Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[Barrister]

I disagree M. The lady in the article said she eats healthily, exercises regularily, and remains active. She just decided that after years and years she was going to stop trying to lose weight.

She says he's healthy. that being fat 'doesn't prevent her from doing the activities she enjoys', and that she swims - but that they 'don't discuss exercise with each other any more'.

Your hypothetical couch potato may very well say the same sorts of things.

I'm pretty cynical about this sort of self-assessment.

Me too. You just don't see that many obese 80 year olds. How healthy can it be? Up to a certain point, I can see it. But not 5'2" 320 pounds kind of fat. At least some percentage of this stuff has to be simple rationalization.

That's because just as it is natural to gain weight in middle age, it is natural to lose weight in old age.

And by the way I had to great-grandmothers who lived to ripe old ages.  One was a tiny little stick who lived into her 90s, the other a much more matronly woman who lived into her late 80s.

The women in the link doesn't give ehr current weight, but does talk about being 200lb, and does post a current (faceless) pick.  At 5'2" the low 200s looks about right.

[Barrister]

Anyway, Internet is horrible with its fat enablers.

When some stupid obese cunt posts her picture in a bikini, the correct response should be derision and abuse, aimed at forcing her to change her habits (or remove herself from the gene pool, so that her atoms may be put to a better use by mother nature - either outcome is desirable); not to have a bunch of other faggots encourage her with "big is beautiful".

[derspiess]

Finally broke down & read the article.  "Fat acceptance"

[Grey Fox]

Fat is the new gay. People will have to learn to accept it.

[Valmy]

Finally broke down & read the article.  "Fat acceptance"

Identity politics strikes again!  I look forward to the anti-fat legislation.

[MadImmortalMan]

How would you feel about it if it were the other way around?

Say you get married and then you are the one who got fat.


Personally, I would feel pretty guilty about it. Like I'm somehow betraying her. I think I have a responsibility to at least attempt to be what my spouse considers attractive. It's not like all the other relationships in my life, it has a significant intimate physical component to it too.

[11B4V]

Finally broke down & read the article.  "Fat acceptance"

Identity politics strikes again!  I look forward to the anti-fat legislation.

Bloomberg as tried that and failed.

[garbon]

It's not like all the other relationships in my life, it has a significant intimate physical component to it too.

Oh then it's quite like countless "relationships" in my life.

[Valmy]

Finally broke down & read the article.  "Fat acceptance"

Identity politics strikes again!  I look forward to the anti-fat legislation.

Bloomberg as tried that and failed.

Ooops I mean the anti-fat discrimination legislation.

[Barrister]

How would you feel about it if it were the other way around?

Say you get married and then you are the one who got fat.


Personally, I would feel pretty guilty about it. Like I'm somehow betraying her. I think I have a responsibility to at least attempt to be what my spouse considers attractive. It's not like all the other relationships in my life, it has a significant intimate physical component to it too.

But keep going with the analogy.

You gain weight after marriage.  You try diet after diet over years and are unable to lose the weight.  You wish you were skinny, but just can't seem to manage to do it.

Then, and only then - do you think you're justified in saying "sorry honey, I can't do it.  You'll just have to love me for who I am".

[MadImmortalMan]

I can certainly see why some people would think that way. Maybe if I were somehow disabled. In general though, my brain doesn't work that way. I have a strong sense of personal responsibility. It would have to be pretty severe to consider giving up.

[Malthus]

How would you feel about it if it were the other way around?

Say you get married and then you are the one who got fat.


Personally, I would feel pretty guilty about it. Like I'm somehow betraying her. I think I have a responsibility to at least attempt to be what my spouse considers attractive. It's not like all the other relationships in my life, it has a significant intimate physical component to it too.

But keep going with the analogy.

You gain weight after marriage.  You try diet after diet over years and are unable to lose the weight.  You wish you were skinny, but just can't seem to manage to do it.

Then, and only then - do you think you're justified in saying "sorry honey, I can't do it.  You'll just have to love me for who I am".

I question the premise - that someone *cannot* at least attempt to control their weight no matter how hard they try.

Certainly, some people have a basic body type and they are never going to be fashion model thin. But giving up altogether on controlling what they eat? I don't see this as making a virtue of necessity.

I don't think it is reasonable to demand one's spouse obtain some arbitrary measure of fitness or thinness, but it isn't reasonable OTOH to simply throw one's hands up in the air and outright give up even trying to control what you eat, with the predictable consequences of that. For one, you are effectively demanding that your spouse watch as you self-harm.

It's really no different from any other form of self-harm: "honey, I can't stop my drinking, you will just have to love a drunk". That's different from "honey, I have a drinking problem. Please work with me on this". Same with obesity. Only, obesity is often even harder to deal with, as one *can* just give up drinking but just giving up eating is impossibe.

[Valmy]

It's really no different from any other form of self-harm: "honey, I can't stop my drinking, you will just have to love a drunk". That's different from "honey, I have a drinking problem. Please work with me on this". Same with obesity. Only, obesity is often even harder to deal with, as one *can* just give up drinking but just giving up eating is impossibe.

Yeah I was thinking like that as well.

[Barrister]

There is a world of difference between 'watching what you eat but not actively dieting' and 'eating whatever you want'.

[garbon]

I don't actually see her addressing watching what she eats.