Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[merithyn]

First off, she was 5'2", not 5'5."

Second, she was experiencing the following obesity related symptoms, which I pulled off of Wikipedia:

Stretch marks
depression
social stigmatization
poor mobility
low back pain
obstructive sleep apnea.

There are possibly more, but she didn't see a general physician too often.

Those are pretty much the only ones that are related to weight gain in the physical sense. (I got stretch marks when I got boobs - they mark quick growth, not necessarily fat growth.) And I'm sorry, but they're certainly not life-threatening. As for the obstructive sleep apnea, I'm curious to know how you know that if she didn't go to the doctor.

Regardless, 185 pounds (even at 5'2") isn't "morbid obesity". Heavier than you wanted, sure, but not morbidly obese.

[Malthus]

This is why I don't agree dieting "doesn't work". It's a tool, and it works if you work it. At least it does for me, and I've never read a plausible mechanism by which it "can't work" for others (physically that is - natirally there are all sorts of psychological reasons it can't work).

Yeah, like your meal plan is boring as hell. I'd give it up after about a week, IF I lasted that long. Rule #1 of any diet plan: It has to be something you can and will stick with.

Amazingly, I've managed to lose 25 pounds by eating whatever I want... in smaller quantities. Once I started keeping track of every bite I put in my mouth, I started eating less. Throw in some walking, and I lost weight. It took a while for me to actually start losing weight, but once I did, it shed relatively easily, though not quickly. I'm not much on quick fixes. I want to be able to enjoy my life while I'm also getting healthier. That includes eating food that I enjoy.

Sure, if you have a plan that works for you, go for that. I'm not claiming my plan is the one true way or anything, am I?  Only wanting to eat "exciting" foods is one of those psychological thigamy-jigs I mentioned as a reason why this diet "can't work" for some.

I'm simply refuting the notion that dieting can't be done. It can, but it takes some concious effort - either in planning (which is my preferred way) or obsessive bite-watching (which is yours - though it's something I'd never have the patience to do).

My plan may well be "boring", but to me, variety of foods isn't all that important other than on occasion: I'm happy eating more or less similar stuff every day. To each their own - so long as it actually works. My diet has the advantage (at least, I find it an advantage) of relatively rapid weight loss - doing it strictly I lose around 8-10 pounds a month.

[MadImmortalMan]

Keep in mind that the dude was married to her when she was fat. He only seemed to have a problem with it once she started deciding that it was ok to stop trying. From that, it's reasonable to conclude that the fat isn't what made him unattracted, it was the attitude of giving up and deciding fat was cool that turned him off.

[Martinus]

Incidentally, I gotta say that based on anecdotal evidence, a lot of situations where people can't lose weight despite "trying" does not come from genetics, or even laziness, but actual ignorance of what is and is not healthy.

Unfortunately, as I said before, losing weight and overally improving one's health requires a considerable shift in life style and (unless you are willing to hire a personal chef) a considerable amount of work - something a lot of people are unable or unwilling to do. So they think that if they buy a "healthy" salad at McDonald's or a ready made "health-option" meal at Tesco (or starve themselves with low nutrition food) they are actually trying to lose weight - and then act all surprised, give up and/or blame genetics when this does jack shit.

And let's not forget that in many places healthy food options come with a price tag - or are even unavailable (e.g. a small town with a couple of Tescos/Walmarts, and no farmer's market).

I dunno, my diet is pretty easy to maintain with stuff bought at the corner store (which admittedly stocks vegitables). I'm a terrible cook and hate cooking, so everything has to be easy.

Sorry, maybe I wasn't specific enough, but I wasn't exactly saying that a rich urban lawyer in Canada lives according to what can be seen as a standard.

[stjaba]

Those are pretty much the only ones that are related to weight gain in the physical sense. (I got stretch marks when I got boobs - they mark quick growth, not necessarily fat growth.) And I'm sorry, but they're certainly not life-threatening. As for the obstructive sleep apnea, I'm curious to know how you know that if she didn't go to the doctor.

Regardless, 185 pounds (even at 5'2") isn't "morbid obesity". Heavier than you wanted, sure, but not morbidly obese.

Not sure what you mean "in the physical sense." A 5 second google revealed a linkage between obesity and depression. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080602152913.htm.

With respect to her stretch marks, they came after she gained a lot of weight. I don't think the link between obesity and a health condition could be any more obvious.

With respect to sleep apnea, I said she didn't see a doctor too often, but not never. She had a sleep study conducted and was diagnosed with sleep apnea.

[Malthus]

Incidentally, I gotta say that based on anecdotal evidence, a lot of situations where people can't lose weight despite "trying" does not come from genetics, or even laziness, but actual ignorance of what is and is not healthy.

Unfortunately, as I said before, losing weight and overally improving one's health requires a considerable shift in life style and (unless you are willing to hire a personal chef) a considerable amount of work - something a lot of people are unable or unwilling to do. So they think that if they buy a "healthy" salad at McDonald's or a ready made "health-option" meal at Tesco (or starve themselves with low nutrition food) they are actually trying to lose weight - and then act all surprised, give up and/or blame genetics when this does jack shit.

And let's not forget that in many places healthy food options come with a price tag - or are even unavailable (e.g. a small town with a couple of Tescos/Walmarts, and no farmer's market).

I dunno, my diet is pretty easy to maintain with stuff bought at the corner store (which admittedly stocks vegitables). I'm a terrible cook and hate cooking, so everything has to be easy.

Sorry, maybe I wasn't specific enough, but I wasn't exactly saying that a rich urban lawyer in Canada lives according to what can be seen as a standard.

I didn't know that people who are not rich Canadian urban lawyers were disqualified from buying green beans and cans of tuna. 

[garbon]

I didn't know that people who are not rich Canadian urban lawyers were disqualified from buying green beans and cans of tuna. 

I think they are disqualified from buying melba toast.

[Malthus]

I didn't know that people who are not rich Canadian urban lawyers were disqualified from buying green beans and cans of tuna. 

I think they are disqualified from buying melba toast.

I love melba toast. Reminds me of old-time ship's biscuits, only without the weevils. 

[garbon]

I didn't know that people who are not rich Canadian urban lawyers were disqualified from buying green beans and cans of tuna. 

I think they are disqualified from buying melba toast.

I love melba toast. Reminds me of old-time ship's biscuits, only without the weevils. 

All of that sounds...dreadful.

[merithyn]

Not sure what you mean "in the physical sense." A 5 second google revealed a linkage between obesity and depression. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080602152913.htm.

With respect to her stretch marks, they came after she gained a lot of weight. I don't think the link between obesity and a health condition could be any more obvious.

With respect to sleep apnea, I said she didn't see a doctor too often, but not never. She had a sleep study conducted and was diagnosed with sleep apnea.

The definition of morbid is "relating to or resulting from illness". I'm going to go with it's quite a stretch to call stretch marks "relating to or resulting from illness". As for depression, there's a link, but the question is which comes first, the depression or the weight? Either can - and does - lead to the other. Perhaps her issue was depression which led her to being overweight. Not that it seems to matter. She was fat. End of story.

As for the sleep apnea, my 6'2", 145-pound son has sleep apnea. I'm sure you'll argue that hers was directly related to her weight, but it doesn't have to be. Just sayin'.

My hope is that there were a lot of other issues involved in your break up, and weight was a handy excuse. My guess is that is not the case.

[garbon]

My hope is that there were a lot of other issues involved in your break up, and weight was a handy excuse. My guess is that is not the case.

I'd think depression, sleep apnea and no longer being physically attractive (to Jaba) should be enough.

[Malthus]

Keep in mind that the dude was married to her when she was fat. He only seemed to have a problem with it once she started deciding that it was ok to stop trying. From that, it's reasonable to conclude that the fat isn't what made him unattracted, it was the attitude of giving up and deciding fat was cool that turned him off.

Well, to be fair ... that and she gained 40 pounds.

He liked her looks at 160, was okay with 180 (when they were married) not so much at 200 and not trying any more.

5'2" and 200 is a BMI of 36. At 160, it's 29.

When I met my husband, I was the thinnest I'd ever been in my adult life. At 5'2" and 160lbs, I was still plump, but he thought I was beautiful.

...

After four years of marriage, I weighed 200 pounds. It was the size I'd been in high school when I felt like an unlovable fat girl, the size I'd promised myself I'd never be again. For a while, I redoubled my efforts to lose weight.

[DGuller]

Yeah, like your meal plan is boring as hell. I'd give it up after about a week, IF I lasted that long. Rule #1 of any diet plan: It has to be something you can and will stick with.

That IMO highlights one of the big problems.  People find healthy meals boring, and treat eating them like taking a medicine.  They're brought up on exactly the kind of foods that are terrible for them.  Of course healthy eating is not going to work long-term in that case without some kind of strong psychological reinforcement.

In that sense I feel that I'm very lucky, because I actually enjoy eating salads and vegetables, feel mostly indifferent about deep-fried food, and abhor overly complex fatty meals.  Few things beat a fresh Greek salad with a good dressing based on extra virgin olive oil.  If I could only loose that sweet tooth, I would be golden.

[Malthus]

I didn't know that people who are not rich Canadian urban lawyers were disqualified from buying green beans and cans of tuna. 

I think they are disqualified from buying melba toast.

I love melba toast. Reminds me of old-time ship's biscuits, only without the weevils. 

All of that sounds...dreadful.

It's true. But the type *with* weevils cost extra. 

[garbon]

Yeah, like your meal plan is boring as hell. I'd give it up after about a week, IF I lasted that long. Rule #1 of any diet plan: It has to be something you can and will stick with.

That IMO highlights one of the big problems.  People find healthy meals boring, and treat eating them like taking a medicine.  They're brought up on exactly the kind of foods that are terrible for them.  Of course healthy eating is not going to work long-term in that case without some kind of strong psychological reinforcement.

In that sense I feel that I'm very lucky, because I actually enjoy eating salads and vegetables, feel mostly indifferent about deep-fried food, and abhor overly complex fatty meals.  Few things beat a fresh Greek salad with a good dressing based on extra virgin olive oil.  If I could only loose that sweet tooth, I would be golden.

I'd guess your struggles lay in other domains.