Explain this dating thing

[Josquius]

I was at a pub with some friends yesterday. An event occured which knocked me flat on my arse (metaphorically).
A friend of mine just called over a cuteish bar girl and said he wanted to date her and could he have her number. She gave him it.
Of course this seems to be the easy part. If some random person phones you then...so what? And the whole dance of fakery of a date....that part does not seem pleasant. And then there's the sexism of a guy having to pay for it all- its not that I'm cheap, its the principle which just seems wrong.

As I've said a million times before dating is a thoroughly alien concept to me. Europeans in general tend not do it I believe, people I know back in Europe certainly don't. I only know of it through American TV and it seems to be thoroughly unpleasant.
Nonetheless...it increasingly seems Japan follows the American way of things and I might have no choice but to attempt this dating thing.
So. Explain it to me. Where is American TV right and where does it give an incorrect impression? How does it work to have the initial impulse towards a relationship be based purely on physical attraction?
Just dating - huh?

[Martinus]

Isn't "date" (especially in a set up like this) a code word for a quickie?

[HVC]

and then there's the sexism of a guy having to pay for it all- its not that I'm cheap, its the principle which just seems wrong.

no, you're just cheap Mr. Candy Man

It's not really a difficult concept. On the face of it dating is just planning meetings really. At the start it's formaliac (dinner and a movie, etc). Then as you figure out what each party likes you can start doing different things (parks, museums, bars, whatever). Soon you're in a relationship and you can stop doing all that boring stuff

[HVC]

Also your comment about "initial impulse towards a relationship be based purely on physical attraction" confuses me. What do you base your initial attraction towards someone on?

[Admiral Yi]

Isn't "date" (especially in a set up like this) a code word for a quickie?

No.  If both want a quickie then they just leave the bar together.

[katmai]

You forget Marti is a homosexual. They are led by their wanton lustful impulses.

[Razgovory]

You see there is a radioactive Isotope of Carbon that is absorbed in plants (and then eaten by animals), that is ideal for dating.  It's pretty rare, but very stable and decays at a fixed rate.  Scientists use that to date objects that fall within the historical record.

[Josquius]

no, you're just cheap Mr. Candy Man

Mr. Candy man?

But seriously, it is the principle. The idea that the man has to pay...its really putting the woman on a pedestal and saying the man is the one who wants her from the get go, it should be a mutual thing.  And the potential for women to just go on dates for free stuff looms large. Its just outdated, yet like much positive sexism remains.

Also your comment about "initial impulse towards a relationship be based purely on physical attraction" confuses me. What do you base your initial attraction towards someone on?

There has to be some degree of physical attraction of course (or supreme desperation/inebriation) but generally you get to know a fair bit about someone before you get near a planned just the two of you stage.
With a date though it seems to be "Oh, look, pretty girl, hey, whats your number?"

[Admiral Yi]

With a date though it seems to be "Oh, look, pretty girl, hey, whats your number?"

There are a number of ways to arrive at a date other than asking a pretty girl in a bar for her number.

[CountDeMoney]

You forget Marti is a homosexual. They are led by their wanton lustful impulses.

Fucking fags have it so easy.

[Valmy]

Ok I do not understand what exactly you are talking about.  In Europe you never spend any one-on-one time with people you want to have sex with?  You never do things together?  You don't interact without your best bud, mother, father, sister, and brother along for the ride?

but generally you get to know a fair bit about someone before you get near a planned just the two of you stage.

And you are supposed to do this how?  Spying on them?  Dating is this: you get together and talk and see if you connect.

Its just outdated, yet like much positive sexism remains.

So don't pay then.  Or only do inexpensive things for dates.

[CountDeMoney]

I see a thread...in our future...filled with page after page of...wait, it's clearing up now...yes...filled with page after page of "zomg y doan gurls like me waht's it all about whaaa woe is me dating is hard and hurts mah brain" posts.

[Gups]

I'm English and I don't have a clue what Tyr is on about.

People go on dates everywhere in the western world. They have done for decades. If it helps Tyr "dating" is the same as "going out with".

[Iormlund]

I (think) I can see where he's coming from. If I'm going out with a girl, chances are I've already shoved my tongue down her throat at a pub and walked away without having my head smashed in with her purse.
That or any other unequivocal sign that this is going somewhere.

I have never experienced the whole 'lets meet this girl I know fuck all about and find out if we're soulmates' thing you see in movies/shows. But I know people who do (mostly older people through online sites).

[Brazen]

Do it the British way. Get drunk, wake up with a new number on your phone, ask your friends of she was a minger then phone or not as appropriate.