Valmy's waste of valuable time AAR thread

[jimmy olsen]

Not sure what happened to those people garbon mentioned, I have not bought Rajas of India yet so maybe that makes a difference here though I thought the only difference was I could not play Indians.

Yeah, I don't know. Of course Mongols still haven't shown up in my game (we had rumors and the rulers were seeded but hordes never invaded) and per my admittedly not talented reading of event files - looks like it is now too late for them to appear.

edit: Just looked and Ghaznavids can invade as late as 1010 (or at least event that spawns Ghaznavid leader can fire as let as then).

Maybe their leader got shanked in court or executed for some reason.

[Valmy]

Onward!  So there was a very short turnaround for the invasion of the Emirate of Baghdad (which I guess should mention does not actually contain Baghdad, being the capital of the Mahdi) for the Mercenaries to ride from Itil to Gilan.  Then Kisa struck like erm....a ton of month old Matzo.



A mighty battle was fought at Deir...which I think is near Sadr City or something.

Then it was just a matter of liberating the Kurds and securing rich oil fields



That's right.  I've got over 2,000 Horse Archers.  Anyway with that our mission was accomplished and regime change occurred.



And it seems the Battle of Deir was actually called the battle of Rutbah.  Huh.  Ah well.

There was little time to lose.  Kisa barely had time to nepotistically hand out all the new fiefs to his relatives before it was on to conquer the Emirate of Damascus (which, incidentally, does not contain Damascus. Clearly the Khazars are needed to bring some sense to the nutty Middle East).  Before setting out Kisa declared his court would move to the city of Amman so he could gaze upon the Holy Land.  Surely his fate was to be named melech mashiach and fulfill the prophets.  Kisa the Annointed Fat One of Hashem has a certain ring to it.



Hmmmm for unknown reasons the Seljuk Sultan rides through with 25,000 men but does nothing.  Whew.



On the first of Cheshvan in 4746 it is all over and the Emir gives it up.  Surely it is inevitable that Kisa become the first Jewish King in history to lead his people into the Land of Israel and be remember for something other than his great girth.  But that was sure weird that the Seljuks were hanging around intimidating us I wonder what that was all about...



Converted to Shia?  Relations at -100?  Expelled the Jews?  What might it all mean?

Probably nothing to worry about.  Kisa defeats the rebellions that had broken out back on the steppes and then finally dismissed his mercenaries having burned through most of his warchest.  A new Retinue was raised and he declared war on the Emir of Suleyman in Wadi Musa, the first part of the promised land that will fall to the Khazars.  And the father of his people, anointed of Elohim, grossly obese, and new Moses rode triumphantly into...



Oh wait.  Khan Kisa died peacefully in his sleep in his tent just days before reaching the promised land.  Nothing symbolic about that.  Anyway succeeding him was his distant cousin Nisi, ruler of Karluk on the shores of Lake Balkhash was anointed King of Turko-Israel and Khan of Khazaria on the 28th of Sivan, 4749.  He who does the work rarely gets the credit and the war is quickly won by Nisi II.



And for unknown reasons the Khazars change the name of Wadi Musa to Monreal and take Roman torture devices and weird flower symbols to represent it.





WTH?  And is there no Turkish equivalent to 'Count'?  Ah well, one cannot expect Euro game developers to take care of the Jews.

The capital will remain at Amman for the time being, hopefully the next stop will be NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM!

Behold the political situation at the time of Khan Nisi II and after the conquest of the first piece of Kingdom of Israel:



And the religious situation



Now we have a whole new crapload of Idolaters to convert to Judaism and still not one Holy site taken.  Orthodoxy is on the move, having converted both the Czechs and the Southern Russian Kingdom.  The Northern Russians have converted to the Finnish religion.  The Abbasids have been booted from power and now the Sami dynasty rules in Damascus.  This Empire will have to be destroyed in order for the Khazars to win but with the Seljuks having converted to Shia as well the going will be tough.



Ah Kisa you fat cowardly kinslayer, your 22 years on the throne were epic.  You will be missed.

[garbon]

WTH?  And is there no Turkish equivalent to 'Count'?  Ah well, one cannot expect Euro game developers to take care of the Jews.

Well they also left out names for religious equivalent for duchies/kingdoms of many religions. As the Zoroastrians all of my equivalents of Archbishops are labeled Dukes. Maybe I'll just go into the localization and modify them to be Dasturs. Encyclopedia Britannica likens them to a Bishop so that's gotta be okay, right? Where's Psellus?

More on topic, nice to see your empire spreading nicely.

[jimmy olsen]

Byzantines are really doing well.

[Valmy]

Byzantines are really doing well.

They have gotten lucky by having a long serving genius Emperor Eusebios followed by his son Basil III who is an even bigger genius.  If real monarchies worked like that they would still be running things in the western world.

[Valmy]

Well they also left out names for religious equivalent for duchies/kingdoms of many religions. As the Zoroastrians all of my equivalents of Archbishops are labeled Dukes. Maybe I'll just go into the localization and modify them to be Dasturs. Encyclopedia Britannica likens them to a Bishop so that's gotta be okay, right? Where's Psellus?

I get there are basic limitations but surely leaving the Muslim stuff for Jews would make more sense than giving them Christian stuff   Ah well

More on topic, nice to see your empire spreading nicely.

The door opened a crack and I stormed through.  Not a moment too late it seems, damn the Seljuks caved to Shia fast.  I was hoping to see the Sunnis make their big come back.

[Jacob]

Great AAR, Valmy . It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).

[Valmy]

In Amman did Nisi Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree
Where Abdoun, the dry Wadi ran
Through deserts measureless to man

Nisi II enjoyed his victory immensely and hosted a great celebration on the 25th of Kislev in the year 4752, the first day of Hanukah, to celebrate the victory that saw the Jewish nation re-established in the land of Israel.



Rabbi Yavantey: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam, she-ecḥeyanu ve'qi'eh'manu ve'higiy'anu laz'man hazeh.  Great Khan you have won a glorious victory and thus sanctified the name of Hashem.

Crowd: Baruch Hashem.

Rabbi Yavantey: Shortly we shall be lighting the Menorah to remember another great victory the Jewish people won against overwhelming odds.  Does this not inspire you to action great Khan?  It is a great mitzvah that the Jewish people should live in the land of Israel.  It is time to end the diaspora.  Is it not written in the Torah that when we are obedient to the will of Hashem that five of us shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of us shall put ten thousand to flight?  That our enemies shall fall before us by the sword?  Our Torah scholars have gone over this parshah and determined that bows are allowed so long as the arrow tips are made to resemble swords.



Nisi II: Oh good that is a relief.  We had been arguing over that point for centuries.  Have we determined the exact dimensions of the arrow tip swords required to fulfil Hashem's will?

Rabbi Yavantey: Many hours of intense debate await us before we can decide such an important issue my king.  Now shall we bring war to these idolaters who now rule over the land of Israel?  Fear not our enemies for it is Hashem who goes with you to battle your enemies for you to save you.

Crowd: May he lead our warriors and may he grant them salvation and crown them with victory. Baruch Hashem.

Nisi II: Yeah about that.  The time is not right to end the diaspora.  I have sent spies into the land of Israel to determine if we are able to conquer it.

Rabbi Yavantey: You have sent...spies to the land of Israel?

Nisi II: Yes and they have have gone to land and reported that it indeed flows with milk and honey, which is good because honey has anti-bacterial properties.  But they say the Muslims who live there are powerful that their cities are fortified and very large.  We cannot attack them for they are much stronger than we.  Their Shah is related to both the Seljuk Sultan and the Mahdi of Baghdad and would surely call them to war should we attack for any reason.



Rabbi Yavantey: My King you have committed the great sin of the spies!  Elohim will judge us severely!

Nisi II: Wait what?  Is this bad?

Rabbi Yavantey: We shall be condemned to wander in the wilderness for forty years until the present generation has died off! 

Nisi II: Just for some reasonable intelligence assessments? 

Rabbi Yavantey: I am afraid so my king.  The judgments of Hashem are true and righteous.

Crowd: Baruch Hashem.  The Khan has doomed us all!

Nisi II: Oh for...being a King of Jews is a pain.

And thus did the righteous judgment of the Lord descend upon the Khanate of Khazaria.  Kisi II would rue the day he did not suicidally attack the Sami Empire.  Or would have if he had not died shorly afterwards.  On the 10th of Adar 4754 Ezra II, former ruler of Usturt on the Caspian Sea, was anointed King and Khan of Khazaria.



The calamities were soon to come one after the other.

First: TREASON!  Hot Bulanid on Bulanid action to follow.



The second Bulanid trying to bring about the downfall of his own house.



It looked pretty grim starting out but after a long and bitter fight, where many Khazars and Cumans lay dead on the field did the traitor's leader Kayghalagh Bulanid fall at the battle of Syr Darya on the 5th of Adar 4757.

But the troubles were just beginning.  During the devastating year of 4758 four great wars were launched against Khazaria in rapid succession:





And as 17 good Tengri revolts demands another:



But then the forces of the Seljuk Khan swept into the Persian provinces of Khazaria!



TO WAR!  HASHEM FIGHTS WITH US!

Well ok maybe not that much.  The first few battles went Khazaria's way but then as the main clash of armies approached Khan Ezra heard he would be outnumbered by almost three-to-one and...promptly chickened out.



By Elijah's ingrown toenail that is a lot of Turks.  A lot of their event troops must still be in the field.  That does not bode well.  In any case the Rabbis found his lack of faith disturbing.

Well that is over, finally have time to deal with the 18th Tengri revolt.



Another?  And the Karaites?  They reject the oral Torah given to the Jewish people and now they invite Ezra II to slay them?  Well he was very enthusiastic.  And so were the Karaites because just a week or so after the end of the war...



I mean really?  Somebody needs to do something about the reign of war and chaos under the incompetent Ezra II.  And it looks like somebody did:



Yilig was the former ruler of Ili, on the edge of Mongolia and the Tarim Basin.  On the 13th of Chesvan 4766 he was annointed by Elohim, ruler of all Turko-Israel!  Khan and King!  Now we need to find that fiend who murdered our King Ezra II.



Well um....that is awkward.  However despite Yilig's successfully murdering his way to the top of the Bulanid heap, Khazaria is still wracked by revolts and Yilig is not particularly popular.  This will be a long time in the wilderness.

[Valmy]

Great AAR, Valmy . It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).

Thanks Jake

This might be my favorite game ever I am glad I may have inspired you.

[Jacob]

Great AAR, Valmy . It made me take the plunge. I just bought CKII on steam (it's conveniently 66% off right now).

Thanks Jake

This might be my favorite game ever I am glad I may have inspired you.

You have!

[jimmy olsen]

How's the glorious Byzantine Empire doing?

[Valmy]

How's the glorious Byzantine Empire doing?

Collapsing unfortunately.  I will have another big map next update.

[Valmy]

Khan Yilig was a schemer.  He schemed and he schemed till his schemer was sore. 

Then the Khan thought of something he hadn't before.

Maybe expansion, he thought, doesn't come from just Holy War. 

Maybe expansion can come from another scheme more.

And what happened next?  Well in Amman they say, the Khan's intrigue rating grew three sizes that day.



Khan Yilig watched as the Sami Empire began to move on the independent Sheiks in the Sinai and, though he had nothing but contempt for the idolatrous goyim, wanted to get in on that action.  So he sent his Chancellor Bagha Bulçan ruler of Kyzyl-Kum down to Sinai soon a claim was fabricated.



Khan Yilig was delighted to hear of yet another evil scheme of his come to fruition.  He called up the local levies and prepared to lead his armies to reclaim Mount Sinai.  But sometimes the justice of Hashem intervenes.



Yilig, anointed King of all Turko-Israel passed from this world on the 7th of Second Adar 4772.  Taking his place was the illegitimate son of the man he had murdered.  Baghatur Bulanid, the Bastard of Gilan (also the ruler of Gilan), was anointed King and Khan and it was he who led the army towards Sinai.  The war went without further incident, as the only Bedouin resistance was a few warriors whose camels were too lazy to run away.  Could a holy site be under Jewish control?  OMY!



That looks pretty sweet.  Baghatur was not finished and he quickly and easily defeated the Sheik of Eilat, effectively splitting Sinai between Sami and the Khazars.  Even with this success Baghatur was nervous.  Sami was vast and strong...something needed to be done to equalize their strength.  An alliance with any other power was out of the question.  The strength of Sami was in Egypt though.  Maybe Damascus and the Holy Land might be seized if Egypt could somehow be threatened?  Further rumors reached Amman that a dynasty on the upper Nile was claiming to be descendants of Solomon, and thus members of the House of David, ruled.  Perhaps this might tie the Bulanids directly to the House of David and new Jewish Kingdoms might be created on the flank of the Sami.  Clearly Hashem's will had delivered the answer of Baghatur and he prepared to march his army down the Nile into Nubia and the start of a new era in Khazar history.

The Hashimid Caliphate held the territory in northern Nubia so they would be the first target.  It had long been Khazar policy to favor the Sunnis over the Shia but now they would strike a major blow to the flagging cause of the Eastern Sunnis.



The Hashimids were already fighting some of the Nubian realms when the Khazars swept in.  As is becoming a new tradition as popular as cheesecake on Shavuot the Khan died just as the war started.



Bälgiçi, the rather exceptionally mediocre ruler of Ket on the edge of Mongolia, was anointed King and Khan on the 5th of Elul 4775.  He miraculously appeared in Africa almost immediately despite ruling a territory thousands of miles away.

The following war showed the rotten decadence of the eastern Sunnis.  They put up very little resistance with only one major battle, at Marawi on the upper Nile, which was a major Khazar victory.



Bälgiçi was brimming with confidence and after sending his levies home at the end of the war he quickly smashed the small Solomonid realm of Suakin, an event which clearly got the attention of the King of Abyssinia.  Full of arrogance at his victories Bälgiçi then turned on the Duke of Makuria with just his retinues.



Note he is Bälgiçi 'the fat' not Bälgiçi 'the wise'. This time the Nubians were ready and the King of Abyssinia and the Makurians met Bälgiçi at the second battle of Malawi.  The Khazar army was routed and only the speed of his cavalry saved disaster, his infantry retinue was completely destroyed.  The levy was called in the Middle Eastern and African territories and General Bihor, a skilled cavalry leader managed to maneuver the remains of Bälgiçi's cavalry around the Abyssinian Army and ride north out of Africa.  The Khazars would try again.  But news of this Khazar defeat spread and soon an old enemy would return for revenge.  This would be a desperate war indeed.



King Ignatios II of Bulgaria would try again where his ancestors had failed.  Soon this holy war against the Jews attracted allies to the Bulgarian cause.  Bälgiçi recruited a group of mercenaries and called up all the levies in the realm.  In the meantime they went from victory to victory in Cherson and the Dux of Thessalonika and the Dux of Cilicia soon sent their own contingents that raised the Bulgarian host to 12,000.  Soon the Kings of Burgundy and Italy would join them.  But it would take years to assemble the troops to face the Bulgarians. In the meantime they overwhelmed the garrisons of Cherson winning battle after battle.



It took two years but Bälgiçi turned things around in Africa rushing in reinforcements and defeating the Abyssinians at Atbara.  He then started the long process of forcing the fortresses of the determined Makurians.



Bälgiçi would not be around to see final victory for as his army gathered to meet the Bulgarians he suddenly died.



He was replaced by the simpleton Sartäç, the ruler of Zhetysu on Lake Balkhash.  Fortunately his rule was very short and he died shortly after being anointed...of natural causes even.  He was replaced by Yilig, ruler of Kirkuk.



While all this was going on the 10,000 man army of the Khazars approached the 11,000 man Bulgarian Army.  The Khazar army was led by General Batas, a Pecheneg, and after a few months of maneuver he just barely managed to beat the Bulgarian army across the Don.  The Khazar army then faced off against the Bulgarian Army from the ruins of the ancient Greek city of Tanais. 



The King of the Bulgarians called his marshall to him, Lord Iakobos of Pleven, and ordered him to storm the ancient fortress and destroy the Khazar Army.

Despot Ignatios II: Lord Iakobos it seems we have finally caught the heathens here.  We shall smash the Christ killers once and for all.  When the Jews run away the way will be open to uniting all the southern Steppe under this Kingdom and the Volga Bulgarians will soon be under their rightful King.  To you, Lord Iakobos, we shall bestow the honor of leading this attack.  Lead the armies of Cilicia and Bulgaria forward and smash the enemy line.  God and his Christ will be with you.

Lord Iakobos: Sire this is a great honor but...

Despot Ignatios II: What are you saying Lord Iakobos?

Lord Iakobos: I have served your house many years your Majesty.  Against the Romans, the Burgundians, the Hungarians, and now against the impious ones.

Despot Ignatios II: Yes and you have always triumphed.

Lord Iakobos: I know what our soldiers can do and no eleven thousand men ever created can take that position.

Despot Ignatios II: Lord Iakobos the Jewish scum are there and we are going to strike them.

Lord Iakobos: My liege, if I may, General Batas is there because he wants us to strike him.  We will have to advance across a marsh and up that plateau.  Our men will be exhausted and his are well fortified in that old acropolis we...

Despot Ignatios II:  We have assaulted many of their fortresses already and our men have always been victorious.  No Lord Iakobos!  We cannot deny our army here after all they have accomplished.  Can we turn back and run with Dux Sebastianos and his Cilicians here?  What will they say?  That the great King Ignatios lacks faith in Christ and flees before his betrayers?

Lord Iakobos: Not flee Majesty, reposition!  Soon King Gelasio will be here with his host from Italy.  Let us move around and cut them off from Don!  With the Italian army we will have commanding numbers and then we will have them Majesty we can...

Despot Ignatios II: King Gelasio seeks trading posts and concessions on this coast.  We will not wait just to give him the glory.  Besides how many months ago did he inform us he is on his way?  And where are these armies?  No Lord Iakobos.  This ends here.  With Christ at your side the great nations of Bulgaria and Cilicia shall prevail.

Lord Iakobos: Your Majesty I shall not fail you.

And thus on the 20th of Nisan 4781 did the Christian host advance through the marshy delta of the River Don in the morning mists.  Lord Iakobos led the heavily armored Bulgarian infantry and heavy cavalry towards the center of the Khazar line, while the Cilician light cavalry on the right attempted to outflank them.  Vakrim, Khazar Khan of Azov, met the flanking force with his horse archers and the battle was joined.



The Bulgarian left broke almost immediately under heavy arrow fire, exhausted from their long advance.  The Bulgarian right broke a few hours later.  In desperation Lord Iakobos led the cream of the Christian army time and time again on desperate frontal assaults to try to break the Khazar center.  By the afternoon it was all but over with the Bulgarians and Cilicians struggling back across the marsh with the Khazar horse archers trying their best to ride them down.





This was the greatest victory in Khazar history thus far.  The Christian alliance of Burgundy, Italy, Bulgaria, Cilicia, and Thessalonica has been broken.  A few weeks later the Khazars fought another bloody battle against King Gelasio and his army in Kherson.  After that the allies had had enough.


Shortly thereafter the other Christian alliance of Abyssinia and the Makurians also surrendered.  However the war was far from over with a major Cuman rebellion breaking out waaaaay out in central Asia. 



The African Khazar army had to march all the way to the northern coast of the Caspian to meet the battered remnant of northern army.  It took almost a year for the Khara army to arrive at the shores of Lake Balkhash to defeat that rebellion, only to have to ride all the way back to Africa to defeat an Ethiopian revolt.  The war was finally over but Khan Yilig II did not live to see it:



Bihor, ruler of Tura out in the lands of the Kirghiz, was anointed Khan and King of all Turko-Israel on the 17th of Kislev 4783.  It would be he who would finally finish Khan Bälgiçi's war over six years and over ten thousand Khazar dead later.  But the African dreams of House Bulanid remained alive and the Khazars had defeated many great Chrisitian realms while fighting on two fronts.  Now Khan Bihor would have to attack in Africa more cautiously and eventually bring war on two continents to the Sami Shah.
The territories of the Khazar King and Khan at the end of the war:

[jimmy olsen]

Looks like the Byzantines consolidated in the Balkans, but what happened in Anatolia? Rebellion?

[Eddie Teach]

That's at least your fourth post in this thread talking about the Byzantines.