Languish.org

General Category => Off the Record => Topic started by: Jacob on April 06, 2014, 09:36:24 AM

Poll
Question: How do you feel about your near extended family (parents, siblings, in-laws, uncles, aunts, cousins)?
Option 1: I'm close to my family and I genuinely enjoy it. votes: 21
Option 2: They're pretty good, in reasonable doses. votes: 21
Option 3: I don't really care either way. votes: 1
Option 4: The family is mostly a drag, but in spite of all the BS they're still family. votes: 5
Option 5: Completely dysfunctional; the less I have to do with them the better. votes: 2
Option 6: I don't have much of a family. votes: 2
Title: Family Matters?
Post by: Jacob on April 06, 2014, 09:36:24 AM
Obviously the relationships will vary with the individuals, but in aggregate how do you feel about your family?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: celedhring on April 06, 2014, 09:51:53 AM
My family is extremely dysfunctional yet at the same time very close-knit. Which either makes for a great sitcom or a lot of misery. Or both.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Josquius on April 06, 2014, 10:42:28 AM
Kept on the other side of the world they're OK. Back home they're overly close.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: mongers on April 06, 2014, 10:45:40 AM
Quote from: Tyr on April 06, 2014, 10:42:28 AM
Kept on the other side of the world they're OK. Back home they're overly close.

When you come back to Blighty, how will you afford to sent them to New Zealand ?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: CountDeMoney on April 06, 2014, 10:51:44 AM
Quote from: celedhring on April 06, 2014, 09:51:53 AM
My family is extremely dysfunctional yet at the same time very close-knit. Which either makes for a great sitcom or a lot of misery. Or both.

This.

I love my family and I can't wait to get away from them as quickly as possible.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: ulmont on April 06, 2014, 10:55:04 AM
Quote from: Jacob on April 06, 2014, 09:36:24 AM
Obviously the relationships will vary with the individuals, but in aggregate how do you feel about your family?

Well, the answers are different for the sides of the family.  My father's side gets the "good in small doses" response; my mother's side gets the "fuck these guys" response.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Razgovory on April 06, 2014, 11:37:30 AM
I really don't see them much.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 06, 2014, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: celedhring on April 06, 2014, 09:51:53 AM
My family is extremely dysfunctional yet at the same time very close-knit. Which either makes for a great sitcom or a lot of misery. Or both.

Me too.  Mainly within my immediate family, though.  Once you get into uncles/aunts/cousins, it's more of a spread between totally estranged at the moment, pleasant from a distance, and quite close despite craziness/backbiting/etc.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 06, 2014, 05:58:18 PM
And now to Sly Stone on the Hammond B3 with the story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNQpYz1ztx8
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Darth Wagtaros on April 06, 2014, 07:30:05 PM
Didn't really care for it. But Urkel did have his moments. I always wonder if the father was the same character in Die Hard.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Scipio on April 06, 2014, 07:34:47 PM
Close to my family, except my sister. Whom, I would mourn, if she died in a fire.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Ideologue on April 06, 2014, 07:45:53 PM
Quote from: Darth Wagtaros on April 06, 2014, 07:30:05 PM
Didn't really care for it. But Urkel did have his moments. I always wonder if the father was the same character in Die Hard.

I wanted to know what happened to the other daughter.  Leukemia?  Car accident?  Fire?  Hole in the ground?  WHY WON'T THEY SPEAK THEIR PAIN?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Monoriu on April 06, 2014, 09:14:29 PM
Parents: dysfunctional. 

In-laws: reasonably ok.  We meet once every month or so.  For some weird reason they seem quite fond of me from the start, even though I honestly didn't do anything to win them over.  The person who really made an effort to win them over is their daughter-in-law.  It seems quite unfair to me that my parents-in-law like me more than her. 
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: PRC on April 06, 2014, 09:30:13 PM
Quote from: Monoriu on April 06, 2014, 09:14:29 PM
Parents: dysfunctional. 

In-laws: reasonably ok.  We meet once every month or so.  For some weird reason they seem quite fond of me from the start, even though I honestly didn't do anything to win them over.  The person who really made an effort to win them over is their daughter-in-law.  It seems quite unfair to me that my parents-in-law like me more than her. 

Isn't your Father-in-Law an epic Feng Shui master?  He must have some solid vibe from you to be so happy with you from the start, no?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Monoriu on April 06, 2014, 09:53:15 PM
Quote from: PRC on April 06, 2014, 09:30:13 PM


Isn't your Father-in-Law an epic Feng Shui master?  He must have some solid vibe from you to be so happy with you from the start, no?

Pretty sure he doesn't know me well enough the first time he met me to make any fung shui predictions.  Actually, the mother-in-law is the one who likes me most. 
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: CountDeMoney on April 06, 2014, 09:56:51 PM
"Epic" feng shui master?  How fucking difficult can it be to rearrange furniture?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Ideologue on April 06, 2014, 10:06:54 PM
I'm just glad to see that China's getting a head start on the whole tertiary economy thing, so when automation devastates their country, people will have some place to waste their time and rich people's money, putting off total catastrophe for a few more decades.

OK, I'm not really "glad."
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Eddie Teach on April 07, 2014, 01:44:25 AM
Quote from: Darth Wagtaros on April 06, 2014, 07:30:05 PM
Didn't really care for it. But Urkel did have his moments. I always wonder if the father was the same character in Die Hard.

Nope, he was a Chicago cop instead of a Los Angeles cop.    ;)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: KRonn on April 07, 2014, 01:06:47 PM
I voted "Close to family and enjoy it".
My parents and all aunts/uncles are passed away, but I'm close to some remaining family especially my brother, and even very close with my step relatives who I see more than my other relatives.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:09:47 PM
It is a rare week I do not see my parents, mother-in-law, sister and niece.  Usually multiple times we are all really close.  The only people I tend to avoid to is my cousin's family in Virginia.  We are still friendly I just fear his ability to mooch money off people.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:10:41 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:09:47 PM
I just fear his ability to mooch money off people.

What could possibly go wrong?  ;)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:12:24 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:10:41 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:09:47 PM
I just fear his ability to mooch money off people.

What could possibly go wrong?  ;)

He always finds a way man.  Whenever I visit up there if I see him I am going to end up buying something for him.  It is some bizarre magic trick.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Zanza on April 07, 2014, 01:12:55 PM
I really enjoy seeing my family, but then I see them rarely as we live hundreds of kilometers apart.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:32:06 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:12:24 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:10:41 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:09:47 PM
I just fear his ability to mooch money off people.

What could possibly go wrong?  ;)

He always finds a way man.  Whenever I visit up there if I see him I am going to end up buying something for him.  It is some bizarre magic trick.

You've been seriously burnt in your time, Val.  I wouldn't blame you for being extremely suspicious of anyone trying to access your dough.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:44:43 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:32:06 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:12:24 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:10:41 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 01:09:47 PM
I just fear his ability to mooch money off people.

What could possibly go wrong?  ;)

He always finds a way man.  Whenever I visit up there if I see him I am going to end up buying something for him.  It is some bizarre magic trick.

You've been seriously burnt in your time, Val.  I wouldn't blame you for being extremely suspicious of anyone trying to access your dough.

I, too, express sympathy.

Now that we've established we are all good friends ... you guys would loan a buddy a few thousand, right?  ;)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:48:06 PM
I like hanging with my family, in reasonable doses.

I'm not so happy about my brother's constant 'encouragement' to come visit his house in Iowa. Which is like two days away by car, and not near any air transport. Where, as far as I know, there is nothing to do but hang out with him, his wife, and their two hyperactive daughters ...   
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Eddie Teach on April 07, 2014, 01:49:10 PM
I wouldn't loan you a tissue or a stick of gum.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:52:10 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on April 07, 2014, 01:49:10 PM
I wouldn't loan you a tissue or a stick of gum.

Well, duh. No-one wants a used tissue or a chewed stick of gum back.  :yuk:
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Grey Fox on April 07, 2014, 01:52:41 PM
It depends, my girlfriend's family is fairly disfunctional in of itself but I enjoy the company of her parents and Uncles/Aunts. Even tho they are religious freak that will be lined up when the revolution comes.

I don't see them as much as I use to but I am fairly close my father's family.

My mother & her family has been shunned.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:55:29 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:48:06 PMI'm not so happy about my brother's constant 'encouragement' to come visit his house in Iowa. Which is like two days away by car, and not near any air transport. Where, as far as I know, there is nothing to do but hang out with him, his wife, and their two hyperactive daughters ...

You should fly to Chicago, make him come meet you there, spend a day or two hanging out in Chi, then go back to Iowa with him for a few days, and make him drive you back to O'Hare when you leave.  After all, if he wants you to visit so much, I'm sure he won't mind...

EDIT:  Or stop off in Chicago for a couple of days, then get a regional flight to Des Moines or wherever.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 02:01:35 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:55:29 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:48:06 PMI'm not so happy about my brother's constant 'encouragement' to come visit his house in Iowa. Which is like two days away by car, and not near any air transport. Where, as far as I know, there is nothing to do but hang out with him, his wife, and their two hyperactive daughters ...

You should fly to Chicago, make him come meet you there, spend a day or two hanging out in Chi, then go back to Iowa with him for a few days, and make him drive you back to O'Hare when you leave.  After all, if he wants you to visit so much, I'm sure he won't mind...

We met up in Chicago last summer, had a great time there.  :)

The problem with having him drive us from Des Moines or Chicago is that, if we stay for any length of time, not having a car seriously limits our mobility ... he lives in the middle of suburban nowhere. There is literally nothing to do within walking distance, but hang out in his house. Hanging out with his kids is okay as long as they are distracted, but half an hour of them is about all I can stand otherwise ... and I usually like kids. His are 'difficult'.

The thought of being trapped in his house for days with his kids gives me the shudders. 

I could I suppose rent a car, but even so, the attractions near his house are pretty limited. But at least that way I could get out of it.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 02:09:06 PM
My family is close and we all enjoy being together.  My oldest brother seems to get a bout of higher conflict syndrome every now & then but otherwise we get along great.  We're a bit boring compared to my wife's family, but hey, we're WASPs.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:17:40 PM
Quote from: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 02:09:06 PM
higher conflict syndrome

What's that mean?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: mongers on April 07, 2014, 02:22:03 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:17:40 PM
Quote from: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 02:09:06 PM
higher conflict syndrome

What's that mean?

He's three inches shorter than derspiess.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:22:42 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 02:01:35 PMI could I suppose rent a car, but even so, the attractions near his house are pretty limited. But at least that way I could get out of it.

Yeah, that's a must.  You could even come up with daytrips within 2-3 hours drive to ensure that you're out and about.  Or maybe time it with the state fair to really soak up the Middle Americana?  I recall the Iowa State Fair introducing a lot of those gimmicky, 11000-calorie fair foods. :D  Or just drive to Iowa City every day to drink boilermakers and sing karaoke with Adm. Yi. :)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Barrister on April 07, 2014, 02:44:55 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 02:01:35 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 01:55:29 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 01:48:06 PMI'm not so happy about my brother's constant 'encouragement' to come visit his house in Iowa. Which is like two days away by car, and not near any air transport. Where, as far as I know, there is nothing to do but hang out with him, his wife, and their two hyperactive daughters ...

You should fly to Chicago, make him come meet you there, spend a day or two hanging out in Chi, then go back to Iowa with him for a few days, and make him drive you back to O'Hare when you leave.  After all, if he wants you to visit so much, I'm sure he won't mind...

We met up in Chicago last summer, had a great time there.  :)

The problem with having him drive us from Des Moines or Chicago is that, if we stay for any length of time, not having a car seriously limits our mobility ... he lives in the middle of suburban nowhere. There is literally nothing to do within walking distance, but hang out in his house. Hanging out with his kids is okay as long as they are distracted, but half an hour of them is about all I can stand otherwise ... and I usually like kids. His are 'difficult'.

The thought of being trapped in his house for days with his kids gives me the shudders. 

I could I suppose rent a car, but even so, the attractions near his house are pretty limited. But at least that way I could get out of it.

Sounded like our trip to Brazil.  There we are in Brazil - but in the middle of latin-american suburban nowhere.  A couple of times we pestered and got rides to the beach, but we also spent several days just sitting around the house.

I think it's probably important to spend time with your brother M, but I would second the idea of renting a car.  It doesn't have to be anything important you're seeing, just as long as it's an excuse to get out of the house.

I think I'm pretty close with my family.  A lot of you guys are talking about extended family - aunts, uncles and cousins.  I very rarely see them these days.  But my brother and my parents - compared to when we lived in Yukon, we see them multiple times per year.  It's kind of nice.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Iormlund on April 07, 2014, 03:01:46 PM
My brother moved far away when he finished uni. I might get to see him sporadically if I can successfully trick my new employers into sending me to Germany, since he lives in Berlin now. The rest I see regularly.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 03:06:27 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:22:42 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 02:01:35 PMI could I suppose rent a car, but even so, the attractions near his house are pretty limited. But at least that way I could get out of it.

Yeah, that's a must.  You could even come up with daytrips within 2-3 hours drive to ensure that you're out and about.  Or maybe time it with the state fair to really soak up the Middle Americana?  I recall the Iowa State Fair introducing a lot of those gimmicky, 11000-calorie fair foods. :D  Or just drive to Iowa City every day to drink boilermakers and sing karaoke with Adm. Yi. :)

Actually, I would definitely go in August and time it with the fair.  It's held in Des Moines over 11 days, and I bet Carl would enjoy it if you were brave enough to bring him along.

Otherwise, from where I recall your brother teaching, it looks like Omaha is about 2.5 hours away, and must have some decent museums.  And I know they have had a little bit of an "urban revival" there in the last 10-15 years.  It's <2 hours to Iowa City, which is supposed to be a decently interesting university town.  I don't know what the nature scene in Iowa is like; obviously it's flat and not incredibly wooded, but I bet going to a quiet lake on a hot summer day would be nice.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 03:13:01 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:17:40 PM
Quote from: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 02:09:06 PM
higher conflict syndrome

What's that mean?

Might not have gotten the term right-- it's when someone has a great tendency to blow a minor issue out of proportion, act as if they are a martyr, and spend more time fighting over the issue than it's worth.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:19:57 PM
Quote from: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 03:13:01 PM
Quote from: Capetan Mihali on April 07, 2014, 02:17:40 PM
Quote from: derspiess on April 07, 2014, 02:09:06 PM
higher conflict syndrome

What's that mean?

Might not have gotten the term right-- it's when someone has a great tendency to blow a minor issue out of proportion, act as if they are a martyr, and spend more time fighting over the issue than it's worth.

Heh, my wife's sister is like that, to an absurd degree.

Her kids allegedly get smaller scoops of ice-cream than their cousins at the store, and it's a major event - two years later. Not only is this injustice allegedly world-shaking, in fact the most unfair thing ever, it is also symbolic of the injustice she has suffered from her whole life, in which she has always gotten the short end of the stick (actual incident! and the sad part is - the scoops were the same size). 
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: crazy canuck on April 07, 2014, 03:22:38 PM
Growing up I had a close extended family.  But so many of the people that made up that group have now died that it is not the same at all.  The experience for my boys is quite different.  All my grandparents were present at my wedding but both of their Grandmothers died when they were young.  It is hard to replace that loss.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
My family is still pretty close (well when the various members are speaking to one another :D) though that's really now become reduced to my immediate family and the families of two of my mother's siblings. I think in large part that's driven by my mother and aunt and I wonder apart from a couple of us, how close things will still be in the future.

Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:27:58 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.

You guys are still pretty young though right?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:30:39 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:27:58 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.

You guys are still pretty young though right?

We range from about 20 to 33, so certainly there is time. One factor I didn't mention though is that few of us (and I don't count myself in that) have had any serious long-term relationships.

Very different from my father's side of the family where my grandfather was also someones great great grandfather before he died in his 70s. :D
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:31:36 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:27:58 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.

You guys are still pretty young though right?

Yeah garbon, better get cracking on that ASAP.  ;)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:32:01 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:31:36 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:27:58 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.

You guys are still pretty young though right?

Yeah garbon, better get cracking on that ASAP.  ;)

Donate my sperm?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:34:32 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:32:01 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:31:36 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:27:58 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:26:47 PM
Of course, the situation is a bit different for apart from my one cousin none of the kids in my generation (in that group of 3 families) have any children.

You guys are still pretty young though right?

Yeah garbon, better get cracking on that ASAP.  ;)

Donate my sperm?

I sense a new business opportunity - a hookup service for gays and lesbians interested in having kids, via sperm donation. I'll make my fortune yet!  :hmm:

Or, one can adopt ...
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:35:04 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:30:39 PM
Very different from my father's side of the family where my grandfather was also someones great great grandfather before he died in his 70s. :D

:blink:
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:35:31 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:34:32 PM
I sense a new business opportunity - a hookup service for gays and lesbians interested in having kids, via sperm donation. I'll make my fortune yet!  :hmm:

Wow what a totally new idea! :P
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:35:40 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:34:32 PM
Or, one can adopt ...

Is this the punchline? ;)
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:39:01 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:35:04 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:30:39 PM
Very different from my father's side of the family where my grandfather was also someones great great grandfather before he died in his 70s. :D

:blink:

Doesn't that just require each person to have had a child by the time they were 18 - on average?
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:39:29 PM
Quote from: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:35:31 PM
Quote from: Malthus on April 07, 2014, 03:34:32 PM
I sense a new business opportunity - a hookup service for gays and lesbians interested in having kids, via sperm donation. I'll make my fortune yet!  :hmm:

Wow what a totally new idea! :P

It wasn't totally serious ...  :lol:
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Valmy on April 07, 2014, 03:41:54 PM
Quote from: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:39:01 PM
Doesn't that just require each person to have had a child by the time they were 18 - on average?

Just barely.  People were really getting after it for that to happen in your 70s.  Literally everybody would have to be having sex the minute they were legal.
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: garbon on April 07, 2014, 03:56:31 PM
I assume they started prior to 18 -_-
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: Jacob on April 07, 2014, 08:50:30 PM
I didn't realize we had 50 active posters  :w00t:
Title: Re: Family Matters?
Post by: LaCroix on April 07, 2014, 09:04:22 PM
i cut out all the outer relatives on my mother's side, permanently. i may never visit my mother again once i've graduated, which wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. as for my father, i have to tolerate him because of his will. i don't feel a real connection there. i kinda like the outer family on my father's side, though  :)