'ite Emir of Baghdad. Capturing Baghdad would open the road to Syria and Damascus. And from that point on anything is possible. But first things first. War on Persia is declared and the levies are mobilized and win easily.
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And now speed is essential. The Seljuks are ascendant, the Shi'ites are collapsing. Kisa is in Gilan with his retinues, a mercenary army is riding to join him to storm in Baghdad and hopefully he shall soon be on the road to Damascus on his donkey...or maybe many donkeys for his royal fatness.
Behold the situation:
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You've doomed yourself! :(
While it is possible for him to phase through iron bars and escape prison, as well as regenerate eyes and maimed limbs he can't come back from the dead.
Once he inherited the Kingdom he'd proclaim himself the Antichrist (at least if he was Christian, not sure what a Jew would) and be able to call on the Devil himself for reinforcements. Three legendary pagan witches, Circe of Greece, Morganna of Wales and Jezebal of the Levant each leading five hundred knights, heavy infantrymen and longbowmen would have come to his aid!
QuoteNot sure what happened to those people garbon mentioned, I have not bought Rajas of India yet so maybe that makes a difference here though I thought the only difference was I could not play Indians.
Yeah, I don't know. Of course Mongols still haven't shown up in my game (we had rumors and the rulers were seeded but hordes never invaded) and per my admittedly not talented reading of event files - looks like it is now too late for them to appear.
edit: Just looked and Ghaznavids can invade as late as 1010 (or at least event that spawns Ghaznavid leader can fire as let as then).
Ah well hopefully they will attack the Seljuks. BTW thanks Tim and garbon it is always nice to know people are still reading :P
I'm reading. Silently.
Quote from: garbon on May 26, 2014, 05:05:27 PM
QuoteNot sure what happened to those people garbon mentioned, I have not bought Rajas of India yet so maybe that makes a difference here though I thought the only difference was I could not play Indians.
Yeah, I don't know. Of course Mongols still haven't shown up in my game (we had rumors and the rulers were seeded but hordes never invaded) and per my admittedly not talented reading of event files - looks like it is now too late for them to appear.
edit: Just looked and Ghaznavids can invade as late as 1010 (or at least event that spawns Ghaznavid leader can fire as let as then).
Maybe their leader got shanked in court or executed for some reason.
Onward! So there was a very short turnaround for the invasion of the Emirate of Baghdad (which I guess should mention does not actually contain Baghdad, being the capital of the Mahdi) for the Mercenaries to ride from Itil to Gilan. Then Kisa struck like erm....a ton of month old Matzo.
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A mighty battle was fought at Deir...which I think is near Sadr City or something.
Then it was just a matter of liberating the Kurds and securing rich oil fields
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That's right. I've got over 2,000 Horse Archers. Anyway with that our mission was accomplished and regime change occurred.
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And it seems the Battle of Deir was actually called the battle of Rutbah. Huh. Ah well.
There was little time to lose. Kisa barely had time to nepotistically hand out all the new fiefs to his relatives before it was on to conquer the Emirate of Damascus (which, incidentally, does not contain Damascus. Clearly the Khazars are needed to bring some sense to the nutty Middle East). Before setting out Kisa declared his court would move to the city of Amman so he could gaze upon the Holy Land. Surely his fate was to be named melech mashiach and fulfill the prophets. Kisa the Annointed Fat One of Hashem has a certain ring to it.
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Hmmmm for unknown reasons the Seljuk Sultan rides through with 25,000 men but does nothing. Whew.
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On the first of Cheshvan in 4746 it is all over and the Emir gives it up. Surely it is inevitable that Kisa become the first Jewish King in history to lead his people into the Land of Israel and be remember for something other than his great girth. But that was sure weird that the Seljuks were hanging around intimidating us I wonder what that was all about...
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Converted to Shia? Relations at -100? Expelled the Jews? What might it all mean?
Probably nothing to worry about. Kisa defeats the rebellions that had broken out back on the steppes and then finally dismissed his mercenaries having burned through most of his warchest. A new Retinue was raised and he declared war on the Emir of Suleyman in Wadi Musa, the first part of the promised land that will fall to the Khazars. And the father of his people, anointed of Elohim, grossly obese, and new Moses rode triumphantly into...
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Oh wait. Khan Kisa died peacefully in his sleep in his tent just days before reaching the promised land. Nothing symbolic about that. Anyway succeeding him was his distant cousin Nisi, ruler of Karluk on the shores of Lake Balkhash was anointed King of Turko-Israel and Khan of Khazaria on the 28th of Sivan, 4749. He who does the work rarely gets the credit and the war is quickly won by Nisi II.
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And for unknown reasons the Khazars change the name of Wadi Musa to Monreal and take Roman torture devices and weird flower symbols to represent it.
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WTH? And is there no Turkish equivalent to 'Count'? Ah well, one cannot expect Euro game developers to take care of the Jews.
The capital will remain at Amman for the time being, hopefully the next stop will be NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM!
Behold the political situation at the time of Khan Nisi II and after the conquest of the first piece of Kingdom of Israel:
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And the religious situation
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Now we have a whole new crapload of Idolaters to convert to Judaism and still not one Holy site taken. Orthodoxy is on the move, having converted both the Czechs and the Southern Russian Kingdom. The Northern Russians have converted to the Finnish religion. The Abbasids have been booted from power and now the Sami dynasty rules in Damascus. This Empire will have to be destroyed in order for the Khazars to win but with the Seljuks having converted to Shia as well the going will be tough.
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Ah Kisa you fat cowardly kinslayer, your 22 years on the throne were epic. You will be missed.
QuoteWTH? And is there no Turkish equivalent to 'Count'? Ah well, one cannot expect Euro game developers to take care of the Jews.
Well they also left out names for religious equivalent for duchies/kingdoms of many religions. As the Zoroastrians all of my equivalents of Archbishops are labeled Dukes. Maybe I'll just go into the localization and modify them to be Dasturs. Encyclopedia Britannica likens them to a Bishop so that's gotta be okay, right? Where's Psellus? :D
More on topic, nice to see your empire spreading nicely. :cool:
Byzantines are really doing well.
Quote from: jimmy olsen on May 28, 2014, 02:23:39 AM
Byzantines are really doing well.
They have gotten lucky by having a long serving genius Emperor Eusebios followed by his son Basil III who is an even bigger genius. If real monarchies worked like that they would still be running things in the western world.
Quote from: garbon on May 27, 2014, 10:38:53 PM
Well they also left out names for religious equivalent for duchies/kingdoms of many religions. As the Zoroastrians all of my equivalents of Archbishops are labeled Dukes. Maybe I'll just go into the localization and modify them to be Dasturs. Encyclopedia Britannica likens them to a Bishop so that's gotta be okay, right? Where's Psellus? :D
I get there are basic limitations but surely leaving the Muslim stuff for Jews would make more sense than giving them Christian stuff :lol: Ah well
QuoteMore on topic, nice to see your empire spreading nicely. :cool:
The door opened a crack and I stormed through. Not a moment too late it seems, damn the Seljuks caved to Shia fast. I was hoping to see the Sunnis make their big come back.
Great AAR, Valmy :cheers:. It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).
In Amman did Nisi Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree
Where Abdoun, the dry Wadi ran
Through deserts measureless to man
Nisi II enjoyed his victory immensely and hosted a great celebration on the 25th of Kislev in the year 4752, the first day of Hanukah, to celebrate the victory that saw the Jewish nation re-established in the land of Israel.
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Rabbi Yavantey: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam, she-ecḥeyanu ve'qi'eh'manu ve'higiy'anu laz'man hazeh. Great Khan you have won a glorious victory and thus sanctified the name of Hashem.
Crowd: Baruch Hashem.
Rabbi Yavantey: Shortly we shall be lighting the Menorah to remember another great victory the Jewish people won against overwhelming odds. Does this not inspire you to action great Khan? It is a great mitzvah that the Jewish people should live in the land of Israel. It is time to end the diaspora. Is it not written in the Torah that when we are obedient to the will of Hashem that five of us shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of us shall put ten thousand to flight? That our enemies shall fall before us by the sword? Our Torah scholars have gone over this parshah and determined that bows are allowed so long as the arrow tips are made to resemble swords.
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Nisi II: Oh good that is a relief. We had been arguing over that point for centuries. Have we determined the exact dimensions of the arrow tip swords required to fulfil Hashem's will?
Rabbi Yavantey: Many hours of intense debate await us before we can decide such an important issue my king. Now shall we bring war to these idolaters who now rule over the land of Israel? Fear not our enemies for it is Hashem who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you.
Crowd: May he lead our warriors and may he grant them salvation and crown them with victory. Baruch Hashem.
Nisi II: Yeah about that. The time is not right to end the diaspora. I have sent spies into the land of Israel to determine if we are able to conquer it.
Rabbi Yavantey: You have sent...spies to the land of Israel?
Nisi II: Yes and they have have gone to land and reported that it indeed flows with milk and honey, which is good because honey has anti-bacterial properties. But they say the Muslims who live there are powerful that their cities are fortified and very large. We cannot attack them for they are much stronger than we. Their Shah is related to both the Seljuk Sultan and the Mahdi of Baghdad and would surely call them to war should we attack for any reason.
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Rabbi Yavantey: My King you have committed the great sin of the spies! Elohim will judge us severely!
Nisi II: Wait what? Is this bad?
Rabbi Yavantey: We shall be condemned to wander in the wilderness for forty years until the present generation has died off!
Nisi II: Just for some reasonable intelligence assessments?
Rabbi Yavantey: I am afraid so my king. The judgments of Hashem are true and righteous.
Crowd: Baruch Hashem. The Khan has doomed us all!
Nisi II: Oh for...being a King of Jews is a pain.
And thus did the righteous judgment of the Lord descend upon the Khanate of Khazaria. Kisi II would rue the day he did not suicidally attack the Sami Empire. Or would have if he had not died shorly afterwards. On the 10th of Adar 4754 Ezra II, former ruler of Usturt on the Caspian Sea, was anointed King and Khan of Khazaria.
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The calamities were soon to come one after the other.
First: TREASON! Hot Bulanid on Bulanid action to follow.
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The second Bulanid trying to bring about the downfall of his own house.
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It looked pretty grim starting out but after a long and bitter fight, where many Khazars and Cumans lay dead on the field did the traitor's leader Kayghalagh Bulanid fall at the battle of Syr Darya on the 5th of Adar 4757.
But the troubles were just beginning. During the devastating year of 4758 four great wars were launched against Khazaria in rapid succession:
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And as 17 good Tengri revolts demands another:
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But then the forces of the Seljuk Khan swept into the Persian provinces of Khazaria!
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TO WAR! HASHEM FIGHTS WITH US!
Well ok maybe not that much. The first few battles went Khazaria's way but then as the main clash of armies approached Khan Ezra heard he would be outnumbered by almost three-to-one and...promptly chickened out.
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By Elijah's ingrown toenail that is a lot of Turks. A lot of their event troops must still be in the field. That does not bode well. In any case the Rabbis found his lack of faith disturbing.
Well that is over, finally have time to deal with the 18th Tengri revolt.
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Another? And the Karaites? They reject the oral Torah given to the Jewish people and now they invite Ezra II to slay them? Well he was very enthusiastic. And so were the Karaites because just a week or so after the end of the war...
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I mean really? Somebody needs to do something about the reign of war and chaos under the incompetent Ezra II. And it looks like somebody did:
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Yilig was the former ruler of Ili, on the edge of Mongolia and the Tarim Basin. On the 13th of Chesvan 4766 he was annointed by Elohim, ruler of all Turko-Israel! Khan and King! Now we need to find that fiend who murdered our King Ezra II.
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Well um....that is awkward. However despite Yilig's successfully murdering his way to the top of the Bulanid heap, Khazaria is still wracked by revolts and Yilig is not particularly popular. This will be a long time in the wilderness.
Quote from: Jacob on June 04, 2014, 03:18:11 PM
Great AAR, Valmy :cheers:. It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).
Thanks Jake :hug:
This might be my favorite game ever I am glad I may have inspired you.
Quote from: Valmy on June 06, 2014, 11:06:30 PM
Quote from: Jacob on June 04, 2014, 03:18:11 PM
Great AAR, Valmy :cheers:. It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).
Thanks Jake :hug:
This might be my favorite game ever I am glad I may have inspired you.
You have! :hug:
How's the glorious Byzantine Empire doing?
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 08, 2014, 10:07:24 AM
How's the glorious Byzantine Empire doing?
Collapsing unfortunately. I will have another big map next update.
Khan Yilig was a schemer. He schemed and he schemed till his schemer was sore.
Then the Khan thought of something he hadn't before.
Maybe expansion, he thought, doesn't come from just Holy War.
Maybe expansion can come from another scheme more.
And what happened next? Well in Amman they say, the Khan's intrigue rating grew three sizes that day.
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Khan Yilig watched as the Sami Empire began to move on the independent Sheiks in the Sinai and, though he had nothing but contempt for the idolatrous goyim, wanted to get in on that action. So he sent his Chancellor Bagha Bulçan ruler of Kyzyl-Kum down to Sinai soon a claim was fabricated.
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Khan Yilig was delighted to hear of yet another evil scheme of his come to fruition. He called up the local levies and prepared to lead his armies to reclaim Mount Sinai. But sometimes the justice of Hashem intervenes.
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Yilig, anointed King of all Turko-Israel passed from this world on the 7th of Second Adar 4772. Taking his place was the illegitimate son of the man he had murdered. Baghatur Bulanid, the Bastard of Gilan (also the ruler of Gilan), was anointed King and Khan and it was he who led the army towards Sinai. The war went without further incident, as the only Bedouin resistance was a few warriors whose camels were too lazy to run away. Could a holy site be under Jewish control? OMY!
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That looks pretty sweet. Baghatur was not finished and he quickly and easily defeated the Sheik of Eilat, effectively splitting Sinai between Sami and the Khazars. Even with this success Baghatur was nervous. Sami was vast and strong...something needed to be done to equalize their strength. An alliance with any other power was out of the question. The strength of Sami was in Egypt though. Maybe Damascus and the Holy Land might be seized if Egypt could somehow be threatened? Further rumors reached Amman that a dynasty on the upper Nile was claiming to be descendants of Solomon, and thus members of the House of David, ruled. Perhaps this might tie the Bulanids directly to the House of David and new Jewish Kingdoms might be created on the flank of the Sami. Clearly Hashem's will had delivered the answer of Baghatur and he prepared to march his army down the Nile into Nubia and the start of a new era in Khazar history.
The Hashimid Caliphate held the territory in northern Nubia so they would be the first target. It had long been Khazar policy to favor the Sunnis over the Shia but now they would strike a major blow to the flagging cause of the Eastern Sunnis.
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The Hashimids were already fighting some of the Nubian realms when the Khazars swept in. As is becoming a new tradition as popular as cheesecake on Shavuot the Khan died just as the war started.
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Bälgiçi, the rather exceptionally mediocre ruler of Ket on the edge of Mongolia, was anointed King and Khan on the 5th of Elul 4775. He miraculously appeared in Africa almost immediately despite ruling a territory thousands of miles away.
The following war showed the rotten decadence of the eastern Sunnis. They put up very little resistance with only one major battle, at Marawi on the upper Nile, which was a major Khazar victory.
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Bälgiçi was brimming with confidence and after sending his levies home at the end of the war he quickly smashed the small Solomonid realm of Suakin, an event which clearly got the attention of the King of Abyssinia. Full of arrogance at his victories Bälgiçi then turned on the Duke of Makuria with just his retinues.
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Note he is Bälgiçi 'the fat' not Bälgiçi 'the wise'. This time the Nubians were ready and the King of Abyssinia and the Makurians met Bälgiçi at the second battle of Malawi. The Khazar army was routed and only the speed of his cavalry saved disaster, his infantry retinue was completely destroyed. The levy was called in the Middle Eastern and African territories and General Bihor, a skilled cavalry leader managed to maneuver the remains of Bälgiçi's cavalry around the Abyssinian Army and ride north out of Africa. The Khazars would try again. But news of this Khazar defeat spread and soon an old enemy would return for revenge. This would be a desperate war indeed.
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King Ignatios II of Bulgaria would try again where his ancestors had failed. Soon this holy war against the Jews attracted allies to the Bulgarian cause. Bälgiçi recruited a group of mercenaries and called up all the levies in the realm. In the meantime they went from victory to victory in Cherson and the Dux of Thessalonika and the Dux of Cilicia soon sent their own contingents that raised the Bulgarian host to 12,000. Soon the Kings of Burgundy and Italy would join them. But it would take years to assemble the troops to face the Bulgarians. In the meantime they overwhelmed the garrisons of Cherson winning battle after battle.
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It took two years but Bälgiçi turned things around in Africa rushing in reinforcements and defeating the Abyssinians at Atbara. He then started the long process of forcing the fortresses of the determined Makurians.
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Bälgiçi would not be around to see final victory for as his army gathered to meet the Bulgarians he suddenly died.
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He was replaced by the simpleton Sartäç, the ruler of Zhetysu on Lake Balkhash. Fortunately his rule was very short and he died shortly after being anointed...of natural causes even. He was replaced by Yilig, ruler of Kirkuk.
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While all this was going on the 10,000 man army of the Khazars approached the 11,000 man Bulgarian Army. The Khazar army was led by General Batas, a Pecheneg, and after a few months of maneuver he just barely managed to beat the Bulgarian army across the Don. The Khazar army then faced off against the Bulgarian Army from the ruins of the ancient Greek city of Tanais.
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The King of the Bulgarians called his marshall to him, Lord Iakobos of Pleven, and ordered him to storm the ancient fortress and destroy the Khazar Army.
Despot Ignatios II: Lord Iakobos it seems we have finally caught the heathens here. We shall smash the Christ killers once and for all. When the Jews run away the way will be open to uniting all the southern Steppe under this Kingdom and the Volga Bulgarians will soon be under their rightful King. To you, Lord Iakobos, we shall bestow the honor of leading this attack. Lead the armies of Cilicia and Bulgaria forward and smash the enemy line. God and his Christ will be with you.
Lord Iakobos: Sire this is a great honor but...
Despot Ignatios II: What are you saying Lord Iakobos?
Lord Iakobos: I have served your house many years your Majesty. Against the Romans, the Burgundians, the Hungarians, and now against the impious ones.
Despot Ignatios II: Yes and you have always triumphed.
Lord Iakobos: I know what our soldiers can do and no eleven thousand men ever created can take that position.
Despot Ignatios II: Lord Iakobos the Jewish scum are there and we are going to strike them.
Lord Iakobos: My liege, if I may, General Batas is there because he wants us to strike him. We will have to advance across a marsh and up that plateau. Our men will be exhausted and his are well fortified in that old acropolis we...
Despot Ignatios II: We have assaulted many of their fortresses already and our men have always been victorious. No Lord Iakobos! We cannot deny our army here after all they have accomplished. Can we turn back and run with Dux Sebastianos and his Cilicians here? What will they say? That the great King Ignatios lacks faith in Christ and flees before his betrayers?
Lord Iakobos: Not flee Majesty, reposition! Soon King Gelasio will be here with his host from Italy. Let us move around and cut them off from Don! With the Italian army we will have commanding numbers and then we will have them Majesty we can...
Despot Ignatios II: King Gelasio seeks trading posts and concessions on this coast. We will not wait just to give him the glory. Besides how many months ago did he inform us he is on his way? And where are these armies? No Lord Iakobos. This ends here. With Christ at your side the great nations of Bulgaria and Cilicia shall prevail.
Lord Iakobos: Your Majesty I shall not fail you.
And thus on the 20th of Nisan 4781 did the Christian host advance through the marshy delta of the River Don in the morning mists. Lord Iakobos led the heavily armored Bulgarian infantry and heavy cavalry towards the center of the Khazar line, while the Cilician light cavalry on the right attempted to outflank them. Vakrim, Khazar Khan of Azov, met the flanking force with his horse archers and the battle was joined.
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The Bulgarian left broke almost immediately under heavy arrow fire, exhausted from their long advance. The Bulgarian right broke a few hours later. In desperation Lord Iakobos led the cream of the Christian army time and time again on desperate frontal assaults to try to break the Khazar center. By the afternoon it was all but over with the Bulgarians and Cilicians struggling back across the marsh with the Khazar horse archers trying their best to ride them down.
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This was the greatest victory in Khazar history thus far. The Christian alliance of Burgundy, Italy, Bulgaria, Cilicia, and Thessalonica has been broken. A few weeks later the Khazars fought another bloody battle against King Gelasio and his army in Kherson. After that the allies had had enough.
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Shortly thereafter the other Christian alliance of Abyssinia and the Makurians also surrendered. However the war was far from over with a major Cuman rebellion breaking out waaaaay out in central Asia.
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The African Khazar army had to march all the way to the northern coast of the Caspian to meet the battered remnant of northern army. It took almost a year for the Khara army to arrive at the shores of Lake Balkhash to defeat that rebellion, only to have to ride all the way back to Africa to defeat an Ethiopian revolt. The war was finally over but Khan Yilig II did not live to see it:
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Bihor, ruler of Tura out in the lands of the Kirghiz, was anointed Khan and King of all Turko-Israel on the 17th of Kislev 4783. It would be he who would finally finish Khan Bälgiçi's war over six years and over ten thousand Khazar dead later. But the African dreams of House Bulanid remained alive and the Khazars had defeated many great Chrisitian realms while fighting on two fronts. Now Khan Bihor would have to attack in Africa more cautiously and eventually bring war on two continents to the Sami Shah.
The territories of the Khazar King and Khan at the end of the war:
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Looks like the Byzantines consolidated in the Balkans, but what happened in Anatolia? Rebellion?
That's at least your fourth post in this thread talking about the Byzantines. :lol:
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 19, 2014, 11:26:14 PM
Looks like the Byzantines consolidated in the Balkans, but what happened in Anatolia? Rebellion?
Massive Civil War between four claimants to the throne. The Bulgarians took the opportunity to take some territory and some of the Armenian nobles broke away. The Empire finally got back to together after a couple decades.
Should I just switch to the Makedonians and do my AAR from there? :lol: